Saturn1990 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I am a submissive man who is attracted to dominant women. I will never be happy in a relationship with a woman who doesn't give me a little push. The fantasy I have in my head is one day a woman threatening to kick my butt if I do not ask her out. Link to post Share on other sites
bachdude Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 There is nothing wrong with what you want, Saturn1990. I just have a word of caution, from my own experience. My ex-wife was a very dominant woman. I am pretty middle of the road type of guy when it comes to being an assertive/leader type. She thought I was too passive and it turned her off. She was more aggressive than me in regards to career and in her daily interactions with others. It was a big problem between us. In other relationships with less aggressive women this wasn't an issue at all. I took initiative enough for them. So be aware that how much of a leader you appear to be in the eyes of the woman you are dating will be in comparison to her level of assertiveness and leadership. In other words, be sure she is ok with you being a different personality type than her. Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I am a submissive man who is attracted to dominant women. I will never be happy in a relationship with a woman who doesn't give me a little push. The fantasy I have in my head is one day a woman threatening to kick my butt if I do not ask her out. Be careful for what you wish for.... Cuz, one day she's gonna corner you, put you up against that car of yours, pull those pants down, wrap her leg around you and f-you against that car. BTW, you know the kicker here? Men can even have erections in time of stress - so women raping men is something that just can happen you know... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Be careful for what you wish for.... Cuz, one day she's gonna corner you, put you up against that car of yours, pull those pants down, wrap her leg around you and f-you against that car. And ... that's a bad thing? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 And ... that's a bad thing? It can be... I sometimes get upset when a guy can bring me to orgasm...cuz that means he "got me"... Some of us don't want someone to have that power over us... Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 It can be... I sometimes get upset when a guy can bring me to orgasm...cuz that means he "got me"... Some of us don't want someone to have that power over us... Like he "won"? Dang, Gloria, sex should be about everybody winning. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Like he "won"? Dang, Gloria, sex should be about everybody winning. Yeah, but you lose if he's really good. Then you wanna come back for 2nds. And, the guy who can "get" to you is gonna have you in the palm of his hand. I mean, like Madonna in Erotica - "Poor is the man who's pleasures depend on the permission of another" Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 There is nothing wrong with what you want, Saturn1990. I just have a word of caution, from my own experience. My ex-wife was a very dominant woman. I am pretty middle of the road type of guy when it comes to being an assertive/leader type. She thought I was too passive and it turned her off. She was more aggressive than me in regards to career and in her daily interactions with others. It was a big problem between us. In other relationships with less aggressive women this wasn't an issue at all. I took initiative enough for them. So be aware that how much of a leader you appear to be in the eyes of the woman you are dating will be in comparison to her level of assertiveness and leadership. In other words, be sure she is ok with you being a different personality type than her. There's a difference between dominant and domineering tho. And it sounds like maybe your ex was dominant IRL and actually wanted to be dominated in the bedroom, if she was wanting you to be more aggressive. Unless she wanted you to challenge her. As a genuinely sexually dominant woman, I like submissive men, but ideally they should be masculine men who just end up submitting to me, not utter damp dishcloths. You have to have self-respect, but I don't want to have to fight you too much. If it's domme vs. dom, that can just become too much of a fight sometimes. You need to submit to me eventually. (It's inevitable anyway lol. ) 3 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 A strong woman is usually not going to have much respect for anyone who isn't her equal in that regard. Yes, she may flirt and go on a few dates before she finds out the guy is too weak for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saturn1990 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 A strong woman is usually not going to have much respect for anyone who isn't her equal in that regard. Yes, she may flirt and go on a few dates before she finds out the guy is too weak for her. That depends. If she has an emotionally abusive personality then she will want a guy who is submissive. If abusive men still exist then so do abusive women. The plus side with being with an abusive woman is that there will be cycles when the relationship is bliss such as when she apologizes and tries to make it up to me before the next wave of abuse. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Are you conflating dominant with abusive? Not sure I agree with that. There can be 'abuse' play with dominant women, but if a woman genuinely abuses a man, that's not legit dominance. It's being domineering and pretty far out of the sexual realm. Even outside of sexuality, an ethical dominant woman will care for and nurture her partner(s), not harm them. