Self-care of an OW

[RoseVille]

The end of my A feels like many other breakups; I'm focusing on myself and getting back into my groove. I just got back from a run a little bit ago. Last week, I treated myself to a spa day. I've spent time this weekend with strong women who are great friends. It's immensely helpful to love myself a little bit, it's good for the soul.

 

What do you do to take care of yourself?

[GoldieLox]

I work out a lot. I should be doing more to take care of myself... I think it's more about distractions with me. I think I'm going to start my doctorate in the fall. I love school and it's a great distraction. Therapy is wonderful, as is talking about everything and processing it with my husband. I know it sounds weird, but that last is actually helpful for both of us.

 

The trick for me is not to get my head stuck in the deep dark places. That's where I've been for the past few months and it's just not productive. I'm finally starting to pull it out.

[Adoraxx]

I work out quite a lot too.

And I take lots of long hot showers and always go to bed early.

Sleep can be such a relief sometimes!! Unless you're dreaming / having nightmares about HIM :/

[Josmatjes]

I work out, just started yoga which is really nice, I make plans w friends, I go to school and I am going for my bachelors to become a teacher, which isn't easy since I have three kids and I'm in my 40s, I have a playlist in my car of all songs that make me feel stronger and I love love love my job, working with kids....I could be in such a dark place and I walk in and those kids make everything good....

 

Its not just about distractions, it's about also making yourself stronger so you won't fall into this trap again. I'm a smart woman, great life, family, lots of friends and I still got sucked into a crappy situation. Glad I'm out and I've learned a lot from it.....

[GirlStillStrong]

Yoga, lift a little (weights), plenty of good sleep, try not to do too much internet (I find myself getting anxious when I am on-line too much).

 

Today was hard. From reading here yesterday I figured out some things about MM and the nature of affairs, and it hurt. It really hit me hard this morning and I was depressed and hurting this morning and most of the day. So I just kept as busy as possible.

[Grapesofwrath]

I spend time with and focus on my kids. Keep exercising. Journaling. Reading. One of the tough things was that I had no one to talk to. So I confided in my brother and my cousin. Helps to talk with them and they keep me on the straight and narrow.

 

I notice I am getting to a point where I am growing tired of thinking about him and writing about him.

[Josmatjes]

Yoga, lift a little (weights), plenty of good sleep, try not to do too much internet (I find myself getting anxious when I am on-line too much).

 

Today was hard. From reading here yesterday I figured out some things about MM and the nature of affairs, and it hurt. It really hit me hard this morning and I was depressed and hurting this morning and most of the day. So I just kept as busy as possible.

 

I felt the same today for some reason. Some of the posts really resonated with me and I opened my eyes a little wider and was unhappy what I saw....

[m4p]

I felt the same today for some reason. Some of the posts really resonated with me and I opened my eyes a little wider and was unhappy what I saw....

 

 

Same here... Past few days there were lots of threads and posts here which hit at a vulnerable spot I almost couldn't bear to read it. Revelations and opening up our eyes to the truth is never easy. I was in a bad place last night and had a horrible sleep filled with nightmares. Woke up feeling like crap. But oh well... This all too shall pass (one day)

 

That aside, to cope, I try to go out more socially. Dinner and drinks at places I always wanted to go. Funnily when I was in the A, because xMM was so restricted by his lack of social life, I subconsciously restricted myself from having too much fun. How silly. Haha.

 

I also go for massages, read a lot, and sometimes go to the movies myself. It's really quite therapeutic. Trying to show myself that there really is a life post-MM.

 

Oh, and lots of shopping. It's almost becoming an addiction... Lol.

[Poppy47]

I work out with weights.. it empowers me. Apart from that,things that really please me in the moment.

 

Walking my dogs is a favourite because it brings them such joy. Cooking my favourite meals, resumed my social life. I have more involvement in my work now.

 

All in all I have a very sweet life without MM.

 

Poppy.

[GirlStillStrong]

Same here... Past few days there were lots of threads and posts here which hit at a vulnerable spot I almost couldn't bear to read it. Revelations and opening up our eyes to the truth is never easy. I was in a bad place last night and had a horrible sleep filled with nightmares. Woke up feeling like crap. But oh well... This all too shall pass (one day)

 

That aside, to cope, I try to go out more socially. Dinner and drinks at places I always wanted to go. Funnily when I was in the A, because xMM was so restricted by his lack of social life, I subconsciously restricted myself from having too much fun. How silly. Haha.

 

I also go for massages, read a lot, and sometimes go to the movies myself. It's really quite therapeutic. Trying to show myself that there really is a life post-MM.

 

Oh, and lots of shopping. It's almost becoming an addiction... Lol.

I found my life becoming more and more restricted as a result of the A with MM too. A big part of that was always being glued to my phone because of the constant text messaging from him. Nights and weekends, it was the only way to be able to communicate with him. And he would want to have long, drawn out conversations this way. I told him several times this doesn't work for me. It was fun at first but because I needed to settle back into living my life normally it became annoying. It's very distracting to have only this one, cumbersome way to speak with the person you're supposed to be in a relationship with. It was a huge distraction and prevented me from taking care of myself properly. I also had to make myself available during the times when he was available. It meant I had to rearrange my life for him if I wanted to be with him. When I tried to explain to him that his needs were trumping mine, he refused to admit these were his needs. So frustrating. So, just by no longer participating in the A, I am taking better care of myself. I am making time for me, I am handling my life on my terms and according to my schedule without always having to accommodate someone else's needs and I'm free from the constant texting.

 

Thank you for posting this thread and all the responses. I really needed to think about this.

