getsmart Posted April 22, 2005 Share Posted April 22, 2005 Anniversaries, you shouldn't have to work at them. I love when people have to struggle to make it to 6 months or a year, they shouldn't. Struggling right from the get go or even in the first few months should be a sign to stay away or is a pre warning to problems. Let's face it, why would one have problems in the first place? Not able to work things out could be one, lack of communication, not being able to convey feelings, a whole host of problems. But, to actively worry if you will make it to a set date (a year is just a number) worries me. I see so many people questioning this, people I don't get it. Relationships will obviously be a little work, require some time, and a lot of fostering. However, any in depth gripes that leave you worrying about one another goes beyond the thresh hold of normality. But then again, I see so many people with problems, maybe the norm has changed. Ask yourself, why am I worrying? Can things be resolved? If not, take another hard look, its your life, don't waste your time. Why would you even hold out to a year if you had problems or regrets? Are you trying to reach a number so you can use it as a bench mark? If so, what a horrible and self degrading goal you are setting up for yourself. Also, there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If you see one another, plan to be with one another, it is just a temporary set back from which you need to over come. If you do over come it, you can attribute it to the strength of the couple. What do you think? More to come... Link to post Share on other sites
chubachoop Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 I dont see anything wrong in celebrating a year together or even celebrating a month together! You shouldnt just take each other for granted. Getting to one year anniversary is a big thing and something which should be celebrated in some way. If my boyfriend didnt want to celebrate it i wuld think he didnt care that our relationship had got so far. Link to post Share on other sites
Author getsmart Posted April 23, 2005 Author Share Posted April 23, 2005 Maybe you value it more than he does, perhaps he would assume that it is a given and to put particular emphasis on such an event would question the strength of a relationship? Yes, I do think something should be done, but not end of the world celebration... Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Celebrating anniversaries is celebrating the JOY you've had to together! It is not a celebration of all the WORK we had to do to manage to stay together this long. However, I agree that if you "worry" about whether you'll reach an anniversary or not, that is a problem. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Also, there is no such thing as a long distance relationship. If you see one another, plan to be with one another, it is just a temporary set back from which you need to over come. I don't understand what you mean. Can you explain more? Are you saying that there is no point to a long distance relationship unless you plan to get married? If so, then I agree. Link to post Share on other sites
chubachoop Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 My views are this. A long distance relationship is one where the people dont live in the same town, but at some distance. Whether or not this relationship will lead to marriage does not change its value as a relationship. Not all relationship long or short distance end in marriage but they are worth while all the same. People learn alot from relationships be it about themselves or about how to behave in a relationship, or what they want from a SO. I had 2 serious relationships before my current. One was long distance. I dont regret either even though they didnt lead to marriage. They taught me alot, I have alot of fond memories. As for anniversaries I agree with Holdon, they are about celebrating the joy of being together. Its romantic too and whats wrong with a little romance anyway? thank u. i shall get back to my essay. Link to post Share on other sites
Author getsmart Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 Celebrating an anniversary for joy should be the only reason. If you release a sigh of relief, you may be in troubled waters. Too many times have I seen every single day documented and throw in the book as if there was some kind of record to be broken with out the quality of the relationship taken into consideration. If for some reason you are worrying about it, bring it up with your "equal," try to work it out, and get it solved. If not, move on. Joy, achievement, true to values celebration is what it is about. (plus it is a good excuse to do something special, hehe). As for long distance, it is long for a reason. People enter long distances with the hopes that things can be worked out to make them normal relationships. If that is the case, then they aren't long distance, they are just temporary separation with lots of land in between one another. If they are long distance, and long distance only, that is not a relationship, it is a pseudo connection. I can say that I think you could learn something from that, as you can learn from anything you do in life. As for marriage, if the original intent is leaning that way, then yes, other wise you are wasting time (special circumstances such as the NAVY, Marines, etc) Nothing wrong with romance, nothing wrong with a long distance relationship, just make sure it is for the right reasons and the right intents. Also, could you tell me who you guys are? What type of people visit this site and why? Its a honest community, I am just trying to figure out why one would come here. Link to post Share on other sites
chubachoop Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 Who are you? why do you come here? and thanks for the advice about anniversaries. For me anniversaries are about joy so i guess that means Im on the right track. Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 Also, could you tell me who you guys are? What type of people visit this site and why? Its a honest community, I am just trying to figure out why one would come here. Just ordinary people. Why? Link to post Share on other sites
Author getsmart Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 Depends on what your definition of ordinary is. We are all ordinary (we think). My question is eluding you. Why do you guys find your way here? Curious about something, have a question, need some kind of support on your actions? Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 People have had whole threads on this topic before so you could search for it... I just came upon the site because I had a love question and then stayed because other people's lives are so interesting. Link to post Share on other sites
RecordProducer Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 I don't think celebration was the subject here. Getsmart, I see your point. We only have about two or three decades to consider ourselves young, especially if we want to have children. Objectively our rating goes down as we're aging and whether we want to admit it or not, people find you less attractive. So why waste your years with those who won't last in your life? I had my kids with the wrong person. The problems started right away, I should have dumped him, but I loved him Sometimes it's good to work on problems, but as they say "if you see a lion's tail, you don't have to wait to see the whole lion - you already know it's a lion!" Link to post Share on other sites
HoldOn Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by RecordProducer Sometimes it's good to work on problems, but as they say "if you see a lion's tail, you don't have to wait to see the whole lion - you already know it's a lion!" Love it! So true. Link to post Share on other sites
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