coming up to 3 months separated

[i am gutted]

so, he finally had his appointment with his lawyer and there more fishing for info to be done.

 

 

I know that its over but still have feelings for him.

I asked him if he still wanted to do this and his reply was "don't you think its for the best?" then after a bit of an upset, he said "yes I do".

 

 

I called to his place the other night and had a coffee there......saw the "secret phone" he said was missing. So another lie. Deep down I knew that he still had that phone but to see it - my heart sank. still lying to me and can never answer a simple question without getting uptight and moody.

 

 

I know I have to let go - he doesn't want me anymore - I understand that....having trouble coming to grips with how he can do what he has done and not seem to care much. it hurts a lot.

 

 

Like my dad and sister in law said - he checked out a couple of years ago and has had more time to adjust to his new life sleeping around.

 

 

is hard knowing that he will be at his place on this bloody phone messaging women and sexting and all that stuff. then I wonder what he is telling them about me.

 

 

I have given up so much for him over the past 27 years and have dedicated my life to him and our kids. I do not regret what I have done.

extremely saddened to what my life has become.

 

 

he wont be coming back. fact.

he doesn't want me. fact

 

 

I am gutted - so true.

[LoveMyCat]

Sorry you are feeling low. It is so difficult to start to realize it is truly over, that he is no longer the person you loved and trusted. But maybe in the end that knowledge will help you to move on-knowing that he is not that person anymore. Instead he is someone you once knew, someone who hurt you. Best of luck in your new life. Try to think,of it as freedom to have any sort of life, try new things, meet new people. It's not easy, but you will get past the worst of it soon.

[i am gutted]

thanks lovemycat. I was doing pretty good a week or two ago but lately I am pretty low.

its the trying to forget about what he is doing and with who that I am finding hard and of course the intimacy - that had changed tho, he wasn't the same with that either for the last few months we were together.

I suppose he got tired of pretending?

 

 

it is scary. I know he is meeting new people (was in with swingers) and I am scared to go out and meet new people - haven't done it for many many years.

 

 

am trying to be strong but at the moment I am tired of it all.

[Yasuandio]

Forget about meeting someone for now, or even new people for that matter, if you fear being hurt (although, I don't believe after the 27 year marriage break-up as you described, that anyone could ever hurt you anywhere near what you are experiencing ever again). Or, maybe, try a divorce group, I suggest an organized group -- perhaps through a church (they are not necessarily religious gatherings - but often have an educated or experienced director to lead the group - rather than a social-oriented gathering of soon-to-be-divorced people "meeting up" at a bookstore).

 

You need time to heal. The marriage was long, probably most of your life. This is going to take a lot of time.

 

What is to your benefit (although it doesn't feel like it, right now), is that there is no mystery - you know what the story is basically. With that knowledge, it "can" be easier to avoid "mind-reading," "what-if and why's," and "daydreaming." You are getting real -- fast. You have facts - that are, indeed, painful, but for sure, better than not knowing jack -- and wondering and wondering, hoping and hoping for years.

 

You have come to acceptance, at least verbally, in the first post of this thread - only three months into separation. That is progress. While you are extremely saddened and gutted, (which is indeed, understandable), you can state the facts clearly. It took me over five years to make this statement in an honest and forthright manner as you, accept it, and mean it. Bravo.

 

I completely understand how you feel. At the day of divorce, my marriage was 26 years. June 15 will mark what would have been a 30th anniversary. Things will get better - but, it ill take time to re-invent yourself. You are a different person now, and will have a different identity. Some effort will have to be put forth to create the aforementioned, when the time is right.

 

I recommend you stay away from the man. It only keeps the wounds from healing. In this case, where a person clearly does not want us, we must let go. Remove and erase everything in sight that is his or a reminder of him. Your new life begins now, and he is not a part of it. Later on, once you've healed, perhaps family things can be done together, marriages, etc. But not in the near future.

 

I have been through this agony, and please spare yourself from the pain of seeing, or conversing in any way, shape or form with him. No contact. It is true. This is the only way you will begin to heal - I'm telling you, at least, from my experience.

 

Dissolving a 25+ marriage is serious business, and, in my opinion, the potential to be hurt by a person you loved most of your adult life (that dissed you), and the remaining scar, may never really go away.

 

And, of course you still have feeling for him. You always will. The same goes for him -- he just doesn't fell his loss yet. Give it time.

