Husband had affair with best friend and they are still together

[rooskie21]

After being married for 18 years, I caught my husband having an affair with my very best friend of 30 years. This is his second affair, I tried to forgive and work things out with him after his first affair. I started noticing the same affair behavior in him as he had 7 years ago. I confided in my best friend for months about it. We would meet a couple of times each week for lunch, and talk on the phone daily. She was in the process of asking her husband for a divorce, so I was helping her with that, as well.

After weeks and weeks of telling my husband I knew he was having an affair, and him lying about it, I finally decided to ask him to move out. It was making me a nervous wreck, and I was consumed with trying to figure out what was going on. 12 days later, I showed up at my best friend's house unannounced, and caught them naked together. Even then, she tried to lie about it and say that nothing happened (they were naked!). My husband showed no remorse at all. None. To this day he has still not ever said he is sorry. This all happened 10 months ago.

Since then, I have filed for divorce. My husband won't talk to me at all, and is very hateful toward me for some reason. My former best friend won't talk to me at all, either. It's like they twilight zone, like we are complete strangers. They said they broke off their relationship, but that was a lie, too. Our children are on the same ball team, and we would all have to be in the same gym for games. They would sit separately and pretend they weren't together, but they were. I guess they got tired of hiding their relationship, because they are open about it now. They go on dates in public, hold hands in public, etc. Our divorce isn't final yet. I am really struggling with seeing them together. It's the worst double whammy that could ever happen. She and I have been friends since grade school. She was like an aunt to my children. My younger child even had her as a teacher. We live in a very small town, so I am always running in to her. She just acts like she never knew me. They plan to stay together, they say they are in love. I have no idea how to deal with that. If they end up getting married, she will be a stepmom to my kids, be at their birthdays, graduations, wedding, birth of grandchildren. It's just too much to even get my head around. I can't stand the fact of them together, and having it thrown in my face for the rest of my life.

And the worst part about it is, I have been battling a horrible illness for years, and they were both a huge part of going to the doctor, etc.... It's a progressive illness with recurring tumors, and I have a lot of major medical issues, testing, treatment, possibly more surgeries (have already had 5 surgeries for this). I've lost my medical partners, the people that got me through it all.

The sting of betrayal still seems like it was just yesterday. No idea where to go from here.....

[i am gutted]

oh my god.....wow. I really don't know what to say.

 

 

I really do feel for you and am sorry , I have no advice on it.

 

 

please look after yourself, I suppose the first thing that came into my head is that they will get whats coming to them soon.

 

 

take care. x

[whichwayisup]

Just love your children and try to heal well. Get counseling because this double betrayal is damaging. Two people whom you loved and trusted hurt you to the core, did the worst possible thing to you. I'm so sorry for all that you're going through.

 

Don't try to figure them out, they are selfish and f'ked in the head.

[No Limit]

Both of them are rats, so at least you got them out of your house. But the small-town-part is worrying, and definitely delays healing. At the same time moving into a neighbor town would pull your kids out of their home environment - although I do wonder if it is still harmonic since their daddy has been the gossip of town for a long time now.

 

Fight for your ground. No, you don't need to accept her at birthday parties in your house and so on. I know you're running low on energy - who wouldn't be after these experiences? - that's why you should focus on kids and yourself only. The moment you notice your thoughts go in their direction you re-direct them elsewhere immediately. And yes, counseling will help you sort things out, definitely.

[Artie Lang]

i'm at a total loss for words... seriously. just try to take care of yourself and your children.

[minimariah]

No idea where to go from here.....

 

where to go? you go forward, sweetheart. nowhere else to go BUT forward.

 

surround yourself with people who love you & put your children AND you 1st. go through with the divorce, deal with finances & custody. sit down with your children and make sure they're good with the transition. be careful and treat them well - pay attention and if you notice any kind of problems or trash talking by your xH or best friend... report it & file for sole custody. seek professional help for both you and your children - no shame at that.

 

is moving away an option for you?

 

communicate with your xH ONLY around important things, things that concern your children. be polite & civilised, no drama.

 

you will get through this, one era of your life is finished... on to another one.

 

take comfort in the fact that you lost nothing by losing your xH & best friend -- they didn't even have it in them to come clean to you & the fact that they act like they don't exist? speaks volumes.

 

keep your head high, do not feel embarrassed or ashamed.

in this scenario, you won -- trust me.

 

grieve and let it all out and then pick yourself up & move on. 2 poisons are out of your life, hopefully forever - there will be a day you'll celebrate that.

 

and most importantly - take care of your health.

[BurnedAndLost]

After being married for 18 years, I caught my husband having an affair with my very best friend of 30 years. This is his second affair, I tried to forgive and work things out with him after his first affair. I started noticing the same affair behavior in him as he had 7 years ago. I confided in my best friend for months about it. We would meet a couple of times each week for lunch, and talk on the phone daily. She was in the process of asking her husband for a divorce, so I was helping her with that, as well.

After weeks and weeks of telling my husband I knew he was having an affair, and him lying about it, I finally decided to ask him to move out. It was making me a nervous wreck, and I was consumed with trying to figure out what was going on. 12 days later, I showed up at my best friend's house unannounced, and caught them naked together. Even then, she tried to lie about it and say that nothing happened (they were naked!). My husband showed no remorse at all. None. To this day he has still not ever said he is sorry. This all happened 10 months ago.

Since then, I have filed for divorce. My husband won't talk to me at all, and is very hateful toward me for some reason. My former best friend won't talk to me at all, either. It's like they twilight zone, like we are complete strangers. They said they broke off their relationship, but that was a lie, too. Our children are on the same ball team, and we would all have to be in the same gym for games. They would sit separately and pretend they weren't together, but they were. I guess they got tired of hiding their relationship, because they are open about it now. They go on dates in public, hold hands in public, etc. Our divorce isn't final yet. I am really struggling with seeing them together. It's the worst double whammy that could ever happen. She and I have been friends since grade school. She was like an aunt to my children. My younger child even had her as a teacher. We live in a very small town, so I am always running in to her. She just acts like she never knew me. They plan to stay together, they say they are in love. I have no idea how to deal with that. If they end up getting married, she will be a stepmom to my kids, be at their birthdays, graduations, wedding, birth of grandchildren. It's just too much to even get my head around. I can't stand the fact of them together, and having it thrown in my face for the rest of my life.

And the worst part about it is, I have been battling a horrible illness for years, and they were both a huge part of going to the doctor, etc.... It's a progressive illness with recurring tumors, and I have a lot of major medical issues, testing, treatment, possibly more surgeries (have already had 5 surgeries for this). I've lost my medical partners, the people that got me through it all.

The sting of betrayal still seems like it was just yesterday. No idea where to go from here.....

Does.this illness happen to be neurofibromatosis? There are many support groups for this if ot is.

 

Honestly, if i were you i would move away if i had that option. Even just 30 or 45 minutes away would help. A lot of times a change in scenery can help immensely.