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Are you conflating dominant with abusive? Not sure I agree with that. There can be 'abuse' play with dominant women, but if a woman genuinely abuses a man, that's not legit dominance. It's being domineering and pretty far out of the sexual realm. Even outside of sexuality, an ethical dominant woman will care for and nurture her partner(s), not harm them. Agreed... In my evolution from Femenazi to Classic Feminist, I've learned that. Before, I took pride in tearing down men and there are times that anger towards men is still there...but, I've learned it's much more sweeter when you treat a guy sweetly. Now I "play my part" and let him take the lead role. I am a strong woman in "support" of her man, not trying to crush him and/or be his "mommy"...Now, in the bedroom, there may be a bit of hair pulling and then some And, what goes on in our bedroom is no body's business and that's why bedroom activity is private. What we do in the bedroom is linked to our psyche. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saturn1990 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) Personally I would rather get physically shoved by a woman than to get rejected. Rejection hurts more than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse I am still getting some attention even if it is negative. There's a price to pay for getting what I want and that price is sometimes enduring some physical pain. Edited May 15, 2015 by Saturn1990 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Personally I would rather get physically shoved by a woman than to get rejected. Rejection hurts more than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse I am still getting some attention even if it is negative. To be honest, you really need therapy. Wanting negative attention isn't mentally healthy. I guess that's what love looked like to you growing up. But it's horrible for kids to be around. And also, it is not that easy to find a woman such as you described -- fortunately! You have painted yourself into a corner. I wish you the best, but you definitely need to see a psychologist. What you have isn't a fetish. It's just mental problems. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Personally I would rather get physically shoved by a woman than to get rejected. Rejection hurts more than physical abuse. At least with physical abuse I am still getting some attention even if it is negative. There's a price to pay for getting what I want and that price is sometimes enduring some physical pain. I agree with jen and the others here about domineering vs dominant...I also agree that people can have one way in the bedroom and another outside the bedroom... I also believe I'm a "switch"....like that porn I was watching last nite...I wanna be on top of him and getting mines and watching his eyes roll behind his back. Then, him taking over and dominating me! But worst, I seem to derive pleasure bringing out the animal in him...where I'm in control, but he then takes over to control me. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saturn1990 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 To be honest, you really need therapy. Wanting negative attention isn't mentally healthy. I guess that's what love looked like to you growing up. But it's horrible for kids to be around. And also, it is not that easy to find a woman such as you described -- fortunately! You have painted yourself into a corner. I wish you the best, but you definitely need to see a psychologist. What you have isn't a fetish. It's just mental problems. Having a different preference to the majority does not mean I need therapy. There is no therapy that can cure me because one isn't needed. I need to embrace myself and be true to myself. That's the only way for anyone to be happy not by conforming to what is considered normal. That's a boring existence. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Saturn1990 Posted May 15, 2015 Author Share Posted May 15, 2015 I would have a hard time finding a woman like this? So peraph you are saying that women who exploit and abuse are a rare find and that most women are good? Maybe where you live. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Saturn, are you 'resigned' to that sort of RL treatment, or are you saying you have a sexual kink where you like to get pushed around (including physically) by strong women? Two very diff things. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 Having a different preference to the majority does not mean I need therapy. There is no therapy that can cure me because one isn't needed. I need to embrace myself and be true to myself. That's the only way for anyone to be happy not by conforming to what is considered normal. That's a boring existence. No. This isn't healthy. You need to change. You do need to love yourself and accept you are who you are but love yourself enough to make the changes you'll need to ever have a healthy happy life. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) I would have a hard time finding a woman like this? So peraph you are saying that women who exploit and abuse are a rare find and that most women are good? Maybe where you live. Exploit is one thing. I don't know any women (and I'm 62 and met quite a lot of people in my lifetime, and many on the fringe, not just your garden variety folk) who would do this AND have sex with you. Because what's abusive about having sex with a man? It's like saying God is both all-powerful and benevolent with so much evidence to the contrary. You would probably have to pay a prostitute to pretend to be this way. But then that would mean you'd have to be proactive enough to go after a prostitute, so I think it's a dead end. Edited May 15, 2015 by preraph Link to post Share on other sites
