duckrabbit Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Went into my WWs phone today and found a dating app downloaded but not installed plus some sexy face and upper body pics taken yesterday while I was at work. Looks like the kind of photos I would put up as a profile pic. This doesn't look very good and I suppose we are going to be having a second DDay tonight or tomorrow. I'm not sure what kind of explanation on her part would even approach a justification. I'm a little floored though I guess I shouldn't be. Link to post Share on other sites
katielee Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Can you just change the locks and put all her stuff on the lawn? 6 Link to post Share on other sites
jbrent890 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Went into my WWs phone today and found a dating app downloaded but not installed plus some sexy face and upper body pics taken yesterday while I was at work. Looks like the kind of photos I would put up as a profile pic. This doesn't look very good and I suppose we are going to be having a second DDay tonight or tomorrow. I'm not sure what kind of explanation on her part would even approach a justification. I'm a little floored though I guess I shouldn't be. Dude stop doing this to yourself and end this marriage. I'm not saying this because I'm pro divorce, im saying it because you have nothing to work with. It took your wife months to agree to an STD test, you don't trust her, her words are bigger than her actions, there is no intimacy, and now you have found this. I guarantee when you confront her she is going to blame the fact that since you guys haven't had sex, she felt she had to do this. You never had a remourseful spouse. It's time to go bro. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
I_Give_Up67 Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Duck, if she hasn't put her all in trying to show true remorse and understand the harm and hurt she has caused you by now, she's probably not capable of doing so. If infidelity was originally a deal breaker for you, then stick to your principles. If she hasn't gotten with the program by now, she never will. She had the A, and it is her duty to fix the problem, not yours. It sounds like she is trying to fake her way through R and hope you will go along with it just to save the M. ^^^^From April 18th in your other thread^^^^ Why are you still in this marriage??? If she was not remorseful then, did you think she would ever change? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 Duck Doesn't look good would be an understatement!!!! Now you obviously have not see these photographs. I hope you sent them to your phone so she cannot delete them. There is NO PLAUSIBLE explanation. Looks like you have two choices. Confront her or HOPE you can catch what dating site she sends them to, and i would start with Ashley Madison. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 10, 2015 Share Posted May 10, 2015 When are you finally going to call it quits? Do you want to catch her and some other guy on the couch or what? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I recommend removing the question mark in the thread title. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Time to do the 180 and prepare for a life without her. You need to show that you'll be just fine without her and that you won't have a wife who wants a BF as well. The message needs to be, have as many other guys as you like, but not as my wife. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I'd watch her for a while and she where it goes. Gather evidence and know exactly what is going on before you confront her. That is what I did and it made a world of difference compared to some stories here. She HAD to confess to everything because I already knew most of it. Like they tell attorneys, "Don't ask any questions you don't already know the answers to". Having as much information as you can will really help you whether you split or stay together. Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. John Adams Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Sometimes we have to really be honest with ourselves and ask the question...why am i still here? What do i hope to achieve? How much am i willing to sacrifice? What am i trying to save? No one else can answer these questions...no one here...not even our spouse. As we reflect....the answers are not always clear...and sometimes are not what we ant them to be. Duck....I am afraid for you. Afraid because i know you want so badly to save this marriage...but the truth is...you cannot do it alone....and if your spouse continues in this destructive pattern...there is not a damn thing you can to stop it. Only you can answer when is enough enough....when is it time to quit....have i done all i can do? In my opinion...you have given it a valiant try.......and when and if you decide to call it quits...you can hold you head up and say....i did my best. I am really sorry to hear about this turn of events. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
nightmare01 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 IMO the best and most freeing thing you can do for yourself right now is to sit down with a piece of paper and work out what your life will be once you detach yourself from this leach. Honestly I think EVERY BS should do this regardless of whether their WS is remorseful, doing the right things, and all the rest of it. It shows us the possibility of life after our WS. If we choose to try and reconcile, it gives us an out, a plan B, should that attempt at restoring the relationship falls short. It takes us away from having all our eggs in one basket, and gives hope of a good life should our WS cheat again. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Be_Strong Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 (edited) What was the dating app she downloaded? It looks like she downloaded the app, installed it, uploaded a profile, and then deleted the app from her phone so you wouldn't see it. Her plan was probably to secretly reinstall the app whenever she was alone and could use it, and then redelete the app. Reinstalling and redeleting the app is a pain in the ass and inconvenient, but it's effective at keeping any snoopers from knowing that she is using that app on her phone. You should install the same dating app on your phone and see if you can find her profile (should be super easy since you know everything about her). It also wouldn't be a bad idea to poke around at some of the popular dating sites to see if your wife is posting on any of them. Edited May 11, 2015 by Be_Strong Link to post Share on other sites
