Milf Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I am so confused and didnt know where else to go with such a tough dicesion! I will just give you the main details and maybe you could help me out. I have been married for almost 2 years to a perfect husband. I trust him with all my heart. He does almost everything a wife wants. We do have some difference in some areas in our marriage but other than that all is perfect. My husband and I also share 3 children together. My husband has a good friend I will call 'Jim'. I have known Jim ever since I met my husband. About 2 years ago I started feeling an attraction towards him but never revealed it to anybody. This past fall we were all out together and Jim and I both had too much to drink and began to discuss this mutual attraction. After that night nothing more was ever really said. Last weekend, we were all hanging out again and Jim and I started talking about our feelings again. Saying that maybe we should just sleep together and then maybe the whole thing would go away since we knew what it would be like. (to make matters worse, he is also married with children) We continued to joke about this throughout the night. Yesterday he stopped by to see my husband but he wasnt here so we started talking. We discussed how if nobody knows, then nobody can get hurt. We also discussed consiquences and many other things. I know it would be immoral for me to cheat on my husband, but what do I do with these feelings? I am not a bad person, I have never been a cheater! We made plans for a 'date' today while my husband is at work. The more I have been running this through my head the more I realize how much is at stake. Should I do it once and then maybe that will kill the couriosity? Or just tell Jim that we just cant do it? I guess I know what I SHOULD do, but honestly tell me what you would do in this situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 You named yourself Milf? Have you been watching to many pornos and now you want to fulfill your fantasies in real life? I honestly have no idea why you would have any interest in sleeping with someone else when you're in the perfect marriage. So you're willing to ruin your marriage and cause unnecessary damage to your children simply because you've got a hard on for Jim? You really really need to sit down and think about what you're considering. Is sex with Jim really that important that you want to risk losing everything you have, hurting your husband, and upsetting your children just for a one night stand? There's not "it just happened" with this one - you're planning it and you consciously know the problems that can surface with this. Maybe you should read the infidelity section to see if you really want to take a chance. Sometimes all it takes to lose everything you have is one quick lay in the bedroom. Sex is sex. Nothing more. Your marriage, your kids and your life is so much more important than sex, isn't it? Why can't you just get a vibrator and imagine it? Link to post Share on other sites
Merin Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Wow... Well how about you do this... Put your husband in your place for a moment.. and lets say He (your husband) had a strong attraction to one of your friends and your friend felt the same way... so they decide to have sex with the idea that no one will know and no one will get hurt... Hows that making you feel to imagine that? Now lets imagine you go ahead and sleep with Jim and your husband does find out then he (your husband) decides to leave you and tell your kids what you did... Jims wife also finds out BUT she decides to give Jim another chance... Better yet... YOU decide to tell Jim that you love your husband and you're not cheating on him... Link to post Share on other sites
Firesqueak Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Sounds like you just want some strange. Personally, I think cheating is bad. Not just for purely moral reasons...but baby, he will find out. Trust me, they always do. If I were you, I'd cut ties with this guy while you still have a great marriage worth saving. Link to post Share on other sites
Skeered Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Don't do anything unless you can accept the consequences of hurting your "perfect" marriage and your totally trustworthy husband. Just remember what goes around comes around and even though you think it will just be sex to get it over with if you are really honest with yourselves it's not. Too many people are potentially going to get hurt including the kids..no secret like that stays secret forever. Don't crush the trust you have in your marriage because guilt will get you and you will start to doubt what your hubby is doin and it will only hurt what you have now. Can I ask you if your marriage is so perfect, then why would you even consider this..I mean yes I understand attraction and so forth but we aren't animals we have the ability to keep it in our pants..have respect for your family and don't do anything.. just my .02 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milf Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 I already do imagine being with him. Almost everytime my husband and I are having sex! This may sound silly but I just want to kiss Jim and touch his skin. I know right now that I am not ready for the danger involved with having sex. Thanks for the eye opener. See that is what I needed, someone to set me straight! M.I.L.F. Link to post Share on other sites
