Jealous of his *sister*: so one of us is crazy - but which one?

[medea-fied]

Met this guy early freshman year at college. Immediate, super-intense bonding: intellectual, sexual, the works. So even 14 months later, I'm in the clouds.

 

I know other girls are attracted to him. He gets a shy kick out of it (who wouldn't?) but he's "the domestic type" - as he puts it - and seems genuinely uninterested what color the grass is next door. So even though I'm hardly the world's most confident chick, I've always felt safe.

 

The snake in the garden in his fraternal twin sister - who goes to a women's college in the neighboring town. They're extremely close in that borderline-spooky-telepathic twins way. (He chose our college over a more prestigious one he got accepted to in part so he could be nearer to her.) So he's always going over there to see her chorus recitals or she's coming here to have dinner with us.

 

She's never been rude to me exactly. Yet she's always managed to convey a sense of "I'll be here long after you're gone" that fills my soul with hate. But one thing I learned very early on in my relationship with Cloudboy is that you do *not* criticize the Sister. Even mildly. Ever. It's one of his few forays into unreasonableness, but I don't like hearing smack about my people either (only I have the right to do that) so I've usually shrugged it off.

 

But now there's an Issue. Her Valentine's Day present to him (yeah, they do VD) was a Spring Break vacation for the two of them to this secluded resort in the Caribbean. (They're Rich, too.) And he's like: gee, that was so thoughtful - hug, kiss. (Both held just a *second* too long, you know?) And I'm sitting there like: hello? Remember me?

 

I hadn't made any Spring Break plans with him, so there was nothing I could say about it. He went and came back with pictures of them on the beach - her in this tiny blue bikini, coyly snuggling up to him with this Paris Hilton expression as a "joke" - and something inside snapped. I announced that I am NOT OK with this and that one or both of them really need to re-examine their boundaries. He got executioner-quiet and finally said that I could drop the subject immediately and forevermore or find another boyfriend.

 

I performed a strategic retreat for the time being, but I can't let it go. There's my gut - which has usually been pretty reliable. And there's his unwillingness to even discuss my concerns in an adult way. I mean if he's so confident that there isn't anything screwed-up in his relationship with her, why is he afraid to examine it at all?

 

My best gal-pal here agrees that they're on the far-right side of the bell curve when it comes to family togetherness, but - being the irritatingly practical sort - she wants to know exactly what I need to worry about. "This is, like, the *one* girl you can be positive he's not going to have sex with," she sez.

 

I'm not quite as certain about that as she is. (I've watched too much Jerry Springer, maybe.) But you can cheat on someone in your heart even if you're not Sticking It In. In a way, that kind of infidelity is even more painful to the cheatee. All I know is that I do not feel Taken Care Of and I am not looking forward to enduring her continued presence in our lives.

 

Any wisdom out there?

[westernxer]

They share more than just parents, that's for sure.

 

Hope you like threesomes.

[BigB]

Originally posted by westernxer

They share more than just parents, that's for sure.

 

Hope you like threesomes.

 

[HoldOn]

But you can cheat on someone in your heart even if you're not Sticking It In.

 

Very true. He seems to be having an emotional affair with his sister. And the trip to the carribean. That's so creepy. I'd never do that with my brother!

 

 

In a way, that kind of infidelity is even more painful to the cheatee. All I know is that I do not feel Taken Care Of and I am not looking forward to enduring her continued presence in our lives.

 

 

That's all you need to know. That's a good enough reason to be creeped out and really re-think this relationship.

[RecordProducer]

Originally posted by medea-fied

 

I announced that I am NOT OK with this and that one or both of them really need to re-examine their boundaries. He got executioner-quiet and finally said that I could drop the subject immediately and forevermore or find another boyfriend.

 

And there's his unwillingness to even discuss my concerns in an adult way. I mean if he's so confident that there isn't anything screwed-up in his relationship with her, why is he afraid to examine it at all?

 

I have fraternal twins and my BF is an identical twin. My kids can't live without each other although they beat each other as well. But that's normal for twins.

My BF is so close to his brother that they live right next to each other. They work in the same company (they own it), they went to college together. His brother has a wife and 3 children. They love each other very much and when they are apart they talk on the phone a few times a day. I know that his brother knows everything that's going on with us (I assume). That doesn't bother me, because I know how twins work. They are so connected.

You can take it or leave it, but you can't judge it. Their love for each other will never change. That's how twins feel. It has nothing to do with sex or anything unhealthy.

I know twins who live in separate cities, even on two different coasts.

He will resent you for hating his sister and you will resent him for "cheating on you emotionally" with his sister. However, I also heard that the closeness between twins is not so intensive once they're married. So when his sister marries and he too, they will be more dedicated to their partners.

If you ask me, you shouldn't be jealous of his sister. Would you be jealous if she were a brother instead?

[BigB]

She's probably jealous of you as well because he's spending more time with you instead of her.

 

The spring break vacation might have been a response to that.

[iFEELu]

I have been (and kind of actually still am) in the same situation except now the sister has moved out and lives 9 hrs away (thank u! stress relief).

Me and my boyfriend have had alot of conversations on how i felt about how his sister was treating me and how "special" she treated my boyfriend, (like how all of the sudden she thought they were extra close buddies when we started going out) and it took a while for me to fully explain my perspective on everything without sounding like I was the jealous one!

 

I didn't have a problem with the sister at all, she was trying instigate something with me so I could react badly in front of everyone. And this happened like all the time when it was just us 3 hanging out or a group of people. (that were mostly thier friends...sigh..) The first time i thought that, I was like no way that is too thought out, but one night some friends and us were all drinking and she actually ADMITTED to me that she tried to break us up more than once.

 

Sometimes she acts like she wants ME to feel jealous because she is, and it felt good to know that I wasn't the only one who thought that after talking to peole, but the truth is were all people here and she is messing with someone elses sibling also.

 

We could put all the jealous sisters on the spot, but I usually choose to be the bigger person and learned not to overreact (..right away at least)

I stayed in this relationship because I talked to my BF about it and he understood what was going on and how it was putting this huge strain on the relationship, and we wanted to keep the relationship.

 

You are totally not alone in this, there are a ton of jealous sisters out there and you are not the crazy one... just read all the stories haha.

You just have to make the desicion to see if its all worth for this guy and if he's smart enough to get what is happening, then you'll at least get his support.