Why does it seem like there are more male late bloomers than female late bloomers?

[dgf]

I'd wager a guess: Because young men today weren't taught how to be men.

 

The destruction of the family unit, single mothers trying to be both Mom and Dad to their sons, lack of male role models. Add the Internet age where a boy barely even gets to learn to TALK to a girl in person.

 

I fear for my son (8 years old) in this society, what will come in the next 20 years. I'm so glad my husband does take the time he can spare to bond with him and teach him ethics, hard work, and how to be sweet to his Mommy.

 

ETA: That doesn't mean I want him to lose his V at 17- heavens no! I just want him to be the kind of guy a girl has respect and liking for. Husband material.

 

My fear is that he ends up 30 and whining here on LS.

 

Worse yet are children taught to be nice and kind to the ladies and to treat them like humans, when half the ladies prefer to be treated like pieces of meat.

[jessicachoi]

Worse yet are children taught to be nice and kind to the ladies and to treat them like humans, when half the ladies prefer to be treated like pieces of meat.

 

men like you ruin it all, trying to speak for women. Get rid of your bitterness towards yourself, not towards women. disgusting pile of ****, go cry somewhere else. Messages like this are so damaging, just feeding this misogynistic culture even more. Heckk, this whole forum is covered with those misogynistic or damaging messages.

 

children are taught to be nice to women, lol my ass. Men lost their definition ever since they need to be more than having a car, house and job.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Maybe its harder to raise sons than it is to raise daughters? Since it seems the way a guy is raised by his parents has a huge impact on his dating life/sex life, more so than the other way around, for example, many people say the reason why Elliot Rodger was a virgin, never got a girlfriend, was because his Dad failed him, but his sister Georgia had no problem getting a boyfriend

[dgf]

Maybe its harder to raise sons than it is to raise daughters? Since it seems the way a guy is raised by his parents has a huge impact on his dating life/sex life, more so than the other way around, for example, many people say the reason why Elliot Rodger was a virgin, never got a girlfriend, was because his Dad failed him, but his sister Georgia had no problem getting a boyfriend

 

Elliot Rodger is now used by ladies as another reason to avoid virgins. Elliot Rogder had to have a hot blonde or nothing and he killed because he was a psychopath and because he was a virgin. He would have killed someone eventually. If a girl had a relationship with him he may have killed her. You'll see ladies bring him up way too much.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Elliot Rodger is now used by ladies as another reason to avoid virgins. Elliot Rogder had to have a hot blonde or nothing and he killed because he was a psychopath and because he was a virgin. He would have killed someone eventually. If a girl had a relationship with him he may have killed her. You'll see ladies bring him up way too much.

 

I'll be honest about Elliot Rodger, I don't condone at all what he did, he was a monster, had the mindset of an entitled brat, but I only have empathy, sympathy for him the way he expressed his loneliness, still being single and a kissless virgin, since I'm sort of similar to that, I read parts of his manifesto, not all of it though, the part of his manifesto that I had sympathy, empathy for was when he expressed rage, jealousy when he found out his younger 18 year old sister got a boyfriend and lost her virginity before he did(which obviously never happened for him), mainly because sometimes I envy women since they have a vagina, the onus, pressure is not on them to do the approaching, making the first moves and asking out, etc. I have felt for a while now that I bet if I was born a girl, I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago already, even though I'm straight

[BlueIris]

Some possible contributors:

Many have been using computer and TV based entertainment from a young age and didn’t become comfortable interacting with people face to face.

 

Many have used internet porn since early adolescence and have developed anxieties about women and use porn for sex rather than having incentive to interact and form social bonds as a foundation for sex.

 

More young women are getting more education and making more money themselves than ever before, so there are fewer young women who are seeking marriage as a means of support and there are more young women who are busy and don’t have dating as a primary goal until after they’re self-sufficient.

[William]

dgf is one of our hydras. Please ignore. Thanks!

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You almost never hear of a girl who is over 25 and never had a boyfriend before, is a virgin but its not uncommon to hear of many guys 25+ years of age who have never had a girlfriend, still a virgin.

[LookAtThisPOst]

You almost never hear of a girl who is over 25 and never had a boyfriend before, is a virgin but its not uncommon to hear of many guys 25+ years of age who have never had a girlfriend, still a virgin.

