Seven (7) weeks no contact. Is this normal??

[brokengirl85]

Hello everyone,

 

I've been no contact for 7 weeks today. I've also been dating (three first dates, non second dates). I've also been living my life, and keeping up with my obligations, taking care of family, etc. the only thing I need to consider is starting exercise.

 

I want to know if this is normal for a 7 week no contact after a breakup:

-I still cry every day, mornings are the worst.

-I still miss him: emotionally and physically

-I can only see the good things

-I put him on a pedestal (he's the hottest, the nicest, the funniest)

-I'm waiting for him to contact me

-I spent a lot of time thinking what I will text him when he contacts me. Should I just ignore or just I reply without any emotion involved?

-I think I'm still waiting for him

 

So, that's where I'm at at 7 weeks no contact. Rationally, I know I need to move on, and I know I will never contact him again, nor looking for him again. EVER. But why on earth I'm still hoping? Is this normal? Why I'm still missing him??? why I'm still crying??? Why I still want him???

[foolinlove79]

7 weeks!!! Good for you. I think its all very normal. As time goes on you will get stonger and slowly move forward. But it does take time. And i think that can be different for every person and every situation.

 

I know part of you wants him to contact you. But everyday he doesnt is a gift for you. One day stronger. One day forward. If he contacts you dont reply. Trust me it will cause you more pain in the long run

[foolinlove79]

I also suspect its not him you miss. But the idea of him and an idealised relationship that never existed. Stay strong

[David87]

Yes its normal dont worry about it, you need to kick him of that pedestal because he doesnt deserve that place in your eyes in your heart etc....You are doing great, after a few months you'll start to thing less and less about him and as soon as you find a nice guy you'll forget about your ex....

[darkbloom]

I still miss him and its been almost 6 months post break up and 5 months of NC. You've got to take him off his pedestal to keep moving forward. He wasn't perfect. I Didn't start to feel better until after 3 months of NC. And I still think of him quite a bit but not as obsessively as I used to.

 

I forced myself to cry it all out one night and then told myself that I won't shed a single tear over him anymore. I can't handle crying so it had to stop.

[brokengirl85]

Thank you David and foolinlove, and darkbloom.

 

I'm worried because he pops out every time. Actually, when I have a couple hours without thinking of him, I feel surprised.

 

Another thing: I've heard if you don't reply and just ignore when (and if) he contacts you again you'll look like you still have feelings. That you should reply without emotions involved, very short, and no question asking. Is that correct?

[ColdandLonelyinAK]

As long as you're idealizing him in your mind and remembering just the "good times", you'll always compare new relationships and possibilities and never be happy. Think about his flaws, his bad habits and the negative aspects of the relationship that led to the breakup. Write them down if you have to, and each time you find yourself missing him, get that list out.

 

I know how you feel, as I still do this. What helps me feel better is thinking about finding someone who will do the things my ex never could for me, and someone who will have the same life goals as I do.

 

I am assuming he was the dumper? That makes it even harder. Rejection is hard. There will be days when you're happy and feeling prepared for new beginnings, and days where you'll cry at the mere thought of him. You just have to give it time, and keep up NC. If he's meant to be in your life, he'll come back. If you focus on becoming the best version of you, the right people will be attracted to you, and you'll find someone even better.

[David87]

Thank you David and foolinlove, and darkbloom.

 

I'm worried because he pops out every time. Actually, when I have a couple hours without thinking of him, I feel surprised.

 

Another thing: I've heard if you don't reply and just ignore when (and if) he contacts you again you'll look like you still have feelings. That you should reply without emotions involved, very short, and no question asking. Is that correct?

 

That's incorrect, if he sends you messages or calls just ignore them, because you need to move on.....Its about you now and frankly it doesn't matter what he thinks. It shows that what he did hurt you very bad and you don't want anything to do with him. Dont answer if it happens.

[foolinlove79]

David87 is right. It is hard but the harsh reality is he had you and he didnt appreciate you and he let you go. I find when my ex has contacted me he always has ulterior motives. You end up only remembering the good times and make the ex out to be some great catch. The best thing you can do for yourself is to ignore any attempts at contact. Just ignore them.

[darkbloom]

Incorrect. If he contacts you, you ignore him. Because your healing and emotional well being come before his.

