curious jane Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I need some advice, i dunno if i am being crazy or what. So here is the story.. i started dating a guy long distance a few months ago, he was all hot and heavy on me wanted to move fast he had just gotten out of something so i was hesitant but he insisted he wanted to be with me... so non-stop texts, calls the works.. Fast forward to a few weeks ago, he moves to the city i am in. An x-girlfriend of his that lives here calls him and is mad at me and is mad at him because she thought he should be with her now that he moved here. This x also left her husband for my b/f a number of years ago, so that adds a level of uncomfortably to it, however he insists they have just been good friends since. I tried to be cool but was upset that she did not know about us, and he was telling me i would meet her... anyway i tried to let it slide... but then the next week she calls him again and they have another big long discussion about her wanting to be with him and him telling her no. Of course he tells me and it makes me ask questions, and he says just don't worry, but this did cause friction. So then last week we are sitting in the movies with his buddies right before the movie starts he tells me she came over to his place and then the movie starts and i just want to run out. This causes issues again, it leaves me feeling very uncomfortable and i felt the way he brought it up was not good timing. So i can't talk to him about because his friends are with us all night, so the next time i see him is on his birthday and the **** just slips out of my mouth, i tell him that i feel they should not see each other for a least a month because it has caused so much drama and we are new, and i am not comfortable with it. He tells me i am ridiculous and dismisses my feelings, finally he got it. but the next day he told me to never ever talk to him like the way i did and he told me he was going to break up with me, but he never mentioned that he did anything wrong. Please tell me did i over react ? was i being unreasonable ? would it make you uncomfortable if an x came into the picture in a new relationship claiming her love for your b/f ? it makes me think he needs attention, i feel she cannot be over him that fast after telling him but he says she is and i am being nuts. Please let me know if i am the one that is out of line. He has now become very distant towards me and i don't even know what to do. Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 It doesn't matter if she is over him - or not. He can't control how she feels or what she wants or does. He can only go no contact with her since she is trying to interfere with the relationship you're hoping to build. If he won't do that, then he may just be stringing you both along for his own selfish ends. Whatever his real intentions, he's not handling it well - but you could do better, too. Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If he wants to beak up with you, the reason is not what you did or said. It's just an excuse. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If he wants to beak up with you, the reason is not what you did or said. It's just an excuse. I was just about to post the same thing. OP, he's still got a place in his heart for her. It's obvious. You're not over-reacting. He should not be welcoming her to his house, for heaven's sake. The fact that he's trying to turn it around on you is unacceptable and disrespectful, and indicates a guilty conscience. Save him the trouble and break up with him instead. Find someone who isn't still attached to his ex. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Your upset feelings seem in line with what is going on. What was your tone when you expressed your feelings. Your words -- other then the break -- seem OK. If you were screaming at him I can see why he would prefer not to be spoken to like that again. You can't dictate terms about who & when he sees somebody else but you can vote with your feet. If he wants to play games, let him. You just move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curious jane Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 Thank you for your advice, it is reassuring to know that i am not the one acting irrational here. He does not seem to want to talk about it any more, but i feel resentment from him. It is a new relationship and i am taking this a red flag - as in he may be a bit of a selfish, needy person. This weekend he also made me take an outfit off i was wearing and told me "no girlfriend of his, would be caught dead walking next to him down the street in the outfit i was wearing" He also told me that he can't date someone where there might be a chance they would wear an outfit that would scare ronald mcdonald away. ugh some serious red flags Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 ugh some serious red flags Big time. But you recognize them for what they are. The Q becomes what are you doing with the information? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 She's a crazy former married woman; since he obviously keeps her around that's a hell lot of baggage, too much for a normal relationship. And he's a weirdo who will chastise his GF for what she wears (which I might understand if you ran around in Lady Gaga outfits, but not in normal attire). I'd back out of this, honestly. There's just too much crazy and drama involved. Link to post Share on other sites
Author curious jane Posted June 1, 2015 Author Share Posted June 1, 2015 Hey Guys, An update... things kept getting weirder with this dude, as soon as he moved to my city he started to withdraw even more, and every time i saw him he would get drunk and cry his eyes out (issues!) and he would have something to say about what i should and should not wear around him and ways i should act. So i needed some space and went out of town to a music festival - the second night there he called me and started going on about his x-girlfriend and telling me how he was using me to make her feel bad.. ugh.. This past weekend we met and he told me he is not over his x and she just broke up with her new beau - so on the same day he broke up with me (ugh) he also told me i do not deserve what he has been putting me through, so i am glad he took some ownership, but damn i feel i truly was the definition of a rebound. For the past 8 years since my divorce i have always taken it slow with men, and after this b.s. my point was proven again that i should always take my time to get to know someone, if someone is getting attached too fast then there is something wrong. I am off to Europe next week for 3 weeks so i am sure i will have a blast and good time to heal Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts