possible aspergers

[Apaige]

I am not sure how to even approach the issue at hand with my boyfriend, but I think his son has Asperger's syndrome. I noticed it almost right away from the first moment I met him. He is a very secluded kid. Spends most of his time on Ipad, Xbox, and any other electronic. I know that some kids are into that. Mine is too. But his son almost obsesses with it. He isn't athletic, he is extremely intelligent, gets good grades...but does so many little quirky things. His social skills are horrible, actually they suck. One would think he is just down right rude, but there is more to it. He has just now started looking me in the eye when I speak to him. He is so rude, on so many levels, takes everything so literally...will spill the beans almost all of the time....doesn't think before he speaks. BF has full custody of him, and he is doing his very best, and I know that it is hard for parents to sometimes see certain behavour's within our own children. He started a new school in September, and although he gets awesome grades, he HATES it...

 

The school called boyfriend to let him know that his son refused to participate in the class room activity, so (according to boyrfried) the teacher sent him to the guidance counselor. I highly doubt that the teacher sent him to the guidance counselor for lack of participation....I honestly think the teacher is on to something, and boyfriend, and Ex wife are in denial. How do you think I should approach my theory of having Asperger's syndrome? Or do you think I should just let it go, and let someone else do the diagnosing? Here are some of the behaviors that he is showing:

-no filter

-abruptly rude

-very moody

-becomes agitated very easily

-only eats certain foods

-takes everything so literally

-doesn't seem to fit in with any group of kids

-obsesses with technology and music

-very worrisome especially with what type of food he will be eating

-needs to know when, where, time, place...

-( I know this seems very weird and nit picky on my end) but will eat a medium sized ice cream cone in 5 seconds. He just licks, and licks until it's completely gone...no break at all

-Will eat chicken fingers hot as can be (hot enough to burn the inside of his mouth, won't chew, but will swallow whole piece)

-constantly rocks back and forth on his feet

-very lazy

-when he loves he loves 200 percent

-when he is angry, he is 250 percent angry

-takes on others (mostly famous people's persona)

 

I care deeply about his son, but I just see so many different things within him, and I honestly think he needs some sort of diagnosis, and some therapy/counseling, but I am so afraid to address this with boyfriend. I try very hard not to compare the two boys b/c I know that every child is different...but for me certain things are very evident. And since the teacher now seems to be picking up on certain things, I am wondering if I should speak up...thoughts????

[Tayla]

Suggest that the child get a medical check up.

 

Sorry but my grandson is a quiet child and is very picky about his food. Since his mom is a hypochondriac she has him medicated ...seems doctors will diagnose (inaccurately)if you got the money to pay them. its sad really..

 

express your concern yet leave the diagnosis to an educated and honest professional.

[Timshel]

I wonder why you are so afraid to bring it up with your boyfriend? Your concerns seem legitimate and you are coming from a caring place. Try to find the right time and place to talk about it with your bf. Having a diagnostic eval. would provide answers and certainly would cause no harm.

[mrs rubble]

My ex-husband's daughter exhibited signs of ADHD and the kindergarten asked me to have her checked by the GP. I went home to my husband and told him, he was happy for me to have her checked. The GP referred us to Childrens Mental health services for assessment, however when I told my husband's mother about it, she absolutely hit the roof and told me that I was to "Keep that child away from mental health services, do not destroy her life by having her labeled, there is nothing wrong with her"

So she was never assessed, sadly I think she could've done a lot better with the right help.

Do you know if there is any history in his family or the mother's? Is it a touchy subject for them? Proceed with caution.

[Apaige]

I wonder why you are so afraid to bring it up with your boyfriend? Your concerns seem legitimate and you are coming from a caring place. Try to find the right time and place to talk about it with your bf. Having a diagnostic eval. would provide answers and certainly would cause no harm.

 

I just think it is a very touchy subject to be speaking to another parent about. And, I just don't think he'd be real receptive to my theory. His son really does exhibit so many of the symptoms.

[Apaige]

My ex-husband's daughter exhibited signs of ADHD and the kindergarten asked me to have her checked by the GP. I went home to my husband and told him, he was happy for me to have her checked. The GP referred us to Childrens Mental health services for assessment, however when I told my husband's mother about it, she absolutely hit the roof and told me that I was to "Keep that child away from mental health services, do not destroy her life by having her labeled, there is nothing wrong with her"

So she was never assessed, sadly I think she could've done a lot better with the right help.

Do you know if there is any history in his family or the mother's? Is it a touchy subject for them? Proceed with caution.

