Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 This 3 day weekend sucked. It seems everywhere I went I passed by them. To make it even more fun his parents live down the road from me and they were there together. I'm fluctuating between anger and pain but it seems that pain wins out most of the time. I'll never understand how someone can just go on with their life care - free, with no thought to the damage and pain they've caused. I know you're not supposed to feel this way but I just hope someday she experiences just half of the pain I'm feeling. So at what point is this supposed to get better? Because I'm not feeling it. Link to post Share on other sites
sober and dry Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 That's very normal you know... It will get better with time as days, months go on. Probably it will only get really better after you are properly healed. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 25, 2015 Author Share Posted May 25, 2015 That's very normal you know... It will get better with time as days, months go on. Probably it will only get really better after you are properly healed. Yeah, I hear you. I've just been very depressed this weekend. I don't get it...I've NEVER felt like this, even when my marriage ended. I think it's because it took me so long to let someone in, and when I do they break my heart and move right on to another guy. It's pretty discouraging, future - wise. Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted May 25, 2015 Share Posted May 25, 2015 Yeah, I hear you. I've just been very depressed this weekend. I don't get it...I've NEVER felt like this, even when my marriage ended. I think it's because it took me so long to let someone in, and when I do they break my heart and move right on to another guy. It's pretty discouraging, future - wise. If there was ever a post on these boards I can relate to, it is the above. Me ex cheated on me and dumped me 6 months ago. The guy she left me for was "just a friend" as well. I am still hurt and get angry daily. This weekend sucked bad as they were out in my town ( they both live 35 miles from where I do) and saw them walking hand in hand every day. But what really stood out was your statement about you marriage not hurting as bad when it ended. I was married for 17 years and I don't remember feeling this bad at all. I guess we are normal. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Question: I still have some of her stuff that I plan to dump at her parent's (she had more stuff than I knew I guess). I would have gotten rid of it all but we've been having massive rain and flooding here which made it impossible. I have a feeling she'll show up wanting to get the stuff but I really don't want her in my house. Should I ignore her if/when she contacts me or take the high road and let her get the stuff? I'm not trying to hold her stuff "hostage" or anything but I feel I can get some of my self-respect and power back back if I do it myself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 (edited) Question: I still have some of her stuff that I plan to dump at her parent's (she had more stuff than I knew I guess). I would have gotten rid of it all but we've been having massive rain and flooding here which made it impossible. I have a feeling she'll show up wanting to get the stuff but I really don't want her in my house. Should I ignore her if/when she contacts me or take the high road and let her get the stuff? I'm not trying to hold her stuff "hostage" or anything but I feel I can get some of my self-respect and power back back if I do it myself and not let her dictate terms (plus I don't want her scumbag new guy anywhere near my house). Sorry for the double post. Tried to edit and messed it up it seems. Edited May 26, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Anyone have any advice for me? Link to post Share on other sites
irishguy Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 Dump it at her parents , then you wont have to see her . Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 Dump it at her parents , then you wont have to see her . I plan to do that, but what I was asking was what if she shows up first to pick the stuff up? Do I just ignore her (which will probably result in a face-to-face, which I don't want) or tell her I'll take care of it? Link to post Share on other sites
frigginlost Posted May 26, 2015 Share Posted May 26, 2015 I plan to do that, but what I was asking was what if she shows up first to pick the stuff up? Do I just ignore her (which will probably result in a face-to-face, which I don't want) or tell her I'll take care of it? I doubt she would just show up unannounced. If she contacts you (hopefully via text or email and not over the phone), set a time and leave her stuff on you porch. When my ex contacted me she wanted to meet at a coffee shop and exchange stuff there. Nope. Told her that her stuff would be on the porch at a certain time and to pick it up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Share Posted May 26, 2015 I doubt she would just show up unannounced. If she contacts you (hopefully via text or email and not over the phone), set a time and leave her stuff on you porch. When my ex contacted me she wanted to meet at a coffee shop and exchange stuff there. Nope. Told her that her stuff would be on the porch at a certain time and to pick it up. I would do that, but my porch is way too small and one of her items (a tanning bed) is much too heavy to move by myself. I'm trying to get some help to get it out of there, though. I guess I'll just leave her stuff in the garage until she either shows up or I take it myself. And yeah, she wouldn't show up unannounced but she would send me a text when she's on the way to get it instead of establishing a time before-hand. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 /rant I swear, this roller-coaster of emotions just plain sucks. Yesterday, I was feeling good...working out, not thinking angry or hurtful thoughts towards her, even forgiving to an extent. Today, all the hurt feelings are back and all I feel is hate and anger. I'm not normally like this so it feels even worse than it probably is. STILL haven't heard a word from her, either. I know that's the point but it still hurts. NC is one of the hardest things I've ever done. /rant over Link to post Share on other sites
GorillaTheater Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I think you'd feel a little better if you got her crap out of your place. What I'd suggest is renting a storage unit for a month, get a buddy to help you move the heavy stuff, and mail her the key, telling her when the rental is up. It'll cost you a few bucks, but well worth the peace of mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 27, 2015 Author Share Posted May 27, 2015 (edited) I think you'd feel a little better if you got her crap out of your place. What I'd suggest is renting a storage unit for a month, get a buddy to help you move the heavy stuff, and mail her the key, telling her when the rental is up. It'll cost you a few bucks, but well worth the peace of mind. I plan on getting rid of her stuff this week rain or shine. Regardless, it's all in my garage and I don't even look at it. My mind works too much I think. I know I shouldn't care what she's doing or whatever but I do. I try to push that sh*t down but it keeps coming back up . Edited May 27, 2015 by Unlucky_I_Guess Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 28, 2015 Author Share Posted May 28, 2015 Continuing my journal here... Yesterday was horrible, today not so bad. I wish I had more days like today. She's still on my mind almost all the time, but as more of a background shadow than at the forefront. I had a weak moment this morning but it passed fairly quickly. I've noticed that mornings are bad for me...I'm assuming because I wake up and it's like the breakup happened all over again with her not being there. I suck it up and drive on, though...what else can you do? I don't chalk it up to hope, but I still find myself hoping I hear from her again someday. Not to get back together, but just because we were a part of each other's lives for so long. If I haven't heard from her by now though I guess I'm not going to. Oh well, life goes on. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 Well, I FINALLY got all of her stuff packed up and took them to her parents'. As I kinda suspected, her dad had no idea what was going on. He cornered me and asked what the hell is going on? So I gave him the short version...I didn't want to badmouth his daughter in front of him. What got me is he got madder and madder...at her. He told me she needs her ass kicked for what she's pulling and he hopes she shows up with "that weasel sumbitch" (his words, he's a country boy) lol. All in all, not a bad day. :-) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 29, 2015 Author Share Posted May 29, 2015 So far, today hasn't been too bad. I still go through the missing her stuff but it's not as strong as it was. I think the talk I had with her dad really helped me see that I wasn't totally at fault here and that I wasn't wrong in my thinking that there was more that could have been done if she actually cared. Plus getting rid of her stuff probably helped too...especially when her dad said that he didn't care if her stuff got rained on. Her and her "boy toy" could come get it, he wasn't moving it. lol 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 I went out tonight and made some new friends. We're supposed to get together on Sunday for a Game of Thrones party...so why am I so close to texting her and telling her just how much I miss her? She won't care which hurts even more. When I was heading out, her car was over at his parents house. I thought it was awesome that I was hanging out and making new friends while she's spending her Friday hanging out with his parents. So why do I feel so sh*tty? This sucks. Link to post Share on other sites
forumman83 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 DO NOT TEXT HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! You will regret the shi* out of it if you do. Just realize that you're in it for the long haul and you're looking at probably months of emotional healing ahead. Don't try to rush the process and don't cover it up with dating, going out, booze, drugs etc. Just deal with it. Face it head on. You will be a stronger and better person for It; and when you are your ex will regret leaving you. But that is a long ways down the road. Cheers my friend. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 30, 2015 Author Share Posted May 30, 2015 Thanks for the encouraging words. Don't worry, like I said she won't care what I have to say anyway so texting is useless. I'm just trying to deal and understand which is probably futile at this point. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 Today was a roller coaster day for me. I woke up kind of down and kind of hovered at that feeling most of the day. This evening, a friend of mine who was unaware of the situation asked about her. He was shocked when I told him we were no longer together, and even more when I told him who she left me for, because he knows the guy fairly well. According to him, he's bi-polar, OCD, extremely clingy and controlling and has attempted suicide before. This on top of what I already knew about him, including not having or being able to keep a job. After hearing all this, all I could do was shake my head at the choices she's making. It sounds bad, but I drove home tonight with a smile on my face...for the first time in a long time. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 He told me she needs her ass kicked for what she's pulling and he hopes she shows up with "that weasel sumbitch" (his words, he's a country boy) lol. It all makes sense now. I kept wondering what kind of parents would think it was ok for their young 20-something daughter to be living with a man old enough to be her father. That just explained it. Seriously. Next time date a woman your own age. Young girls like this are just too damned unpredictable. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 It all makes sense now. I kept wondering what kind of parents would think it was ok for their young 20-something daughter to be living with a man old enough to be her father. That just explained it. And what is that supposed to mean? It sounds a bit demeaning to me... I get what you're saying, but it came across as condescending. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Question about NC: I received a call from the car finance company that her car payment is 11 days past due. Should I contact her to see when she's going to pay it? I'm co-signed on the car and this affects my credit. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted June 4, 2015 Author Share Posted June 4, 2015 Anyone have any advice? I really don't want to contact her but this is fairly serious. Link to post Share on other sites
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