Mrlonelyone Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Once someone has used you as a rebound, it's very rare that they suddenly stop seeing you that way. This has nothing to do with being married and getting a divorce or what the divorce rates are. This is about someone who's dating you but is only using you as a rebound to recover from their divorce. My point is that advice geared towards avoiding rejection at all cost leads to a lonely life. Rejections and heartbreak come hand in hand with acceptance and loving. People can change how they see people when they learn more about that other person and about themselves. Otherwise there is no redemption. Link to post Share on other sites
Ruby65 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 My point is that advice geared towards avoiding rejection at all cost leads to a lonely life. Rejections and heartbreak come hand in hand with acceptance and loving. People can change how they see people when they learn more about that other person and about themselves. Otherwise there is no redemption. You can say that to literally every single person posting on this forum about their exes. Unfortunately, that doesn't make it any more true in this case. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 I think I remember this story from a year ago. The meddling kids rings a bell. I would ask what had changed on that front especially. Also, the distance is a big obstacle. Link to post Share on other sites
Foodjunkie79 Posted May 19, 2015 Share Posted May 19, 2015 Why would you go back to something that took you a year to get over!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summerrose2013 Posted May 20, 2015 Author Share Posted May 20, 2015 (edited) So it sounds like you're going to distract yourself with pleasurable activities the next three weeks until you can see him again? Be careful not to get so ZEN about this situation that you let yourself become the passive victim of someone who sees you as a Plan B. Ha ha good point, yes I think my Zen side is how I push away all the negative thoughts though. I can forgive but have a very hard time forgetting. The one thing I want to caution you about is that last lesson. That he will find a way no matter what. That way for him to find is partially up to you. You are the decider. Right now while you are not invested ask yourself this question. What do I need from him to cause me to open the door and start over? Is what I want reasonable? Thankyou this is interesting to think about... Yes the OP should not let herself become a place holder there to make her EX feel comfortable while he looks for a better deal. This is why the OP needs to be very clear about the reasons for the break up and the reasons he wants to come back. I think we are both guilty of this though. Had I met a wonderful man this last year I wouldn't even entertain this sort of contact with an ex. I'm guessing the only thing that's changed is that whoever he's been trying to date this past year hasn't worked out, and he's become nostalgic for the OP who he now realizes he never fully appreciated when he had her the first time around. The problem is, once he's got her, he'll probably fall right back into not appreciating her again. He definitely hasn't dated anyone else (I have.) I agree there is definitely potential for this BUT something HAS changed and that is me. I'm a different person now. I made all the classic RS mistakes with him, gave up my own life, agreed with everything, didn't push back on his bad behaviour. My point is that advice geared towards avoiding rejection at all cost leads to a lonely life. Rejections and heartbreak come hand in hand with acceptance and loving. People can change how they see people when they learn more about that other person and about themselves. Otherwise there is no redemption. I completely agree with this. I think I remember this story from a year ago. The meddling kids rings a bell. I would ask what had changed on that front especially. Also, the distance is a big obstacle. Hello yes that is me!! Horrible child, check! Apparently said horror asked daddy if she was the reason he was alone a few months back and then said "well I'd be prepared to give Summerrose another chance" so she obviously hadn't changed one bit!! To his credit he told her that actually it was the other way round and it would be up to me to give them another chance.....or so he says... It's funny how writing things and having some space to think clarifies problems. I love being with this man,he is fun, especially to see him chase after me. Please don't slate me for saying that. He really hurt me. The struggle is now that I just don't have any romantic feelings towards him. I feel nothing when he cuddled me. I don't care if I see him or not. I enjoy it when he's here, we have fun and he fixes stuff but I don't care when he leaves. I text him back when it's convenient. I'm not playing games, he is just no longer my priority. All total opposite of before. And of course it's unintentionally reeling him in ever closer, the further I pull away....thrill of the chase for him now I suppose. If I reject him now though I know we won't be friends. That will be it over finally. And whats where I suppose I am failing to draw a line under "us"... I spent months dreaming of him coming apologetically back to me. I guess it's true when they say you should be careful what you wish for... Thankyou for taking the time to give me advice peeps x some of it is hard to hear but people here have shared life experiences.... Edited May 20, 2015 by Summerrose2013 Link to post Share on other sites
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