Coworker has a boyfriend yet i think she may like me

[DanielJackson]

Hello!

This girl with whom i work with has a boyfriend but i think she likes me and i also like her! She makes me laugh in a way that i thought no women could make me do! I also make her laugh hard too! Sometimes we have to remember ourselves that we are at work! Im 29 and she is 25 and we work in a large software company. I am a lucky bastard for having a girl sitting next to me!

 

She is constantly "asking" for my attention, concerned about me when im not in a good mood, sharing food and office tools saying things like "our this our that", touching my arms, shoulder, playfull hitting me, asking me to make a break and go with her to drink some tea, saying how much funny i am, standing next to me, and so on.

Also i have noticed when we are with other coworkers having a break time and they are joking or making fun of her (we work in a male industry... a girl is always the center of attention) she always come standing by my side, to feel more protected i guess. Also recently we had a reorganization of our desks and she made everything to continue at my side. And she succeeded!

 

The thing is i dont know anything about her relationship the only thing i know is that it´s a long term one. Since college perhaps. In 7 months we work together she mention "my boyfriend" 2 times. I respect her relation and i dont ask anything about it. I dont have intentions to make a move on her or opening me up while she is with other man. For far as i know, i never let her know what i trully feel about her. But i guess women know this stuff.

 

I managed so far to keep things professional as possible and emotionally unattached but lately as i keep making her laugh (i love her laugh) i feel im falling hard for her. That feeling is making me more distracted, more aware of my actions, aloof and nervous. It´s definitely making me worse at my job and i dont like that.

 

I don´t know what to think of this.. i tried to date other girls, making trips with my friends, but i keep thinking of her! She doesn´t leave my head!

I want to be assertive and set boundaries (once i told her to stop punching my shoulder and i think it made it worse! She did stop punching my shoulder but she began to be more affectionate towards me! Women do love when a man tells them to stop! ) to our relation but i dont want to "hypothetically lose" her because i may be over reading this too much. I want to be that relaxed guy i was with her, but im losing it! Im a little lost here and i think this is not fair for me. It´s obvious to me, i have feelings for her but i can´t do nothing about it (atleast without losing my dignity, self-respect and also her respect). Make no mistakes about her character, she is a very smart young woman, kind and despite her age she has a very mature core when she needs to put it in action. I have to admit, she is in control now and it´s frustrating. Anyone had experience in this sort of "boyfriend work triangle", "work husband" thing?

 

Advise please!

Edited May 10, 2015 by DanielJackson
more clear

[Itspointless]

i dont want to "hypothetically lose" her because i may be over reading this too much.

Than stop all the fantasies. I know it is tempting, but chances are she just sees you as a friendly person or uses you (un)consciencely to get some attention. It does not even have to be the case that she does not get enough attention by her boyfriend. If she lacks attention by him she should communicate that to him, but doing what she does often-times is easier. You do not want to be the one that comes in-between. Remember that even if all fantasies became true, if she could do that with him she potentially could do that to you.

 

Mind your job, it is not worth losing it.