Being "smart" with people.

[E-Squared]

So I have been told sometime recently that I have started to become a rather "mouthy" individual, like when someone teases me, I respond with a quip or some other remark. I even have an attitude with people when they try telling me something, and the response is like "Well, excuuuuuse me!"

 

I tried telling a friend of mine about this and I said that this is my way of not letting people push me around. Because in the past, I've been told that I was "too nice."

 

I am usually a respectful and kind person, but sometimes I have to let out a bit of an edgy side that I sometimes have. Of course, sometimes being a wise-@$$ can sometimes lead to negative things, from what I have been told, anyway.

 

What do you think?

[carhill]

IMO, think of it as mental martial arts, e.g. used as a defensive solution rather than a tool of aggression and dominance. IMO, if one can approach it in that vein, one can engage with a clear conscience.

 

Being a normally peaceable type, I had to learn this lesson from physical fighting because, otherwise, one gets run over and left bloodied in the street.

 

Since there are billions of us on the planet and none of us, that I know of, are mind-readers, we simply go by whatever strikes our senses. Over time, with experience, a style emerges. Some are quick with the quip or 'excuse me!' (Steve Martin is who I remember when typing that) and in a funny way, some deliver it as serious or angry, some don't care and some process things intellectually without emotional content. We're all different. IMO, if your style doesn't inhibit the formation and maintenance of healthy relationships, it works for you. If it does inhibit such, it bears scrutiny.

[d0nnivain]

There's a balance. You were too much of a push over before. Now you may be a little to harsh but that's better than being a push over. Dial it back a bit but it's fine to be protective of yourself.

[TaraMaiden2]

So I have been told sometime recently that I have started to become a rather "mouthy" individual, like when someone teases me, I respond with a quip or some other remark. I even have an attitude with people when they try telling me something, and the response is like "Well, excuuuuuse me!"

 

I tried telling a friend of mine about this and I said that this is my way of not letting people push me around. Because in the past, I've been told that I was "too nice."

 

I am usually a respectful and kind person, but sometimes I have to let out a bit of an edgy side that I sometimes have. Of course, sometimes being a wise-@$$ can sometimes lead to negative things, from what I have been told, anyway.

 

What do you think?

 

I think you need to up your radar a bit.

Establish whether they're being helpful in telling you something, trying to build your knowledge-base by sharing information.

That kind of 'telling you' doesn't warrant a smart-mouth retort, it warrants gratitude.

 

Consider also that if people are being funny, maybe they're just teasing you amiably, not to patronise or hurt you. They think having a laugh and a joke with you is ok, because they like you and get on with you...

 

You need to ty to assess the motive.

 

I was pulled up for something at work yesterday, but i didn't feel it was entirely my fault.

The customer was glancing at me, and I could tell he was experiencing a problem with my supervisor's attitude and comments, not my perceived inefficiency (in her eyes).

 

he felt he was being very well served by me.

her interference got his back up, and I could tell by his attitude and glances that he thought she was out of line.

 

So when she had a word with me about my MO, I actually just said nothing.

 

Why?

No point.

She was under the assumption she was doing the right thing in training me to adopt a different method.

She wasn't interfering out of spite, malice or to make me look bad.

She genuinely thought and believed she was helping.There was no hint of rudeness or superiority.

She thought one thing, but mistimed the situation.

No big deal; the client still got served courteously; he still thanked me for the service, and went away quite happy with his purchase.

 

So I took the advice on board, and let the matter drop.

 

You judge each situation and react appropriately.

 

Don't just be the opposite way to the way you were, or to the way people expect you to be, simply because you feel now you can.

 

as d0nnivain states, find the medium.

Balance it all out.....

[jen1447]

I've noticed something similar in that if you do something unexpected or seemingly out of character - in your case being a bit cheeky instead of 'nice' - people sometimes take offense at it, even if you didn't mean any or if your comment wasn't even all that objectively offensive. I think it's more a reaction to you getting out of the box they're comfortable with you in.

[SpiralOut]

I think they aren't used to your new attitude. Or maybe you are going a little too far with it; it's hard to say. I do think it's normal for a "too nice" person to suddenly go too far in the other direction. Just be aware of it and adjust as necessary. In time you'll find a happy-medium.