To Tony, please help.

[Mike]

Tony,I like to ask you about something you said on your reply to the message i posted March 2, 2001 Friday at 10:56pm with the subject "lonely and insecure, i need help.".

 

You mentioned there:

 

"I've already explained this. Insecurity is NOT sexy. By nature, women want a protector...someone who is confident and self assured. They don't want to have their ass kissed. They don't want somebody who's going to be around all the time to wait on them on bended knees. That sickens most women, except for the users who will use you until they get

 

everything they want...and then LEAVE!!!"

 

My question is what do you mean by users? What are the things they want to get from me and if they got everything they wanted then they just leave me? How can i tell if a girl is a user?

 

Thanks.

[Tony T]

1. "My question is what do you mean by users?"

 

A user is a lady who doesn't particularly care about you but enjoys the things you can do for her, the influence you have in certain targeted circles, the things you buy for her, the places you can take her, etc. She has no feelings for you whatsoever but hangs out with you for what she can get.

 

She will do little things to keep you hanging on, to give you hope, but it's just hot air. As odd as it sounds, a user will rarely tell you they love you. For some reason they will rarely go that far. Otherwise, they are the biggest teases on the face of the earth.

 

Users are usually attracted to people with low self-esteem who think they have to buy their women. A user can smell a generous sucker a mile away and go for it. Sometimes they date a guy a few times to see just how far they can take him. They will talk about you behind your back to their girlfriends, tell them what a sucker you are, and let them know what they've gotten out of you recently.

 

Sometimes when the user is done with you, one of those girlfriends will use this information and go for you as well. Users usually travel in packs and once the word is out that you are a sucker, they will find their way to your door...one after the other.

 

Users are usually younger women. Most often they break out of this habit after hurting enough people and seeing that it's pretty much a dead end thing. But there are some users that can be bought all their lives and have no problem marrying some stupid idiot with lots of money and pretending to love him as long as the cash keeps coming in. Once they've got tenure in the marriage, they divorce him for a nice settlement and move on.

 

You can tell a user by using your smarts. If you're giving a lot more than you're getting, if you feel like you have to keep doing things to keep somebody around, if she rarely if ever does anything for you...and when she does it is very little...you are with a user. Use your own good sense. If you feel like you are being used, you are!!!

 

2. What are the things they want to get from me and if they got everything they wanted then they just leave me?"

 

A user will usually have other things going behind your back, but she will always be open to nice dinners; jewelry; trips; help with homework; loans; being taken to concerts or other expensive functions she can talk you into; influence in getting a job or any other material things or services that are valuable to her that you can provide. Users are often attracted to men who are popular in the community or well known for their generosity.

 

They usually don't break up with you because they are usually very deceptive and they are seeing someone behind your back who doesn't give in to their crappy demands. You won't see them again when they cease to get rewarded for being with you and/or when you discover and bring to their attention the fact they are using you.

 

Users don't like to get found out. The best way to never, ever see one again is to let her know you know her game. They really hate that.

 

Users will be very jealous if you look at other women or have anything to do with other women at all. But they aren't jealous because they care about you, they are terrified that you'll give another girl something or do something for them that you could have given to them or done for them. They don't want your kindness and generosity to be directed to anybody else but THEM. That jealousy you mistake for them liking you will trap you every time. Don't fall for it.

 

You can actually create a user out of a girl who formerly was not. If you're with a girl who likes you marginally so you decide you've got to impress the hell out of her or buy her, you can do that with some girls. They will be amused and hang around as long as the goodies are coming. But they too will usually find a nice man with good self esteem on the side.

 

Users usually reform and end up in fairly good relationships, due to maturity and being with a guy they really love who won't let them use them....in case you're wondering.

 

They will NEVER have anything whatsoever to do with those they've used because of the guilt and shame they feel. They know what they are doing, just like bank robbers. They know it's wrong...but, like laboratory rats...they will continue doing what they get rewarded for doing.

 

3. "How can i tell if a girl is a user?"

 

I think I've already gone over that very well above. But if you're having problems with telling, just work on it. It's pretty easy. The big problem is girls usually use a guy they know is head over heels for them. That's the tool of their trade. They know if you have flipped for them, you'll do just about anything for them.

 

There are some women, not too many, but some who never feel any emotion at all. They don't want to go as far as being a prostitute but using a guy more fits the limit of what they'll do. Of course, a prositutde gives value for value in an agreed upon transaction. Dealing with a user is one way and one way only. The only thing you'll get in return for your generosity is an empty pocketbook or an empty feeling...or both.

 

You have to understand there are some girls, users, who can take beautiful rings, jewelry, etc. and have NO FEELINGS FOR YOU WHATSOEVER. While you are giving out of love for them, they are taking out of pure greed. When they let you loose, they'd just as soon go sell the stuff as keep it.

 

Once is a while, a user will strike again the second time with you if she thinks you still have feelings for her. Yes, and guys will take them back on the outside chance they can win their true love. WRONG!!! Once a girl has you pegged as a sucker, she can never gain respect for you...NEVER.

 

I hope I have answered your question and I pray you are not currently being used and that you will take whatever measures to see that it doesn't happen in the future.

[Tony T]

It's just NOT a real good idea to be too kind or too generous very early on in a relationship. First, it shows desperation, even if you're just a naturally nice guy who wants to do it from the heart. DON'T!!!

 

A girl who is inclined to be a user will pounce all over this generosity and she knows how to manipulate to get more. She knows how to make you believe the more you give the more likely she is to be your one and only.

 

Be kind and respectful to all ladies. But give material things intermittently...and don't give a lady anything expensive for at least a year or more. I don't think women really appreciate a lot of emotion early on either. The good ones want to feel that your love came from getting to know them over time.

 

Don't go out of your way to make contacts or do other things for her. Oh yes, she'll be happy but she will also see what her puppy dog is capable of and you will cease to be a guy to her and begin to be her Fido who will fetch whatever she wants.

 

I also want to say that there aren't very many chronic users out there but the ones who are certainly make up for the majority who aren't.

 

Men can use women the same identical way. It's a jungle out there sometimes.

[sparkle]

I am impressed! I enjoyed reading the above 2 posts about users. You never cease to amaze me!