Nephew will never come here again...

[Elmo]

...because he hurt my dog!

 

I haven't posted much on LS lately, though still read posts when I have time.

 

The last time I posted consistently was when I was freaking out that my nephew was going to be here for some holiday. The last holiday, Xmas, he spent here he tore down my 8 foot Christmas tree and rubbed cake into my beautiful, old, silk curtains. He was 10 at the time.

 

So....my BIL and wife and nephew come here a few days ago to visit us and other family in the area. They stay at a nice resort nearby. I am feeling the love and make a big family dinner last night.

 

Nephew is way bigger than last time I saw him. He is 12 and about 5' 10, 160 lbs. I'm not small...about 5' 9...but he was taller than me.

 

We all hugged, had a good time catching up, nephew even came in to help me chop some veggies for the salad. I asked him about school and he told me he didn't go much. The teachers were "against him". My neck hairs stood up about then...but, hey...I don't know his life...so just kept joking with him and appreciating the help with dinner.

 

We bbq'ed, ate, played in the pool...it was very nice.

 

Until I heard a little cry from inside.

 

I know the cry...it's my dog. Nobody else noticed, but I heard it and went to the back bedroom where her bed is.

 

There is that a--hole nephew holding her back legs down. She is on her back, like she does to get a tummy rub, but that creep is hurting her by trying to pin her legs to the floor.

 

I flew over to him and got him off my dog. Told him I was going to tell his Dad what he was doing. He told me I was crazy and that he was just petting her.

 

Shiela was under the bed at this point, not coming out for anyone.

 

I found my husband and told him to talk to his brother.

 

Brother seemed mad, kid denied, step mom of kid looked like she heard this too many times. By the way, we did this in private...away from the other relatives.

 

The rest of the evening was wrecked. At least for me and Shiela. She finally came out and I put her in another room and locked the door.

 

I will not have that psycho in my house again. Husband agrees, but we have to handle the rest of the weekend. Tonight we are all supposed to go to my FIL's and have dinner.

 

I'll go, but don't want to even talk to that psycho kid. I so feel for his step mom...but won't say anything.

 

I don't even know what kind of advice I'm asking for. But would appreciate it if anyone has experience with this kind of young person from hell.

[Pocky]

Sounds like they need to get this kid some help before he hurts someone in a more permanent manner. Abuse to animals is one of the key signs for kids with emotional issues and unwarranted aggression. If I were you, I'd find a way to get some literature to his parents without it being known it was me. Maybe see if there's a way to ask for information to be mailed online and put their information in. Maybe if they see this as a sign they'll take it more seriously.

[gwennebe]

Hmmm. That is a sticky situation. I know if someone hurt my dog I'd hurt them back. My dog is like a child to me. I would try to have a talk with the parents again in private without the nephew around if possible. Do you know if he's like this at their home? Is he an only child? Sounds like he has some kind of issues that need working.

 

If you can't resolve the problem I would do just what you said and find any excuse you can not to have them over to your home. It's your home and they need to teach your nephew to respect other's people's belongings including an animal.

 

Good luck!!

[quankanne]

time to dole out the tough love. Tell him in private and while he's with his folks that you expect guests, especially kids, to be on their best behavior in your house/on your property -- it's your place, so you have every right to set rules AND expect them to be followed.

 

explain to him that because he is so much bigger than the dog/small children/etc., he especially needs to be careful with them because it's very easy to hurt a smaller critter. IF he cannot be gentle, THEN he needs to avoid being around those smaller ones. He's old enough to understand that he is responsible for his actions.

 

sounds like the boy needs psychological intervention pronto, because it appears he has not learned those boundaries most kids do when they're even younger than that. Your BiL is not doing the boy any favors by allowing him to act without consequences, and the kid is just setting up future situations where he will be watched with an eagle eye, and you know he's not going to like that!

 

I hope your pup is doing better, and you too, elmo ...

[Elmo]

Thanks for all the replies/advice.

 

Tonight I am going to be polite if he talks to me, but not engage in conversation.

 

I know his dad is feeling guilty for divorcing the wacko mom when the nephew was 2. The bio mom is wacko...I know it sounds mean...but I've met her a few times and she was quite odd.

 

The step mom is great. A middle school teacher...very kind to her step son. Can't imagine how bad off he'd be without her.

 

So....I'm not getting into this with his dad. He knows what he is dealing with, after all. 2 or 3 years ago the nephew from hell HIT me in front of his dad for not giving him something he wanted. What did Dad do? Nothing. His reasoning: kid has ADD and it's not his fault he hit me.