SadAndLonely Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Go ahead and sleep with this guy. Just please divorce your husband first so he can get together with someone who will love him for who he is and not want anyone else. He deserves better. And encourage your flame to divorce his wife as well, since I'm certain she also deserves better. And in about two years, when the initial attraction finally fades away and you realize you gave up something really fantastic for something that was only about lust, apologize to your ex husband and children for hurting them because of lust. If this is too drastic, then at least use protection both with this guy and with your husband. I still think he deserves better, and I'm sure you think you can do this without getting caught and without hurting anyone and without becoming attached, but I think you're deluding yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Originally posted by Milf I already do imagine being with him. Almost everytime my husband and I are having sex! This may sound silly but I just want to kiss Jim and touch his skin. I know right now that I am not ready for the danger involved with having sex. Thanks for the eye opener. See that is what I needed, someone to set me straight! M.I.L.F. Well keep imagining it until it fades and try and keep your distance from Jim. Tell him this would be a colossal mistake on both your parts and you two should try your best to not enhance any feelings you share between the two of you. Keep contact at a minimum and try and forget this lust you have. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Milf Posted April 22, 2005 Author Share Posted April 22, 2005 All of you that have replied, thank you! You have probably saved our marriage. I didn't take this to my best friend because I don't want anybody to know! When he comes over in about an hour, I will just let him know that our lust is not worth the damage it would cause. I will just back off of him and let it die down. I can't believe I let it go this far! I am so ashamed. If for some unforeseen circumstance arises that we divorce or what not, we could see if the feelings are still there. But for now my main concern will to make sure I don't say Jim's name while making love to my husband! Thanks again! M.I.L.F. Link to post Share on other sites
HotCaliGirl Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Please don't do it. Also, you should start hating Jim. What kind of "friend" would get together with his friend's wife??? He should use his head, not di** and not act on his feelings. Imagine the chaos in the world if nobody had control over their hormones and gave into them. You should protect your husband from being around such an untrustworthy guy. Be the mature and moral one who sets things straight and put your husband's interests before his so called friend's sexual desires. If you start to hate him his deceptive and untrustworthy desires towards your husband and the potential hurt he will caus to both of your families should you give in, it will become impossible for you to feel aroused by him and the thought of that dirty rat will make you feel ice-cold. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I think you damned well know the answer to your own question, MILF. It doesn't matter how many different ways you try to justify what you're considering doing, or how you rationalize it -- "It's just sex", "We'll just do it once to get it out of our systems," etc. If you have sex with Jim, more likely than not you will destroy your perfect marriage. One way or another, your husband will probably find out, whether you want him to or not. He will not even slightly be comforted by you telling him that it was "just sex." More likely than not, he will divorce you. Your children will most likely have to go through the agony of having their family torn apart. And I can tell you from experience, a divorce ain't exactly a s***load of fun. More like being anally raped, actually. For christ's sake, stop and consider the consequences of your actions. Not just now, but a few months or years down the road. Consider these consequences BEFORE you destroy two families and mess up two sets of children. If you go through with this, I assure you... you will one day look back on the day you first screwed Jim and wish you'd kept your legs together. Why put yourself through all of that? It's an incredibly valuable thing, being able to sleep at night knowing that, when put to the test, you did the right thing. Oh, and by the way... Jim is no friend to your husband. And because he's trying to get you to do something that will likely do you serious damage in the end, just because he wants to get into your pants, he's not much of a "friend" to you either. He's just a guy who wants to f***k you. In future, you should tell him that certain areas of discussion are inappropriate and completely off limits, because you're a married woman in love with the perfect husband, and that if he persists, you'll tell his wife. Your husband won't be thrilled with the fact that you two were considering f***king each other, but he WILL be gratified to know that he merited enough respect from you to make you realize that what you were contemplating was wrong and that you took steps to avoid doing it. You're treading perilously close to the line as it is. Some would call this an emotional affair. It goes without saying that you should cancel your "date" and refrain from seeing Jim in future except with your husband present. You can't be faulted for your feelings... only for what you do in response to them. You know what you have to do. Now go do it. You have an opportunity here to make the right choice, and I hope you make it. I, for one, will have no sympathy for you if you come back here in a few months, writing about how you cheated and want to rebuild your marriage. Link to post Share on other sites
NiCoLe20 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 i wouldnt wait for him to come over... call him and tell him not to Link to post Share on other sites
