Potential Storm Brewing...

[Toodaloo]

Just getting this off my chest really.

 

I haven't spoken to hardly any of my fathers side of the family for years.

 

There was a big argument one Christmas and I have refused to speak to them since. They are OK people but they are callous, show no empathy, are selfish and regularly bitch/ slag each other off. They think nothing of referring to each other as s**t head etc. My cousin has posted many pictures on facebook with my grandparents tagged with various derogatory phrases and names. They show no form of empathy or consideration towards each other. My fathers sister and her children are treated as favourites, always have been. My father is treated like dog poo on their shoes.

 

My Grandmother while not actively encouraging it, does nothing to stop it. These are middle/ upper class, respectable people, not scum. The rest of my immediate family just ignore it but after several very derogatory comments to my father, my cousin being as he is, my aunt being as she is and my ex trying to avoid a conflict and ballsing the whole thing up by not just saying she just wants fresh air... well things were said that can not be taken back.

 

I will not speak to my grandparents again and the next time I go up there will be to pay my respects when they are buried. My fathers sister and her off spring I have no interest in at all. I don't care when anything happens to them. I will not be there. This is not up for debate and I know many will say "speak to your grandparents" but it is not going to happen.

 

To cut a long story short I got fed up with it and just stayed away. I send my fathers parents birthday cards and christmas presents. I send Christmas cards but I refuse to go and see them. I have politely declined weddings and christenings etc. Done the polite thing but stayed away. I am happier that way. I believe they are too as I know the angst was causing my grandparents some distress. It also means that my arse of a cousin can't wind them up about me as he knows nothing so has nothing to say.

 

This has worked for years. Life has got better, I am happier, my immediate family are less stressed as they were also very upset by it all.

 

My parents and brother went up at the weekend for a christening. Mum came back with an envelope with my name on it and put it up on the side where she would normally collect birthday cards etc ready for the day. I think it is a letter from my grandmother. The last one was asking to see me. I did not respond.

 

My niece is getting christened soon. They will obviously be invited and will attend. My plan was to go be polite, talk to those I talk to, but keep my distance from the rest that I do not. It should be easy enough if I make myself busy with other family friends and family members that will be attending. I have a second cousin on my mothers side that I can take with me who will understand and keep others away if need be. I was going to ask him to come with me.

 

I think my mother knows what is in that letter. We are a very open and honest family and it is unusual for her to put something up like that unless she is aware it is going to cause a problem in which case she waits until an appropriate moment.

 

Families eh. You can't pick them...

[d0nnivain]

I think your behavior so far has been polite & working for you. Even in the face of the letter, you continue on as you have been.

 

If your father wants your relationship with his parents / siblings to change & asks you to change, hear him out & tell him what else has to change for that to happen but stick to your guns.

[Toodaloo]

Poppa is fine with it.

 

He doesn't mind. In a funny way he is pleased because one of the things that made me take a stand was the disgusting way in which they treated him. He knows "I have got his back" regardless of where it comes from. I explained how angry and upset I was, the reasons behind it, and he accepted it.

 

My relationship with him has improved no end since I took this stand.

 

His behaviour has always been terrible after spending time with them and I would have to leave him for a few days. Now I don't have to. He talks to me instead if he has been upset or if someone has said something nasty again and isn't so aggressive or grumpy.

 

So it is a positive thing for many of us that I do not spend time with them.

 

Its just another one asking to see me again. I know why it has come. My great aunt visited a while back, had a wonderful time and reported to her sister (my grandmother) that I have grown into a very special person.

 

I will leave it and not respond. Nothing has changed.