lostinthisworld Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 hi i have read some of the things on here and think people here have soem good advice. so i thought i would give ya a try i am married to a man and i was a big women when we married and he looks at porn and pics of beautiful skinny women. now he knows i am not one pound smaller or bigger than the day we meet and i have a medical condition and thats the reason for the weight. i confronted him about looking at this stuff all the time and not noticing me and he stated he wished i looked like that. he has always been with big women he reason is he likes the chest size big women have. and i am just at a lose as to whet to do. Link to post Share on other sites
LucreziaBorgia Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 How is your relationship outside of that? As for him saying "I wish you looked like that" can be taken one of two ways. If you dug that out of him with much questioning and confrontation over his porn use, then he is probably being honest after being backed into a corner. It isn't an unusual thing for a man to secretly wish his partner were more ideal in that way. If he was just being honest, he may have told you that only after you asked him repeatedly about it. Now, if he was just looking at it and out of the blue (without any prompting from you) and said "you know what, I really wish you looked like one of those porn stars I'm always looking at behind your back", then that can be taken a little differently. I see that as hostile and uncalled for to be that brutish and up front about it. In the first case, he may have been hiding his natural attraction and appreciation to an idealistic female form to spare your feelings since he cares about you, loves you and has a good relationship with you no matter what your size is. In the second case, that's someone who doesn't really care about your feelings and is outright mean to you in order to try to make you into something you aren't. That would suggest to me that there is a problem with him, causing problems in your relationship. Men are attracted to and appreciate idealistic female forms - what is idealistic is different for all men, but in your man's case - the women he is looking at are probably a reflection of his "ideal". Loving their less-than-ideal partners does not negate or lessen the appreciation for that ideal. He married you in the way that you are. He stood up and took vows to spend the rest of his life with you, regardless of your size. He accepted you the way you are, regardless of what his "ideal". He may like to look at that, but he is going to spend the rest of his life with you. I guess how your husband told you this, and the circumstances under which he told you make the difference here. Also, how the general state of your relationship is otherwise. Does he treat you well? Does he make you feel attractive? Does he make love with you? Is he intimate and caring? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lostinthisworld Posted April 23, 2005 Author Share Posted April 23, 2005 our relationship is good other wise i mean we make love all the time and he is wonderful to me. and the way this came about was my computer was crashed due to several viruses and in fixing it i found they were put on the computer from porn and naked pics of like WWE women and stuff and i knew i didnt do it. when i asked him why he was doing that he said cause he wanted me to look more like them. but also at same time told me he loved me and was attracted to me. Link to post Share on other sites
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