Author RoseVille Posted May 19, 2015 Author Share Posted May 19, 2015 Roseville - I am sorry you are being discouraged from posting. There used to be more OP only boards that allowed one to work through their emotions in a more supportive environment. Love takes some obsessive venting/posting! It is a strong emotion to work through and, trust me, when others are in turmoil they are racking up the posts as well. Just learn to put people on ignore if they really annoy you and take the advice that works for you and leave the rest. I started a journal when we were broken up to help work through everything and to also give me a place to express my emotions without turning to him. Since he had been such a pivotal person in my life, the main person I went to for emotional support, suddenly losing the person is hard! I promise, it does get better. Right now you are in the middle of an angry ocean, waves are hitting you from all sides but if you just ride with it, things will calm and the sun will peek out. I promise. Since I tend to be an analytical person (so strong emotions are very unsettling for me), I also looked at it like needing to learn new muscle memory. So I knew I had to put down new patterns to go over the old patterns. That takes time to become rote so be gentle with yourself. I also (though I can't say I advise it) started doing some casual dating. While nothing came out of it, I have some hilarious stories about myself and made a friend as well. I also realized I was a disaster and dating was not something I should be doing seriously! I can't tell you what will happen, I can't tell you if this will end with him coming back free and clear or not, but what I can promise you, and I do promise this, you will be awesome in the end. No matter what you will have amazing things happen to you in your life, you will have a lot of happiness, and you will thrive. You just have to believe that. You are a hot commodity and if he is too stupid to see that, well then he was always too big a fool to deserve you. You now have the power. If he comes back you can decide if you want him or if you have moved on. And if he doesn't you will know you are better for it. Because you aren't the one in flux, you understand how you think and feel, and you know you have direction. Your life isn't a big sea of mud that you are blindly going through. And just that alone gives you a huge leg up. Try and see the silver linings where you can find them, ride through your emotions, and have faith in yourself. No matter what, you will be happy. I promise. Thanks, Got It. You're right about all of it, and I know it. On the drive in to work, a song came on the radio that was my breakup-healing song from the worst/most devastating breakup I ever went through. It was just a couple years ago. The song came on, and I thought back to that time, and felt totally fine. It reminded me that I always come out okay, even better, actually. I've been through a LOT in life, and I've come to be quite resilient. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 There is a lot to be gained from taking some time to just "be still". A quieting of the mind can be healing as well. true, but quieting of the mind isn't the same thing as silence & it doesn't mean that Rose needs to stop writing. besides, i think writing about everything and letting it all out, thinking - that helps Rose to get to that "peaceful mind" point. so i really think writing is excellent for her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ladydesigner Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 (((RoseVille))) start as many threads and post as often as you need to. Take what you need and leave out the rest if it does not apply to you. You are correct in that posting so often is probably helping you sort this out. I know it was true for me when I was the MOW and it is true for me as the BS too. We are all here confused or hurting. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Is it possible for a WS to truly be working on his marriage, "figuring things out," trying to make it work (for the kids), because he has a glimmer of hope that they'll find the passion and connection that's been missing for a decade... ...if he's still enmeshed in an affair? PA and/or EA? A PA/EA that, by his own words, gives him confidence and is good for his ego, because he feels unwanted and rejected as a man in his marriage? Is it good for a guy to keep smoking meth while working on his meth addiction? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I agree that you should post as much as you feel. It's brave to post. It takes courage to step forward and be vulnerable to the responses of others. Who knows how many people are reading and re-reading the forums? They are not being judged, nor should they be. If it helps them to feel better, why not? As you work through these feelings, remember that you are moving toward a place of integrity. You are moving toward having a more integrated life, that does not involve secrets or deception. He claims he's doing that, but yet I see no action. Unless he confesses the A to his wife and they rebuild from there, then he is not operating from integrity. He is maintaining a charade and forcing her to play a part in it about which she is completely ignorant. You don't want that kind of life. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted May 20, 2015 Share Posted May 20, 2015 Should one guess the same thing about an AP? Never changes? Always just an ap? More than likely yes. Link to post Share on other sites
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