Ex Likes my FB Phots

[forumman83]

Hey all.

 

Just wanted an opinion. Met a girl about a year ago. We connected pretty quickly and really liked each other. Hung out for a couple weekends and things were litereally amazing between us. About three months in, I went to visit her in her town a couple hours away. I got pretty sick before I went up and almost cancelled but went anyways. Weekend didn't go very well cuz I was a bit quiet and not really myself having to meet her family, mom/dad and sister while I was physically ill. She could tell that I was off. I appologized and told her it was just because I wasn't feeling well but I think it was more than that. Maybe I just wasn't ready.

 

I returned home after the weekend and basically wasn't the same confident guy I was when I met her. I was grasping and she could feel it. Calling too much, texting too much, apologizing too much...you get the drift. Coupled with the fact that she was going overseas for a year for work (we were supposed to continue dating during this prior to this terrible weekend) and things just slowly faded away. I wished her best of luck on her trip and accepted that I lost her.

 

I've been dating around for about a year. Gone out with Lots of different girls and I don't have the same connection with any of them. It's quite sad actually. I know she felt strongly about me at the time prior to me blowing it. She made comments like "you're the perfect guy" and "so are we exclusive?" etc. But I knew I couldn't get her back because I wasn't myself anymore, so I let her go.

 

I didn't hear from her basically at all while she was away but over the past 2.5 months she has liked a couple quotes I posted on Instagram. One was about learning to be alone before you can truly be with someone else. I took note but didn't make too much of the fact that she liked it. Then recently I changed my FB profile picture and she liked that photo too along with one of my comments on it.

 

It really got me thinking that maybe she's trying to open the door a bit? She should be returning within a month or two from abroad and I'm not sure how to proceed. I've really healed a lot since the breakup but she has always been in the back (or maybe even the front) of my mind.

 

What do you all think?! Pursue something, or let bygones be bygones?

 

Thanks!

[forumman83]

I should add also that, judging by her FB account, she appears to be single still. I think she's like me and is very picky and probably doesn't fall in love very easily...

[mrs rubble]

I really don't think her liking a quote a picture and a comment on social media means she wants you, if that were the case my cousins, my old girl guide leader and workmates must all want me because they all liked a pic I put up the other day.

Don't get your hopes up.

I'd send her a message anyway, asking her to meet up when she gets back so you can hear about her time overseas and catch up. Then take it from there.

[aloneinaz]

Sounds like she lost interest in you when in your words "you blew it".. I'd leave the ball in her court. If she has interest in seeing you, she has the means to do it.

 

In the meantime, keep dipping your toes in the dating pool. You never know, your next date could become the love of your life..

[RoseVille]

I really don't think her liking a quote a picture and a comment on social media means she wants you, if that were the case my cousins, my old girl guide leader and workmates must all want me because they all liked a pic I put up the other day.

Don't get your hopes up.

I'd send her a message anyway, asking her to meet up when she gets back so you can hear about her time overseas and catch up. Then take it from there.

 

This.

 

It also doesn't sound like she's really an "ex"? Suggests to me you put to much emphasis on little things.

[forumman83]

I really don't think her liking a quote a picture and a comment on social media means she wants you, if that were the case my cousins, my old girl guide leader and workmates must all want me because they all liked a pic I put up the other day.

Don't get your hopes up.

I'd send her a message anyway, asking her to meet up when she gets back so you can hear about her time overseas and catch up. Then take it from there.

 

Haha, yes all very good points. I'm not saying that she's sitting there dreaming about me every night but I do wonder if some nostalgia creeps in once in a while. Like I said, I think we both experience a connection that neither of us have had before. I didn't just conjure this up in my head, I experienced it and she told me that she did as well.

 

Yeah, I am definitely sitting on the fence right now about messaging her though...don't want to misread things, ya know?

[forumman83]

Sounds like she lost interest in you when in your words "you blew it".. I'd leave the ball in her court. If she has interest in seeing you, she has the means to do it.

 

In the meantime, keep dipping your toes in the dating pool. You never know, your next date could become the love of your life..

 

Yeah she lost interest for sure. At least mostly anyways...and rightfully so In my opinion. So you would suggest just leave it as it is?

 

And trust me, my toes are still in the dating pool but, after the connection I had with her, everything else seems boring and uninspiring.

 

This.

 

It also doesn't sound like she's really an "ex"? Suggests to me you put to much emphasis on little things.

 

Yeah, well it was fairly short for sure so I see what you're saying. But it was very intense. Maybe I do put too much emphasis on little things but it's not like I do this with every girl. I've dated a lot in my lifetime and this is the only girl I have ever felt that way about and I think part of the reason I felt so strongly is because she felt the same way about me, so it was mutual...otherwise I think I would have moved on and chalked it up as something that just didn't work out.

 

Any suggestions...?

[aloneinaz]

My suggestion? Keep looking, dating, etc.. You'll find someone new to trip your trigger and make you wonder why you spent so much time thinking about this other girl.

