When do you know for sure you are in a sexless marriage ?

[SCShea]

You know for sure that you are in a sexless marriage when your wife pretend sleeping while you are masturbating near hear in Bed ....

 

I don't know why these women are freaking out. I did the same thing with the same results way back when I was first married. Sometimes you just get desperate enough and hope that your spouse cares.

 

Unless both partners are agreeable to a sexless marriage, it will be living hell for the sexual spouse. Just my opinion and experience.

[Rejected Rosebud]

I don't know why these women are freaking out. I did the same thing with the same results way back when I was first married. Sometimes you just get desperate enough and hope that your spouse cares.

 

Unless both partners are agreeable to a sexless marriage, it will be living hell for the sexual spouse. Just my opinion and experience.

That's my opinion as well. The OP though goes on and on about what a useless blob his wife is.

 

If somebody has made it CLEAR to you that nothing sexual is going to happen, do you not find it incredibly creepy to be jerking off next to them in bed knowing they're awake and aware of it? Do you see that leading to a good sexual experience with that person ever?

[TX-SC]

I think you are either over analyzng this or projecting your own insecurities here. My wife has refused sex before and told me I should go ahead and masterbate so I feel better. If I masterbated in bed next to her she would be perfectly fine with that. She doesn't masterbate, but if she did I certainly wouldn't mind her doing so, even in bed next to me. It really isn't disrespectful to do so near your spouse. I see her taking a dump or emptying her Diva cup, so why would that bother her or me?

Edited January 22, 2016 by TX-SC

[MJJean]

I don't know why these women are freaking out. I did the same thing with the same results way back when I was first married. Sometimes you just get desperate enough and hope that your spouse cares.

 

Unless both partners are agreeable to a sexless marriage, it will be living hell for the sexual spouse. Just my opinion and experience.

 

Let me explain why some of these women are freaking out.

 

My husband tries to initiate sex and I'm just not interested for whatever reason. So, we go to bed and prepare to sleep. He starts masturbating.

 

From his point of view, he's in need of sexual release and hoping I'll become aroused and change my mind.

 

From my point of view, he's disrupting my peace, because I am present and aware, he is forcing me to participate in something I don't want to do, and making himself and the very idea of sex unappealing.

 

If either of us wanted him to masturbate while I was watching or cuddling him, that would be fine.

 

If I hadn't said no and he was touching himself and me as foreplay and initiation of sex, that would be ok, too.

 

But to just start masturbating right there next to me after I've already explained I am not interested? That's just creepy and a total turn off.

[dreamingoftigers]

I don't know why these women are freaking out. I did the same thing with the same results way back when I was first married. Sometimes you just get desperate enough and hope that your spouse cares.

 

Unless both partners are agreeable to a sexless marriage, it will be living hell for the sexual spouse. Just my opinion and experience.

 

IDK, if my husband started masturbating beside me, he already knows I'm game, so I would probably figure he wanted to masturbate. Esp if I was tired and not into it. (Which, honestly doesn't happen, that switch is set to ON).

 

IDK why a husband would go to a bed where it looks like someone is sleeping, not initiate, masturbate, and then get all pissed off about the supposedly sleeping spouse not responding.

 

Why not do a push to cuddle up or initiate? Unless, you're trying to actually NOT disturb them, and you don't. In that case, you just succeeded. You got off without disturbing your spouse, beside your spouse. Which is also, like, why? Because if you aren't trying to disturb them why aren't you in the bathroom or something?

 

But trying a little game beside a person who is sleeping and then getting all haughty claiming they are "pretending" and didn't wake up to bring the passion is just so passive-aggressive, but not as passive- aggressive as it is pathetic.

 

And yes some women find masturbation like that violating YMMV.

 

I would just feel a little insulted that H would wake me up. I know that's odd.

[dreamingoftigers]

I think you are either over analyzng this or projecting your own insecurities here. My wife has refused sex before and told me I should go ahead and masterbate so I feel better. If I masterbated in bed next to her she would be perfectly fine with that. She doesn't masterbate, but if she did I certainly wouldn't mind her doing so, even in bed next to me. It really isn't disrespectful to do so near your spouse. I see her taking a dump or emptying her Diva cup, so why would that bother her or me?

 

I hate it when my husband pops into the bathroom when I'm in there to talk to me.

 

I find that more annoying than him jerking it beside me at night (which doesn't happen).

 

I know. I know "lock the door." I always forget.

[MJJean]

IDK why a husband would go to a bed where it looks like someone is sleeping, not initiate, masturbate, and then get all pissed off about the supposedly sleeping spouse not responding.

 

But trying a little game beside a person who is sleeping and then getting all haughty claiming they are "pretending" and didn't wake up to bring the passion is just so passive-aggressive, but not as passive- aggressive as it is pathetic.

 

Its like saying "You don't want to have sex with me, so I'm jerking off at you!"

 

It's basically throwing a passive aggressive temper tantrum using the penis as a tool of annoyance.

[Rejected Rosebud]

 

But trying a little game beside a person who is sleeping and then getting all haughty claiming they are "pretending" and didn't wake up to bring the passion is just so passive-aggressive, but not as passive- aggressive as it is pathetic.

