mearl20 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We haven't made it official but he acts like my boyfriend already. We met on Tinder (yeah I know-stupid) and he turned out to be the best guy I've dated. He's met my family, friends and I've met almost all of his friends too. We've gone out to dinner, movies, he taught me how to shoot his gun, skiing, etc. So we've seen each other quite a bit, I just don't know where I stand with him. He is pretty shy and isn't affectionate until later on in the dates (whether he drinks or not). He's in the army and next week he leaves for four months to train new guys in another state. Then he goes to another training for two weeks somewhere else and then he might be deployed in March. I'm not sure what will happen with us but I definitely want to wait for him and keep in contact. This weekend before he leaves he wanted to see me. So he got a hotel room in his city (an hour from me). He told me he got a room and we can go swimming, out to eat then out downtown at the bars. He said he wants to have fun before he leaves. He almost seems sad he is leaving too, every time I say something about it or say that we won't get to see each other he doesn't say anything. Since I don't know where I stand with him, I don't know what to think about the hotel. I've slept with him multiple times and I've never felt like a booty call but because he's leaving I don't know if that makes it different So I'm wondering if he only see's me as a booty call/sex toy that he will never speak to again after he leaves? Or is he trying to be romantic and this is his goodbye?
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 It sounds like you weren't a booty call before, he probably is disappointed to be leaving you IMO. Sure - he probably intends to have sex with you before he leaves, but is that necessarily a bad thing? You need to ask yourself the following: Do you expect a Long distance relationship? If so, you need to tell him - who knows he might want the same thing.Are you OK spending the time with him (and probably having sex) before he goes, without any commitment that you two will ever get back together? If so, then go ahead with the plans.
Ninjainpajamas Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Since I don't know where I stand with him, I don't know what to think about the hotel. I've slept with him multiple times and I've never felt like a booty call but because he's leaving I don't know if that makes it different So I'm wondering if he only see's me as a booty call/sex toy that he will never speak to again after he leaves? Or is he trying to be romantic and this is his goodbye? Lol, the gigs already up...he's already put it in you, and only a complete idiot/douchebag is going to treat you like a booty call. Since you haven't talked about exclusivity, and he's leaving for 4 months, and he's in the military...there's your 3 strikes right there. I think he's just planning a good time before he leaves, the fact that he met your family means very little without talking about the other...there's a lot of guys that just win points like that, what's your family and friends going to do if he never shows up again? hunt him down? what's the consequence in that, it's your family and friends...that makes YOU look stupid, not him, he just simply disappears. I don't think he's looking for any kind of commitment, I think you should be prepared that he's going to wrap this up and kind of linger out in the distance and be hard to get a hold of. If I were you, I'd definitely not have waited for this like last moment for him to come through with something "romantic". I think he's mildly interested in you but trying to plays his cards right to keep your interest and hope that things are progressing. 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I forgot to add... It's perfectly OK for the two of you to just enjoy your time with each other before he leaves - even if you two don't have a future. Who knows, maybe he will cross your path again someday in the future? The universe works in mysterious ways 1
Author mearl20 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 I guess that's true, that maybe he's just stringing me along until he leaves then he'll find someone else. He's not an emotionally open person but he has told me he really likes me and that he's never met a girl like me. Unless he was just saying that. But he did mention that once he gets back we can go to this restaurant he's been talking about and on hikes, etc. And he kept saying "I'll miss that this summer" and "I won't get to do that now". He seemed somewhat sad. I want to bring it up about Long Distance to see what his thoughts were. Ever since he told me about him leaving though, he seems to be getting more distant. He visit his home for a week and he sent me pictures and still talked to me every day but I don't know if he's just keeping in contact till he leaves.
darkmoon Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 you can not predict what will go on in the hotel, sounds like he is going to some expense, so you are not booty army girlfriends are a good thing to have, but an unusual thing to be you two need to talk, suggest skyping it is not that easy to find the right person, you or him, do not reject til you know more and have talked
OldRover Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Absolutely go with him, enjoy the time together and make it special so you'll both remember. Booty... no way! It will be challenging to keep along distance relationship, but sure seems like you and him are a pretty good fit, and if it developes into great relationship later on, you will have some great memories. If you don't go, it's a slap in the face and I'm sure would hurt him.
Author mearl20 Posted May 13, 2015 Author Posted May 13, 2015 Ok thanks! I am going to for sure go, I think I just wanted to be ready in case he isn't affectionate and doesn't want to talk to me anymore so I don't get my hopes up. He says he wants to go to a very expensive steakhouse for dinner so I was thinking he cares and wants to make it fun and special but I wasn't sure. And I never knew anything about the army or military before so I thought no big deal, even if he left it would turn out ok and it wouldn't be that hard to be together when he's gone. But now I am seeing how wrong I was haha. I don't know what most army guys want to do with relationships when they go away. I've heard that most want NSA which makes me the most worried or that the girl and the guy are unfaithful. I am a very loyal person so that freaks me out as well.
