A never-ending cycle regarding feelings of inadequacy....

[pixiegirl82]

It's not easy for me to write this but here goes. I need to get this out there and whilst it's hard I'm going for it.

 

For as long as I can remember I've always felt inadequate. Whether it be in friendships, relationships, work or just social situations. It's a hard feeling to describe but it always results in me being negative and or protective of things if that makes sense?

 

I've never been secure in my looks and have often gotten teased. I was also alot heavier a few years back but decided to do something about it and lost 70lbs. I felt great for a while and it was nice to get compliments on my achievements but then the negativity returned and the initial high was gone.

 

With regards to friendships/relationships I always feel inadequate. I always feel the people I'm close with will eventually find me out for the person I am and leave me for something better because in my mind I'm second best and there is always someone better than me out there.

 

My mother was always my rock but she sadly died suddenly in 2011 and I think the grief somehow supressed the feelings for a while because I was numb and didn't really feel anything. She always told me I was more beautiful than I knew and people liked me because I'm a nice person...then again she was my mum so she would say that.

 

It's hard to put verbally where I'm coming from but I hope some of you know what I'm meaning. With regards to relationships I find that I fall quite easy but never seem to get the emotional support I crave. My first ever bf was abusive to me and hit me whilst emotionally breaking me down, it was horrendous.

 

My current bf although he has his good points always manages to make the inadequacy overwhelming. He's constantly looking at other girls and saying "Why can't you look like that?" and comparing me to people who I will never look like.

 

Family wise I feel I'm on a raft out in the middle of an ocean. My father basically grew disinterested in me when my mother passed and although we tolerate each other we don't like each other. My brothers have their own lives so I don't really see them and when I do it's like I'm intruding on their routine.

 

I was offered counselling after my mother passed but declined and I'm wondering now if I made a mistake? I know I have something wrong but I'm really not sure what and it's upsetting.

 

I know this probably sounds weird but I just wanted to know if anyone else ever felt this way about themself? If so how did you remedy it? If you need anymore background please let me know I'll be happy to provide you with more information.

 

Thank you for taking the time to read this.

[d0nnivain]

Everybody feels insecure at times.

 

While his journey is different watch the Bruce Jenner interview with Diane Sawyer. The man was considered the greatest athlete in the world, with the gold medal to prove it & still felt inadequate.

 

You have to find things you like about yourself. Start with your accomplishment. Losing 70 pounds is quite the achievement. Recognized that the loss of your mom caused depression. My own mom died in 2011 & I am just now getting back to myself. I am sorry for your loss.

 

If you haven't already work with a therapist. You need to practice liking yourself.

[Satu]

Sorry to hear of your loss.

 

If you don't like being who you are, you can change.

 

Who would you like to be? Describe that person.

 

Don't limit yourself to externals. Who would you like to be on the inside?

 

Change.

[pixiegirl82]

Thanks for the quick reply folks. I appreciate it.

 

As a person I'd like to be happy, content and secure. I want to look in the mirror and like what I see and inside I want to stop feeling the panic and aching I often do.

 

I don't like feeling how I currently do. It's limiting and it takes up so much energy.

[Ashurii]

I struggle with really low self-esteem as well, which I believe has led to the trust issues I have with people. Or rather, how I'm so sure they view me as something easily forgotten. I'm currently getting together a slew of self-help books, including ones on self-esteem and how to improve it. It's work, but I believe we can both do it.

[pixiegirl82]

Would there be any books you could recommend?

[Ashurii]

I only just started reading these, but right now I have Self-Esteem: A Proven Program... by Matthew McKay. I also plan to read The Self-Esteem Workbook by Glenn R. Schiraldi. Another one I have that doesn't focus on self-esteem though, is Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway by Susan Jeffers.

[Satu]

I get the feeling that journalling might work well for you.

 

Have you tried it?

[pixiegirl82]

I get the feeling that journalling might work well for you.

 

Have you tried it?

 

I haven't but that is something I used to do a lot and I loved it. Thank you