my MM story

[mitz36]

I was less than a week out of a horrible breakup due to the worst betrayal when I met my MM. He's a mechanic where I take my car and he's always flirted with me, the difference was that I was happily in a good relationship and never payed him any mind. I saw his ring, but again, it didn't matter so I never asked about it.

Back to 7 weeks ago and I was there about some work needed on my car (a project I threw myself into since I was so lost and didn't know how to deal with what had happened to me). I was hanging out with the desk ppl and telling the girl what I was going through when he wandered in, she says to him 'hey she's single', so I ask if he is to which he replies 'no I'm married but I don't trust her so I find my own fun'. He tells me about when she cheated on him and we talk for a bit before he very subtly gives me his number, which he had written on a piece of paper. I always found him only mildly attractive, but at that moment, whether it was my vulnerability or that I needed the attention, but I was hooked. He has a confidence that borders on just plain cocky that normally I'm not attracted to at all but now find completely irresistible!

I waited a day before texting him and we got to know each other since I'm not the random hookup type. the first night we got together we mostly just talked until I kissed him. I thought it would be weird since I had only been with one person for the last 7 yrs, but it wasn't at all! He was actually a cool guy and oddly I was completely comfortable with him, me the shy, quiet awkward girl sitting in a car with a married guy making out. Lol we have since seen each other 4 times and had sex twice. He brings out my inner naughty side and has given me a new found confidence that had been shattered by what my ex did. Not to mention that he knows his way around a woman's body, something my ex didn't...

he has not made any promises and I could never date someone like him seriously, but for now I'm ok with what we have.

he's not holding me back from meeting single guys, I was actually out for a walk with a guy when MM and his wife drove by. I didn't even look at them and he never mentioned seeing me with someone else, it is what it is.

Whenever I start feeling guilty I remind myself that I didn't seek him out, and that I am definitely not his first affair and won't be his last! He showed up in my life at a time when I needed him and I'll take it for now since I haven't had this kind of sexual chemistry in years and it feels great to be desired this much. we do care about each other, and I would like to see him truly happy, but that's something he has to make happen on his own and when he's ready.

Has anyone else used a MM as a crutch during difficult times?

He sure is one he'll of a distraction though....

[AngeliqueC]

Just be sure you throw away the crutch BEFORE you feel 100% steady on your feet, otherwise, you never will. ((Hugs))

[anika99]

Mitz I had a look at your story from your other posts. So a little over six weeks ago you were horrified to find out that your long term bf was having sex with your friend. You were devastated. Your friend devastated her husband and her children by the affair and by leaving her family to be with your exbf. Then just a couple of weeks later you started sleeping with a married man. After experiencing the pain of losing your bf to another woman and having a front row seat to the pain and ruin that OW caused to her husband and children you now want to potentially cause that heartache to another family? It doesn't matter that your MM says his wife cheated on him too because by the way you describe him he is an experienced cheater and he knows he has to make women feel okay about sleeping with a MM so he very likely lies about his wife.

 

 

You are very fresh out of your long term relationship so I understand why you latched on to the very first guy to give you his number. It's a way to numb the pain of your break up but it's not a healthy way to deal. Furthermore I think there is some hidden psychology behind choosing to be the OW after your ex just left you for the OW in your relationship. Perhaps you felt powerless and rejected in that betrayal and in contrast you saw the OW as being the one in a place of power and desirability. So in an effort to heal that wound and recover from the trauma of this huge betrayal you have chosen to be the OW, because right now the OW role seems to be the best role to you.

 

 

First of all I don't believe for a second that your ex and his OW (your friend) are going to walk off in the sunset together to live happily ever after. For one thing no normal woman just walks out on her kids to run away with a man. When your ex friend comes out of lala land and faces what she did to her children it is going to eat her up from the inside. On top of that she will have to deal with realizing that she betrayed not only her husband but also her friend of 30 yrs. I can't imagine what is going to happen when the reality of her actions catches up with her. She is going to feel so much self loathing. I imagine your exbf will have his own share of guilt to eat at him when he thinks about how he betrayed the only loyal gf he ever had and not only did he betray her he did it with her friend. Disgusting! So whatever thoughts you have about him and her being happy together can be tossed because their relationship is going to become a huge dysfunctional mess.

 

 

You are also headed down a very bad path with your decision to now become involved with a MM. You say the affair has given you new found confidence. I'm sure that feels great right now but the longer this goes on the less likely you are to hold onto that confidence. The moment you develop feelings for this MM or start to have expectations of him will be the moment that your already damaged self esteem will start to plummet even more. You need to take some time to yourself to nurse your wounds and heal. What you are doing right now might feel good in the moment, like taking drugs or getting drunk might feel good, but it will hurt you more in the long run.

