coworker flirting with boyfriend cliche

[DanielJackson]

Hello!

This girl with whom i work with has a boyfriend but i think she likes me and i also like her! She makes me laugh in a way that i thought no women could make me do! I also make her laugh hard too! Sometimes we have to remember ourselves that we are at work! Im 29 and she is 25 and we work in a large software company. I am a lucky bastard for having a girl sitting next to me!

 

She is constantly "asking" for my attention, concerned about me when im not in a good mood, sharing food and office tools saying things like "our this our that", touching my arms, shoulder, playfull hitting me, asking me to make a break and go with her to drink some tea, saying how much funny i am, standing next to me, and so on.

Also i have noticed when we are with other coworkers having a break time and they are joking or making fun of her (we work in a male industry... a girl is always the center of attention) she always come standing by my side, to feel more protected i guess. Also recently we had a reorganization of our desks and she made everything to continue at my side. And she succeeded!

 

The thing is i dont know anything about her relationship the only thing i know is that it´s a long term one. Since college perhaps. In 7 months we work together she mention "my boyfriend" 2 times. I respect her relation and i dont ask anything about it. I dont have intentions to make a move on her or opening me up while she is with other man. For far as i know, i never let her know what i trully feel about her. But i guess women know this stuff.

 

I managed so far to keep things professional as possible and emotionally unattached but lately as i keep making her laugh (i love her laugh) i feel im falling hard for her. That feeling is making me more distracted, more aware of my actions, aloof and nervous. It´s definitely making me worse at my job and i dont like that.

 

I don´t know what to think of this.. i tried to date other girls, making trips with my friends, but i keep thinking of her! She doesn´t leave my head!

I want to be assertive and set boundaries (once i told her to stop punching my shoulder and i think it made it worse! She did stop punching my shoulder but she began to be more affectionate towards me! Women do love when a man tells them to stop! ) to our relation but i dont want to "hypothetically lose" her because i may be over reading this too much. I want to be that relaxed guy i was with her, but im losing it! Im a little lost here and i think this is not fair for me. It´s obvious to me, i have feelings for her but i can´t do nothing about it (atleast without losing my dignity, self-respect and also her respect). Make no mistakes about her character, she is a very smart young woman, kind and despite her age she has a very mature core when she needs to put it in action. I have to admit, she is in control now and it´s frustrating. Anyone have experience in this sort of "boyfriend work triangle", "work husband" thing?

[No Limit]

So she's in a relationship and your co-worker. That's double the trouble for you, because even if she left her boyfriend after cheating on him with you, as soon as your relationship with her would go sour you'd be stuck working with her nonetheless and seeing her regularly will make the great workplace you have now a living hell. Be careful what you wish for.

[AGoodFriend]

NoLimit summed it up perfectly and succintly.

 

Let me tell you about friendships turned to romance. I have been in situations where I got really, really close to a female friend. Our friendship was golden and we had so much fun together. Then came a time when we were alone and had a chance to take it to the next level. After fooling around for a bit, we both said "Nah," and left it at that. We decided to remain friends, and we both felt really good about it. I do not regret not having slept with her.

 

It may be that you feel you don't have many options. It was easy for me to not go any further with my friend at that time because I had plenty to pick and choose from (not the case these days in my middle age! ). If you feel that your love life is lacking, that is probably what is making you feel more attached than you should be.

 

Take a step back and say, like NoLimit mentioned, "This is a friend and a colleague. I am going to leave it at that." Your dignity will love you for it later.

 

Good luck!