 

I think mine is feeling the "loss" now, by evidence of the childish passive-aggressive alimony check withholding (when he has tons of money from our business). He also is being non-cooperative on a number of other Court Ordered issues. His day is coming.

 

As is clear, your husband had a significant amount of time to re-invent "his" new life, and distance/detach himself from you and the marriage. Oh, and too, he has a new toy, big deal. His day is coming too, my dear -- if you allow it. While he may be detached and want a divorce, he has not really gone through what you are going through right now - grieving a loss. The 27 year marriage absolutely will be a loss to him, whether he knows it at this moment or not. He will also go through the stages of grieving as you are, due to the loss (that is, if he believes he really endured a loss).

 

As long as you make yourself available to him, he will never feel the loss. Disappear yourself this moment, re-invent yourself, go through with the divorce -- and I promise you, he will feel the loss. But even negative attention assures him he still has you in his pocket. That you can take to the bank, because it is true.

 

I hope some of this perspective helps. This LS is a wonderful site. Read, educate yourself, and try to find the good in the bad -- that is the secret. The best part of divorce is that you are FREE to do whatever you want, no one has any say or input - you d' boss-lady of YOU. What were your dreams before you were married? What have you always wished to do, but didn't? Tell us. Yas

Edited May 14, 2015 by Yasuandio

[kenmore]

IAG, Both Cat and Yas point out great facts, and it's just so hard. Nothing anybody says will really help, that's what it took me awhile to realize, but it's true.

 

While people can help you feel better about yourself, your future, your position, nothing can help you feel better about the end of such a relationship and how you really feel inside. There are constant reminders of fun times had, associations and the life you thought you would always have and they will constantly pop into your head on a daily basis.

 

I "thought" I was feeling okay, then it came flooding back when my wife, after a break of almost a month of NC basically told me to lose her number. In fact, that's exactly what she said, but what made it difficult was that she denied me any right to see my step daughter, and the stupid convo was about cast iron skillets! It got bitter and fast because that's how she feels right now.

 

It's a rough road with lots of ups and downs. Mostly downs. Please keep in mind though that even though he had the advantage of knowing it was coming, you kinda knew too. I feel the same way in our marriage. My wife knew she was unhappy...seemingly throughout our entire marriage. She knew this was coming because she caused it to happen, but I guess I really knew. In fact, before i proposed I knew she might end up hurting me. It is still hard though, because I proposed anyway and it's because I was in love with her. That's what hurts now. I still am.

 

So, no big advice, no big plan, I just want to say I understand.

 

Ken

[i am gutted]

Forget about meeting someone for now, or even new people for that matter, if you fear being hurt (although, I don't believe after the 27 year marriage break-up as you described, that anyone could ever hurt you anywhere near what you are experiencing ever again). Or, maybe, try a divorce group, I suggest an organized group -- perhaps through a church (they are not necessarily religious gatherings - but often have an educated or experienced director to lead the group - rather than a social-oriented gathering of soon-to-be-divorced people "meeting up" at a bookstore).

its more that I am scared about getting out there and rejected ?

 

You need time to heal. The marriage was long, probably most of your life. This is going to take a lot of time.

yeup it was since I was 16 with him...he was my only one

What is to your benefit (although it doesn't feel like it, right now), is that there is no mystery - you know what the story is basically. With that knowledge, it "can" be easier to avoid "mind-reading," "what-if and why's," and "daydreaming." You are getting real -- fast. You have facts - that are, indeed, painful, but for sure, better than not knowing jack -- and wondering and wondering, hoping and hoping for years.

after all this started in 2013, I became much more vigilant and suspicious of a lot of things he was doing......I found the phone in march 2014 and he said he got rid of it. obviously there were a number of female contacts, pictures of him, of them, all that.

so I was sort of on high alert all of the time. it was nothing for me to wait for him to go to work and I would search the garage and where ever I thought he may be hiding stuff. it was very tiring to say the least.

You have come to acceptance, at least verbally, in the first post of this thread - only three months into separation. That is progress. While you are extremely saddened and gutted, (which is indeed, understandable), you can state the facts clearly. It took me over five years to make this statement in an honest and forthright manner as you, accept it, and mean it. Bravo.

 

I completely understand how you feel. At the day of divorce, my marriage was 26 years. June 15 will mark what would have been a 30th anniversary. that is such a long time, I look at people like his parents and think how did he manage to screw it all up. Not want to try to work things out before jumping into bed with someone else.

