Questioning_1 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Hey everyone, I need some advice, maybe someone could tell me their thoughts. My bf and I have been together for quite a while now and we have established that we are not in it for a fling but see one another as being together years down the road. Now I know things can change, but he may need to move from europe to the US within the next two years, and I dont think I will be able to go. I brought it carefully up and he said that we should chat, and its crossed his mind as well (the whole issue). Should I give him some time and then bring it up, or leave it entirely up to him to come back to the topic, cause I really need to talk about it before we each head off to our summer obligations and I can't leave this hanging. Any idea how to breach the topic again and when? thanks Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Do you think you may be worrying and discussing this topic a little prematurely? If this could occur in the next two years why are you worrying about it now? Why don't you cross that bridge when you come to it? You could sit down now, figure out how to handle it and in two years life will be different and you'd still have to sit down and discuss how to handle it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Questioning_1 Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 yeah in some ways its premature, but there are other aspects that complicate things, contributing to this which are really long to go into. Basically he mentioned it himself before, then we didnt consider it, then it came up again, it resurfaces every so often. I think we are both afraid of leaving things until the last minute because our situation requires some planning and neither wants surprises which could hurt later. Also considering this may occur in less than a year rather than 2 yrs. Know what I mean? thank you for the reply though, appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Then what you should do if you really feel you should plan for it in advance is set up a plan for each possible variable. If XX and XX then plan A is XX. If XX and XX then plan B is XX. Try and cover everything you think could come up and work things out on paper. Get a game plan set up so that when it happens you can fit the version that best applies and then run with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Questioning_1 Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 Ok sounds like a pretty thorough idea, Ill first run this through for myself so i dont keep saying "ummm dont know" during the convo lol. think its best to give it a bit of time, letting him bring it up or its cool to bring it up since its been breaches a time or two already? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I'd get it all written down and planned out and the present it to him. If you want to talk about it then you should talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
simplyconfused Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I'm in a kind of similar situation, though it's me who is considering to leave to US ("girlfriend" ) For me it's a bit easier in the sense that I think if a guy loves me he'l propose or something, in which case i'l stay.Would you go with him if he'd marry you or you just want to stay in Europe full stop?I mean in your situation if i had no guarantees we'd stay together once I'd move to US then I'd think twice about going, but otherwise.. I think at the end what it boils down to is that if you to love each other you'l stay together no matter what, you'l just work out something. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Questioning_1 Posted April 23, 2005 Author Share Posted April 23, 2005 well i dont think he even could just marry me, he would be a full time student (kinda hard to have a marriage before finishing college if ya know what i mean), i keep thinking about going with him for a while, but because of my work i would have to come back soon or preferably not even leave. i just really hope we can work something out, i would really be bad with long distance cause the truth is two people change and in a long distance relationship you change separately not together, plus Im a phsyical kinda person (not just sex but I love to feel the people I care about nearby). I would feel so bad asking him to stay just because of me tho, know what i mean? yet it may be the only option, otherwise everything I have work wise and life would be down to zero again, and I can offer a lot to our relationship by staying in europe, both financially, comfort wise and as a base. hmm, life's a little complicated huh? hehe Link to post Share on other sites
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