Miss Clavel Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 i win. it only took about 5 years, but i beat the cheaters for the only prize i considered worthwhile. family. mostly his. his family, brother, children, their spouses and their children all got together for a family reunion. afterwards, my children came home to tell me that they all sat around the dinner table talking about me. remembering me and all the things i've done for them. and how much they miss my cooking. when they remember their childhoods, it's ME they think of. i keep that. so, if you're going thru the heart stabbing, gut wrenching pain of a divorce, complete with cheating lying whores, hang in there. it DOES get better. might take time. but in the end, if you're lucky like i am, he will be gone, taking the OW with him and you will be surrounded by everything you tried to tell him was worth having. 13 Link to post Share on other sites
LifeNomad Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 that's awesome, that's the only thing I want from my kids when they are older, to have good memories of their ol man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 If he was at the reunion, I wonder what his face was like, or hers if she was around too. Did your kids take photos? Link to post Share on other sites
java0008 Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 You are lucky! I bet everyone with a broken heart longs for a closure and recognition! I doubt if I will ever get one because my ex bad mouthed me to his family and circle so much that they will not say any good thing about me! Not that I am looking for it anymore but I remember there was a time when I used to hope this would happen! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Interesting take on wanting to still be involved with your ex's family. We have created a bit of a different dynamic in our situation, as I always make sure to include his ex whenever possible / appropriate in things, as she was a part of his family for a very long time and I see no reason that she should no longer be, if she wants to be. I believe that there's plenty of room for everyone in families, and the kids like it because we sit around and have those conversations, both about things that happened in their childhood AND things that happened to them as young adults and we all enjoy the stories together. Just my take on this stuff.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hawkeye_pierce Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 i win. it only took about 5 years, but i beat the cheaters for the only prize i considered worthwhile. family. mostly his. his family, brother, children, their spouses and their children all got together for a family reunion. afterwards, my children came home to tell me that they all sat around the dinner table talking about me. remembering me and all the things i've done for them. and how much they miss my cooking. when they remember their childhoods, it's ME they think of. i keep that. so, if you're going thru the heart stabbing, gut wrenching pain of a divorce, complete with cheating lying whores, hang in there. it DOES get better. might take time. but in the end, if you're lucky like i am, he will be gone, taking the OW with him and you will be surrounded by everything you tried to tell him was worth having. This is what I am hoping for in my situation. It's something you can't put a dollar amount on. Link to post Share on other sites
Breezee Posted May 13, 2015 Share Posted May 13, 2015 That's wonderful to hear! Unfortunately for me, my STBX MIL doesn't seem at all moved by the fact her son left his family. I kind of hate her for that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 14, 2015 Share Posted May 14, 2015 Inspiring read Miss Clavel and gave me the warm fuzzies for you! Best of luck to you and your family! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 That's wonderful to hear! Unfortunately for me, my STBX MIL doesn't seem at all moved by the fact her son left his family. I kind of hate her for that. i have not seen nor spoken to my ex MIL since just after Dday. don't miss her one bit. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 Interesting take on wanting to still be involved with your ex's family. We have created a bit of a different dynamic in our situation, as I always make sure to include his ex whenever possible / appropriate in things, as she was a part of his family for a very long time and I see no reason that she should no longer be, if she wants to be. I believe that there's plenty of room for everyone in families, and the kids like it because we sit around and have those conversations, both about things that happened in their childhood AND things that happened to them as young adults and we all enjoy the stories together. Just my take on this stuff.... i don't believe there will ever be room in my family for lying cheater thieves. and our children are well aware of this. she and he are free to dynamic where ever they like, but it will not include my children. i have it spelled out legally in my divorce papers. my children are not allowed to spend the night with any females not related by blood and my MIL is well aware of this. the last time i spoke to her, around d-day, she assured me that no unmarried couples will ever sleep together in her house. i made it very clear visitation is time my ex spends with his children, not time they spend with her. she's accosted them at the mall and at school events and thankfully either my sister was there to head her off or the kids just stand their mute and acting like she's invisible. i gave him the divorce he wanted, i refuse to give him any thing else. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 If he was at the reunion, I wonder what his face was like, or hers if she was around too. Did your kids take photos? i've only seen one picture of her, taken when they were holed up together, in a three star hotel. he was married to me at the time. he said he was upstate visiting his mom, that she was ill. of course he called home, on his cell and i didn't think anything of it. i didn't find out until the credit card bill came in, dumb asses charged their room. i'm sure it was on purpose, looking back, trying to force me to acknowledge her. i didn't say one word. he did not know i knew what he was up to until after i took most of his business papers out of his desk, photo copied them and put them back. i did the same with the mortgage papers and all the income tax records. i started depositing my paycheck in a new account and never used our joint credit card again. then, i waited. i'd like to see a photo of their faces when they knew i knew. hahaha 2 Link to post Share on other sites