 

 

Things will get better - but, it ill take time to re-invent yourself. You are a different person now, and will have a different identity. Some effort will have to be put forth to create the aforementioned, when the time is right.

 

I recommend you stay away from the man. It only keeps the wounds from healing. In this case, where a person clearly does not want us, we must let go. Remove and erase everything in sight that is his or a reminder of him. Your new life begins now, and he is not a part of it. Later on, once you've healed, perhaps family things can be done together, marriages, etc. But not in the near future.

at the moment, I still see him due to us owning our own business which is at home. he has been back today to do quotes and charge out work we have done. this is going to change but I need to sort of be patient for the lawyer stuff to come through and wait for the changes to be made.

 

I have been through this agony, and please spare yourself from the pain of seeing, or conversing in any way, shape or form with him. No contact. It is true. This is the only way you will begin to heal - I'm telling you, at least, from my experience.

I have tried extremely hard not to contact him for un necessary things........business and family only.

 

Dissolving a 25+ marriage is serious business, and, in my opinion, the potential to be hurt by a person you loved most of your adult life (that dissed you), and the remaining scar, may never really go away.

 

And, of course you still have feeling for him. You always will. The same goes for him -- he just doesn't fell his loss yet. Give it time.

I used to pine for him deeply.......now I do miss him. he used to hug me goodbye and maybe a kiss on the cheek but now there seems to be nothing.

 

I think mine is feeling the "loss" now, by evidence of the childish passive-aggressive alimony check withholding (when he has tons of money from our business). He also is being non-cooperative on a number of other Court Ordered issues. His day is coming.

 

As is clear, your husband had a significant amount of time to re-invent "his" new life, and distance/detach himself from you and the marriage. Oh, and too, he has a new toy, big deal. His day is coming too, my dear -- if you allow it. While he may be detached and want a divorce, he has not really gone through what you are going through right now - grieving a loss. The 27 year marriage absolutely will be a loss to him, whether he knows it at this moment or not. He will also go through the stages of grieving as you are, due to the loss (that is, if he believes he really endured a loss).

one day I hope he will know what he has lost. if not, - well I don't know what to say to that....

 

As long as you make yourself available to him, he will never feel the loss. Disappear yourself this moment, re-invent yourself, go through with the divorce -- and I promise you, he will feel the loss. But even negative attention assures him he still has you in his pocket. That you can take to the bank, because it is true.

 

I hope some of this perspective helps. This LS is a wonderful site. Read, educate yourself, and try to find the good in the bad -- that is the secret. The best part of divorce is that you are FREE to do whatever you want, no one has any say or input - you d' boss-lady of YOU. What were your dreams before you were married? What have you always wished to do, but didn't? Tell us. Yas

sadly I never had any real dreams for myself. I never knew what I wanted to do other than marry him and have a family with him. I loved him deeply and did everything I could for him.

 

I have been working in a resthome for three years now, love it but when all this happened I just couldn't put on the happy face anymore so took some time off. I couldn't look after anyone at that time as I couldn't function properly myself.

I do a range of different jobs there which gives me plenty of variety but as far as the caregiving goes, I enjoy it and I have to say that my work place has provided me with so much support. I am very lucky to have a great bunch of workmates who have been there for me.

[i am gutted]

IAG, Both Cat and Yas point out great facts, and it's just so hard. Nothing anybody says will really help, that's what it took me awhile to realize, but it's true.

reading others posts or advice has given me periods of clarity......then unfortunately I get lost again and go back and read again.

 

 

While people can help you feel better about yourself, your future, your position, nothing can help you feel better about the end of such a relationship and how you really feel inside. There are constant reminders of fun times had, associations and the life you thought you would always have and they will constantly pop into your head on a daily basis.

yes, I will be at work and ok for a bit and then it just comes flooding back into my head and drives me mental.

 

I "thought" I was feeling okay, then it came flooding back when my wife, after a break of almost a month of NC basically told me to lose her number. In fact, that's exactly what she said, but what made it difficult was that she denied me any right to see my step daughter, and the stupid convo was about cast iron skillets! It got bitter and fast because that's how she feels right now.

oh how nice of her.! jeez. that's a hard one regarding your step daughter....I am sure that she will be feeling it too...sorry to hear that.