 

Are they going to be invited to my house again? No way. How sick is that to hurt a little 10 lb. dog? I don't know if I explained exactly what he was doing....just pushing very hard on both hind legs so that the hips were being dislocated. Jesus! She is my responsibility and the only thing I can control in this situation.

 

Will I help if nephew needs it and I am asked? Yes. Doubt that will happen, but I wish them all luck. Just going to take my family out of the mix.

[SweetCakes]

The kid sounds like he needs some serious help! Hurting animals someday will eventually turn into hurting people! He sounds like an angry kid..not going to school -- now a days parents can get locked up for not making their kids go to school..which btw I think is completely wrong.

 

I would tell the parents that they need to find some help for their son, and that he couldn't come back over until everything was under control again.

[moimeme]

Abuse to animals is one of the key signs for kids with emotional issues and unwarranted aggression

 

This is an extremely serious issue. This isn't about AD/HD. This is psychopathy. There is a very strong correlation between kids who abuse animals and later violence against human by those kids. Don't slip any anonymous notes to the parents. In no uncertain terms tell them this kid is in serious, serious trouble. This is not just a badly behaved kid; this is a deeply troubled kid.

 

FBI and Scotland Yard recognize that violence towards animals is one of five key indicators of a person who will commit violent acts against people. A past history of violence is a predictor of future aggression.

http://www.cfhs.ca/Programs/HumaneEducation/ViolenceLink/ccbackgrounder4.htm

 

Over 20 years of research has established a clear link between cruelty to animals and violence toward humans, including child abuse, spouse abuse and other types of criminal violence.

http://www.ddaf.org/beyondviolence/

[Jlmic1]

Please don't back down on this issue. He absolutley should not be allowed to come back to your house and needs therapy. Just like everyone has been saying...

Violence towards animals most definetley leads to more criminal behaviour.

 

To me.. not much is worse than hurting an animal, it's like beating on a child. They are helpless.

 

I'm sure that his parents will understand that you don't want him to come over.. at least until he's rehabilitated. If they don't understand.. OH WELL.

 

I know that my dog is like my child and if I ever saw someone hurting her I don't know what I would do.. but banning that person from ever being around my dog would be a start.

 

Good luck to ya!

[Elmo]

Thanks for all the advice.

 

Dinner at FIL's was fine. I was not rude to the kid, said hello but stayed away from him.

 

I did spend time with his stepmom. She is fully aware of his problems. She said that the ADD diagnosis was dropped as well as his taking liquid ritalin. He goes to therapy once a week. They had him on mood stabilizers for a while until the psychiatrist said he didn't think it was a mood disorder. He will be going to an alternative school starting this summer (to make up time he missed).

 

I didn't make too big a deal out of it...just let stepmom talk. She didn't even vent (like I would have). She is very understanding. My BIL is a lucky man.

 

She is more than aware about the animal abuse/crime correlation. She thinks that wilderness camp might be in order in a few years and is trying to plant the seed in BIL's soft heart.

 

I feel sorry for these two...but still will not have the kid in my home again. Doesn't mean we can't visit them in other environments, so no harm to family relations.

[NiCoLe20]

ive read somewhere not too long ago about some effects of ritalin. i remember it stated something like they turn real aggressive occasionaly and abusive. they carry out these tendencies but cant help it b/c of the medication... i dont remember what site this was on but i remember this b/c my sister was on it for a little bit and i noticed this behavior with her. she turned suicidal, depressed, and violent.... we got her off the medication and onto zoloft and it helped... i really think its the meds that make kids act and behave the way they do.

[Elmo]

Originally posted by NiCoLe20

ive read somewhere not too long ago about some effects of ritalin. i remember it stated something like they turn real aggressive occasionaly and abusive. they carry out these tendencies but cant help it b/c of the medication... i dont remember what site this was on but i remember this b/c my sister was on it for a little bit and i noticed this behavior with her. she turned suicidal, depressed, and violent.... we got her off the medication and onto zoloft and it helped... i really think its the meds that make kids act and behave the way they do.

 

Thanks Nicole20...I think his parents understand the probs with the medications. Plus his Dr. took him off everything already.

 

He's not my kid... And I'm not totally anti-medication, but I think talk therapy is the way to go in this case. Still...he's not my son...and I understand why people do use medication. It is very complicated. Must be hell when it is your child.