WasOtherWoman Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 i don't believe there will ever be room in my family for lying cheater thieves. and our children are well aware of this. she and he are free to dynamic where ever they like, but it will not include my children. i have it spelled out legally in my divorce papers. my children are not allowed to spend the night with any females not related by blood and my MIL is well aware of this. the last time i spoke to her, around d-day, she assured me that no unmarried couples will ever sleep together in her house. i made it very clear visitation is time my ex spends with his children, not time they spend with her. she's accosted them at the mall and at school events and thankfully either my sister was there to head her off or the kids just stand their mute and acting like she's invisible. i gave him the divorce he wanted, i refuse to give him any thing else. Fair enough. I would happily pass off my husband's mother on anyone who would like her. It is hard to imagine still wanting to be involved with an ex's family. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayla Posted May 18, 2015 Share Posted May 18, 2015 Pleased to hear that adults see the good in your parenting and positive traits. when my son divorced his first wife, he reminded the family members that his Ex is still the mother of his son, and to never speak ill of her in front of his son. So there is that falseness that we must honor. Holding tongue is one thing. and probably for the best. My former DIL , in my objective and informed mind, is nothing short of a social climber who expects everything handed to her. And sadly the courts have granted her that privilege. Curious how the courts granted you that "non blood female" condition , it may come back to shoot you in the foot. I can name various situations that are entirely above board and would fall under the non blood female condition. Family is indeed the central hub , may it always be a safe haven for you and your children. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TashaTudor Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Miss Clavel. It must take an incredible level of maturity to still want to remain involved with his family. I give you credit. For me? I don't have your fortitude. He and his family and paramour can all jump off a tall bridge. Sooner rather than later. Btw, I love Madeleine! My daughter and I spent many hours reading those sweet books! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Miss Clavel. It must take an incredible level of maturity to still want to remain involved with his family. I give you credit. For me? I don't have your fortitude. He and his family and paramour can all jump off a tall bridge. Sooner rather than later. Btw, I love Madeleine! My daughter and I spent many hours reading those sweet books! i don't see my ex very often. i've never laid eyes on "her". my children only see "her" when their father insists on bringing her along to family events when clearly she isn't family. my children see their cousins, their second cousins, their nana, their aunties and uncles on both sides. madeleine is a memory your daughter will always have no matter who her father is banging. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Pleased to hear that adults see the good in your parenting and positive traits. Curious how the courts granted you that "non blood female" condition , it may come back to shoot you in the foot. . i had it put in my separation agreement along with full physical custody, visitation, child support, spousal support and the division of assets. don't worry about any situations that might come up, my oldest is driving now and i've made my feelings plain. p.s. i hear from my kids that "she" has gained a lot of weight and seems isolated and sad. when i asked my oldest why she thought that, she said, "she" must have thought she would be married by now and after 6 years, nothing. and if i sound like i only blame her for the cheating, lying and thievery, that's not the case. however, i have to put up with him being in my life, for now, i do not have to put up with her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TashaTudor Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 My kids are in their early twenties. Although they are adults, I've made them fully aware of the affair details. I discredit the cheaters as much as I can. Dirty tactic, but idc. If and when my children get married, she WILL NOT be there. Any grand children, she'd better keep her distance or it'll be world war three. I believe, like you, there are certain things that a mistress cannot be a part of. Eventually, she'll begin to feel like an outsider and hopefully realize what a tresspassor she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
chew123 Posted May 21, 2015 Share Posted May 21, 2015 Tasha Tudor, You should go to the chumplady website. They have a lot of information on how to deal with the situation you are in. One thing I will caution you on though is planning ahead whether she will attend kids weddings, see grandchildren etc. Not only are those things in the future, but you will have no control over them. It sux, but that decision will be up to your children and yous STBEX. Try not to get wrapped up in things you can't control. I know I do sometimes and all it does is drive me crazy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted June 9, 2015 Share Posted June 9, 2015 missclavel,,did he leave you for her or was it you who left him after finding out about cheating? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Miss Clavel Posted April 11, 2016 Author Share Posted April 11, 2016 missclavel,,did he leave you for her or was it you who left him after finding out about cheating? he left me, which i well understood. he left our family, taking very little and i'm determined to keep it that way, which i will NEVER understand. he did not care if we lived or died. or where we did it. he cried, he said it was killing him, but he never actually died from it like we did. pity. Link to post Share on other sites
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