 

It's a rough road with lots of ups and downs. Mostly downs. Please keep in mind though that even though he had the advantage of knowing it was coming, you kinda knew too. I feel the same way in our marriage. My wife knew she was unhappy...seemingly throughout our entire marriage. She knew this was coming because she caused it to happen, but I guess I really knew. In fact, before i proposed I knew she might end up hurting me. It is still hard though, because I proposed anyway and it's because I was in love with her. That's what hurts now. I still am.

downers at the moment yes. I not sure about the me kind of knowing........I hoped that he would come to his senses, apologise for real and work things out. I gave him a lot of chances to come clean about everything but he just lied more .

 

 

 

the thing is, why if they were so unhappy in our marriages, why not say something before doing what they did and try to save it or straight up say they want out??

So, no big advice, no big plan, I just want to say I understand.

thank you Ken.........I hope you have a better day tomorrow........I hope to.

all the best

[Yasuandio]

sadly I never had any real dreams for myself. I never knew what I wanted to do other than marry him and have a family with him. I loved him deeply and did everything I could for him.

 

I have been working in a resthome for three years now, love it but when all this happened I just couldn't put on the happy face anymore so took some time off. I couldn't look after anyone at that time as I couldn't function properly myself.

I do a range of different jobs there which gives me plenty of variety but as far as the caregiving goes, I enjoy it and I have to say that my work place has provided me with so much support. I am very lucky to have a great bunch of workmates who have been there for me.

 

I am going to tell you another blessing you have, but may not realize. You married 11 years younger than I, which means, you are 11 years younger than I am in the same divorced position. That is a BIG positive! You have time on your side. And, hopefully, you are healthy, as can be in this situation. (I'm troubled with bi-polar 2 disorder - long story).

 

I have mentioned this before -- it has helped me from the start. A wise LS'er known as NoFool'in, wrote one of the popular No Contact guides that in pinned on the Breaking Up Forum. Therein, he states, to those feeling sad, "Try rolling up to a Cancer Ward and telling your problems to people getting ready to take a dirt nap." That statement has always stuck with me when I get to feeling sorry for myself, and my effing disability. Using a technique I learned from reading Homer McDonald (and mentioned before), I try to see the positives of my illness - that is, bipolar 2 disorder is a symptom of higher intelligence, and is accompanied by extreme bouts of great create and productive periods - many famous people have (and have had) this inclination, as I do. So, do you have your health? Do you have complete control of your mind? Are you forced to take a mountain of pills everyday? Do we have Cancer? Thank God I don't have Cancer. This is another example of seeing the good in the bad.

 

So, you are afraid of rejection in public. I would ask you to consider looking at the number and quality of responses you have received thus far on your thread. Does that look anything like rejection? You wrote so much from your heart - with so few words -- I was really attracted to responding to your post. I use way to many words to express myself.

 

I never go out - rarely -- unless I have to, for a different reason. So we both have some work to do. I attract a bit too much attention when I go out -- and I don't feel like dealing with people, I have become very reclusive. But when I am out, my personality completely changes, and I am very much a people person, creating "Lucy Ricardo" moments everywhere I go. And it is always fun, but getting out the door is the hard part - it is called "agoraphobia." Don't get like that.

 

You have an established place, the nursing home, that, I think might be good for you to go back to - rather than discontinue for now. They do not reject you there, correct? Us that as a "waypoint." Many of my "Lucy" moments take place at the grocery store, interestingly enough. Start shopping at a different time -- evenings perhaps. Strike conversations with everyone you can. Not men per say, people. Home depot, during the low hours, is a good place to hang out also, to develop some beginner social contact and learn some needed skills. The people in the departments can explain stuff to you - and it is helpful, plus, builds your confidence.

 

I'm going to suggest you look onto Mimi Tanner's website, and sign-up for the free emails on each of her publications, especially the ones regarding Reverse Ultimatum (not to get your husband back -- but because it offers great ideas for getting yourself back as well, as do her other publications). One of the best things I read in her emails was a simple, free technique for instantly boosting your confidence - simply concentrating on improving your posture. That made a big difference, in my opinion, in how I carry myself in public. Also, wearing a smile, and dressing up everyday. Makes a huge difference. I go nowhere unless I am dressed to the nines, with my hair looking hot.

 

Hope these ideas help. Keep posting, and we will keep reading. You will get through this, honey. Yas

[davidromero43]

That is a lot of "him" going on. What about you? What are you doing now that you have shed this burden of a liar. Now that your life is yours to live without doubt. Without questioning everything he says, in your mind. Now that you no longer have to be in fear of finding his secret phone and his lies. What are you going to do now that you can live a life for you? I would feel so free.

