Cadybug Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 Ok, so my husband and I are having problem. I view his looking at web cams a problems, he says it isn't. We are in counseling and trying to make this work. He said in our session that he would look at it less. The problem is that everyday since then he has been looking at these pages. He doesn't seem to understand that the browser is the same even though he has a different sign-in than me. I haven't brought this up yet. Also, he has several women that he knows and texts semi-a lot. I snooped in his phone and found a message that said something like, 'Maybe enough time for some _______ and _____ love sessions' I looked more and found two other names that I didn't recognize. I am hit with the jealousy monster big time!!! He told that he is just goofing around and if wanted to be with someone else, he would leave. I can't help thinking, yeah be with someone else, what about just sex? We have big trust issues due to his alcoholism. He is sober now and doing a good job at it. This morning the woman mentioned above sent him a text asking if they could do dinner on Sunday instead of lunch. He was in the shower so I looked at it. Have I totally invaded his privacy or should I be worried like this? Also this particular woman slept with one of his friends and when I ask him if hes interested in her he says this is a reason why he wouldn't want her. What I am upset about is his not representing me as a person he respects. By overtly flirting with her I feel like it can't help but diminish me in her eyes. What do I do? Link to post Share on other sites
PeachyHalo Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 I am a jealous person and won't leave my husband because he has never done anything with anyone and I know he wouldn't, I am just hit with the jealousy monster for other reasons I won't get into now. But, your man is being extremely extremely disrespectful. You are NOT invading his privacy if you suspect something is happening, or could possibly happen. Sometimes you just gotta find out things for yourself if someone isn't going to be honest. You're right, just cuz he isn't going to up and leave and be with someone else doesn't mean he won't sleep with someone else from time to time. I truly admire you going to counselling, and I guess you have to give him some credit for actually going, but I don't think he's really taking any notice of what you have to say or feel. He is being inconciderate and rude. I realise you love him, and i'm sure he loves you too... but sometimes love isn't enough. I would hate to tell you to leave him as that's easier said than done, but I don't see any other choice here. Keep trying and if you really can't get thru to him, you need to leave him before he does you wrong. Viewing webcams and recieving strange text messages and flirting is WRONG WRONG WRONG. If he is doing this infront of your eyes, imagine what he is doing behind your back!! You can download some spyware software on the net for about 10 bucks I think, you can track whatever your partner is doing online without them knowing it. You need to get down to the bottom of this, do whatever it takes. I was watching Montel Williams and someones husband was having an affair (with another man) and doing **** online, so she tracked his every move and discovered the truth. Montel and the audience else applauded her for it. It may seem like an invasion of privacy but it is HIS fault for disrespecting you. I am not saying any of this due to his alcohol problem, he is sober and that is fantastic. But he has other issues right now. I will kill my man if he did that to me... do not stand for it, be strong and don't let it get you down too much. Good luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cadybug Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 I told him that I was totally committed to changing and making our relationship work. He said that he didn't think that was true because I'm trying to find out things about him. I said that I need a man that will represent to the world that he loves and respects me and that, for lack of a better phrase, he was my man and I was staking my claim. Today is the day that he is supposed to go out to lunch with her. When I said that I knew they were supposed to go out, he shook his head and said weirdly that they weren't. I'm calling his work and checking if he's there. This is all so stupid and complicated. I have never felt threatened like this before. I have always trusted him. That, I think, is what is keeping this going. I can't help but act on my instincts. I also feel like calling her. I shouldn't, right? She doesn't even know me, even though they have know each other for three years. Link to post Share on other sites
innerconflict Posted April 25, 2005 Share Posted April 25, 2005 Wow...that's just craziness. Your guy is being totally disrespectful and dishonest. He has been caught and now feeling guilty. And somehow trying to turn the tables on to you. Make YOU feel guilty for catching on. Like the other poster said, leaving him is easier said than done. But I hope his behaviour doesn't escalate into something else, for your sake. Good luck with whatever you decide to do. Life is too short to be mistreated by another human being. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cadybug Posted April 27, 2005 Author Share Posted April 27, 2005 I am so upset and need to vent! Today we talked about how he has never had to conform to anyone else's needs and he rebels when he has to. He said that I was inventing all these things in my head and that there was nothing going on. I think that is beside the point as I told him that it is humiliating to me that he would carry on like that with another woman. So today, guess what he did? He let her take him and my son out to dinner! Then continued to act like I had no reason to be upset! Deliberately seeing someone that I have told him I have a problem with is just beyond the pale to me. He has no respect for me and why should he? I stayed with him while he drank and did drugs and stayed out all night and stole my money, basically allowed him to treat me like dirt, like a non-person. I think I have given all I have to give and I cannot stay with a man that disrespects me like this. I am really hurting and yet still feeling like I have done something wrong. Like I had no right to bring all this up in the first place. Am I crazy? Also he lied to me and said he didn't look at porn yesterday. Or the day before, or the day before that...... Link to post Share on other sites
innerconflict Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 mmmm....you seriously need to get out of that situation. It seems to get bigger and bigger. Link to post Share on other sites
scarlyjones Posted April 27, 2005 Share Posted April 27, 2005 if you saw your man about to stick his *thing* in another woman and he slipped and fell before he could get it in,.....its still cheating. Too many people think that cheating is limited to the actual ACT. If you WANT to cheat,...that means your relationship is over. Just because the act doesnt happen due to lack of opportunity,.....or privacy,....doesnt mean he hasnt betrayed you. He is a dog. He lied to you just so he could talk to OTHER WOMEN !!! What does THAT tell you???? If he thought it was okay,..he wouldnt hide it. The man HAS cheated on you even if he never actually touched another woman. He has betrayed your wedding vows. "Foresaking all others" ...........this is a vow. Not just some buzz words you say at a ceremony. He lied to you,..to his family,...and to God. He would go ballistic if you were "just goofing around" too. Continuing to flirt even though its destroying your marriage is disrespectful. The man obviously has no respect for you at all or his marriage. Im sorry,...but this man sounds like a HUUUUGE liar and LOSER..... Link to post Share on other sites
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