[m4p]

That's something I refused to admit to myself for the longest time!!

xMM wasn't a demanding person at all but my addiction to him made me unable to miss any possible communication moments with him. We had a texting routine/schedule that just made me GLUED TO MY PHONE all day.

 

It goes like: good morning before work- text throughout the day - meet for lunch- text after lunch and rest of the day - reach home- break for mundane "home things" - good night texts.

 

I didn't hate it not at all but am just realizing just how unhealthy it was for me too. Now it's like liberation to be able to ignore my phone and not wonder if he replied.

 

Cheers to clearer thoughts and more revelations to better move on

[GirlStillStrong]

It goes like: good morning before work- text throughout the day - meet for lunch- text after lunch and rest of the day - reach home- break for mundane "home things" - good night texts.

 

Same thing here, EXACTLY, M4P!

 

I didn't hate it either. It was just very distracting to the point where my whole life became centered around responding to him and being available during the times HE was available! And I'm a single woman, no husband paying my bills, so I HAVE TO WORK, maintain my career, maintain my house and car, etc. It just really became annoying to me that he could not recognize how this was affecting me.

[RoseVille]

I totally feel you ladies about the texting schedule! Since he's ended it, I almost feel relieved to have my life back, not glued to my phone!

 

But at the same time, I miss him.

[GirlStillStrong]

I totally feel you ladies about the texting schedule! Since he's ended it, I almost feel relieved to have my life back, not glued to my phone!

 

But at the same time, I miss him.

 

Me, too, Rose

[Satu]

Here's an exercise to do.

 

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1. Make a list of all the things you've really wanted to do in life, going back a long way, even to childhood.

 

2. Cross out the ones you've done or achieved.

 

3. Cross out the ones you're not interested in anymore.

 

4. Do or achieve everything that remains.

 

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[RoseVille]

Here's an exercise to do.

 

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1. Make a list of all the things you've really wanted to do in life, going back a long way, even to childhood.

 

2. Cross out the ones you've done or achieved.

 

3. Cross out the ones you're not interested in anymore.

 

4. Do or achieve everything that remains.

 

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Truly, the only thing that remains: Find real love, create a family.

 

It ain't easy.

[GirlStillStrong]

Here's an exercise to do.

 

*******************************************************

 

1. Make a list of all the things you've really wanted to do in life, going back a long way, even to childhood.

 

2. Cross out the ones you've done or achieved.

 

3. Cross out the ones you're not interested in anymore.

 

4. Do or achieve everything that remains.

 

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My problem? I have reached a point where I don't really care that much about anything anymore. My life is just going through the motions. When I met xMM, I was grasping for straws. We appeared to be such a great match, I had renewed hope. A great relationship is the only thing I have ever wanted that I have not achieved. I think it's hopeless.

[devastated777]

For my self care this week...I am going to hit the gym. I really have been digging the rowing machines, especially the more I learn about them. Also, as lame as this sounds, I am going to thoroughly clean a room a night in the house. Fun fun

[RoseVille]

For my self care this week...I am going to hit the gym. I really have been digging the rowing machines, especially the more I learn about them. Also, as lame as this sounds, I am going to thoroughly clean a room a night in the house. Fun fun

 

I bought a rower. I love it. I pull hard when I'm pissed.

 

And I did the clean a room thing last week...

[devastated777]

Haha! I pull it hard too! I'm working on my split times. I try to do the 500m, 6 times with three minute rests in between. I row like a mofo! haha

[Grapesofwrath]

I felt the same today for some reason. Some of the posts really resonated with me and I opened my eyes a little wider and was unhappy what I saw....

 

Me too. Reading the threads, realizing that what I experienced is par for the course and just like so many other As. Yesterday morning, I finally broke down. I'm sure this was in large part because it was Mother's Day, and that day has come to be laden with conflicting emotions for me. In any case, I succumbed to it, as my boys were downstairs watching TV so I had a few moments alone. I wept. Just broke down and sobbed in my room, loudly, for about 45 minutes. Like I hadn't done in years. I looked like hell the rest of the day, but it felt good to get it all out.

[RoseVille]

Haha! I pull it hard too! I'm working on my split times. I try to do the 500m, 6 times with three minute rests in between. I row like a mofo! haha

 

High five, girl! Me too!!

[SolG]

I have a fantastic morning routine that I stick to fairly religiously. Up early and start with preworkout sup, then make myself a fresh vegie juice (carrot, beetroot and ginger this week). Then morning workout (cardio or HIT) followed by a protein shake and a cooked breakfast. Then shower with loud music of choice (singing along optional), get ready for work, make a coffee to go and get to work by 8.30 am. I find this does wonders for my mood, frame of mind and gets me focused for the day.

 

I also try to have five meals a day and minimise processed food of any variety. And after work I go to the gym with my daughter; we do strength training together. Then I try to ensure a minimum of seven hours sleep per night.

 

This is the core of my self-care in the physical sense.

[devastated777]

I have a fantastic morning routine that I stick to fairly religiously. Up early and start with preworkout sup, then make myself a fresh vegie juice (carrot, beetroot and ginger this week). Then morning workout (cardio or HIT) followed by a protein shake and a cooked breakfast. Then shower with loud music of choice (singing along optional), get ready for work, make a coffee to go and get to work by 8.30 am. I find this does wonders for my mood, frame of mind and gets me focused for the day.

 

I also try to have five meals a day and minimise processed food of any variety. And after work I go to the gym with my daughter; we do strength training together. Then I try to ensure a minimum of seven hours sleep per night.

 

This is the core of my self-care in the physical sense.

 

 

 

 

YOU are my hero! you bad ass you!

 

 

I thought I did good because I got up early enough to clean my kitchen this morning. I will hit the gym this afternoon though. :-) I notice a really cute guy there that I met over the weekend. Hopefully, hes not married..