[mitz36]

Anika99 I agree with everything you said, I am not proud of what I am doing at all. And yes it has crossed my mind that considering what I just went through I am doing the same to someone else.

Sometimes the hurt just gets so bad that I need to feel desired and wanted. No that doesn't make it right but in the moment I don't care.

I am still meeting single guys in hopes of finding someone that I connect with, even on just a friend level. I have no expectations from MM and in not letting him hold me back from moving on to someone else. If I do happen to find a decent single guy I will not continue to sleep with MM.

I have nothing to take comfort in right now, I lost 2 best friends, my dogs, my home, everything I ever wanted and needed is gone. This is one indulgence that makes me feel good about myself and I'm not ready to let it go just yet.

[Satu]

This is one indulgence that makes me feel good about myself and I'm not ready to let it go just yet.

 

It might make you feel good about yourself now, but no good ever comes from these things in the long term.

 

You'll pay for it later, in one way or another.

[mitz36]

I agree, I'm just not ready to let it go yet...

[Foodjunkie79]

Have you asked yourself how you will feel when your feelings get abit more involved and deeper.......and he possibly wont leave hes 'cheating wife'!! You could be setting yourself up for more heartache! I am in a similar situation......and its 3 years later!!

[Giggle]

The more you talk, the more connection you feel. The more orgasms, the more attachment chemicals. Good that you are seeing others. Needing to feel desirable is very relatable and hard to resist. You are very vulnerable right and so so much easier hooked. When are we ever ready to give up something that feels so good?

 

Several months ago I went out with guy, pretty cool and I was wanting to see if it would go anywhere... Until I found out he was still married. Separated for a year and leaving in different homes, but married. I ran that was in the middle of trying to force myself into getting over my mm. Which backfired.

 

I was enjoying what I had with my mm and he kinda dragged me into feeling like a gf. I hope I've learned my lesson and once we end this I swear I'm keeping my distance from any other not actually single person. Several of us are just cringing for you because we know how easy it is to fall from just this casual thing, to being crazy about the guy ms wish to spare you that.

[mitz36]

It's kind of strange being so self aware through this healing process. I know why I'm doing everything I do, none of it is on an emotional whim so to speak. I think that makes it harder sometimes and I get upset thinking that I'm seeking all this male attention to make myself feel better! But honestly it is the only thing that helps when I'm super sad...

MM is actually good at keeping his distance, we don't txt daily so other than the first cpl times we met up we don't talk that much.

I know that I could never be in a relationship with someone like him since the only man I ever trusted shattered that and I could never be with someone I know has cheated, no matter what excuses they make.

after today I won't even be seeing him much since my car should be done and I won't have an excuse to go there for a while. Lol I have deleted him from my phone as well.

 

Funny part about all this is that my therapist knows about him and is ok with it! He said 'it's not ruining your relationship, and as long as you're making decisions with a clear head I'm not here to judge you'.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

The more you talk, the more connection you feel. The more orgasms, the more attachment chemicals. Good that you are seeing others. Needing to feel desirable is very relatable and hard to resist. You are very vulnerable right and so so much easier hooked. When are we ever ready to give up something that feels so good?

 

Several months ago I went out with guy, pretty cool and I was wanting to see if it would go anywhere... Until I found out he was still married. Separated for a year and leaving in different homes, but married. I ran that was in the middle of trying to force myself into getting over my mm. Which backfired.

 

I was enjoying what I had with my mm and he kinda dragged me into feeling like a gf. I hope I've learned my lesson and once we end this I swear I'm keeping my distance from any other not actually single person. Several of us are just cringing for you because we know how easy it is to fall from just this casual thing, to being crazy about the guy ms wish to spare you that.

 

I also thought that I could keep the feelings in check, that I was in control...and here I am months later after it ended, trying to completely get over him.

[mitz36]

I also thought that I could keep the feelings in check, that I was in control...and here I am months later after it ended, trying to completely get over him.

 

I understand that, going into it I thought I was safe since I was still in love with the partner I had just lost, so no chance of developing feelings. I developed some, but nothing too serious even though I can see how that happens when we are vulnerable! LOL having him to think about distracts me from my pain, but I know its not healthy since hes married...

This afternoon I told him it is ending since this is not who I am and I dont like being this person that relies on attention from a MM to feel good. I also found myself getting needy and I dont like that, he has another life and I want someone I can have whenever I want!

Hard part is that I have yet to meet a single guy that I have such chemistry with... Im craving affection and other than him, I dont have any other viable options