i love him but........

[greta]

i've been with this guy about three years now, and all though i love him dearly and we have a very solid relationship at time i want to leave him.

 

i think about having my own place and decorating it the way i want and even though he would not object to anything iwanted to do to our place, it just isn't the same.

 

i've felt this way for a very long time now, and am always entertaining the idea of just running away from him.

 

is there something wrong with me? do people normally think about doing things in relationships? i love him very much, just at times, i want to be free, i think.

[Tony T]

1. "is there something wrong with me?"

 

Doesn't sound like it to me. Now you aren't your average person. Most people who are in a solid relationship with somebody they truly love would want to stick around. But that doesn't mean you have to. Hey, some of the greatest people in history were a bit "different." There are a lot of people who think it's pretty wise to move on while things are great rather than wait all to go down the crapper.

 

2. "do people normally think about doing things in relationships?"

 

Well, yeah. Relationships are for doing things in. You know, like going out, kissing, dining together, sex, getting married, having children, paying bills, etc. etc.

 

But most normal people really don't think about ending great relationships. I hope you'll do a lot of thinking before you do this because good relationships are not everywhere. Are you currently on any prescription medication?

 

3. "i love him very much, just at times, i want to be free, i think."

 

Well, before you break this up, do more than think it, know it. But there is a lot to be said about being free.

 

If the truth be known, there are millions of single people dying to be in a relationship and there are millions of people in relationships dying to be single. Lack of happiness is an epidemic. If somebody pulled your happiness plug along the way, there is NOTHING in the world that's going to make you happy. NOTHING.

 

Once you're sure this is what you want to do, then do it and live with the consequences. There are lots of nuns who have done it and at least they know they are going to heaven.

[Ed]

If you are entertaining the idea of leaving the guy "you love dearly", then I would consider it a stretch to describe the relationship as "very solid".

 

I think every person should experience living on their own for some period of time. It builds up your life experience and has the potential to give you more self confidence.

 

I don't know if there is anything wrong with you or not, but, there is nothing wrong with the way you feel. How you deal with those feelings is the important part.

 

You may never know for sure if you want to be free unless you try it. As I'm sure you already know, taking the initiative to try living on your own for a while may be the beginning of the end of your relationship with this guy. It will take a very mature man with a very mature love for you to let you go through this "for you". Most men don't reach this level of maturity until well into their 80's, if then!

 

It sounds like you need to talk to him about what you are feeling. Be forewarned, he may not take it too well. Talking to him about it could be the decision maker for you, depending on how he reacts to it.