 

And yes some women find masturbation like that violating YMMV.

 

Especially, I would think, in a marriage that is completely dominated by negativity over the sexual part of it.

[dreamingoftigers]

Its like saying "You don't want to have sex with me, so I'm jerking off at you!"

 

It's basically throwing a passive aggressive temper tantrum using the penis as a tool of annoyance.

 

Then wailing about being rejected....

[Phoenician]

Then wailing about being rejected....

 

 

ladies , I respect your opinions; however some are contradicting insecurities which i don't agree with them .

 

every one of us , validates his behavior by looking at others.

 

from what I can see in this forum ,I am not the only person on earth who MB when rejected ; and rose u understood things wrongly ; once or twice per week ,I try to initiate , because she never does,just as a note , I prepare my self fully ( take bath , shave , etc,,,); and only very few times , when rejected but cant hold it anymore i masturbate.

 

In my case as I said before , we are making love very few times per month , my wife obviously is not into sex with me except in two cases , once in a blue moon she would be very aroused ; still she only do missionary sex; she is LD

 

one point worth mentioning just to clarify something ; I don't hate my wife anymore , I look at her and have to accept the way she is ; try to change her a bit but not anymore into fights ; digesting and reaching win win situations is what i learned in IC , and I am proud of it .

 

Being the person who seek solutions ; i am more and more determined to find one ; and found it recently ;the thread is titled .

 

"when you insist to stay , just be creative "

[Rejected Rosebud]

from what I can see in this forum ,I am not the only person on earth who MB when rejected ; and rose u understood things wrongly ; once or twice per week ,I try to initiate , because she never does,just as a note , I prepare my self fully ( take bath , shave , etc,,,); and only very few times , when rejected but cant hold it anymore i masturbate.

 

 

I have no problem with anybody masturbating! Doing it right next to the person who just let you know that they weren't going to get sexy with you AND being mad that she pretended to sleep - THOSE are the reasons people are coming down on you about it. It's SO passive-aggressive and something you are doing "at" your wife. That's what you do, obviously - but you keep coming here and complaining about your sex life and then you tell us something like this and it's like, well YEAH, of course the sex life in that marriage is dead. That is exactly the kind of thing that will make it so much worse.

 

I look at her and have to accept the way she is ; try to change her a bit but not anymore into fights ;

 

OK. If you actually really went to IC, you must have worked on the attitude of trying to change another person. You can't. But more importantly, you are part of the problem if you even think that way. Stop trying to change your wife, change yourself.

[dreamingoftigers]

ladies , I respect your opinions; however some are contradicting insecurities which i don't agree with them .

 

every one of us , validates his behavior by looking at others.

 

from what I can see in this forum ,I am not the only person on earth who MB when rejected ; and rose u understood things wrongly ; once or twice per week ,I try to initiate , because she never does,just as a note , I prepare my self fully ( take bath , shave , etc,,,); and only very few times , when rejected but cant hold it anymore i masturbate.

In my case as I said before , we are making love very few times per month , my wife obviously is not into sex with me except in two cases , once in a blue moon she would be very aroused ; still she only do missionary sex; she is LD

 

one point worth mentioning just to clarify something ; I don't hate my wife anymore , I look at her and have to accept the way she is ; try to change her a bit but not anymore into fights ; digesting and reaching win win situations is what i learned in IC , and I am proud of it .

 

Being the person who seek solutions ; i am more and more determined to find one ; and found it recently ;the thread is titled .

 

"when you insist to stay , just be creative "

 

If the first quoted line above is true, you aren't in a sexless marriage.

 

And the second quoted paragraph does not reflect all of the constant character judgments you make on your wife, " lazy, entitled, selfish " etc.

 

No one said "masturbation is an awful thing, how dare you?"

 

What WAS said was actually a spectrum of responses ranging from, "doing that onto her after she's turned you down is not okay at all, to " whys he doing it right there if not to wake her up or not to disturb her but then getting mad that she's not awake and accusing her of pretending to be asleep?"

 

I found that whole thing really confusing. And if she is "pretending to be asleep" to avoid sex or ignore your masturbation, that's pretty bad news. But if she's, yanno, sleeping, that's pretty weird on your part to say she's " pretending " and then get even more resentful about it.

 

You guys sound like you don't directly communicate about much and hold your slights in pretending to be the "good guy."

 

What a high-pressure dynamic constantly trying to prove that the other is at fault, and then having to feel like "you are right" but your partner is "impossible."

 

Who wants to live with either a self-righteous or "impossible" partner. Blech....

[alicia32]

I guess most of us just want to vent, or not feel alone...

[alicia32]

4-6 times a wk, listen, ur lucky

[alicia32]

Your comments are right on. For some, my situation; the spouse just doesn't take the issue serious enough. Yes, marriage/ life takes real effort; beyond, you just go to work and pay bills...ughhhh

[alicia32]

Ok, low-sex marriage...for me, just as awful. I love your growth in acceptance. Maybe one day I'll be there. I'm still in the ANGER stage...14 yrs later

[alicia32]

OMG...yes, the f****** craziest thing ever. I have a really hard time with this male LB

[Phoenician]

alicia , sorry 4 u .

[Phoenician]

alicia where r u located in this part of the world ?