 

Yeah, I bet more women had steady boyfriends in high school than the other way around in high school.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Yeah, I bet more women had steady boyfriends in high school than the other way around in high school.

 

But then the argument of for every girl that has a boyfriend, a guy has a girlfriend, while that makes sense and I agree with that, I remember reading about in many animal species, like 80 to 90 percent of the males never get to mate, I remember a biology professor using the Mallard Duck for example, I forgot the numbers he used but the odds were very low.

[SJC2008]

I'll be honest about Elliot Rodger, I don't condone at all what he did, he was a monster, had the mindset of an entitled brat, but I only have empathy, sympathy for him the way he expressed his loneliness, still being single and a kissless virgin, since I'm sort of similar to that, I read parts of his manifesto, not all of it though, the part of his manifesto that I had sympathy, empathy for was when he expressed rage, jealousy when he found out his younger 18 year old sister got a boyfriend and lost her virginity before he did(which obviously never happened for him), mainly because sometimes I envy women since they have a vagina, the onus, pressure is not on them to do the approaching, making the first moves and asking out, etc. I have felt for a while now that I bet if I was born a girl, I would have had a boyfriend a long time ago already, even though I'm straight

 

My sister and I grew up in the same dysfunctional, toxic household. Outside of the home we also went through things no child should ever have to go through.We're close in age, approaching our mid 30's. Guess who has more relationship experience/success?? >HER< Having low self esteem and or being shy isn't one tenth the detriment to a woman it is to a man. Sure her low self seteem led her to a bunch of scum bags but out of all of that she still managed a couple year+ relationships where she was treated well. One of which she had a child. I lost my v at 22 and my longest courtship was just shy of 6 weeks.

 

My issue is that it seems like a lot of women don't care. It's not that I want them to feel sorry for me/us but empathize/understand. There's a big difference. Many don't show it they say it's just as hard for them if not worse and they tell us our standards are too high, be confident etc...

[SJC2008]

You should not even be comparing your dating experiences to your sister. It doesn't help you any. It would be a better use of your energy to figure out how some men do better with women.

 

 

 

Honestly, this sort of thing is something I would expect from a woman, not a man. As a man, you should be finding ways to solve your problems, not complaining about them online in hopes of getting some empathy.

 

I know what my problems are. Anxiety, which leads to awkwardness (women off) and the list goes on. Been to therapy, tried meds. I don't like meds and therapy helps but not enough. Let me know when you have the answer

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

My sister and I grew up in the same dysfunctional, toxic household. Outside of the home we also went through things no child should ever have to go through.We're close in age, approaching our mid 30's. Guess who has more relationship experience/success?? >HER< Having low self esteem and or being shy isn't one tenth the detriment to a woman it is to a man. Sure her low self seteem led her to a bunch of scum bags but out of all of that she still managed a couple year+ relationships where she was treated well. One of which she had a child. I lost my v at 22 and my longest courtship was just shy of 6 weeks.

 

My issue is that it seems like a lot of women don't care. It's not that I want them to feel sorry for me/us but empathize/understand. There's a big difference. Many don't show it they say it's just as hard for them if not worse and they tell us our standards are too high, be confident etc...

Exactly, a low self-esteem women will have much better luck than a low self-esteem guy

[SJC2008]

Shy men were getting women well before meds and therapy even existed. Best way to deal with anxiety is to thrust yourself into the situation anyway. I used to be a shy kid when I was young, mostly because my family moved a lot and I was unable to make any friends. When I was a teenager, I lost out on a chance with a girl that I had a serious crush on, all because I didn't have the balls to tell her I was into her. She moved away, and I finally told her in a letter how I felt. She told me that if I had ever asked, she would have went out with me. I swore not to let shyness hold me back again.

 

You just need to man up and overcome your issues. Sure, you will say some dumb crap and make a jerk out of yourself, but so what? It doesn't always matter what you say to women, they respect the fact that you were man enough to talk to them i the first place.

 

I have "manned up" before bro. Know who you're talking to before you cast judgements.