jmargel Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Do not let this Jim near you without your husband being present. If you love your husband like you say you do, you will tell him the advances his friend put onto you. This is NOT being a friend to your husband. What if your best friend hit on your husband? Would you want to know? I would think so. Link to post Share on other sites
JadeStar Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 You said you already made a date with him, sounds like you have your mind made up that its what you really want to. I hope you don't and decide to back out. Please think of your kids and your husband that is so good to you. Jade Link to post Share on other sites
Moose Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 First: Originally posted by NiCoLe20 i wouldnt wait for him to come over... call him and tell him not to I agree with this statement whole heartedly. Second: Even though you didn't do anything wrong.....yet, and you love your husband, (which it does sound like you do), you'd fess up to him about your feelings towards Jim. Let your husband know that you're physically attracted to him and that you had unpure thoughts about him. Then, let your husband know that Jim has mutual feelings, and has alomost convinced you that, "what you don't know won't hurt you"........ You may get into a little trouble, but eventually he'll see you as the honest wife who loves her marriage, and his friend for what he really is. Your physical attraction to Jim was most likely encouraged through Jim's actions towards you anyway. If you love your husband, respect your marriage, and want to instill values into your children, let your husband know EVERYTHING. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Originally posted by Moose Let your husband know that you're physically attracted to him and that you had unpure thoughts about him. Unpure. That's so Christian. Someone get me a red A and a sewing kit. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Originally posted by Moose red A? Hah - Scarlet Letter. Your comment made me think of the Puritans. Link to post Share on other sites
Cecelius Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I know a ton of people have gone through this post already, but one thing I have to say: Wrong is wrong, whether someone will find out about it or not. While I am comfortable personally with the amount of evil I've committed in life, I never mislead myself into thinking it isn't "wrong" just because no one ever finds out about it. Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Last weekend, we were all hanging out again and Jim and I started talking about our feelings again. Saying that maybe we should just sleep together and then maybe the whole thing would go away since we knew what it would be like. (to make matters worse, he is also married with children) We continued to joke about this throughout the night. Yesterday he stopped by to see my husband but he wasnt here so we started talking. We discussed how if nobody knows, then nobody can get hurt. We also discussed consiquences and many other things. I know it would be immoral for me to cheat on my husband, but what do I do with these feelings? I am not a bad person, I have never been a cheater! We made plans for a 'date' today while my husband is at work. The more I have been running this through my head the more I realize how much is at stake. Should I do it once and then maybe that will kill the couriosity? Or just tell Jim that we just cant do it? I guess I know what I SHOULD do, but honestly tell me what you would do in this situation You think sleeping with him once to see what it's like is WORTH both of your marriages??? And you think it will just happen that ONE time??? Holy s***, are you for real????? You are willing and able...And about to f**k'n ruin his life. Where's the little voice inside your head saying this is wrong? Check out DazednConfused thread in Infidelity. Give that WHOLE thread a read BEFORE you jump in the sack with his guy. Maybe reading that will knock some sense into your head. You want more excitement? Play out a fun fastasy with your 'perfect' husband. Seek some therapy for yourself because you're gonna need it soon enough if you follow through on this idea of yours. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I never mislead myself into thinking it isn't "wrong" just because no one ever finds out about it. Somebody once said that a person's character is determined by what they do when nobody is watching. Meaning if you cheat knowing that you won't get caught, you're still a cheater. Not to mention a s***ty example for your children, and lacking considerable moral authority as a parent. Link to post Share on other sites
university student Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 I feel bad for your husband. You obviously don't deserve him. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 This is the type of scenario that cheaters talk about later and say "it just happened!" Yeah right. These things are totally planned because you take each step forward toward it. first you let your mental attraction to a person get out of control. Then you have an emotional affair. Then you let yourself fanatcise about it. Then you set up a time "just to talk about it." next thing you know... clothes on the floor. These things don't "just happen." and YOU can stop it before it begins. Cut off ALL contact because you obviously can't control yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
reservoirdog1 Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 because you obviously can't control yourself. Yes she can. And hopefully she'll choose to. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 You're right she can control herself. I misspoke. But it's like when you are trying to quit smoking... You shouldn't keep a pack around the house, just in case! Link to post Share on other sites
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