I met with seperated man

[velvette]

Thank you. Yes, the satisfaction will be short lived, but it will feel like the score is even.

 

He already is stalking my social medias. I have nothing but happy, smiling pictures of me living my life, I went out of town the other weekend. I don't post any sad stuff, or anything hinting to any mention of the past. I heard somewhere that you have to fake it until you make it.

 

That is actually good advice so long as you also give some space to your feelings.

 

 

You only have to test it to see its true.

 

 

Smile at your self in the mirror your mood will improve. Turn happy music full blast and dance with your dog your broom or just yourself, its hard to be sad. Sure we can all multitask, but the conscious brain only holds one thought at a time. If you do something that makes you happy, you cant be sad for that period of time. The trick is being able to string enough of these moments together often enough to effect lasting change.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

So I don't know if you guys remember from my last thread that one of my concerns was having to work in exMM doctor's office 3 days out the week. He is a rountine pt who goes in often, so this would be a problem.

 

I have put in a request to my manager to discuss in further detail. I am suggesting I be in that location preferrably once a month, but if that is not doable, just once a week. My manager and I have a great relationship and she is very accomdating of me because I am a hard worker. She told me she will certainly consider it and discuss it with me further. I understand right now that the option of me never having to go to this clinic will not happen, there is a real need at this clinic I can't ignore.

 

For the time being, I start my 3 days a week next week and I am not looking forward to it.

 

So hopefully I hear back today and I don't have to put myself in his location as often. I don't think I can handle seeing him with how I have been feeling lately...

Edited May 8, 2015 by goodgirlgonebad15

[sandylee1]

Continue posting happy pictures of yourself. I know how pissed off it is being deceived. Your reaction and feelings show that you aren't a deliberate OW. That's not your game and that's why I really empathise.

 

Even though I was so hurt and heartbroken once, I made sure I appeared happy to my Ex and all of his friends that would go and tell him. I'm just too proud to let any man think he's made me so down. I just wont give men the satisfaction of thinking they've devastated me. That's how I dealt with break ups before I got married anyway.

[Gargoyle]

I really believe you should tell her, she has a right to know because it does affect her life. Don't do it simply to hurt him, do it as a human being who has been hurt by him and his lies.

 

Don't do it in a vindictive way, simply gather evidence together that will show her conclusively what a scumbag he is. You're not doing this to punish her, or as a form of revenge, he is the one responsible for his actions, and this is simply a consequence of his behaviour and he needs to be called on it.

[Ifalltopieces]

I would change that to men follow the path of least resistance. In my case I am still pretty young, getting my career going, going back to school. Who really knows if he was the guy I was supposed to end up with anyway? Who knows if he had gotten divorced I would be with him, he is like 10 years older than me. He stated this type of thing several times so I know that is what he thought. I think the unknown can really scare a man sometimes. His wife on the other hand, was willing to come running back, scared to lose him to another woman, that probably boosted him and made him feel safe. I don't think I made him feel safe.

 

I think you really touched on something. I believe one of the main reasons my AP stays "married" is because he knows he can do anything to his wife and she won't ever leave. I have seen text messages where she has actually stated she will never leave him no matter what he does. Thus, I agree with what you stated. They know they have a free ticket to do whatever they want, which in turn makes them feel safe. My AP would never admit it, but he is afraid to be alone. His wife's codependency ensures he will never be alone.

 

I agree I don't make my AP feel safe. He knows im going to walk. I believe I'm what he wants, but I'm too much of a risk. She is his safety net. It's pretty sick and twisted.....

[RoseVille]

Continue posting happy pictures of yourself. I know how pissed off it is being deceived. Your reaction and feelings show that you aren't a deliberate OW. That's not your game and that's why I really empathise.

 

Even though I was so hurt and heartbroken once, I made sure I appeared happy to my Ex and all of his friends that would go and tell him. I'm just too proud to let any man think he's made me so down. I just wont give men the satisfaction of thinking they've devastated me. That's how I dealt with break ups before I got married anyway.

 

I've been doing a lot of this lately.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

Continue posting happy pictures of yourself. I know how pissed off it is being deceived. Your reaction and feelings show that you aren't a deliberate OW. That's not your game and that's why I really empathise.

 

Even though I was so hurt and heartbroken once, I made sure I appeared happy to my Ex and all of his friends that would go and tell him. I'm just too proud to let any man think he's made me so down. I just wont give men the satisfaction of thinking they've devastated me. That's how I dealt with break ups before I got married anyway.

 

Sorry I am seeing this so late but thank you.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

I started working at the clinic today, and it hasn't been too bad. My manager says we are going to have a get together later this week, when I am back at my "home" office. She says she has good news so I think she is going to be able to help me somehow, not have to be here so often.

 

So exMM is now commenting on my pictures but I am still ignoring him, and not responding. I woke up late last night and something in my head told me to check a social site I haven't used since last year. I had to re download the app and everything. Well he has sent me messages, asking me to talk to him. I deleted the messages and haven't responded. I put in a request to the social site to take my account down. Whoever told me that they will find anyway they can to get in contact is right...I haven't used that account in so long...

 

I am not flattered. Do these MM operate in seasons or cycles? because I can't help but look at the calendar and realize this is the time we started up last year.