[MajorOak]

IAG I'm so sorry you are going through this and like many others here also I to lost a marriage after 25 years.

 

 

You are jumping in and out of a fog of hurt and despair, lost not knowing the direction you are travelling in.

 

 

I can promise you this, when the fog subsides,it wont last forever, you will find someone. Someone you haven't seen in a long long time.

 

 

That person will be you IAG. You are beautiful, good luck.

[i am gutted]

That is a lot of "him" going on. What about you? What are you doing now that you have shed this burden of a liar. Now that your life is yours to live without doubt. Without questioning everything he says, in your mind. Now that you no longer have to be in fear of finding his secret phone and his lies. What are you going to do now that you can live a life for you? I would feel so free.

hi there. thanks for your post. Yes I suppose there is a lot of him.

to be honest I have not done a lot over the last couple of years. most of my time was walking around home in despair, going to work and back again to look after my kids and him.

there is a little of burden lifted yes, and yes I am trying to not worry about his lies and all that too. Still though, I know he has been telling more lies even now he has gone. I have to get over that I suppose. he just seems to be a compulsive liar.

 

I did go out the other night with a friend from work, my kids and my dad. we had a fun night out at a quiz night which we have not done for a very long time. I have managed to buy some new clothes for myself which I haven't done for a long time either.

 

in a way I do feel free but just have to let go of the last ties I have with him, they are getting less but a little way to go.

 

I work in a resthome on the hospital side and at the moment there are a couple of patients there who are not that old who are terminal. I enjoy looking after them and am able to put my head in the right space to do that. after work when I get home is when my head starts to re=hash things that have happened here.

 

I graduated last week with a national certificate in elder care so I am pretty pleased with that. My dad came along with me. He is 80 this year. I didn't tell ex about it as I thought that there was no point as he wouldn't have come along anyway.

[i am gutted]

IAG I'm so sorry you are going through this and like many others here also I to lost a marriage after 25 years.

 

 

You are jumping in and out of a fog of hurt and despair, lost not knowing the direction you are travelling in.

 

 

I can promise you this, when the fog subsides,it wont last forever, you will find someone. Someone you haven't seen in a long long time.

 

 

That person will be you IAG. You are beautiful, good luck.

thank you MO> I have to say, I don't feel beautiful.....after being dumped on like this, I feel pretty un appealing.

am looking forward to when this fog will go.......

hope you are doing ok

Rach

[i am gutted]

I am going to tell you another blessing you have, but may not realize. You married 11 years younger than I, which means, you are 11 years younger than I am in the same divorced position. That is a BIG positive! You have time on your side. And, hopefully, you are healthy, as can be in this situation. (I'm troubled with bi-polar 2 disorder - long story).

yes, my family have said that I am still young and can find someone who will love me properly and for who I am.

 

I was diagnose in 2002 with depression and was on meds until 2012 when I weaned myself off them.

I have had anxiety attacks and all that with it also and he never understood, I would take myself to the doctor and on the odd occasion his mother took me as he was too busy.

I ended up seeing a psychiatrist again last year who put me on quetiapine as he thought I had bipolar. I also took myself off them as they were doping me up too much. So now I have not had any meds again since july last year. I am happy with that.

 

I have mentioned this before -- it has helped me from the start. A wise LS'er known as NoFool'in, wrote one of the popular No Contact guides that in pinned on the Breaking Up Forum. Therein, he states, to those feeling sad, "Try rolling up to a Cancer Ward and telling your problems to people getting ready to take a dirt nap." That statement has always stuck with me when I get to feeling sorry for myself, and my effing disability. Using a technique I learned from reading Homer McDonald (and mentioned before), I try to see the positives of my illness - that is, bipolar 2 disorder is a symptom of higher intelligence, and is accompanied by extreme bouts of great create and productive periods - many famous people have (and have had) this inclination, as I do. So, do you have your health? Do you have complete control of your mind? Are you forced to take a mountain of pills everyday? Do we have Cancer? Thank God I don't have Cancer. This is another example of seeing the good in the bad.

 

So, you are afraid of rejection in public. I would ask you to consider looking at the number and quality of responses you have received thus far on your thread. Does that look anything like rejection? You wrote so much from your heart - with so few words -- I was really attracted to responding to your post. I use way to many words to express myself.