 

Also, If he reaches out to you and you don't respond. It's going to drive him nuts. He's going to be checking his phone every 5 seconds looking for your answer. And then you have all the power and you're busy moving on.

 

My ex used to say that silence is the most painful weapon. I wonder how it makes him feel at 5 months of radio silence and being blocked on everything? I know I feel like a winner.

[Jonp219]

But what if you don't want to move on...

 

What if you want them back? I don't believe i'll ever find anyone close to my ex. She had her reasons for breaking up, there was anger and tear involved but no cheating or betrayal, just fighting and my insecurities.

 

I think i'll be the first to admit that the moment my ex hits me up, i'm answering. That pain is all worth it because you just can't blow a chance like that. And so what if she left me, I need her more than she needs me. That's why i'll never block her number, i'm just waiting for the day she finally reaches out, even if it takes forever.

[foolinlove79]

Incorrect. If he contacts you, you ignore him. Because your healing and emotional well being come before his.

 

Also, If he reaches out to you and you don't respond. It's going to drive him nuts. He's going to be checking his phone every 5 seconds looking for your answer. And then you have all the power and you're busy moving on.

 

My ex used to say that silence is the most painful weapon. I wonder how it makes him feel at 5 months of radio silence and being blocked on everything? I know I feel like a winner.

 

You absolutely do. You feel empowered. You take control back. And if you cave and reply you dont feel good about yourself. Trust me. I have been there.

[darkbloom]

You absolutely do. You feel empowered. You take control back. And if you cave and reply you dont feel good about yourself. Trust me. I have been there.

 

Broken NC and gotten back together three seperate times with the same dude. Been there, had my heart broken like that. Your high wears off right about the time your anxiety comes back. Which is usually immediately.

 

Best keep your head above water and your heart in your chest. Silence is golden.

[David87]

Never respond if your ex contacts you, NEVER.

[stopping]

Thank you David and foolinlove, and darkbloom.

 

I'm worried because he pops out every time. Actually, when I have a couple hours without thinking of him, I feel surprised.

 

Another thing: I've heard if you don't reply and just ignore when (and if) he contacts you again you'll look like you still have feelings. That you should reply without emotions involved, very short, and no question asking. Is that correct?

 

I try to keep something in my pocket or wallet that reminds me that the relationship was not all wine and roses.

 

For me, it is a picture of the man she saw after she dumped me....it did not work for her yet she is of the opinion that I am at her beck and call....

 

 

When I think of relenting and contacting her I look at the picture....

 

Im not sure if this is forgiving her completely as I use it as a spur to heal but I figure even a broken heart needs a crutch to walk on

[RoseHeart]

I think that's perfectly normal. It can take months and months or even years to fully heal and recover. It just gets more manageable and tolerable with time. I find that for me the moments where I miss him becomes less and less but I still have a off moment where I'll think of him and miss him. Maybe even cry. foolinlove79 has said a very valuable thing which you must realize. Often it's not really the person you are missing but just the idea of what you think you had. Read this You Don?t Miss Him. You Miss The Idea Of Who You Wanted Him To Be. | The Current Conscience to help you understand your feelings. It's a short article based on what foolinlove79 has said.

 

If he contacts you then do not reply unless he has made it very clear he wants to get back together with you. But a "hey" or "how are you doing" is not going to work or be enough to make you go back into contact. It should take a lot more than that.

[imbax]

Hello everyone,

 

I've been no contact for 7 weeks today. I've also been dating (three first dates, non second dates). I've also been living my life, and keeping up with my obligations, taking care of family, etc. the only thing I need to consider is starting exercise.

 

I want to know if this is normal for a 7 week no contact after a breakup:

-I still cry every day, mornings are the worst.

-I still miss him: emotionally and physically

-I can only see the good things

-I put him on a pedestal (he's the hottest, the nicest, the funniest)

-I'm waiting for him to contact me

-I spent a lot of time thinking what I will text him when he contacts me. Should I just ignore or just I reply without any emotion involved?

-I think I'm still waiting for him

 

So, that's where I'm at at 7 weeks no contact. Rationally, I know I need to move on, and I know I will never contact him again, nor looking for him again. EVER. But why on earth I'm still hoping? Is this normal? Why I'm still missing him??? why I'm still crying??? Why I still want him???

