is there such thing as this?

[Guest]

This situation just popped out of my mind. Let's say there's a girl who's still a virgin and just had her very first boyfriend and then they decided to live together. If for some reason the girl doesn't want to make love to her boyfriend yet, is that acceptable or normal? what if she still wants to go through the marriage process with her boyfriend considering she agreed to live together with her boyfriend, is that normal? Will that mean that the girl doesn't love her boyfriend that much that she still want the marriage part? what could this mean and is there such thing as this? Thanks.

 

Ryan

[Tony T]

If a guy and gal have the full understanding that the gal insists on remaining a virgin until marriage, moving in together does NOT change that at all.

 

A girl who is saving herself for marriage is paying a great tribute to a guy by moving in with him. This is showing the ultimate trust. She is also showing a very good faith effort to make sure this is the guy she wants to marry.

 

A girl intent on saving her virginity until marriage is showing the greatest love she can by moving in with a guy. Next to losing her virginity, that's the biggest showing of trust and committment she can make.

 

All this would mean is you have a really nice girl who has morals and ethics that she sticks by (rare these days) and she trusts you enough to respect that. It would in NO way mean that she doesn't love you. If anything, it would be an indication of greater love and trust.

 

If you want to live with a girl who will put out for you, go find somebody else and let this girl off the hook. Of course, I know this just popped out of your head and all this is hypothetical...but I thought I'd just say that in case something like this actually happened.

[Beesting]

It sounds perfectly fine to me. And you've put a lot of thought into it. There should never be an expectation of sex in ny relationship, regardless of how long you've been together or even if you have sex already. When there is that expectation, it can make everything a lot less spontaneous and your sex life will end up sucking.

 

A better tactic is to enjoy intimacy without the expectation of sex. If it happens, great, if not, that should be satisfying as well. When there is the pressure to perform, for the woman as well, not only the man, sex feels worse and you can't relax or enjoy it at all.

[Ed]

It seems to me that this would be a very unusual situation.

 

There are lots of people that live together, but don't have sex with each other. There are also lots of people that love each other (in a romantic sense), but don't have sex with each other. However, when you put the two together (living together and loving each other) having sex is usually a common occurrence. That is, unless the relationship is on the rocks and about to fall apart.

 

As far as the moral issue goes....many people choose to remain virgins until marriage. But people of this flavor also tend to take a more conservative stance regarding unmarried people living together. Now this is just my guess, but, I think a very high percentage of people choosing to remain virgins until marriage would balk at the idea of living with someone they see as a potential husband or wife. Why would ANYONE subject themselves to the torture of temptation by, wanting to remain a virgin, while living with someone that they are in love with and physically attracted to? To prove they have an extreme level of self-control?

 

This would be a very frustrating situation for me and I don't think I could tolerate it for too long. We would either have to keep separate households or we would be getting married pretty soon.

 

I say this knowing that some may think I am unable to control myself and my physical urges. But, if I where to combine living together, physical attraction and love for another person...I would probably defer to my predomesticated, animalistic instincts.

 

To answer your questions:

 

If for some reason the girl doesn't want to make love to her boyfriend yet, is that acceptable or normal? YES

 

what if she still wants to go through the marriage process with her boyfriend considering she agreed to live together with her boyfriend, is that normal?

 

I don't know if this is normal. One of three things will have to happen pretty soon - 1) she will get married 2) she will not remain a virgin until marriage 3) she will not continue living with this guy.

 

Will that mean that the girl doesn't love her boyfriend that much that she still want the marriage part? Who knows?

 

what could this mean and is there such thing as this?

 

It means you have a very active imagination and anything is possible.