Parents want to move, I don't

[Throwaway2]

Ok, not sure where to start.

 

Two years ago, when I was 16, my dad came home, crying, saying he couldn't pay the bills. He admitted to buying and selling stolen tools, and stealing fuel from his workplace and selling it (he was a fuel truck driver) for years to make ends meet, and that he couldn't do it any longer. We got past that part, but then, found out he was still charging gas for his truck there, which he had agreed not to do. My mom at that point wanted out, and after about 6 months of tension, no one really talking to anyone, it came very close to her contacting a divorce lawyer about it, but then my dad told his boss. His boss, who had been embezzling from the same company for years, forgave him (mainly because he was doing the same thing), and didn't tell anyone. This got my mom's attention that he was really trying to do the right thing, just didn't know how. Everything has been made right about that, but it put me through a lot of stress, because I would not have anything to do with my mom if she had done that to my dad, nor my dad, if he let her that easily. My grandma paid off the rest of our mortgage and worked out a payment plan that works much better for us. Since then, my dad got a different job as a cable and internet installer, which pays better and comes with a company phone, truck and gas. This made our situation much more doable.

 

Anyway, that left a significant mark on me, I feel like I've lost time I can't get back and it's left me with a feeling, I don't want to move. After almost being forced to move out because we couldn't make ends meet, I can think of no situation where I'd move willingly for the foreseeable future, after almost losing my home and family. We live, the shortest way, about 2 miles from pavement, and the roads are posing the problem that my parents are most concerned about, as it has rained for almost two weeks, and right now since they have dried out, are passable, but at one point the shortest way (two miles) had about a quarter of a mile that was waist deep in water. My dad and I either have to stay in town or walk that two miles twice a day, so we elect to stay with my grandma or friends in town when the roads are bad. However, my mom has a four wheel drive and could probably get through it if she really wanted to. They want to move back to town, to the same neighborhood we lived in before we moved out when I was 6. I don't want to move. It only really rains like this maybe once every year, and most times, it doesn't. My parents keep insisting I'm being unreasonable (mind you, I have a job, could live on my own, have paid some of their bills before when they weren't able to, including the house payment, sometimes even without their knowledge, and I could support myself), while I carry my weight and am completely willing to put up with these things, but they say they're moving anyway. I feel a strong sense of resentment whenever the topic comes up, because apparently their convenience is more important to them than my mental well being. I don't want to feel that way, but that's how I feel. My mom keeps saying home is where your family is, and I pretty much responded that if she does that to me, I will question whether I consider her family or not anymore, and that likely, if they move, I will move out and that they won't hear from me anymore. Am I completely out of line?

[d0nnivain]

If you are 18 you can do what you want. Live on your own. Support yourself. Let your parents live where they think is best for the family. You can still talk to them without living with them. Why isn't that level of independence an option?

 

If you live apart everybody may be happier.

[preraph]

Get yourself a couple of roommates and see if you can rent the house you're living in. Young people are better able to tolerate bad conditions like that than us old creaky folks. I do sympathize. When I was 12, my parents nearly divorced, and back then the mother always got the kid, and she wanted to move into suburbia, but my life was out in the country riding horses and dirt bikes. I was younger than you and in school. I really regret telling her that I wanted to stay with whoever kept the acreage. But you know, I had a horse and pasture to ride in and I didn't think my dad was able to take care of the horse and remember to feed her every day, because that was me who did that. I really feel bad I kept my mom from leaving, but I couldn't help feeling how I felt. The irony is when years later they divorced, she got the acreage in the settlement, which killed my dad because his hobby was cars and he had a 3-car garage out back. Mom didn't really want to live there anyway. So it was a train wreck all around. I sold my horse when I went to college and then I didn't care anymore.

 

All that said, I don't see why you'd be mad at your mom for considering divorce. Your dad did a lot of wrong things, and my guess is though you've been protected from it, it's probably not the first or last. So please don't blame her for trying to put you in an environment that provides a better example for you.

 

But you are now 18 and if you can afford it, live where you want to live. I'm sure your parents would be grateful for any support they got through this very bad time for them, both emotional and financial. And please recognize that they must do what is best for them and that they know you are an adult now and won't be living with them much longer. But while you are, support them, don't fight them, and I'm sure they're grateful when you chip in.

[Throwaway2]

If you are 18 you can do what you want. Live on your own. Support yourself. Let your parents live where they think is best for the family. You can still talk to them without living with them. Why isn't that level of independence an option?

 

If you live apart everybody may be happier.

 

 

Because either way I would have to move, as with my income there's no way I could afford the mortgage on this house every month as it is. I make about $800 a month. That's what I'm trying to avoid anyway.

 

Get yourself a couple of roommates and see if you can rent the house you're living in. Young people are better able to tolerate bad conditions like that than us old creaky folks. I do sympathize. When I was 12, my parents nearly divorced, and back then the mother always got the kid, and she wanted to move into suburbia, but my life was out in the country riding horses and dirt bikes. I was younger than you and in school. I really regret telling her that I wanted to stay with whoever kept the acreage. But you know, I had a horse and pasture to ride in and I didn't think my dad was able to take care of the horse and remember to feed her every day, because that was me who did that. I really feel bad I kept my mom from leaving, but I couldn't help feeling how I felt. The irony is when years later they divorced, she got the acreage in the settlement, which killed my dad because his hobby was cars and he had a 3-car garage out back. Mom didn't really want to live there anyway. So it was a train wreck all around. I sold my horse when I went to college and then I didn't care anymore.

 

All that said, I don't see why you'd be mad at your mom for considering divorce. Your dad did a lot of wrong things, and my guess is though you've been protected from it, it's probably not the first or last. So please don't blame her for trying to put you in an environment that provides a better example for you.

 

But you are now 18 and if you can afford it, live where you want to live. I'm sure your parents would be grateful for any support they got through this very bad time for them, both emotional and financial. And please recognize that they must do what is best for them and that they know you are an adult now and won't be living with them much longer. But while you are, support them, don't fight them, and I'm sure they're grateful when you chip in.

 

They would have broken up if I didn't chew them each out separately, then they both straightened up. Family isn't something we throw around lightly. It certainly wasn't the first, but, the same religious convictions my mom and I have held were what took hold of my dad and made him change-he couldn't bear to keep living with what he had been doing. Those same convictions is why I would not accept my parents divorcing, and, would physically prevent it if it came to it. I told them both to grow a pair like they were forcing me to because they couldn't and get the f*** over it. And they did, and all is well now.