TunaCat Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 I am a very dominant woman. I'm looking back at my most recent ex and I'm realizing that I overlooked his doormat personality. He always agreed with me, instead of having his own opinion. He held me up on a pedestal which I didn't realize until recently. We never argued, and contrary to popular belief, that's not normal. We didn't argue because he always agreed with me without question. He was so passive and he never challenged me. I need someone who is willing to challenge me. Someone who is willing to disagree with me and have his own opinions. Link to post Share on other sites
blackcat777 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 On the flip side, I LOVE to be submissive. Obviously in bed, but learning how to let go and allow my man to take the lead outside the bedroom has worked wonders for the relationship (it's where we both want to be). That being said, as someone who loves to submit, I absolutely DO NOT tolerate any bad behavior toward me. If something hurts, if something is immoral, if something makes me uncomfortable, I will say it. And if my feelings aren't respected, I'm done, because I deserve to be respected. If you are submissive in nature, you need to be clear on your boundaries and what is healthful. Being submissive does not waive your responsibility to care for yourself. Submission is an expression of social hierarchy, which is determined AFTER survival needs are met. Survival needs = caring for yourself, and not purposely seeking out destructive situations. Also, I can take a lot of pain in the bedroom, but physical violence is NEVER, EVER, EVER how my boyfriend chooses to solve a problem. Or emotional/psychological violence, for that matter. It's fine to sub. It's nearly impossible to have a healthy relationship if you don't respect yourself. It makes no sense for a dominant person to invest long-term in a person who refuses to care for themselves. Happy subbing. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveweary11 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 (edited) This thread really interests me because I can never find sexually dominant women. I dominate everything in my life. Literally everything. I'm type A, Alpha whatever to the bone. If there is a dude I can't dominate in normal life, I eliminate him. lol No joke. If it were less civilized times, I'd probably be killing them off. BUT... I like to let go and enjoy the mystery/ride when it comes to sex. I like a girl who dominates sexually. Hell, if she's good enough, I think it'd be fun to have sex withheld until I did the dishes or polished all the silverware while she sat around in a hot outfit making me polish or scrub faster. Typically, my chicks all want me to dominate, which is not only kind of boring, it's what I do all day. I don't want to come home to spend my weekend dominating in bed too., Edited May 15, 2015 by loveweary11 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 This thread really interests me because I can never find sexually dominant women. I dominate everything in my life. Literally everything. I'm type A, Alpha whatever to the bone. If there is a dude I can't dominate in normal life, I eliminate him. lol No joke. If it were less civilized times, I'd probably be killing them off. BUT... I like to let go and enjoy the mystery/ride when it comes to sex. I like a girl who dominates sexually. Hell, if she's good enough, I think it'd be fun to have sex withheld until I did the dishes or polished all the silverware while she sat around in a hot outfit making me polish or scrub faster. Typically, my chicks all want me to dominate, which is not only kind of boring, it's what I do all day. I don't want to come home to spend my weekend dominating in bed too., I think we'd get along. I actually do that kind of stuff to the BF once in a while. It's pretty cool bc I get my laundry done etc. all the time. Here's a tip if you ever find one tho - don't just be a straight up pussy. You have to let her 'make' you do stuff and serve her. I don't mean like by force, but just forex, it's best for her to tell you to do the dishes and you obey, not you volunteer to do them. (Unless she said that's what she wanted.) I'm a little surprised there are no dominant women in NY. Don't they all tend to have attitudes? You'd think they'd be bitchy/bossy too. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 15, 2015 Share Posted May 15, 2015 This thread really interests me because I can never find sexually dominant women. I dominate everything in my life. Literally everything. I'm type A, Alpha whatever to the bone. If there is a dude I can't dominate in normal life, I eliminate him. lol No joke. If it were less civilized times, I'd probably be killing them off. BUT... I like to let go and enjoy the mystery/ride when it comes to sex. I like a girl who dominates sexually. Hell, if she's good enough, I think it'd be fun to have sex withheld until I did the dishes or polished all the silverware while she sat around in a hot outfit making me polish or scrub faster. Typically, my chicks all want me to dominate, which is not only kind of boring, it's what I do all day. I don't want to come home to spend my weekend dominating in bed too., ....sit down, shaddup, eat your cupcake and drink your milk. NOW. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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