I am very greatful to responces on here and it does help me to see what other people have gone thru and their advice.

 

I never go out - rarely -- unless I have to, for a different reason. So we both have some work to do. I attract a bit too much attention when I go out -- and I don't feel like dealing with people, I have become very reclusive. But when I am out, my personality completely changes, and I am very much a people person, creating "Lucy Ricardo" moments everywhere I go. And it is always fun, but getting out the door is the hard part - it is called "agoraphobia." Don't get like that.

there was a period of time that I wouldn't go into the supermarket or anywhere as I didn't want to see anyone as I felt so crappy. Looked crappy, I would get the kids to run in and get what we needed and come straight home.

 

You have an established place, the nursing home, that, I think might be good for you to go back to - rather than discontinue for now. They do not reject you there, correct? Us that as a "waypoint." Many of my "Lucy" moments take place at the grocery store, interestingly enough. Start shopping at a different time -- evenings perhaps. Strike conversations with everyone you can. Not men per say, people. Home depot, during the low hours, is a good place to hang out also, to develop some beginner social contact and learn some needed skills. The people in the departments can explain stuff to you - and it is helpful, plus, builds your confidence.

I am back at work and have been throughout this episode but just took some days off to gather my wits. they have been awesome and very supportive during this and I am very greatful to them. I am picking up extra shifts when I can so am rather busy at the moment.

 

 

I'm going to suggest you look onto Mimi Tanner's website, and sign-up for the free emails on each of her publications, especially the ones regarding Reverse Ultimatum (not to get your husband back -- but because it offers great ideas for getting yourself back as well, as do her other publications). One of the best things I read in her emails was a simple, free technique for instantly boosting your confidence - simply concentrating on improving your posture. That made a big difference, in my opinion, in how I carry myself in public. Also, wearing a smile, and dressing up everyday. Makes a huge difference. I go nowhere unless I am dressed to the nines, with my hair looking hot.

thank you , I will have a look.

Hope these ideas help. Keep posting, and we will keep reading. You will get through this, honey. Yas

yes I will, just hard at the moment.

hope you have a lovely day, thank you for your replies,

Rach

[i am gutted]

just cannot get him out of my head today. been to work and all that and now home to empty house.

 

 

blah

[chew123]

I am gutted,

 

I have found that sometimes you just have to let the feelings come in even if it makes you feel bad. If you fight them or bury them it will just make it worse. And you have been together so long there is no way you are going to get over this quickly so don't expect to rush things. You will be ok, it is just going to take a while for things to get to your new normal.

 

I feel for you. I was married 28 and together for a total of 35 years. I was blindsided in September and I am now divorced. Most days I feel really good now, but that does not mean I don't think of her. Some days it really gets me down also.

 

You will get through this and if you want to you will meet someone else to spend your life with you will. But first I think its important to live alone for a while and get to know the real you and what you really want. At least that is what I am trying to do.

 

I try to think of it as a new adventure. It is almost like a second chance at a brand new life.

 

Good luck on your journey.

[Yasuandio]

Take the feelings, and feel them, deep. That is part of the mourning process. You are processing this situation.

 

One day, it will feel like toxins coming from your system - the pain. Just bear it - cry, weep, mourn, go through it, willingly, in the privacy of your own space.

 

I recall those few episodes very well. It was a year or 2 into the divorce, he repeatedly, and in the most hostile tone used the words "my-ex," on the stand at a Court hearing, while he made a complete Narcissistic fool out of himself.

 

Those words hurt so deeply to hear. When I got home, the real "mourning" began. It was very real to me at that point. What I experienced was beyond crying or weeping. I have referred to it as "Reverse Crying," or "Crying Inside-Out." It looked like the dry-heaves, - almost, like I said, a toxin was leaving my body. The pain and sadness in my heart was almost unbearable. But, after an hour or so, I fell asleep, and awoke feeling so much better.

 

There was perhaps 3 episodes like this, then, I changed, and never felt that grief again.

 

You must allow yourself to feel it, I believe, for it to pass. I suppose it is different for everyone, how the body works on processing grieving - I can only tell you what my system went through - and how cathartic it was. Not to say, it made everything ok and fine. The episodes just somehow matured me towards acceptance, or, at the very least, looking onto myself, rather than obsessing over him (at the time). And there was plenty to obsess about with a protracted, insanely costly divorce.

 

Feel, feel, feel. That is my advice to you. The sooner, the better. Yas