Ex contacted me 4 months after BU

[nowa1234]

He walked out on me, just like that without any warning..

Broke my heart to pieces, and I was really trying to cope with this very very hard.. I went NC straight ahead, with one exception - I have contacted him 2 weeks after BU to discuss finances; he left me with the apartment I took for both of us, on my name only.. Too expensive for me, so I needed him to contribute until the lease has expired. He paid money, although very upset, the communication was unpleasant, he was all snippy - broke my heart again..But he did contribute and I could start moving out..

 

I was doing all the right things, a lot of exercise, going out with friends, I traveled a bit, went for the psychotherapy.. I could feel that I am better and better.. I had my bad days, but I could say - I am recovering and life become nice again..

 

Then last week he has sent me several messages asking me to talk to him .. I ignored it and did not answer, but it completely destroyed me .. All my inner peace went away .. I cried and I cried, and I began again to think about him obsessively.. I had this feeling of being bonded to him - back again.. The pain was so strong as the first days after BU ..

 

What does he want? Of course, now it is the only one I can think about. What does he want?

I did not say anything, I ignored it but since then it's just the only thing I can I think about.. I am all sore and sad.. What does he want??

[Ruby65]

This is why it's so important to block an ex on your phone -- or change your number.

 

If he has something really important to say, he'll find a way to reach you.

 

But back to this recent contact: My first guess is that it didn't work out with whoever he left you for (even though he probably swore there was no one else, etc.) so he's sniffing around to see if you're still around as a Plan B.

 

OR, he might've suddenly been attacked with guilt over having dumped you and been such a douche about the finances and wants to apologize so HE can feel better.

 

Either way, ignore.

 

IF he's got something important to say, like "I made a huge mistake and can't live without you and want to get back together"..... don't worry. He won't stop at just a few messages. He'll be back in touch -- he won't stop until he gets that message through to you.

 

But for now, just ignore.

 

Most important is YOUR peace, YOUR well-being. You've worked hard to recover from that breakup and it takes more than a few messages (texts?) to get to speak with you.

 

I would ignore every message he sends unless and until he says: "I made a huge mistake and want to get back together."

 

Everything else? Pfffffft. Breadcrumbs.

[RoseHeart]

His way of reaching out to you seems very lazy. You shouldn't have to talk to him about anything. He should be sending you messages explaining his feelings for you. Yet he's saying you should talk to him. That makes no sense. You shouldn't feel upset for not doing anything. You are doing the right thing by ignoring him and showing him you are strong. If he has something important to say he'll say it directly to you and you wouldn't have to worry about what he wants because he should have stated it clearly. As Ruby65 says the only time you can consider replying is when he has confessed to wanting you back.

[nowa1234]

Thank you for sharing your point of view.. I couldnt agree with you both more..

 

The way in which he broke up with me was terrible; I have never experienced such humiliation and pain; nobody have never before treated me so bad. He left me shattered to the pieces and in financial trouble. I worked very hard to pull myself together and get to the better space, where I am right now. I do realize that the relationship wasn't good for me, I was smothered and manipulated, I can see this now and I dont want this to happen again..

 

I feel that after this all his messaging "Please, please lets talk" is disrespectful! That he is thinking that takes only a couple of messages to get in touch with me again. That's not enough!

If he wanted to convince me to talk to him ever again he would have to do a lot more effort than these pathetic text messages and e-mails! This is not enough to make me to respond to him.

 

Also I do not want to talk to him because I dread that he will hurt me again - that he might tell me the things that are not flattering (i.e. not begging me to get back together), but some empty breadcrumbs, and it would hurt me..

Also, do not want to talk to him because I am afraid that he might be asking to get back together, and I am still a bit weak and I might fall in to the trap again. I dont want to be with him and I dont believe that relationships after reconciliation can work.. I am a believer of "once broken - always broken". But i am still a bit fragile and he could convince me..

 

I realised that he had the power to break my heart but now there is nothing nothing what he can do to mend it..

[aloneinaz]

I would SSSOOO ignore the guy and keep on your path to feeling better and better. You'll soon meet someone else who will appreciate you and would never consider dumping you in a terrible manner.

 

My ex GF dumped me after a off/on 1.4 year relationship. She was a nasty **itch the last couple of months and I should of dumped her first. I REALLY loved her or the nice version of her from the first few months. I went NC and told myself I'd NEVER contact her again. I met my now GF a few months later. Well, 6 months after the dumper ended our relationship, shecame back after me full force. Apologized all over herself. Missed me, didn't appreciate me, blah, blah, blah.. I ignored her text. She stopped by my place a week later. I was napping. A few weeks later, she sent a VERY long email trying to say all the right things. This made my GF angry and SHE told me to tell her I was in a loving relationship and not to contact me again. She still contacted me a few more times but finally took the hint. I did find out that she started coming back after me when he relationship after me failed miserably to a real douche bag. Typical dumper behavior.

 

Here's the thing about dumpers. They are very selfish w/only their best interests in mind. They sometimes come back when the dumpee vanishes. Why do they come back? They've found nothing better and are lonely and horny. The relationship after you was worse. They get sick of the dating scene so they miss being in a commited relationship.

 

You're right in once is broken, it should stay that way. F-him. Reconciliations rarely last more than a few weeks/months before the dumper does it again. If you truly love someone, the last thing you'd do is dump them risking losing forever..

Edited May 16, 2015 by aloneinaz

[nowa1234]

You're right in once is broken, it should stay that way. F-him. Reconciliations rarely last more than a few weeks/months before the dumper does it again. If you truly love someone, the last thing you'd do is dump them risking losing forever..

 

I agree with you soo much.. I believe that the innocence of relationship, the trust and the comfort of it cant be regained after its been broken... I see these as a most vital part of the relationship.. Id never trust again and never feel safe, Id be paranoid and terrified that he can do this again.. I just dont see the point of coming back together to repair something what has died once..

 

But sadly it takes a time to build up the inner strength and resistance to the exes power they once had over you..

Until then IGNORE IGNORE!!

[Satu]

Delete and block.

 

It's not worth the heartache.

 

*****************************************************

 

*No direct contact in either direction. No sending or receiving of messages. No replies. Block any means he might use to contact you.

*No indirect contact through third parties.

*De-friend or delete from all social media. No monitoring of him on social media.

*No 'little birds' feeding you news.

*Tell people that you don't want to know anything about what he is doing or saying.

 

******************************************************

 

You'll be ok sooner than you think.

[aloneinaz]

I agree with you soo much.. I believe that the innocence of relationship, the trust and the comfort of it cant be regained after its been broken... I see these as a most vital part of the relationship.. Id never trust again and never feel safe, Id be paranoid and terrified that he can do this again.. I just dont see the point of coming back together to repair something what has died once..

 

But sadly it takes a time to build up the inner strength and resistance to the exes power they once had over you..

Until then IGNORE IGNORE!!

 

When you reconcile w/a dumper, especially when the dumpee is the one asking for the reconciliation, the dumper feels they have all the power. I also think/know they lose some respect for the other, knowing/thinking they could treat us any way they want and we'll take their BS. Then the dumpee is left feeling like they have to walk on egg shells around them all the time, hoping they don't do anything to upset them and cause them to dump them all over again.

 

It's just not worth it. You're better off navigating thru the pain and suffering of the break up and feeling rejected and start over fresh w/someone new.

[nowa1234]

Thank you so much.. It means to me a lot everything you say and your support and understanding.

 

I really feel I am regaining the power over my own life.. Sharing with you makes me feel very strong about my choices..