Ruined it for all involved

[Edge of despair]

I am the unhappily married man with the so called perfect life who decided to pursue something new at the office.

With all the trappings of success- a huge house, a second home on the water, a boat, fancy cars, a beautiful little boy, a hot wife, plenty of money- yet something was missing.

I discovered my true life partner was in the office just 25' away from me. She's not really young, not really successful, but she was everything I've ever wanted.

It sounds so cliche- we started going to lunch together last year, then we met for drinks, then we shared our first kiss, then we became lovers and then we became addicted to each other.

Nothing was more important than to have some kind of contact everyday. She was single, I was not. Naturally I would come up with clever lies and cover stories to account for my late nights and out of town trips.

Eventually it was not enough for my OW. She fell in love with me and I with her.

I swore that I'd get divorced, sacrifice all that I had worked for to be with her- but I found it not so easy to dismiss my wife and child and comfortable life.

My OW broke up with me- went NC for 6 weeks. I was desperate to get her back. I said I would get a divorce and so she took me back, but that lasted 2 weeks.

I tried to work on the marriage- went couples counseling for 9 weeks, tried to focus on the family and reconnect with my wife, but I just couldn't.

I started texting my soulmate again and reconnected yet again, but fate is cruel.

My wife was pregnant with my child- another baby boy was on the way.

I told my mistress and she dismissed me forever.

I admitted to my wife about my affair and she kicked me out of the house.

So now I'm writing this to you alone from my hotel room.

I've lost all happiness and hope. All I feel is despair and loneliness.

I've hurt everyone who loved me have lost all of them.

I used to be a confident and optimistic man. Now I am alone and scared and fearful.

For those of you thinking about going for the OW/OM- don't!

End your marriage first, or be ready to accept your living hell.

Edited May 14, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[RoseVille]

Why did you OW dismiss you? Were you telling her that you weren't having sex with your W?

 

How long were you married and how long was your affair?

[Edge of despair]

Married for 10 years, affair lasted for 1 year.

I was not having sex with my wife, slept in separate rooms. We were intimate twice this year and it resulted in a pregnancy.

[Popsicle]

So here we are in this dreadful forum- the OW/OM

I am the unhappily married man with the so called perfect life who decided to pursue something new at the office.

With all the trappings of success- a huge house, a second home on the water, a boat, fancy cars, a beautiful little boy, a hot wife, plenty of money- yet something was missing.

I discovered my true life partner was in the office just 25' away from me. She's not really young, not really successful, but she was everything I've ever wanted.

It sounds so cliche- we started going to lunch together last year, then we met for drinks, then we shared our first kiss, then we became lovers and then we became addicted to each other.

Nothing was more important than to have some kind of contact everyday. She was single, I was not. Naturally I would come up with clever lies and cover stories to account for my late nights and out of town trips.

Eventually it was not enough for my OW. She fell in love with me and I with her.

I swore that I'd get divorced, sacrifice all that I had worked for to be with her- but I found it not so easy to dismiss my wife and child and comfortable life.

My OW broke up with me- went NC for 6 weeks. I was desperate to get her back. I said I would get a divorce and so she took me back, but that lasted 2 weeks.

I tried to work on the marriage- went couples counseling for 9 weeks, tried to focus on the family and reconnect with my wife, but I just couldn't.

I started texting my soulmate again and reconnected yet again, but fate is cruel.

My wife was pregnant with my child- another baby boy was on the way.

I told my mistress and she dismissed me forever.

I admitted to my wife about my affair and she kicked me out of the house.

So now I'm writing this to you alone from my hotel room.

I've lost all happiness and hope. All I feel is despair and loneliness.

I've hurt everyone who loved me have lost all of them.

I used to be a confident and optimistic man. Now I am alone and scared and fearful.

For those of you thinking about going for the OW/OM- don't!

End your marriage first, or be ready to accept your living hell.

 

Your wife is pregnant now?

Don't worry she'll take you back.

[RoseVille]

Curious.

 

Why didn't you just divorce your wife before getting involved with the OW?

 

Your story sounds scary familiar.

[Edge of despair]

Yes- pregnant at this very moment.

She quit taking the pill, never disclosed that derail to me.

[Edge of despair]

I love seeing my son everyday.

I thought I could move forward with divorce last year, but I didn't have it in me.

I regret that I didn't now.

[casey.lives]

well, the girl was willing to cheat with you .. why does it bother her now.. you're still cheating??

[j_mysterio]

I wish you the best of luck man.

[Edge of despair]

No more cheating. I haven't seen her in 3 mos.

[RoseVille]

I love seeing my son everyday.

I thought I could move forward with divorce last year, but I didn't have it in me.

I regret that I didn't now.

 

What does that mean, that you didn't have it in you?

[Edge of despair]

It means that at that time I was not ready to accept losing 1/2 of my assets and daily access to my son.