Zenstudent Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 It seems she would like to date, so why not meet her needs? Set her free and let her date as a single. Link to post Share on other sites
Author duckrabbit Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Thank you all for the replies. Yesterday she actually showed me the pictures.The dating app is called Zoosk. It shows up on the phone as not installed but I haven't been able to find any evidence that suggests that it was preinstalled by the factory. After seeing the picture she showed me it would appear that these are to be used as a profile picture on the site.I agree with the very broken man that I might register for the site myself and see if I can find around there in a few days time after looking for her phone a few more times. I have not decided whether I will confront her on or not or I'll just take this as evidence that things are over. Either way I still have yet to start my new job which will allow me to have financial independence. If this is what it looks like I'm surprised she didn't try to hide the pictures from me. I'll keep you all posted as things progress. Thanks again. Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I have not decided whether I will confront her on or not or I'll just take this as evidence that things are over. Why do you disrespect yourself by staying with this woman? Why? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 The dating app is called Zoosk. It shows up on the phone as not installed but I haven't been able to find any evidence that suggests that it was preinstalled by the factory. I promise you that there's no mobile phone deal in the entire world that would pre-install a dating app. The only stuff my Samsung had installed was a mail box from an online company I never used, the standard ringtones and from an update a few months ago some song from 50 Shades Of Grey I hated and deleted shortly after noticing it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I promise you that there's no mobile phone deal in the entire world that would pre-install a dating app. The only stuff my Samsung had installed was a mail box from an online company I never used, the standard ringtones and from an update a few months ago some song from 50 Shades Of Grey I hated and deleted shortly after noticing it. I echo this. Dating apps do NOT come standard on phones. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Went into my WWs phone today and found a dating app downloaded but not installed plus some sexy face and upper body pics taken yesterday while I was at work. Looks like the kind of photos I would put up as a profile pic. This doesn't look very good and I suppose we are going to be having a second DDay tonight or tomorrow. I'm not sure what kind of explanation on her part would even approach a justification. I'm a little floored though I guess I shouldn't be. You said you would give it 6 months before you made a final decision and here you are 7 plus months later writing about another D day, seriously? Many wrote about you being codependent, you agreed. Many wrote about the fact that she was doing the basic and bare minimum to keep you in the marriage. She continued contact and in fact they had a regular scheduled weekly contact through her office. No formal NO CONTACT letter was ever sent, has that changed? She took 4 months before she had an STD test done and only after you threated divorce. They work together but you never were successful in contacting other mans wife, have you contacted his wife? If I recall, your wife used the threat of suicide to control your actions. I remember you wrote about your wife locking herself in the bathroom with pills and you called or were about to call the suicide line. I remember a line you used in a post, "great advice, I plan on taking it to heart." Here you are with a second confrontation about to be made. Time you stop being a nice guy because being nice isn't working for you. Get angry, talk to a lawyer. Time to get a commitment from her for the marriage or get rid of her, there can be no in between. You can end this B/S any time you want. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 There can be no reconciliation with out both of you working on it. It is not a one way street with only you working on it. Does not seem that she is really interested. I tend to be in the "reconciliation camp" but the WS has to work for it. Only when the cheating spouse works hard to make amends is reconciliation possible, and then it is a HARD ongoing thing. From what you wrote, she is using you. You are plan B, or a holding spot until the OM decides what he wants. I wish you the best. 606264 Link to post Share on other sites
Spark1111 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Went into my WWs phone today and found a dating app downloaded but not installed plus some sexy face and upper body pics taken yesterday while I was at work. Looks like the kind of photos I would put up as a profile pic. This doesn't look very good and I suppose we are going to be having a second DDay tonight or tomorrow. I'm not sure what kind of explanation on her part would even approach a justification. I'm a little floored though I guess I shouldn't be. the APP may be pre-installed, BUT not HER body pics! Okay, you seem like a nice guy who wants to save his marriage...BUT I encourage fighting fire with fire. Look,,either they are caught and EXPOSED and remorseful and killing themselves to get back in your good graces.... OR they lie, pontificate, exaggerate and lie some more! WHAT is your GUT telling you????? Is she lying or truthful? is she pulling out all the stops to regain your trust? Or, are you getting a snow job? ONLY you can decide this? Is she honest? Then this app gets removed today after she hands over the password and the phone to prove she is not out there fishing. NOT before! is she justifying? side winding? Snowing you? Then tell her you have to do the same....Take upper body selfies...sign up...secret password you do not divulge to her....and watch your phone blow up with potential partners.... Sheesh....what is going on here, man????! Link to post Share on other sites
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