 

This does not make me feel good at all...It actually makes me want to add it into my pile of sh*t to hand over to his wife...he just keeps on adding to.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

when does the tempatation of "hearing them out" wane? I don't want to hear him out because I think that anything has changed. It's only be 1 month and I know nothing has changed...but i can't help that a part of me wants to know what he could possibly have to say? And he keeps leaving kissing smiley faces on my pictures...I wonder what he thinks he can say to get me to talk to him again...A part of me wants to find out for sure that all this is just a ego stroke...I think it would actually keep me strong and on the same path...but when do those feelings of wanting to hear them out go away?

[goodgirlgonebad15]

The admin of the social site I am requesting to be deleted has 30 days to satisfy the request. So my account is still open for the next 30 days. I peeked at it again....there are more messages from him, wanting me to talk to him, wanting me to hear him out. Is it possible that hearing him out and seeing that nothing has changed, that he is just blowing hot air, can that help kill the last of the feelings?

[Poppy47]

What kind of low life was MM ? He sounds crass and emotionally maniupulative.

 

Poppy

[goodgirlgonebad15]

What kind of low life was MM ? He sounds crass and emotionally maniupulative.

 

Poppy

 

I don't really know...there are different types of low lifes?

[goodgirlgonebad15]

I met up with seperated man just to hear him out. This was the first time we had seen each other in like 5 months.

 

From what he tells me, he and his wife were not able to reconcile. They attended MC but it didn't work. She never moved back home but instead recently got her own apartment. He says that he still has feelings for her, feels bad for what he did to her and that she is a good woman. But he feels like he only cares about her as a friend and they haven't even been married that long. He says at this point they are no longer working on the marriage. He has just been trying to reconnect with himself and find who he is outside the marriage. He has been on a couple dates with different women but not with anyone he really liked or find compatible. He said he is not looking for any that of anyway. He asked me more than once if I was seeing someone, I told him I was dating. I asked him why he was reaching out to me now and he said that he always loved being around and spending time with me, he thinks I am an amazing person but at the time 5 months ago, things were really complicated and he was trying to work on his marriage. I told him I understand that reconiclliation is a very hard process so I know it wasn't easy.

 

He wants to start over basically. he wants to hang out and spend time with me. He took me out a couple times this weekend and it was like old times (NO touching or kissing or anything) when we could hang out as friends. The only thing we did at the end of the night was hug.

 

My question is can I trust him as a friend? And since he is not working on his marriage, legally seperated and living seperate is it ok for us to be friends now? I've been keeping my distance and I noticed yesterday he was keeping his too. We used to text crazy amountsin the past but it's like we both don't want to get attached.

[Popsicle]

Tell him you will be absolutely elated to do all this once his divorce is finalized and for him to be sure to let you know when that happens. Utill then, no more meeting up with him or texting/talking. (This is my advice to you). He always knows how to contact you. He is in no different place today than he was 5 months ago, and he is trying to pull you back in to the same situation.

Edited May 18, 2015 by Popsicle

[RoseVille]

Tell him you will be absolutely elated to do all this once his divorce is finalized and for him to be sure to let you know when that happens. Utill then, no more meeting up with him or texting/talking. (This is my advice to you). He always knows how to contact you. He is in no different place today than he was 5 months ago, and he is trying to pull you back in to the same situation.

 

This. And you're believing him.

 

If you want to start off on good footing, he needs to be completely available to you.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

Tell him you will be absolutely elated to do all this once his divorce is finalized and for him to be sure to let you know when that happens. Utill then, no more meeting up with him or texting/talking. (This is my advice to you). He always knows how to contact you. He is in no different place today than he was 5 months ago, and he is trying to pull you back in to the same situation.

 

Thanks. He said they are at an impasse and don't want to work things out. But you are right, he is still in the same place but alot less overwhelmed by everything...I just wondered if a friendship between us now would be a dishonest one? Probably just unhealthy for me...

[goodgirlgonebad15]

This. And you're believing him.

 

If you want to start off on good footing, he needs to be completely available to you.

 

I do believe he is seperated and they are living seperate lives....other than that I am not sure about the rest. I guess that's why I am asking if I can trust him as a friend...

 

I agree he needs to be completely available. He just wants to jump back in the routine of how we were(as friends) but then he was acting distant yesterday so I couldn't tell for sure.

[RoseVille]

I do believe he is seperated and they are living seperate lives....other than that I am not sure about the rest. I guess that's why I am asking if I can trust him as a friend...

 

I agree he needs to be completely available. He just wants to jump back in the routine of how we were(as friends) but then he was acting distant yesterday so I couldn't tell for sure.

 

If you're "not sure," that means no, you cannot trust him.

[goodgirlgonebad15]

If you're "not sure," that means no, you cannot trust him.

 

I guess I mean I'm not sure about the just wanting to be my friend stuff. It's almost like he wants to act like these last several months didn't happen. I don't think friends are supposed to leave kissing face on your pictures, he doesn't leave those on other friends pictures...I just can't read him. I would be ok with friends...I do not want anything else from him.

[Popsicle]

Then ask him if he filed for divorce? (I bet he hasn't)

[RoseVille]

I guess I mean I'm not sure about the just wanting to be my friend stuff. It's almost like he wants to act like these last several months didn't happen. I don't think friends are supposed to leave kissing face on your pictures, he doesn't leave those on other friends pictures...I just can't read him. I would be ok with friends...I do not want anything else from him.

 

Tell him just that.

[Popsicle]

He also could be in that stage that people are in after they get divorced where they are scared to get into a relationship with anybody, yet they still try to have company (and if they can sex).