 

When i was 29 I snapped and forced myself to be more proactive. I started hiting on customers at work. Got a few #'s, a couple dates. Nothing ever came of it. I started getting down again... I signed up for old, was a disaster. Drove my self esteem down more. Bottom line is that having to ask out 5ish women to get 2-3 numbers to get 1-2 dates that probably won't lead to anything just isn't worth it. It reinforces that the overwhelming majority of women are not attracted to me and/or tge ones that are afe turned off by something (probablymy shyness/anxiety) about me. When you keep getting rejected you look for answers and while it's good to try to improve, sooner or later it will drag you down more because you thing something is wrong with you. I stll have a little hope that my luck will change, we'll see what happens.

Edited May 13, 2015 by SJC2008

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Basically the long and short of it, the man does more than the woman to win over a mate, even though they say women like a man that is a challenge, as in the man qualifies the woman, shows the woman he has standards, but I think the screening process is longer for women

[SJC2008]

You got a few numbers and a couple dates. That is enough to get your foot in the door. When you get to that point, that's when you have to give a woman a reason to want to date you. In my history of dating, I have only not gotten a 2nd date one time. They all want to date me again.

 

 

 

OLD does that to many men. It started to mess with my head a bit too. Stay off OLD.

 

 

 

Like I said before, getting a date is your chance to prove to a woman that she should want to be with you. If you could get dates, they are attracted to you. My guess is your negativity is what turned them off.

 

When you find out what is wrong with you, that is your chance to improve. You don't just let that crap get you down.

 

I don't have to prove anything to a woman, that mindset is one reason I became so insecure.

 

My inexperience and anxiety is what did me in, I wasn't negative how i am now.

 

Like I said I know why my issues are, i newd to get the wiil again to fight through them.

 

I appreciate your candor man.

[GravityMan]

I do think that, generally speaking, a higher percentage of boys/men these days are taking longer to "grow up" (i.e. mature) than the males who grew up 20+ years ago. I do blame it partly on the deterioration of the family unit...meaning, a lot of these men have parents who just weren't ready to BE parents - due to being too young, lacking maturity, lacking emotional stability, etc.

 

But I also blame it on "confusing, convoluted and contradictory information overload". Back in the day, life was more straightforward when growing up. No internet. Most kids and young adults learned most things from their parents, teachers and possibly their real-life peers in school. Societal "rules" were more well-defined and structured. The world was less globalized. Granted, those times weren't necessarily better overall than today's society...in some ways (outside the scope of this thread) they were worse.

 

Today, a 20-something or teenager likely has access to a wealth of information...it's just a few keystrokes and mouse clicks away. In general, that's a GOOD thing, but it has some bad side-effects. Some moron on Youtube may advocate that you're supposed to ride a Harley, get tatted up and be a jerk in order to woo a woman. MSNBC may advocate that the old-school definition of "man" is now boring, unattractive or even offensive to women. AskMen.com may tell you something completely different. Some PUA/player site may advocate something else. Your parents may give different advice but since they're in an older generation you may feel they're "out of touch". That girl in calculus class that you have the hots for may be attracted to something completely unlike anything you've learned. And on and on. Combine that with the unwillingness these days to teach kids actual critical thinking skills (i.e. the ability to think things through, cut through the BS and make decisions for yourself), and you have a good recipe for a lot of confusion and analysis-paralysis.

 

With all of the above said, it's important to keep in mind that Loveshack, and internet forums and chatrooms in general, are NOT an accurate overall representation of today's men. Bitter men tend to congregate in places like this...it's contagious. And they are often a vocal minority. I still think that a solid majority of young guys these days start getting dating, sexual and relationship experience between the ages of 15 and 23. Most guys don't really struggle finding decent women to date; not even those who don't quite fit the "manly man" profile. Times have changed in the world of intimacy, but not THAT much.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Sounds some guys are natural born Beta Males

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Another thing, its harsh, cruel, and a paradox, catch-22, the older a guy gets and is inexperienced, the more women refuse to give him a chance because of his inexperience, so maybe some guys should lie

[AVarma]

I do think that, generally speaking, a higher percentage of boys/men these days are taking longer to "grow up" (i.e. mature) than the males who grew up 20+ years ago. I do blame it partly on the deterioration of the family unit...meaning, a lot of these men have parents who just weren't ready to BE parents - due to being too young, lacking maturity, lacking emotional stability, etc.