[forumman83]

My suggestion? Keep looking, dating, etc.. You'll find someone new to trip your trigger and make you wonder why you spent so much time thinking about this other girl.

 

I see what you mean. I hope to meet a girl like that for sure! I decided this week that I am not gonna be "trying" to date anymore. If I happen to meet someone and it feels right, then fine...but over the past year or so I was actively trying to meet people, forcing it if you will, and it never ever went anywhere. I'm not really into just dating if I dont feel strongly about the person, it's like "what's the point?"

 

I just don't think one can force a connection...but I think that's what I was trying to do. So I'm just gonna stay single until somethin crazy happens!

 

Thanks for the advice!

[Mrlonelyone]

Social media by itself doesn't mean anything either way. (Plenty of cheaters and broken couples have FB pages full of lovey dovey images.) Look at concrete actions or lack of actions. That is what makes or breaks a relationship.

 

That said:

 

Given the reasons for the break up it is possible she might have some interest when she comes back. Interacting on social media just means your name isn't mud to her.

[forumman83]

Social media by itself doesn't mean anything either way. (Plenty of cheaters and broken couples have FB pages full of lovey dovey images.) Look at concrete actions or lack of actions. That is what makes or breaks a relationship.

 

That said:

 

Given the reasons for the break up it is possible she might have some interest when she comes back. Interacting on social media just means your name isn't mud to her.

 

Ahh, well said Mrlonely. I never thought of it like that. So it basically doesn't mean anything except that she doesn't dislike me...?

[forumman83]

I talked to a couple friends about it and also my sister. One friend said that yeah, I should contact her. Worse case scenario she lets me know she's not interested and I can get closure and move on.

 

My sister and other friend basically said it doesn't mean much and if she wanted to contact me for real she would.

 

Now I'm more confused than ever!

[Ruby65]

Seeing as you feel it was your needy/insecure/"weak" behavior that ruined things between you, I wouldn't make a move. I think you really need to suck it up and go old school alpha male on this girl if you hope to rebuild attraction.

 

Play it cool and do nothing. If she eventually messages you, be friendly but not overly gushy.

 

But you can't reach out or give her one iota more contact than she's giving you at this point. You must give her less than she's giving you, always. Your instincts to jump on the smallest bit of contact will send her running.

 

Honestly, you might just be too into her -- or too nice -- for her liking.... in which case it's her problem, not yours.

 

Good luck.

[forumman83]

That's some good advice, Ruby. Thanks.

 

And yeah, I was nice when I met her..but not too nice (I think there is a big difference one is fake and one is not) then after things were slipping, I definitely became too nice because I was afraid of losing her, but at the same time, I knew I was slipping so I somewhat controlled myself.

 

Obviously this last year dating/being single has taught me a lot and I've grown up a lot. I don't know if I'd ever give my personal happiness to someone again because I've learned that your happiness is always your own. At the same time, I don't just "connect" with anybody so I don't know if I'm searching for fulfillment through her or simply miss the connection we had...?

 

But it would be interesting to get outsider's opinions because I'm not sure I'm seeing things clearly.

[forumman83]

What message would "liking" one of her photos say? I almost did today but decided not to.

 

 

Keep in mind she's liked a few of mine and I have done NOTHING in response.

Edited May 21, 2015 by forumman83

[Simon Phoenix]

What message would "liking" one of her photos say? I almost did today but decided not to.

 

 

Keep in mind she's liked a few of mine and I have done NOTHING in response.

 

Facebook likes don't mean a thing. That being said, if you are liking things with an agenda, or are worried about portraying an agenda, it's best just to stay away.

[forumman83]

Facebook likes don't mean a thing. That being said, if you are liking things with an agenda, or are worried about portraying an agenda, it's best just to stay away.

 

yeah good point. i suppose you could consider it an agenda in that I think i would essentially be saying "hey, we're cool..if you ever wanna talk, it's all good."but at the same time I wouldn't really be expecting anything in the way of a response or a call or a message, if that makes sense..?

 

Anyways, thanks for the response. I like getting others' opinions as sometimes our emotions cloud our reason.

[Summerrose2013]

What's the point of just liking a picture? It doesn't say anything, meaningless.

 

 

If you want to open contact then go ahead, that way you will know what her actual response is, otherwise you could just be liking each others posts for years!!

 

 

However, I note that you live a few hours away from each other.....tricky, in my experience.....

[forumman83]

I see what you mean. My thinking was that it would open a door or at least let her know that on some level I am still fond of her. I haven't made any contact with her for a long time and she could think that I hate her or am mad or something. At the same time, she could want nothing to do with me. So it's just a way to say something without saying something if you know what I mean.

 

Her liking my photo, for instance, got me thinking quite a bit about whether or not it meant anything and it also got me reminiscing a bit.

 

Thanks for your input.