 

I think this is quite normal. I am heading into my 1st month of NC. Things have gotten heaps better but I still think I am "waiting" for my ex girlfriend. I've never seen her as 'perfect' like you do for your ex putting him on a pedestal but I do miss her a lot. I am always checking my phone to see if she has texted me and I wonder what I will say to her the day she texts me. So far it's been dead, cold silence from her end. I am so confused.

 

I really hope it gets better soon. I know it's only been 4 weeks compared to your 7 weeks, but if this is what it truly is like, then I am looking to wait it out for a couple of months.

 

I hope we can both move forward soon.

[aloneinaz]

I think this is quite normal. I am heading into my 1st month of NC. Things have gotten heaps better but I still think I am "waiting" for my ex girlfriend. I've never seen her as 'perfect' like you do for your ex putting him on a pedestal but I do miss her a lot. I am always checking my phone to see if she has texted me and I wonder what I will say to her the day she texts me. So far it's been dead, cold silence from her end. I am so confused.

 

I really hope it gets better soon. I know it's only been 4 weeks compared to your 7 weeks, but if this is what it truly is like, then I am looking to wait it out for a couple of months.

 

I hope we can both move forward soon.

 

You both need to give it time to feel better. To the OP, KUDOS for getting out of the house and going on a date or two. The best thing you both should do is DISSAPEAR from your ex's life. BLOCK them on all social media. Don't reply to any "you doing ok" texts. IGNORE them.. People HATE to be ignored, especially when they think you're at their beck and call.

 

My last GF ended us cuz I was too chicken to pull the plug for good. We'd broken up too many times all ready. I dissappeared from her life. About 2 months post break up, I met my now 20 month GF. Dating her at the beginning was great though I was still pissed at hurt by my ex. As time went by, it was easier and easier and I became greatful that I met my current GF. I decided to have a bit of fun (and be childish) as well. I un-blocked my ex on FB and posted many pictures of my new GF (who's better looking that my ex) and I that were public. I knew my ex would spy on me occasionally and I found out later she had.

 

Guess what, 6 months after we broke up, she texted out of the blue, apologizing for being such a POS to me. I ignored her. She then came by my house but I was napping. She then emailed a LONG letter two weeks later telling me she was trying to reach me, was very sorry, missed me, etc.. I replied back that I'd moved on, had a new love and wished her luck.

 

My point, sometimes when relationships end, its a blessing. We go on to find better ones with people we are much more compatiable with.

[brokengirl85]

You both need to give it time to feel better. To the OP, KUDOS for getting out of the house and going on a date or two. The best thing you both should do is DISSAPEAR from your ex's life. BLOCK them on all social media. Don't reply to any "you doing ok" texts. IGNORE them.. People HATE to be ignored, especially when they think you're at their beck and call.

 

My last GF ended us cuz I was too chicken to pull the plug for good. We'd broken up too many times all ready. I dissappeared from her life. About 2 months post break up, I met my now 20 month GF. Dating her at the beginning was great though I was still pissed at hurt by my ex. As time went by, it was easier and easier and I became greatful that I met my current GF. I decided to have a bit of fun (and be childish) as well. I un-blocked my ex on FB and posted many pictures of my new GF (who's better looking that my ex) and I that were public. I knew my ex would spy on me occasionally and I found out later she had.

 

Guess what, 6 months after we broke up, she texted out of the blue, apologizing for being such a POS to me. I ignored her. She then came by my house but I was napping. She then emailed a LONG letter two weeks later telling me she was trying to reach me, was very sorry, missed me, etc.. I replied back that I'd moved on, had a new love and wished her luck.

 

My point, sometimes when relationships end, its a blessing. We go on to find better ones with people we are much more compatiable with.

 

That's really amazing! Congratulations on your new relationship! I hope sometime from now, I can be happy again, too.

 

you know, I told him I was blocking him on phone, so he knows I won't receive his texts. I unblocked him, with the hope he'll text me, I will read his message (I have read receipt on) and he'll crack his head thinking why I haven't replied.

 

then I think, ok, I'll tell him I've moved on and I wish him luck.

 

What's the best of this possibilities? What did your ex said after you replied that message?

 

I know it's unrealistic, that I don't think he'll ever contact me again, but for some reason I still have the hope of reject him and change the course of the story. I guess in a couple months I won't care at all...I do hope so.

