Some guys will remain single and alone no matter what

[carhill]

Nobody wants to talk to eccentric strangers about Chinese history or hyperinflation or recipes for tiramisu; they usually seem to only want to talk to people they already know about what someone else they already know said about what a forth person they already know might have said about what the second person they already know said earlier about what someone's something did that the place that one time, yada yada.

 

Heh! Yep, if one isn't in the gossip loop, outlier. Small talk is everything.

 

I recall, as an example, walking through a little crystal shop in Carmel with a friend's wife when we were camping. Bored to tears but, hey, I've known her for years. Ran across a crystal penis and made an offhand comment like 'check out the girth on that one' or something like that. She hung around me the rest of the day!

 

Having been down the dating, mating and marriage path, it's really engaging those positive emotions of attraction that's critical if a guy chooses to do all the women and sex stuff. Logic doesn't cut it. Go with the flow.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Perhaps you still don't grasp that many of us guys cannot get as many dates in a year as you can get in a month no matter how hard we try. Saying 'go on more dates' is like saying to someone who is complaining that they can't afford a car, "well, you just need to make more money, duh!'

 

 

I read quite a bit; I can cook better than any woman I've ever known (even better than my mom, though I'm sure she disputes this), I'm an excellent pool player, speak a foreign language, and travelled marginally more than the average person. Now, this isn't to say that I am not indeed still a boring loser, but I'm going to venture a guess that being interesting has **** all to do with it.

 

Especially considering that among the 'outgoing' folks, the typical barroom conversation seems to run like so: "Did you hear what so-and-so said about so-and-so at what's-his-name's party? Like,OMG, I can't even; and did you see what what's-her-name was wearing?' and so on. I find it amazing that that person is the one who's dynamic and interesting.

 

Nobody wants to talk to eccentric strangers about Chinese history or hyperinflation or recipes for tiramisu; they usually seem to only want to talk to people they already know about what someone else they already know said about what a forth person they already know might have said about what the second person they already know said earlier about what someone's something did that the place that one time, yada yada.

 

 

if theres anything I've observed for a while, its that men are expected to be more well-rounded, and have more of a life than the girl does

[Sunlight72]

Nobody wants to talk to eccentric strangers about Chinese history or hyperinflation or recipes for tiramisu...

Well, I suppose it matters just what you mean by eccentric, but in fact, yes, Chinese history and recipes for dessert are topics of conversation I've had with cute women in the past month.

 

They were certainly not the whole conversation, but they both fit in to keep things interesting.

 

I know it's hard to accept, but yes you can learn how to change your social life. I did. It's scary. It's very difficult to do it in spite of being afraid of what could happen.

 

If you are only interested in resigning from life, that's totally your choice, but it will be almost impossible to attract a partner worth having if you go that route.

 

It really is your choice. It really is hard.

[Toodaloo]

Perhaps you still don't grasp that many of us guys cannot get as many dates in a year as you can get in a month no matter how hard we try. Saying 'go on more dates' is like saying to someone who is complaining that they can't afford a car, "well, you just need to make more money, duh!'

 

 

I read quite a bit; I can cook better than any woman I've ever known (even better than my mom, though I'm sure she disputes this), I'm an excellent pool player, speak a foreign language, and travelled marginally more than the average person. Now, this isn't to say that I am not indeed still a boring loser, but I'm going to venture a guess that being interesting has **** all to do with it.

 

Especially considering that among the 'outgoing' folks, the typical barroom conversation seems to run like so: "Did you hear what so-and-so said about so-and-so at what's-his-name's party? Like,OMG, I can't even; and did you see what what's-her-name was wearing?' and so on. I find it amazing that that person is the one who's dynamic and interesting.

 

Nobody wants to talk to eccentric strangers about Chinese history or hyperinflation or recipes for tiramisu; they usually seem to only want to talk to people they already know about what someone else they already know said about what a forth person they already know might have said about what the second person they already know said earlier about what someone's something did that the place that one time, yada yada.

 

JD you are hanging with the wrong people and trying to attract the wrong people!

 

Listen JD - I am saying this stuff because I have been there and done that.

 

I have been the pathetic one. The loser the one that no one wants to talk to... I was as lonely as hell.

 

Do you really think I want you to go through that! You may be some stranger but I am not that mean.

 

However what you should be doing is getting positive. Conversations about food, history, music... They are all great topics!

 

I am not saying "go on more dates" I am saying change your behaviour, so the things you like, meet people that you get on with!

 

What you are doing IS NOT WORKING. Change it!

 

So your a great cook. Fantastic go learn about different styles of cooking go and learn about different foods and techniques. GET EXCITED ABOUT IT.

 

It shouldn't take me pointing out that you are moaning a lot for you to know your positive points. Now you know them UTILISE THEM.

 

Read my posts. Its not easy for me either! I get rejected I pick myself up and I move on. Its bloody hard work.

 

Listening to what she said/ they said is as dull as ever. Stop thinking that because they are loud and obnoxious that they are the "interesting" ones!

 

Two things you need to learn, actually make it 3...