[SolidGoldTurd]

FaceBook likes, Instagram follows, World of Warcraft friend requests don't mean jack **** ... it's not a form of "intimate communication" as I like to call it.

 

 

What you should be expecting, if the ex has any remaining attraction for you, is A) A phone call B) a text C) an email D) A visit to your front door.

 

D) Is the most unlikely, and to be honest, it barely ever happens. No one is going to take that much risk. For possible rejection I mean.

 

A) Is another unlikely scenario (imo) since we're all left vulnerable after a break up - dumpees and dumpers - unless something serious happened and the don't want anything to do with you. Talking to a person over the phone leaves no time to think or time to consider a response.

 

C) Is quite likely because, unlike phone calls, emails can be answered later, can be thought through and cause less pressure/stress.

 

B) Texts are probably the most likely, for the same reasons as emails, but because so many people use their phones on a day-to-day basis, and it's definitely the number 1 communication method.

 

 

 

So unless you get one of these, it's nothing.

[Ruby65]

^ I absolutely agree with the above and think you shouldn't make a move until you get a more meaningful form of communication from her.

 

But I *do* think it's significant that she's started liking your stuff on Facebook.

 

She's been out of town and you two have had no contact for a while now. She's returning soon and it seems to me she's making a tiny move to say "hi."

 

HOWEVER.... that doesn't mean you should go liking her stuff in return. Just let it be for now and see if she reaches out in a more meaningful way. You were a doormat when you were together and if you go running to reciprocate at the first sign of contact from her, it's going to make her lose interest.

 

This is total game-playing. But it's FACEBOOK, you're talking about the lowest form of communication that exists.

 

This is why it's best to always BLOCK your exes..... so that it's not so convenient for them to send you a non-message message!

 

She needs to work to contact you, otherwise it's meaningless.

 

Ignore, for now.

[SolidGoldTurd]

^ I absolutely agree with the above and think you shouldn't make a move until you get a more meaningful form of communication from her.

 

But I *do* think it's significant that she's started liking your stuff on Facebook.

 

She's been out of town and you two have had no contact for a while now. She's returning soon and it seems to me she's making a tiny move to say "hi."

 

HOWEVER.... that doesn't mean you should go liking her stuff in return. Just let it be for now and see if she reaches out in a more meaningful way. You were a doormat when you were together and if you go running to reciprocate at the first sign of contact from her, it's going to make her lose interest.

 

This is total game-playing. But it's FACEBOOK, you're talking about the lowest form of communication that exists.

 

This is why it's best to always BLOCK your exes..... so that it's not so convenient for them to send you a non-message message!

 

She needs to work to contact you, otherwise it's meaningless.

 

Ignore, for now.

 

 

Beats me why people think that my ex saying "Hey I hope you're ok" isn't anything ...

 

 

Anyway, yes OP I agree with Ruby, stay NC and (possibly) expect your ex to reach out in the future.

 

She might need a little more time to think it all through when her head has cleared up, but I think she probably will.

 

 

When she does, you just go for it, you say something like this "Hey, it's lovely to hear from you I'd like to meet up, when are you free?" ... build a date and then go.

 

People here will likely say "She has to say she wants you back" ... don't kid yourself with that ...

[forumman83]

ahh shoot. i kind of wish i read these responses sooner. it was about a month ago that she liked my photo on FB i didn' t do any sort of knee-jerk reaction and just pretended it never even happened carrying on with my life.

 

up until last week, I had unfollowed her cuz i didn't wanna see anything i just wanted to move on so i havent even seen one of her posts for basically this whole time. then recently i was feeling kind of indifferent and am kind of talking to a new girl "un unfollowed" her.

 

today she posted a pic of some scenery with a quote. she was not in the pic. i was scrolling through fb when i saw it. it was a cool picture. i clicked like and kept scrolling, liked a bunch of other thing's from friends and logged off. i didn't even think twice about it and haven't really thought anything about it since.

 

probably makes no difference either way but it was cool that i was indifferent. but part of me is now wishing i did nothing....but whatever i just gotta move on anyways. what do you guys think? no biggie, right?

[Ruby65]

Of course it matters, otherwise you wouldn't have started a thread about it.

 

Yes, it would've been better not to have done it. You had the upper hand and now your position is weakened. Remove her from your feed again and don't go snooping on her wall.

 

Don't contact her again unless she's made an actual effort to reach out to you.

[SolidGoldTurd]

Of course it matters, otherwise you wouldn't have started a thread about it.

 

Yes, it would've been better not to have done it. You had the upper hand and now your position is weakened. Remove her from your feed again and don't go snooping on her wall.

 

Don't contact her again unless she's made an actual effort to reach out to you.

 

And by effort she means ANYTHING that involves her texting you, phoning you. emailing you or (unlikely) coming to your door on all fours.

 

If she contacts you, assume she wants to meet up and ask when she's free to meet up. It really is that simple.

 

Her reaching out, if she does, is a sign she still has some attraction towards you.