[Satu]

i'm just waiting for the day she finally reaches out, even if it takes forever.

 

Forever is a very long time to wait for somebody who doesn't want you.

[dangerbang]

Forever is a very long time to wait for somebody who doesn't want you.

 

He just came in here trying to hijack this poor girl's thread, moaning about how pathetic he is. Ignore.

[Jonp219]

He just came in here trying to hijack this poor girl's thread, moaning about how pathetic he is. Ignore.

 

I like how you came in here just to say that it isn't like you're giving her any advice. Sorry if I made it about me, my account is deactivated so I can't normally post threads and it's eating me up inside because i'm not getting the help I need.

 

Anyway, I don't believe answering your ex means you're weak, it all depends on HOW you answer them. People act like not answering them makes them look any stronger, guess what? It doesn't, it makes you look like a little 5 year old girl with your arms crossed giving others the silent treatment.

 

We constantly say things like, "You shouldn't go back to those who don't want you". Ask yourself this, "Who has wanted you more than that person did during the peak of their love?" Although the love is 'gone', has anyone loved you more than that person? If your answer is no then you better leave that line of communication open or else you're going to have to live with the consequences of ending up with someone who doesn't even come close to that person. You want to be 60 saying, "Damn, I should of answered that text she probably wanted to talk it out, now i'm alone in this rocking chair watching basic cable, nobody even uses cable anymore...".

 

It's bad enough that you have to live with the fact you broke up and it was probably you're fault. Now you have to live with being to stubborn to be open to reconciliation? lol

 

Good luck with that.

 

If you feel it's worth it then put your heart through as much pain as possible. Nothing comes easy in life.

[brokengirl85]

If like to add another thing that bothers me a lot. When he pops in my mind, it's usually with things and memories that make me feel very bad. For example I just remembered he told me he liked to take pictures of the women he was with. He took no pic of me. Never. However, he had tons of pictures of his ex on his phone. This sole thought makes my stomach hurt very bad. I just can't forget the face pic of his ex he once showed me in his iPhone. A picture he took himself while she was talking to someone.

I have bursts of jealousy. Is or was someone else experiencing this?

[aloneinaz]

That's really amazing! Congratulations on your new relationship! I hope sometime from now, I can be happy again, too.

 

you know, I told him I was blocking him on phone, so he knows I won't receive his texts. I unblocked him, with the hope he'll text me, I will read his message (I have read receipt on) and he'll crack his head thinking why I haven't replied.

 

then I think, ok, I'll tell him I've moved on and I wish him luck.

 

What's the best of this possibilities? What did your ex said after you replied that message?

 

I know it's unrealistic, that I don't think he'll ever contact me again, but for some reason I still have the hope of reject him and change the course of the story. I guess in a couple months I won't care at all...I do hope so.

 

The point of no contact is for YOU to heal. You need to get pissed. He kicked you out of his life and didn't want you anymore. Why grovel over someone who doesn't want you?!?! When my ex ended us the final time, I SWORE I'd NNEEVVEERR contact her again and I didn't. She was DEAD to me. My focus was on me and moving onto someone who would love and appreciate me like I have now.

 

To answer ur question, my ex replied with a LLoonngg email about how sorry she was, that she didn't realize what she had, blah, blah, blah.. I replied to her BS sob email a few days later after I learned that her rebound relationship had ended a week prior to her starting to try and get me back. Typical dumper behavior. I called her out for her BS, told her what a POS she was to me and that I was in love w/my new GF.. She still emailed a few more times over the next few months apologizing more. I finally accepted her apology so she could move on w/her life. I think she really meant it AND I really think she suffers from Borderline Personality DIsorder by how bizzare her behaviour was while I was of/on with her..

[kismetkismet]

I have only been 2.5 weeks no contact, but have been broken up for 2 months.. and I was the one to do the breaking up and to enforce no contact... and I still feel those things every day... Despite doing everything in my power to move on - exercise, dates, new friends, social things, outdoor things, keeping busy, weekends away etc. etc. I'm not sure whether it's 'normal' or not, but I definitely feel you. It's rough. But it has started to get better. I still feel terrible at some point during every day, but the good patches are coming more often and lasting longer and longer. It comes in waves ... but all you can do is keep puttering on forward.