1. the only opinions you should care about are those of the people that love you

2. Life sucks, you have to work for everything you have

3. POSITIVE people are attractive people - practice being positive.

[Toodaloo]

I'm actually tired of reading your drivel which helps absolutely no one. No its not helping you because you are not acting on it and are feeling sorry for yourself.

 

How the f#ck do you know these guys don't have any hobbies? they do - I know they do they are just not utilising them to meet people

 

Why do you assume they aren't already member of a gym or boxing class? I am not a mind reader its just suggestions. They go on about how they don't meet people so its a suggestion. One that will improve their health and their social skills set if they use it properly - where is the down side exactly???

 

What a patronising whiner YOU are. When do I whine? How long do I whine for? It never lasts long with me because I see a problem and take action to rectify it even if it means going out of my comfort zone and growing a pair

 

This supposed awesome life of yours yet you're constantly on here pissing on these poor blokes who already have had enough. Perhaps you should get a life? My life sometimes sucks. I CHOOSE to remain positive. I choose to concentrate on the good. but if you think its better to let people drown in self pity and misery you have a very poor view on life...

 

In my opinion, people who bully those online who are already not having the best times in life are people of extremely low character.

 

This is not bullying. This is trying to get very worthy men out of their boxes and out there meeting women, good women, instead of trumped up tarts.

 

If you don't like me there is an ignore facility on this forum please feel free to use it. It will not make me cry...

[William]

OK, with that out of the way, let's get back to some guys remaining single and alone no matter what. The good on paper but can't get to first base club. This is located in our 'In Search Of' forum so respectful answers which address the topic to assist in the search are welcomed. Member fisticuffs, not welcomed.

 

Once we have our gender-bashing policy firmed up, we'll get it published so there will be no ambiguity regarding what is acceptable and unacceptable. Thanks in advance for your cooperation with this moderation directive.

[pteromom]

And who is "she?" See, this 'there's the one woman out there for you who will come along" is, in my opinion, a outrageous superstition.

 

You are right - it IS a superstition.

 

In fact, there are a pool of women who would be compatible with you. The point is putting yourself out there to meet them.

 

Guys who have certain attributes, such as being short, being bald, being fat, being strange looking, being unemployed, etc. may have FEWER women in their pool. They don't have the same opportunities that tall, goodlooking rich guys have. Fair or not, that's the way it is.

 

But that doesn't mean they will remain single and alone forever. UNLESS they are just magically expecting a woman to show up and attach herself to them.

 

A lot of these perpetually single guys have this whole narrative about "I'm a nice person, why am I not good enough?" They expect a woman to just look across the room at them and poof, fall in love, or something.

 

It doesn't work that way. You have to OFFER something in order for someone to want to get to know you. And you have to be able to create a connection with someone. If you are so shy or withdrawn that you have a wall up when talking to women, you will never create that spark. Spark cannot get through that wall.

 

There are a lot of women out there. A lot of women who, like you, go home at night feeling lonely and wondering why they have to be alone. You go home. They go home. Your paths never cross.

 

The only way it will change is if one of you change it.

 

Go out. Even if it is awkward.

 

Approach women. Even if you are rejected.

 

Be the best you that you can be.

 

Make friends. Friends know other friends, and some of those other friends are women.

 

Talk to people when you are out and about. The clerk at the store. The barista at the coffee shop. The lady you are holding the door open for.

 

Go to church (or whatever spiritual practice you follow.) Hang out at karaoke night and sit in an area where you can interact with other people. Join a book club. Join a hiking club. Join a singles club.

 

The only way you are going to change your lot is if you start doing things differently. Sitting at home posting on LS that you are destined to be alone is not going to get you dates.

[Keenly]

You're looking at this the wrong way. Enjoy being single. That means do whatever makes you happy.

 

 

Been single for almost 3 years, and at first I was miserable, but I've learned to like i.

 

Here's to 3 more!

[minime13]

I think there are some people out there, both men and women, that will use the cop-out like "maybe I'm meant to be alone and there's really nobody out there for me" instead of taking past relationships as experience and opportunities to learn and improve themselves.

 

Some things are out of your control, but your own attitude and will actually does determine a lot of your own life.

[minime13]

Perhaps you still don't grasp that many of us guys cannot get as many dates in a year as you can get in a month no matter how hard we try. Saying 'go on more dates' is like saying to someone who is complaining that they can't afford a car, "well, you just need to make more money, duh!'

 

 

I read quite a bit; I can cook better than any woman I've ever known (even better than my mom, though I'm sure she disputes this), I'm an excellent pool player, speak a foreign language, and travelled marginally more than the average person. Now, this isn't to say that I am not indeed still a boring loser, but I'm going to venture a guess that being interesting has **** all to do with it.

 

Especially considering that among the 'outgoing' folks, the typical barroom conversation seems to run like so: "Did you hear what so-and-so said about so-and-so at what's-his-name's party? Like,OMG, I can't even; and did you see what what's-her-name was wearing?' and so on. I find it amazing that that person is the one who's dynamic and interesting.