Redhead14 Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 (edited) I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We haven't made it official but he acts like my boyfriend already. We met on Tinder (yeah I know-stupid) and he turned out to be the best guy I've dated. He's met my family, friends and I've met almost all of his friends too. We've gone out to dinner, movies, he taught me how to shoot his gun, skiing, etc. So we've seen each other quite a bit, I just don't know where I stand with him. He is pretty shy and isn't affectionate until later on in the dates (whether he drinks or not). He's in the army and next week he leaves for four months to train new guys in another state. Then he goes to another training for two weeks somewhere else and then he might be deployed in March. I'm not sure what will happen with us but I definitely want to wait for him and keep in contact. This weekend before he leaves he wanted to see me. So he got a hotel room in his city (an hour from me). He told me he got a room and we can go swimming, out to eat then out downtown at the bars. He said he wants to have fun before he leaves. He almost seems sad he is leaving too, every time I say something about it or say that we won't get to see each other he doesn't say anything. Since I don't know where I stand with him, I don't know what to think about the hotel. I've slept with him multiple times and I've never felt like a booty call but because he's leaving I don't know if that makes it different So I'm wondering if he only see's me as a booty call/sex toy that he will never speak to again after he leaves? Or is he trying to be romantic and this is his goodbye? You are not a booty call unless he hasn't been dating you properly in the past or was treating you that way before. What you are wondering about might happen, sure. You've been intimate a bunch of times, it's not like you are preserving virtue or anything. You like him, he is leaving, he wants to make it fun and special, go and enjoy it and see what happens. If nothing else, he's chosen you to spend his last days at home. And, young men in the service are often never spoken to again because . . . they have given their lives. Edited May 13, 2015 by Redhead14
Gary S Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Lol, there is nothing wrong with booty calls in the confines of a good relationship, as long as there are date nights, romance, trust, respect, and affection. Besides, it sounds more like a weekend getaway. I do want to mention though, only 1 in 1,000 LDR's work out.
d0nnivain Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 Because you have already slept with him, this is the grand romantic gesture before he deploys. I think it's lovely -- especially the dinner & the swimming. What I am concerned about is your pessimism that this is a booty call. What do you want a proposal? Be happy. Enjoy the good things in your life.
preraph Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 My only worry in what you posted is that he's only affectionate after drinking. That's not really a good sign, but maybe he will "loosen up" with time and trust. As for the hotel, this is a romantic mini-vacation he planned for you and it sounds lovely and he sounds like a nice man who really cares about you, whether he's good at articulating it or not. His actions speak volumes.
MissBee Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 I've been seeing this guy for a couple months now. We haven't made it official but he acts like my boyfriend already. We met on Tinder (yeah I know-stupid) and he turned out to be the best guy I've dated. He's met my family, friends and I've met almost all of his friends too. We've gone out to dinner, movies, he taught me how to shoot his gun, skiing, etc. So we've seen each other quite a bit, I just don't know where I stand with him. He is pretty shy and isn't affectionate until later on in the dates (whether he drinks or not). He's in the army and next week he leaves for four months to train new guys in another state. Then he goes to another training for two weeks somewhere else and then he might be deployed in March. I'm not sure what will happen with us but I definitely want to wait for him and keep in contact. This weekend before he leaves he wanted to see me. So he got a hotel room in his city (an hour from me). He told me he got a room and we can go swimming, out to eat then out downtown at the bars. He said he wants to have fun before he leaves. He almost seems sad he is leaving too, every time I say something about it or say that we won't get to see each other he doesn't say anything. Since I don't know where I stand with him, I don't know what to think about the hotel. I've slept with him multiple times and I've never felt like a booty call but because he's leaving I don't know if that makes it different So I'm wondering if he only see's me as a booty call/sex toy that he will never speak to again after he leaves? Or is he trying to be romantic and this is his goodbye? Why don't you just ask where you stand? I don't really understand allowing people to go as far as meeting your family, yet you don't even feel comfortable having a frank conversation about what you're doing with each other and where things are headed. Relationships don't work by mind reading, assumptions, clues and guessing. You have frank conversation, and if you can't it's either because you're not ready for a relationship or you and that person are so uncomfortable with each other that you shouldn't have a relationship. Booty calls by definition though are when the person never takes you on date, you definitely don't meet their family, they usually just call you up late at night purely for sex. So far that's not been the case. However, you need to have a conversation about your relationship especially since he's leaving for 4 months. I would hate for the guy I'm seeing to be leaving and me having no clue what's happening...speak up!
strawberryshortstack Posted May 13, 2015 Posted May 13, 2015 My only worry in what you posted is that he's only affectionate after drinking. She never said this. What she said was: He is pretty shy and isn't affectionate until later on in the dates (whether he drinks or not).
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