I just saw my ex boyfriend after 12 years...

[jillybean]

My ex and I where High School sweethearts for 6 years. We broke up on a bad note and never got closure. He went on too get married and so did I a few years later. Now he is divorced, I have heard from mutual friends that he is going through some rough times, and I want him too know that If he needs a friend I will be there for him. I feel bad for what he is going through. It took me a long time to get over him, especially since we never had closure.

 

Do not get me wrong, I love my husband very much( I have been married 10 years and have two kids.) but they are not the same deep feelings I had for my first Love. But I have been having some weird dreams and feelings about my ex, ever since I saw him a few weeks back. I would like to talk to him and extend my friendship to him or at least have a talk with him so we could find that closure we never had. I have his number because i got it off our mutual friend'd cell phone. But I feel bad calling him, because he did not give it to me, nor would I want him to think i am after him again.

 

He seemed pleasant enough when we exchanged hello's. I cannot stop thinking about contacting him, should I or shouldn't I? I do not want to hurt my marriage, but I feel that if I dont talk to my ex about stuff that was never resolved in the past ( bad feelings) I will go nuts, thinking about it all day long.

[westernxer]

Is it really that important, 12 years later?

 

Some wounds never do close, I suppose.

[flsgirl]

To be honest, I think you'd be getting yourself into trouble re-establishing that relationship. Do you want to see him, thinking you would feel better about never getting the closer or is it to see if something is still there between the two of you?

 

He's vulnerable right now. People do things they wouldn't normally do when they aren't in that vulnerable state. You could yourself in a sticky situation.

 

Focus on what you do have. A husband of 10 yrs (which is rare now days) and two kids. Why even mess with that. You said you don't have as intense feelings for your husband as you did for your ex. Maybe you should work on making things better with your husband.

 

I don't think you ever get over your first love. It was the first time you ever felt like that about someone. They'll always be in there heart. As the years passed, both of you have changed significantly. You won't recapture what you had because you're now different people. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

Good luck

[moon]

Do not get me wrong, I love my husband very much( I have been married 10 years and have two kids.) but they are not the same deep feelings I had for my first Love

 

This statement is EXACTLY the reason you should not contact this ex. It will only lead to problems. Of course we have different feelings for different people, but the ones you have for your current husband are the ones that paid off. You didn't have a painful break up you were able to create a happy marriage, kids and a good life.

 

So I'd stear clear of this ex......especially if you are going to toss around statements like the one I quoted above. That's really mean sounding and if your husband catches wind of it you'll be in for a lot of trouble. You could shatter the trust of your husband all together. Why do you want to make "friends" with this ex? Especially since you have so many strong feelings for him still. You are only asking for trouble. I doubt you can be just friends. Sorry that's just my opinion.

[Marshbear]

Originally posted by flsgirl

To be honest, I think you'd be getting yourself into trouble re-establishing that relationship. Do you want to see him, thinking you would feel better about never getting the closer or is it to see if something is still there between the two of you?

 

He's vulnerable right now. People do things they wouldn't normally do when they aren't in that vulnerable state. You could yourself in a sticky situation.

 

Focus on what you do have. A husband of 10 yrs (which is rare now days) and two kids. Why even mess with that. You said you don't have as intense feelings for your husband as you did for your ex. Maybe you should work on making things better with your husband.

 

I don't think you ever get over your first love. It was the first time you ever felt like that about someone. They'll always be in there heart. As the years passed, both of you have changed significantly. You won't recapture what you had because you're now different people. The grass isn't always greener on the other side.

 

Good luck

 

I totally agree withflsgirl. Also your desire to contact him is a fed flag for your marriage. Don't contact him. Do you really need closure after all this time or is it just and excuse?

[beesknees]

It was 12 years ago.... LET IT GO! So many relationships end with no closure. What is the worst that could happen if you only THINK about contacting him every day? If you actually do, you could be jeopardizing your marriage for real. Leave it alone, and appreciate the one you're with.

[Iwishiknewthen]

do you know what i have learned? the people we feel sorry for the most and want to help, are the people that end up hurting us the most.

 

wouldnt do it...say goodbye to the past

before he hurts you

my luck thats always the case

[RecordProducer]

I don't see any point of contacting him. You said yourself you have certain feelings for him and obviously you will try to develop those feelings by being his friend.

You don't need to resolve things from the past, why would you? You can resolve things with your parents or siblings, because they will be your family forever. But ex-boyfriends shouldn't have place in our hearts. If you're tired of your marriage, do some MC, but don't start an emotional affair with your ex. How would you feel if your husband suddenly strated associating with his ex-GF?

When you resolve things from the past, it's because you want to continue with that particular person from a new point. You don't need this person in your life and in your marriage. It's been 12 years. Let go!