BelCanta Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Married 15 years, very independent lives--maybe too independent? For the past year or so, my husband has developed this habit of going out after work and saying he'll be home at, say, 6:30 or 7:00, but not showing up until 10, 11, even midnight. I don't begrudge him his social life, but I would appreciate a phone call, especially since he is usually on his bicycle and I worry about him riding at night. Here's the rub: he does not own, nor will he purchase, a cell phone. His friends all have them, so I'm not sure why he just can't borrow one. It just makes me feel really disrespected--he says I'm overreacting. If he were a different kind of person, I'd think he was having an affair (this thought has crossed my mind on multiple occasions), but he's super, super shy and I can't imagine him doing that. There are, to be sure, other issues in our marriage--our sex life (or, to be more forthcoming, lack thereof) is the major one. But for some reason this simple act of not communicating with me when he is out and about really makes me angry. Am I overreacting? Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I think it's common courtesy to inform the person you live with if you'll be back so much later than you said. I don't believe you are overreacting and not having a cell phone in this day and age is really rare. Why doesn't he just say he'll be home at 11 pm then you wouldn't worry. It's unfair that you're worrying something could have happened to him and how are you meant to contact him in an emergency. You mention other problems in the marriage and I suggest if you wantto have a better marriage, you seek marriage counselling and raise the issue of his lack of communication there, as you haven't had any luck talking to him about it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
GardenDiva Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 You're absolutely not overreacting. Your husband is conducting himself as if he was single. Does he ever even tell you where he goes? Just throwing this out there but have you ever questioned his sexual orientation? Not meaning to offend in any way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 How are you sure he is not having an affair? Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I also would not just disregard the fact that he might be having an A just because he does not seem to have the personality type. Someone who is going out and hanging out till 10 or 11 cannot be that shy. You mentioned the lack of sex in your marriage. Is that because you do not want sex or he does not want sex? Has the lack of sex always been there? For must couples, unless they both agree that sex is not important, it is an issue. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I also would not just disregard the fact that he might be having an A just because he does not seem to have the personality type. Someone who is going out and hanging out till 10 or 11 cannot be that shy. ...... Quite. I mean, he was shy, but he got together with you.... didn't he? Link to post Share on other sites
CarrieT Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 OP, you came here last year because of your sexless marriage. Now your husband is out for hours-on-end? How are you sure he isn't getting sex elsewhere???? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
writergal Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 I think it's common courtesy to inform the person you live with if you'll be back so much later than you said. I don't believe you are overreacting and not having a cell phone in this day and age is really rare. Why doesn't he just say he'll be home at 11 pm then you wouldn't worry. It's unfair that you're worrying something could have happened to him and how are you meant to contact him in an emergency. You mention other problems in the marriage and I suggest if you want to have a better marriage, you seek marriage counselling and raise the issue of his lack of communication there, as you haven't had any luck talking to him about it. I agree with sandylee1. You've been married for 15 years. The least your husband could do is just tell you that he'll be home at 11 p.m., since he won't borrow a friend's cellphone to call you. Have you two ever discussed marriage counseling? OP, you came here last year because of your sexless marriage. Now your husband is out for hours-on-end? How are you sure he isn't getting sex elsewhere???? That's exactly what I was thinking when I read your post, OP. Clearly, your husband doesn't respect your feelings if after 15 years he won't call you to tell you when he'll be home, and the fact that he acts like a single man going out every night while you stay at home, worried frantic about where your husband is because he refuses to call you to tell you what he's up to. If he's not open to marriage counseling, maybe he'll finally respond when you mention "divorce lawyer" to him. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 At best your husband is an alcoholic. An after work drink & home by 7 I could handle. Always staying out late & refusing to call is a problem. Buy him a cheap cell phone, add the line to your plan for $10 & tell him to call or don't bother to come home. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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