nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) Hi, I would be interested to hear from anyone in an open relationship and how it works for them. I am in a one sided open relationship with my girlfriend of 3 years. We are best friends and love each other very much. I have chosen to remain totally faithful to her, she has the freedom to date and have a lover / lovers whenever she wants. In the six months since our open relationship started, she has dated 7 guys and slept with 2 of them. The most recent guy is now her lover. By mutual agreement the only rules are that she does not date anyone from our social circle & she does not bring any guys to our home. I will never meet any of her dates or lovers. Apart from that, she can see whoever she wants, whenever she wants. Yes she does have unprotected sex with her lover. She hides nothing about her exploits, she shows me her text messages and tells me what she has been doing with them. Our relationship is free from jealousy and our sex life is healthy. I am in no way a downtrodden wimp type. In fact, the whole situation has added an extra exciting dimension to our relationship and has brought us even closer together. Edited May 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs Link to post Share on other sites
SSM3 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 This is going to end in tears 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 This is going to end in tears You are well entiled to your viewpoint. TBH after 2 failed conventional marriages I could not be happier than I am now with my new relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Have you heard of AIDS? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 yes i have Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Do you get to date and sleep with other women? How many have you had? Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 yes i have And do you know that unprotected sex is a very good way of getting it? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Do you get to date and sleep with other women? How many have you had? I am free to if I wish. But I choose not to. I am 11 years older than her at 49. I have done my fair share of playing the field. It works for us Link to post Share on other sites
baco Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 If you are both confortable and happy with this arrangement you have my support. What I don't agree with is the unprotected sex, that is just outright irresponsible, do you at least do a regular full std panel ? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 And do you know that unprotected sex is a very good way of getting it? We are well aware of the risks thank you Link to post Share on other sites
alsudduth Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I think that if this works for you great. I don't think I could ever be ok with that type of relationship. Kudos to you for not harboring any jealousy towards her exploits. I would however be concerned for you on the unprotected sex she is having with other men....I would suggest an amendment to your mutual agreement, and ask that she protects not only herself but you as well. I have a friend who while in the process of an amicable divorce, was sleeping with this other guy who gave her the chlamydia, and then before she knew she had it, slept with her ex and gave it to him, who then unknowingly gave it to the girl he was sleeping with. STD's are nothing to be nonchalant about! Please protect yourselves and others! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I replied to this in the cheating thread, probably should have put it here. I'd share others' concerns about STDs, but other than that I think it's great. I'm polyamorous and I'm in generally very open relationships, but I'm very much on the safe side. (I only sleep casually with other women.) I get tested frequently and vet my partners very thoroughly before they're a go. But yeah, it can be a very rewarding arrangement, and no it's not automatic doom, far from it! 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Make it a two-sided open relationship and you're good to go. This way you're trampling on your own self-value. You needn't act on it if you don't want to but definitely make it clear that you're going be open to other sexual partners as well. I only know of one story regarding open relationships; guy had an affair, loved his OW "more than anything", the typical scenario. Guilt killed him though so he confessed to his wife but demanded an open marriage or else he'd divorce her; the wife agreed. A few weeks after this arrangement husband's relationship to OW goes from tense to sour so he dumped her and hoped to improve things at home, offered going to marriage counseling, but it was too late. 4 months later she served him the divorce papers and is preparing the move to OM in a different state - with their baby daughter. Meh, no wonder cheaters attempt to keep their affair a secret, there's indeed much to be lost. Link to post Share on other sites
Buck Turgidson Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Make it a two-sided open relationship and you're good to go. Why bother? He's happy. She's happy. What's being served by insisting on a privilege he's never going to use, other than to introduce one more complication into the relationship that could be a potential sticking point? It seems to me you're insisting on the concept of "fairness" over and above the actual preferences of the people involved. A relationship should be that which makes its members happiest, regardless of how fair or unfair it seems to outsiders. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Phoenician Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 op , It seems that you were hurt a lot in the prvious relations , and you care about not being lied on rather than cheated , I do understand you ... apart from STDs , I see no issue except that with time you will love that women or hate her . in both cases you will be hurt .... Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 My feeling on open relationship is it's all fine as long as you don't also live with the person. Because living peacefully with someone demands a lot more attentin and respect than that and it also makes you feel you are in some sort of long-term situation and you have those expectations. Open relationship should be living apart and just dating around, because why live together without commitment? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Open relationship should be living apart and just dating around, because why live together without commitment? Same question here. An open relationship is contradictory to a committed relationship. It's illogical to say you have both. You're just pretending to be committed to each other. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 That's not true at all. I understand that many ppl can't wrap their minds around the concept, but it's really a bit offputting when you take that to the next level and essentially say a person who you don't know lives relationship lies because of your lack of understanding. Seems like it should be an easy shrug-your-shoulders moment if you're really unbiased. Outright uninformed condemnation sounds like ax-grinding judgmentalism. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
coryreply Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 That's not true at all. I understand that many ppl can't wrap their minds around the concept, but it's really a bit offputting when you take that to the next level and essentially say a person who you don't know lives relationship lies because of your lack of understanding. Seems like it should be an easy shrug-your-shoulders moment if you're really unbiased. Outright uninformed condemnation sounds like ax-grinding judgmentalism. Sorry Jen. I didn't mean for my response to sound so judgmental. I do have a horribly difficult time wrapping my mind around how this would work though. It seems at some point, someone is bound to get hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
central Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 We've had an open relationship for 15 years. Early on, it was a polyamorous relationship - we each had another love interest. It then morphed into swinging and open. Mostly we did couple swaps, but we each played separately at times. Now, it's mostly me who does - she does only rarely, with one or two people we met during our swinging days who became friends. I've had a FWB for the past several years whom I see regularly. We are socially connected with all of these people. Like you, we are completely open and honest with each other, and there is no jealousy. Essentially, we're the best each other has had, and we're deeply in love. However, we both enjoy sexual variety, too. While we're each other's filet mignon enjoyed daily, sometimes we just want chicken! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Sorry Jen. I didn't mean for my response to sound so judgmental. I do have a horribly difficult time wrapping my mind around how this would work though. It seems at some point, someone is bound to get hurt. Thanks for being cool about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 Thank you for your comments. As I already said it works for us both. And yes partners and gf get std tested. It is in my opinion a very beautiful arrangement not stifled by jealousy. Not eveyones cup.of tea.. most could not get their heads around it. I love it the way it is. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 There's little more beautiful and inspirational than a sexually thriving woman in her sexual prime exploring and experiencing all the sexual possibilities available to her. IMO. Enjoy, nick. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Why bother? He's happy. She's happy. What's being served by insisting on a privilege he's never going to use, other than to introduce one more complication into the relationship that could be a potential sticking point? It seems to me you're insisting on the concept of "fairness" over and above the actual preferences of the people involved. A relationship should be that which makes its members happiest, regardless of how fair or unfair it seems to outsiders. And why would his GF have a problem with him sleeping with other women? Link to post Share on other sites
Author nick1966 Posted May 18, 2015 Author Share Posted May 18, 2015 I benefit from the arrangement as well. Her sex drive has increased massively. She is more open to trying new things sexually with me (and her lover) She always wears sexy lingerie, stockings, basques and heels. She has become more loving and attentive to me and is visibly happier as am I. We both enjoy making love when she gets home from being with her lover and she tells me every detail which is a turn on for both of us. It has both enriched and strengthened our relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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