biggles6087 Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Well I'm a 38 year old male I would consider myself an easygoing lad quiet but have a great group of friends.When someone dumps me I find it really hard to cope with the rejection not like my other friends who seem to quickly move on and all now are happy and married . I seem to take for ever to get over that person who has dumped me and confidence gets trashed .I never hate that person I have a good kind heart of gold and a lot of love to give someone but I keep on been let down know matter what I do. I don't think I can handle this any more all I want to be is loved when i get dump instead of say there loss I go to pieces and say oh know not again It's like I'm hitting a brick wall all the time I have a thread up called (don't know what i done wrong ) it explains everything that happend .I'm sitting on my bed now and the tears are just streaming down my face I'm so tired and hurt I seriously think I wont get over this one and I'm worried on why I let people in like this the whole time I don't want to change the type of person that I am but why can't I find love Any advice please would be great my head is in a mess. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 You sound like a great guy and sensitive too. Rejection is very hard as I found this evening. We know we are both decent and loving people so it truly is their loss. All I know is that when it is the right person, things will work out If it's getting hard work or they are not reciprocating and being loving, they are not the right person. Love happens at a very deep level and is not something we (or they) have much control over. It just has to happen for both at the same time. I don't know if it's of any relevance to you, but I know for myself that my family background was rarely affectionate and mostly critical. I think this makes coping with rejection harder because it brings up all those kinds of hurt and threatened feelings. If your background was like that too, it is really important to recognise that may have something to do with why you find it harder to bounce back than your friends. You are a loving and good person whatever deep-seated beliefs you may have about yourself. Please recognise and nurture those precious qualities. Someone special will recognise them too, I'm sure. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted May 16, 2015 Share Posted May 16, 2015 Any advice please would be great my head is in a mess. From my journal: Feel the feeling. Be with yourself feeling the feeling. Love yourself for being with yourself. Love yourself for being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author biggles6087 Posted May 17, 2015 Author Share Posted May 17, 2015 You sound like a great guy and sensitive too. Rejection is very hard as I found this evening. We know we are both decent and loving people so it truly is their loss. All I know is that when it is the right person, things will work out If it's getting hard work or they are not reciprocating and being loving, they are not the right person. Love happens at a very deep level and is not something we (or they) have much control over. It just has to happen for both at the same time. I don't know if it's of any relevance to you, but I know for myself that my family background was rarely affectionate and mostly critical. I think this makes coping with rejection harder because it brings up all those kinds of hurt and threatened feelings. If your background was like that too, it is really important to recognise that may have something to do with why you find it harder to bounce back than your friends. You are a loving and good person whatever deep-seated beliefs you may have about yourself. Please recognise and nurture those precious qualities. Someone special will recognise them too, I'm sure. Thank you for your kind comment I'm not to bad today just really confused over my feelings the ex want to be friends but I'm not so sure I can be at the moment.I do have a tough time dealing with rejection I think it comes from dad he walked away 8 years ago still speaks to my sisters but he wont ever see me.I don't know what I have done he won't even meet my 7 year old son.I think thats where it comes from. Link to post Share on other sites
GoldieLox Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thank you for your kind comment I'm not to bad today just really confused over my feelings the ex want to be friends but I'm not so sure I can be at the moment.I do have a tough time dealing with rejection I think it comes from dad he walked away 8 years ago still speaks to my sisters but he wont ever see me.I don't know what I have done he won't even meet my 7 year old son.I think thats where it comes from. I'm willing to bet that's where a lot of it comes from. A word of advice, don't be friends with your ex. It's going to make it more difficult for you to move on. You said it yourself, you have a heart of gold and a lot of love to give. Start projecting that attitude onto others. It's a lot easier said than done, I know... but the more we stay stuck in our own heads, especially when our self-esteem takes a beating, the more we become our own worst enemy because we get into this terrible mindset that we just aren't good enough for anyone at all. That's not true. Link to post Share on other sites
spiderowl Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Thank you for your kind comment I'm not to bad today just really confused over my feelings the ex want to be friends but I'm not so sure I can be at the moment.I do have a tough time dealing with rejection I think it comes from dad he walked away 8 years ago still speaks to my sisters but he wont ever see me.I don't know what I have done he won't even meet my 7 year old son.I think thats where it comes from. I can see that must be really difficult to deal with. I'm sure you haven't done anything and the problem is with your Dad and something in his mentality. It's awful that it's affecting you like this though. I know it's hard but you need to realise that their behaviour - your Dad, your ex - is down to them and probably nothing to do with what you have or haven't done. They had their issues which took them elsewhere, that's all. Try not to cling on to your ex because people can sense if someone is very afraid of losing them and has become extra vigilant about them. That can get suffocating and a bit scary. In a relationship, one likes to feel free but with the partner from choice, not because they would fall apart if you left. This may not apply to you but it's a trap any of us can fall into. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted May 17, 2015 Share Posted May 17, 2015 Any advice please would be great my head is in a mess. Heh, yep, remember when I was your age facing similar rejections and having done so for a good 20 years prior. At some point along the way, probably after being married in my 40's, I stopped caring. Some days I miss that but not very often. In the big scheme of things, over decades, any one individual isn't that important. You've seen the evidence in all the rejections you've experienced. You weren't that important. It's OK to feel that way about others too. You don't get any rewards at the end for being kind and sensitive, that's for sure. You just get dead. Link to post Share on other sites
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