Author Gloria25 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I went into my A with eyes wide open. He did not future-fake me, and I knew the deal. I never asked him to make a change to his life or asked him to give more. Any increase in time or contact was initiated by him, because he wanted more. In his words, "I want to be with you as much as possible". Felt great. I think the issues arise when the deception becomes routine. It's hard to be close with someone who is showing himself to be an adept and routine liar. It doesn't take long before one starts wondering what else is being hidden. "If he is lying about me, what is he lying about TO me." That level of distrust is malignant and begins to eat away at the relationship. And what you mentioned is one reason why when the married person leaves the BS to get with the OW permanently, it falls apart cuz they start feeling insecure about each other. They think that they are with a liar who was bad enough to cheat on their spouse and will now do it to them ...go figure Look, I don't see it like that. There's "lies" and there's "white lies"... White lies are like telling someone their baby is cute when the kid is freakin' ugly...sometimes the truth isn't necessary to tell. So, IMO, if someone has to lie to their SO to protect their SO from what they do on the side is not affecting the marriage, then it's fine by me. I know, you all are going to say Gloria25 is going to heck in a handbasket...so, what's new here? Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 What does your favorite podcaster have to say about women who get involved in affairs? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I look at it this way, if someone has to lie to their spouse (or anyone for that matter) to protect them from their actions, then maybe they are better off not being in their lives. There is one fatal flaw in your plan. What happens if you get caught? Other posters are right. There are plenty of single men who career oriented and don't want kids that can give you the relationship you want. To me this entire scenario you have concocted is just an excuse for you to have sex with a MM again. Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Gloria, I do think there are men interested in this type of arrangement, just have to look for them. It reminds me of a "sugar daddy/sugar baby" arrangement but without the funds exchanged. But the majority of people, do get feelings involved when they are having sex/relationship with someone one, that is quite normal. And Most relationships, by at least one party, hits a point where it is stagnant. Even if long term affairs that I know of, there are definitely emotions involved. So I had a similar arrangement like you stated where the expectations were clearly laid out but ours did involve emotions and the progression of the relationship. I think with most cases, all you can do, is clearly lay out your expectations adn date the person to see if they will line up with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
gettingstronger Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I don't see why you can not have this type of relationship with a single guy- I know of many relationships like this that seem to work well-its usually between two very successful, busy people- Link to post Share on other sites
lilacwine Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) Gloria, why did the 6 year relationship end? Edited May 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Link to post Share on other sites
SolG Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Gloria, I think you should try a polyamourous dating site. You'll find attached men there who are allowed (even encouraged) to date and form relationships with others. And no, polyamory is not polygamy with a patriarch and sister-wives. And it's not swinging or really open relationships either (although some polyamorous relationships incorporate these things). It's far more egalitarian than that and basically takes the form the participants choose as best for them. A 'V' is not uncommon; where one person (the apex) has two partners. I mention a V because this sounds like what you describe as wanting. More specifically; a particular type of V where a man has a primary partner he cohabits with, and a secondary partner... which could be you! Surely it would be better to have an 'arrangement' that includes openess, honesty and respect from and between all parties involved? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Gloria, the trouble is people develop feelings whether they intend to or not. And I don't just mean you - obviously you have managed to control feelings and emotions before - but also the guy. We men also can end up deeply emotionally involved. So difficulties ahead could come from him, too. