so broken, in pain hard to let go

[4ever broken]

Hi, I have no one I can share this with. Met mm 3 years ago at work. we started talking 2 years ago.he has been married 16 years with 4 kids. I am also married withe 3 kids. It started off as casual conversation. We worked nights. we spent most of our time talking over the phone. conversation shifted to other things. We talked about many different things.

 

Eventually we started to video chat. From there we decided to meet. First several times we met Up. We take a drive. Sit in car and talk. It felt great. He would text call me send me messages constantly. We talked every day. He tell me he love me. I felt the same. about 5 months ago. We t met at hotel. Spent the night together. We did some kissing a feel here and ther. I told him I could not go all the way. I wasn't ready. he said he was OK with it. we continued our somewhat relationship the same. He as with other stories I read. One day he very caring constant communication. Then ther are times he pulls away. Doesn't sent me text Or calls. When I ask he states he was busy. He meant to send me text. there are times he makes me feel great with sweet words.

 

Then ther are times he says I'm the Crazy 1. Something wrong with me. Times I wouldn't respond to his message right away he get upset. he would say it was wrong not to respond. we would agree. We always keep contact. But he would be the one not to respond to my text. He would reply when he felt he should. Have me waiting like a hungry puppy. I have told him how he makes me feel. 1 day he makes me feels good. Another he treating me as if I'm a stranger. Then tells me no he not doing that. he says I have issues. Now we are a point where we don't text or speak much. I love him. I don't want to leave my husband. I don't want to let mm go yet. I know I should stay awy. He treats me like a yoyo. I feel he does have feelings for me. But he may feel that it's becoming to much, 2 women. It's so difficult. I cry when I am alone. I feel empty.

 

I know I should let him go. Don't know how. Although I think this time. it seems like he has given up with this. a week ago he began with his lovey thing being attentive etc. I told him he he can't no longer go back and forth. He brings me up then back down again. He stated he.loves me. I told him I can't do it any more. He was upset. I told him do what he wants. That was 2 days ago. He hasn't sent no text. Not even mothers day text. I sent him a sad face. No response. I'm venting. I been reading post for pass few weeks.

 

Hoping this will help me become strong to walk away. I can't even share this with my best friend. as for my husband he is a very good man. why I fell into this I don't kn. My husband is very attentive good to me. I feel so stupid like a fool. I'm feeling the broken heart that my husband would feel if he knew. I need a push to walk away Completely.

Edited May 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[jbrent890]

Before I give you my take, why should this guy be obligated to give you a Mother's Day text? You're not his wife and not the mother of his kids. From what it sounds like you're more involved in this relationship than he is. If I had to guess, your just some fun on the side for him. Men can compartmentalize these things a lot easier than women can. He probably feels that you're getting too attached and is pulling away. Sadly, you are doing what a lot of women in your position do, they put more stock into what the AP thinks about them then they do their husbands. I'm not saying that your doing this intentionally but I do bet that this is going on. In terms of ending this, send him a NC letter of some sort then block every aspect of communication with him. Don't leave anything open. That's the first mistake a lot people in your situation make. It's either you go all in or dont go at all because you run the risk of falling back into the affair. Lastly, in terms of your marriage, one of the things that worries me the most is the fact that you have an attentive husband. When you decide to end this, the depression is going to be unbearable. If he is as attentive as you say he is, he is going to notice something is off. To be honest he probably already knows, but because he trusts you, he is ignoring his gut. I hate to put the cart before the horse because you haven't ended your affair yet, but at some point you are going to have be honest with him, especially if he would want to know. But again, let's get you ending your affair first. You can do this. Good luck.

[Ifalltopieces]

I think if you initiated NC right now, you wouldn't stick to it. You mentioned you don't want to let the MM go yet. That speaks volumes. While I do agree that NC is the best, I just don't think it's realistic for you right now.

 

Your extremely dependent on your AP and he has all the control. Take back some of that power and pull back from him. I hate to admit it, but it's like one big game. You push, he pulls. You go hot, he goes cold. You should check out the thread that discusses that topic directly.

 

I wish you the best....

[GirlStillStrong]

Were you not a full-grown woman before you met this guy? Have you not been a fully functional human being for your adult life? You're still the same person with all of the same abilities that you were before. You just go back to where you were before you started the affair with him. I don't see what is the attraction. He is playing childish games with you and it is hurting you. This guy is a NOBODY. You need to see this more clearly and the only way to do so is keep distance between you and him.

[jbrent890]

I think if you initiated NC right now, you wouldn't stick to it. You mentioned you don't want to let the MM go yet. That speaks volumes. While I do agree that NC is the best, I just don't think it's realistic for you right now.

 

Your extremely dependent on your AP and he has all the control. Take back some of that power and pull back from him. I hate to admit it, but it's like one big game. You push, he pulls. You go hot, he goes cold. You should check out the thread that discusses that topic directly.

 

I wish you the best....

 

The only reason I wouldn't suggest this is because she is married. The longer she stays in this relationship, the more she risks getting caught by one of the spouses. She needs to end this sooner rather than later. If her husband discovers this affair on his own, then there is a huge chance her marriage won't survive.

[endingpage]

Read through these boards to realize your MM is doing the same thing almost all MM do, which is to say, play hot and cold, just enough to keep you on the hook. Your situation is not unique. You sound way more invested than he is. He doesn't owe you a thing, just like you don't owe him anything. Walk away or suffer the hurt you currently feel (it will be much worse if you let it continue) and the hurt your husband and children will feel when your affair is discovered.

 

I was the OW too and I know how hard it is, but ... You have to do it. You have so much at stake here. You say your husband is a very good person, so don't do this to a good person. It will destroy him. End your affair.