 

Nobody wants to talk to eccentric strangers about Chinese history or hyperinflation or recipes for tiramisu; they usually seem to only want to talk to people they already know about what someone else they already know said about what a forth person they already know might have said about what the second person they already know said earlier about what someone's something did that the place that one time, yada yada.

 

 

Stop chasing the wrong women in bars. Or recognize you are at a bar, and that people use that place as a place to cut back and relax. Not discuss philosophy or politics.

 

You're welcome.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

You are right - it IS a superstition.

 

In fact, there are a pool of women who would be compatible with you. The point is putting yourself out there to meet them.

 

Guys who have certain attributes, such as being short, being bald, being fat, being strange looking, being unemployed, etc. may have FEWER women in their pool. They don't have the same opportunities that tall, goodlooking rich guys have. Fair or not, that's the way it is.

 

But that doesn't mean they will remain single and alone forever. UNLESS they are just magically expecting a woman to show up and attach herself to them.

 

A lot of these perpetually single guys have this whole narrative about "I'm a nice person, why am I not good enough?" They expect a woman to just look across the room at them and poof, fall in love, or something.

 

It doesn't work that way. You have to OFFER something in order for someone to want to get to know you. And you have to be able to create a connection with someone. If you are so shy or withdrawn that you have a wall up when talking to women, you will never create that spark. Spark cannot get through that wall.

 

There are a lot of women out there. A lot of women who, like you, go home at night feeling lonely and wondering why they have to be alone. You go home. They go home. Your paths never cross.

 

The only way it will change is if one of you change it.

 

Go out. Even if it is awkward.

 

Approach women. Even if you are rejected.

 

Be the best you that you can be.

 

Make friends. Friends know other friends, and some of those other friends are women.

 

Talk to people when you are out and about. The clerk at the store. The barista at the coffee shop. The lady you are holding the door open for.

 

Go to church (or whatever spiritual practice you follow.) Hang out at karaoke night and sit in an area where you can interact with other people. Join a book club. Join a hiking club. Join a singles club.

 

The only way you are going to change your lot is if you start doing things differently. Sitting at home posting on LS that you are destined to be alone is not going to get you dates.

And being calm, under control, stress-free, its more important for guys to have those qualities than it is for women

[johndoe2]

Been single for almost 3 years, and at first I was miserable, but I've learned to like i.

I'm the opposite. I was content (more or less; frustrated at times, but generally content) at being single all through high school, college for a little while after college. But in that past year or so that contentedness has dissipated.

 

Stop chasing the wrong women in bars. Or recognize you are at a bar, and that people use that place as a place to cut back and relax. Not discuss philosophy or politics.

In my demographic (young city-dwellers) those women in the bars are pretty much all of them. Almost everyone goes to the bars to meet their social needs. Accept maybe the ones who are cloistered in their offices or apartment 24 hours a day.

 

You're welcome.

Now don't get presumptuous.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

Whenever I hear people say the phrase "there's someone for everyone", I hear it more from women than I do from men

[johndoe2]

Whenever I hear people say the phrase "there's someone for everyone", I hear it more from women than I do from men

 

It also cannot be true. Nor is it empirically true. Historically (or I think going back to the prehistoric era), I think between a third and half of males never mated.

 

I think of people as being on a normal/Gaussian distribution in terms of their personalities. You could give a person an abstract personality score suggesting how typical they are. The closer they are to the mean, the more people there are similar to/compatible with them. The further away from the mean they are, the fewer people there are compatible with them.

 

If you're far enough away from the mean (3 standard deviations? 4 maybe?) the odds of finding anyone suitable for you (hell, someone who reciprocates interest in you) may be astonishingly small. That "someone out there" has to not just exist, they have to, at some point, live in the same city as you, go to the same bar that you go to (or do something that will make them run into you at least once), have to be in a good mood when you meet and ask them out. The number of women 'out there' who have to be compatible with/into you has to be more than one; it has to be probably in the millions to have a reasonable chance of ever having anything with one of them.

 

That's the pessimistic view of things I guess. Which is also generally the correct view.

[BronzeAgeJaeger217]

It also cannot be true. Nor is it empirically true. Historically (or I think going back to the prehistoric era), I think between a third and half of males never mated.

 

I think of people as being on a normal/Gaussian distribution in terms of their personalities. You could give a person an abstract personality score suggesting how typical they are. The closer they are to the mean, the more people there are similar to/compatible with them. The further away from the mean they are, the fewer people there are compatible with them.

 

If you're far enough away from the mean (3 standard deviations? 4 maybe?) the odds of finding anyone suitable for you (hell, someone who reciprocates interest in you) may be astonishingly small. That "someone out there" has to not just exist, they have to, at some point, live in the same city as you, go to the same bar that you go to (or do something that will make them run into you at least once), have to be in a good mood when you meet and ask them out. The number of women 'out there' who have to be compatible with/into you has to be more than one; it has to be probably in the millions to have a reasonable chance of ever having anything with one of them.

 

That's the pessimistic view of things I guess. Which is also generally the correct view.

 

That's another reason why it sometimes irritates me that women generally never approach or reach out to men first, because it would be easier to know if we guys are attractive or not