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Gloria, someone always becomes emotionally attached and people get hurt. I would think there's plenty of loose guys around in your age range and younger who if they knew you just wanted sex would give it to you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Gloria, why did the 6 year relationship end? Because I left the country to return to the U.S. and enter the military. I couldn't live by my parents forever. I wanted to go to college and just start my own life. I got accepted to a college after passing a heavy-duty math exam, but couldn't afford tuition...Also, got tired of working hard and putting money into my parent's hands while my sisters and their "husbands" coasted and didn't even help with the house. I did see him a few times after I returned to the U.S., but at that point I was waaay past him and just was ready for my new life. So, again, goes to show that not all OW are demanding that he leave his wife and stuff - even after 6 years. And, I wasn't gonna put my life on hold for some guy. Mind you, I really liked him. The sex was great and the "arrangement" worked perfectly for me, but again, I'm a realistic OW. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Gloria, the trouble is people develop feelings whether they intend to or not. And I don't just mean you - obviously you have managed to control feelings and emotions before - but also the guy. We men also can end up deeply emotionally involved. So difficulties ahead could come from him, too. Well, if he starts developing feelings for me, I don't see that as an issue cuz does not have to leave his wife and/or family to continue to see me. See, the issue in these "arrangements" is usually the OW wants more. She wants him to leave his family and stuff, and for what? So, the guy doesn't want to lose the OW, so he starts considering leaving his family. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 What does your favorite podcaster have to say about women who get involved in affairs? Oh gosh, she'd probably ban me from listening to her show She doesn't condone affairs, but she points out how "starved" men in RLs should walk up to their wives and ask them if the wife wants them to: (1) get a girlfriend, (2) wack off to porn, and/or (3) leave them. I mean, she's the strongest advocate for people holding off on their "desires" and getting hobbies instead of getting a OW/OM until the kids are 18 and out. Again, she does not condone cheating, but when she gets calls about it - she tries her best to "explain" why it happened in hopes the BS can get into gear and repair the marriage, protect the kids, and/or protect themselves from a cheater. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Well, if he starts developing feelings for me, I don't see that as an issue cuz does not have to leave his wife and/or family to continue to see me. See, the issue in these "arrangements" is usually the OW wants more. She wants him to leave his family and stuff, and for what? So, the guy doesn't want to lose the OW, so he starts considering leaving his family. No, the biggest issue in these arrangements is that there is a betrayed wife who wants no part in this affair. Instead of thinking about how this arrangement can benefit you so much, think about how it could wreck an entire family. There's another thread right now from someone whose brother just committed suicide because his wife cheated on him. So yeah, there are plenty of other issues that affect plenty of other people. Link to post Share on other sites
Timshel Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 You are speaking very coldly Gloria and I don't believe you. Underneath this thread and your controversial opinions there is a beautiful woman full of love. We all see it, so if you really think that this type of arrangement will make you happy, sure, why not? BS Personally, I think this is your fortress and still think you are one of the coolest chicks on this site no matter what you say or claim you want to do. You are going to end up shagging and marrying the best man for you, though you obviously will go kicking and screaming. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 Anyone who chooses to enter into an affair whether the cheating spouse or OW/OM is risking getting shot. There's plenty of stories of the betrayed spouse catching them and then in a heat of emotion it leads to a murder/suicide. Even in the military on a base near where I live a Marine shot his wife and other man and turned the gun on himself when he found out about the affair. So it is suicide to get involved with a married person. If you have a death wish and are okay with the risks of getting caught and killed then by all means go for it and enjoy the arrangement. The betrayed spouse is likely to suspect something and to confirm their suspicuons they may hire a private investigator to go undercover. No, the biggest issue in these arrangements is that there is a betrayed wife who wants no part in this affair. Instead of thinking about how this arrangement can benefit you so much, think about how it could wreck an entire family. There's another thread right now from someone whose brother just committed suicide because his wife cheated on him. So yeah, there are plenty of other issues that affect plenty of other people. Again, not my first rodeo here when it comes to getting involved with an involved person... The BS didn't find out, no one had to hire a PI and/or contemplate shooting themselves and/or me. And yes, I watch a lot of ID...Saturday night, the petite spitfire who crossed her husband's and hers "arrangement" on their open marriage? Well, one of the guys she got involved with worked with her husband (which was against their "arrangement", they were not supposed to mess with co-workers) and the co-worker became obsessed with her and killed her husband. So yes, I'm aware of how these things affect others, hence this thread - which addresses how I've done and intend to keep on "doing it right". Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 There is no right way to do it. You pursue at your own risk. As far as not getting caught you just got lucky. No matter how good you think you are at covering it up you are still taking a risk of getting killed. I don't give any weight to someone's post/opinion who claims they have terminal cancer, a crush, and to be an angel. So, the probability of me getting killed is just as silly as your claims of having terminal cancer and dying from it. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Oh gosh, she'd probably ban me from listening to her show She doesn't condone affairs, but she points out how "starved" men in RLs should walk up to their wives and ask them if the wife wants them to: (1) get a girlfriend, (2) wack off to porn, and/or (3) leave them. I mean, she's the strongest advocate for people holding off on their "desires" and getting hobbies instead of getting a OW/OM until the kids are 18 and out. Again, she does not condone cheating, but when she gets calls about it - she tries her best to "explain" why it happened in hopes the BS can get into gear and repair the marriage, protect the kids, and/or protect themselves from a cheater. Yeah, I've pretty much figured out who your favorite podcaster is (personally I can't stand her) and she would have some pretty unkind names to call you. However she's a hypocrite because her own marriage started as an affair. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
cocorico Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Again, not my first rodeo here when it comes to getting involved with an involved person... The BS didn't find out, no one had to hire a PI and/or contemplate shooting themselves and/or me. And yes, I watch a lot of ID...Saturday night, the petite spitfire who crossed her husband's and hers "arrangement" on their open marriage? Well, one of the guys she got involved with worked with her husband (which was against their "arrangement", they were not supposed to mess with co-workers) and the co-worker became obsessed with her and killed her husband. So yes, I'm aware of how these things affect others, hence this thread - which addresses how I've done and intend to keep on "doing it right". There are nut jobs that shoot up their family with no infidelity involved. You take risks of dying every time you drive a car. Life involves risk. Living in fear of some nut job would prevent you doing pretty much anything, if you let it. As long as you take reasonable precautions, you should live he life that best suits your own values. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
still_an_Angel Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 There are couples out there who are in open relationships or in a poly, if you come across one then the arrangement you seek wouldn't be a problem. This would be safe and all parties are aware of each other and the roles they play in a person's life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Gloria25 Posted May 12, 2015 Author Share Posted May 12, 2015 There are nut jobs that shoot up their family with no infidelity involved. You take risks of dying every time you drive a car. Life involves risk. Living in fear of some nut job would prevent you doing pretty much anything, if you let it. As long as you take reasonable precautions, you should live he life that best suits your own values. Thank you...^^ A lot of times, when you look at those types of situations, there were mental illness, dependency and/or other issues with the shooter that was going on. So, the affair was not the cause of the shooter snapping and/or doing something stupid. Quite frankly, the shooter being possessive/controlling/obsessive is sometimes what pushed the person to cheat on them, and when the shooter realized they lost "control" of the person they were so dependent on - is when the shooter goes and does something stupid. Link to post Share on other sites
Rejected Rosebud Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I hear ya, but the "single" guys that want what I'm proposing usually equates into a FB/FWB situation that fizzles in a few months cuz they bore of you, usually want to bed more/different women (hence the desire for a FWB/FB), Yeh and exactly the same thing is likely to happen with a man who is looking for some kicks outside of his marriage of course! Why just stick with one?? Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Yeh and exactly the same thing is likely to happen with a man who is looking for some kicks outside of his marriage of course! Why just stick with one?? Exactly. What makes you think a man who can't manage monogamy in a marriage can manage the same in his affair? Is it that you already have some married guy in mind and this is your way of letting him know you're ok with the idea of being a side piece? Because if you're looking for this type of relationship with no one particular in mind, a single guy is easier to accomplish this with. And you don't have the worry with little details like wrecking a family in the process. Link to post Share on other sites
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