 

But I also blame it on "confusing, convoluted and contradictory information overload". Back in the day, life was more straightforward when growing up. No internet. Most kids and young adults learned most things from their parents, teachers and possibly their real-life peers in school. Societal "rules" were more well-defined and structured. The world was less globalized. Granted, those times weren't necessarily better overall than today's society...in some ways (outside the scope of this thread) they were worse.

 

Today, a 20-something or teenager likely has access to a wealth of information...it's just a few keystrokes and mouse clicks away. In general, that's a GOOD thing, but it has some bad side-effects. Some moron on Youtube may advocate that you're supposed to ride a Harley, get tatted up and be a jerk in order to woo a woman. MSNBC may advocate that the old-school definition of "man" is now boring, unattractive or even offensive to women. AskMen.com may tell you something completely different. Some PUA/player site may advocate something else. Your parents may give different advice but since they're in an older generation you may feel they're "out of touch". That girl in calculus class that you have the hots for may be attracted to something completely unlike anything you've learned. And on and on. Combine that with the unwillingness these days to teach kids actual critical thinking skills (i.e. the ability to think things through, cut through the BS and make decisions for yourself), and you have a good recipe for a lot of confusion and analysis-paralysis.

 

With all of the above said, it's important to keep in mind that Loveshack, and internet forums and chatrooms in general, are NOT an accurate overall representation of today's men. Bitter men tend to congregate in places like this...it's contagious. And they are often a vocal minority. I still think that a solid majority of young guys these days start getting dating, sexual and relationship experience between the ages of 15 and 23. Most guys don't really struggle finding decent women to date; not even those who don't quite fit the "manly man" profile. Times have changed in the world of intimacy, but not THAT much.

 

You miss that some men may have been raised in cultures where dating and relationships were actively discouraged. I know for me it was coming from a Muslim family. Men and women were segregated. I know some of my aunts who didn't see their husbands till their wedding day. Of course their spouses were selected by their parents.

[SmartDude]

Part of it is a balancing act of nature.

 

When women are young, they have all the power.

Men will try to please them, Do anything for them.

It is because of their youth and beauty.

 

Men have little power when they are young.

Women call all the shots in relationships.

 

Latter in life women loose their youth and good looks.

Men start ignoring them at that point.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Part of it is a balancing act of nature.

 

When women are young, they have all the power.

Men will try to please them, Do anything for them.

It is because of their youth and beauty.

 

Men have little power when they are young.

Women call all the shots in relationships.

 

Latter in life women loose their youth and good looks.

Men start ignoring them at that point.

Well subconsciously its fertility, youth in a woman indicates she is fertile, since that means for the most part, women's value on the mating market declines as they get older, in some ways I like to think of that as life, reality, giving women karma for their lack of initiative towards guys they were attracted to all those years but stubbornly, adamantly insisted that "if he really likes me, wants me, he will approach me first and ask me out first", the only women I have sympathy and compassion for are the woman who don't mind being the initiators, are okay approaching guys first.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

I remember when I was working with a dating coach a year ago, he told me that a couple of years ago they knew and worked with a guy that was 42, never had a girlfriend, still a virgin, and with serious heavy coaching, he finally got a girlfriend within a year.

 

Man, I pray and hope that does not become me

[JuneJulySeptember]

Latter in life women loose their youth and good looks.

Men start ignoring them at that point.

 

Uh, no.

 

Believe me when I say women age 35+ get tons of messages and have a number of men to choose from. Enough so that virtually none will leave a reply message if they are not interested. And I'm just talking about the ones I message. The ones who are hot I can't even imagine.

 

I have no idea where that theory came from. I hear it all the time and it's total garbage.

[norajane]

As a 47 year old, I can tell you that men do not start ignoring women after 35, lol. Not in the least.

 

Some men value women for far more than their youth or the beauty of youth. They value women who listen to them and laugh with them and make them feel like a million bucks, women who have passions in common with them so they are on a similar wavelength, women who have had life experiences that they have learned from and gained wisdom from, women who are compassionate and confident and caring, women who are...

 

I think it's really insulting to men and sells men short when people claim men only care about young, hot bodies.