[Edge of despair]

Now, if I could turn back time, I would gladly sacrifice the financial cost to get the divorce and be with my life partner.

[Popsicle]

Now, if I could turn back time, I would gladly sacrifice the financial cost to get the divorce and be with my life partner.

 

Come on you don't mean that. You wanna be back with your wife. And you will.

[RoseVille]

Now, if I could turn back time, I would gladly sacrifice the financial cost to get the divorce and be with my life partner.

 

And yet in your OP you tell people to not get with an OW.

[Popsicle]

Hopefully this spurs a renewal of your R with your wife. I hope she can get past it and you forget about the OW.

Edited May 14, 2015 by Popsicle

[whatatangledweb]

Who do you want your wife or your OW ? Are you divorcing now that your wife knows?

[HappyAgain2014]

Not bashing but note it's still all about you. Your assets, seeing your son, you being alone in a hotel room.

 

Imagine raising one child while being pregnant with another while your husband pursues the possibility of being with his "life partner."

 

Sadly, both of these women probably believe they lost. Hopefully you can find some sense of responsibility and empathy for them instead of focusing on yourself.

[minimariah]

End your marriage first, or be ready to accept your living hell.

 

that AND don't sleep with your W & OW at the same time -- without any protection. i think that's the real lesson of this story.

 

my heart breaks for your W... but it breaks soooo much more for the OW -- imagine what it feels like to have your "soul-mate" tell you that, instead of getting a divorce, he's having another child on the way. like, imagine having an actual proof that your soul-mate couldn't even care enough to put a damn condom on or to get a vasectomy.

 

with a soulmate like that, who needs enemies?

[minimariah]

Married for 10 years, affair lasted for 1 year.

I was not having sex with my wife, slept in separate rooms. We were intimate twice this year and it resulted in a pregnancy.

 

ain't nobody dumb enough to believe this, sorry.

[sandylee1]

Hi

It doesn't come across as though you discussed whatever was missing with your wife and that's not fair at all. I assume that 'something' was there when you married her or you.

 

I canonly imagine how devastated your wife is to discover her husband cheated and she's now pregnant. A time that should be joyful being absolute turmoil for her. She will forever know as your unborn child grows up, how you were cheating at the time. Think about the woman you vowed to love and honour.

 

What do you want at this point?

Has your wife kicked you out to get some space?

Do you think she'll want to reconcile? Will you?

Do you still see your ex mistress at work?

Did you tell your wife you were in love with the other woman?

 

Remember, your affair didn't come with the reality of living together, having kids, domestic life and everything else. It seems great without havingto deal with the stresses of life.

[georgia girl]

Really? You just left your pregnant wife to raise your two sons alone - and despite the fact that she kicked you out, you abandoned her when you had an affair and somehow imply that she trapped you?

 

You also pursued - even when she attempted to break free - a woman you loved but deliberately lied to to maintain your lifestyle?

 

And you are looking for our empathy? Sorry. Both are well-shod of you. You made deliberate and selfish choices that you knew had a strong possibility of not just hurting but literally crushing others. Actions have consequences. I RARELY unsympathetic here to anyone, but this is too much for me.

[Ruffian1]

It means that at that time I was not ready to accept losing 1/2 of my assets and daily access to my son.

 

 

And there you have it, unmitigated selfishness of a cake eating cheater who was honest enough to admit it and not demonize his BS as justification. I salute your honesty sir.

 

 

Please divorce your W, be generous, pay CS, after all -you have just been using her for the last year.

 

 

Then go find your OW and beg her back and live in happiness.

[cocorico]

but fate is cruel.

My wife was pregnant with my child- another baby boy was on the way.

I told my mistress and she dismissed me forever.

I admitted to my wife about my affair and she kicked me out of the house.

 

 

It doesn't sound like _fate_ that was cruel.

 

Telling your lover your wife was pregnant was pretty cruel - presumably you'd led her to believe there was no sex?

 

Disclosing the A to your wife was pretty cruel, when she'd discovered she was pregnant.

 

What did you expect would happen when you told your lover you'd impregnated your wife? Did you hope she'd see it as everyone dance and now evil your wife was, conspiring to trap you in a loveless marriage against your will? Or did you hope she'd look past your claims of a loveless, sexless marriage and accept that sometimes "these things happen", and that because of how secure she was in her love for you, it would be something you could both "rise above"...?

 

What did you expect to gain from disclosing the Affair to your wife? Did you expect her to understand how close she'd come to losing you - now, with another baby due - and how urgently she needed to pull out all the stops to make the marriage attractive to you? Did you expect her to admit that the pregnancy was her last-ditch attempt to keep you invested in a marriage she'd seen you checking out of, pledging to become a better wife?

 

What were you hoping for?

[goodyblue]

This is pretty sad from beginning to end. Good luck.