 

I really do feel as though it would be a touchy subject...and yes, his cousins (twins) one is autistic, and the other is ADHD (from mother's side) I just think he needs proper attention. They keep chalking it up to the school, and him not being happy there. It's not that, I truly believe there is more going on. I spend a lot of time with him, and work with him with his homework, and I watch him totally melt down with his subjects. Actually he melts down with a lot of things. He is so immature emotionally. It really is crazy b/c he is so smart, and sometimes so loving, and other times, he doesn't want anything to do with anyone. It's almost like he just does not care at all, at times. He is just so up and down. My son picks up on a lot of stuff with him, and how he sometimes behaves.

 

He is 11, I showed him how to tie his shoes when he was a little older then 8 (before that both parents did the whole velcro shoe thing), his father and I taught him how to ride a bike just last year. So, I really don't know if he is just too sheltered, coddled, or if there is something else going on.

 

I am a tough love, suck it up buttercup kind of mom, so sometimes I worry that I am too tough on him. Obviously, I don't have a medical degree, but clearly something else is going on with him, but I don't know if he has some kind of emotional disorder, or if he is just so sheltered. I just wish for his sake that he will be properly diagnosed. I pray that this teacher keeps on him about his behavior.

[pureinheart]

Suggest that the child get a medical check up.

 

Sorry but my grandson is a quiet child and is very picky about his food. Since his mom is a hypochondriac she has him medicated ...seems doctors will diagnose (inaccurately)if you got the money to pay them. its sad really..

 

express your concern yet leave the diagnosis to an educated and honest professional.

 

Oh Tayla, I am so sorry... that would freak me out.

[Tiger Lily]

I think you have the best intentions OP, and you're probably right that there is cause for concern. But I'd leave it up to the school and the parents. Mainly because Asperger's isn't really a diagnosis anymore, so there are probably aspects of mental health that you're not familiar with, and there are probably more to the child's symptoms than what a layperson can observe. Plus, the school will have experience approaching parents with the "news", and are able to offer possible treatments.

[eye of the storm]

You are unable to diagnose but you are able to see this kid needs ... something. I not only had to fight my then H but his entire family to get my son the help he needed. You are handicapped by the fact that he isn't your son.

 

Many people are the of the mind set that getting a diagnosis of any type is a bad thing. It was the best thing for both my son and our family.

 

The diagnosis did not change who my son was. It did, however, give us a roadmap on how to deal with him. We had a direction, help, support, and knowledge.

 

Here is a website that is very helpful. OASIS @ MAAP - The Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support Center

 

Good luck. Remember, if he does have what used to be diagnosed as aspergers, 1.stay calm 2.always be clear with what you mean 3.he take things literally so talk very literally. 4.help him develop self calming routines.

[Apaige]

You are unable to diagnose but you are able to see this kid needs ... something. I not only had to fight my then H but his entire family to get my son the help he needed. You are handicapped by the fact that he isn't your son.

 

Many people are the of the mind set that getting a diagnosis of any type is a bad thing. It was the best thing for both my son and our family.

 

The diagnosis did not change who my son was. It did, however, give us a roadmap on how to deal with him. We had a direction, help, support, and knowledge.

 

Here is a website that is very helpful. OASIS @ MAAP - The Online Asperger Syndrome Information and Support Center

 

 

 

Good luck. Remember, if he does have what used to be diagnosed as aspergers, 1.stay calm 2.always be clear with what you mean 3.he take things literally so talk very literally. 4.help him develop self calming routines.

 

 

Thank you so much for the information...

[Timshel]

I just think it is a very touchy subject to be speaking to another parent about. And, I just don't think he'd be real receptive to my theory. His son really does exhibit so many of the symptoms.

 

Yeah, touchy subject. From what you have written regarding his symptoms, I agree that he should be evaluated. If you can make some headway gently with your bf that would be great.

Teachers do tend to be excellent at spotting trouble areas with kids but not every teacher and not every teacher wants to deal with a conversation with parents either. =overworked/underpaid.

My son was diagnosed with aspergers in kindergarten. It is no longer a diagnosis but that is more to do with insurance co's. Now you either have autism or not. However, treatment still varies by the spectrum as a doctor would treat a 1st degree burn differently than a 3rd.

The important person in this is your bf's son and that he have the best opportunity for success and well being. He is very fortunate to have you a part of his life.

Good luck!

[Apaige]

I am not sure how to even approach the issue at hand with my boyfriend, but I think his son has Asperger's syndrome. I noticed it almost right away from the first moment I met him. He is a very secluded kid. Spends most of his time on Ipad, Xbox, and any other electronic. I know that some kids are into that. Mine is too. But his son almost obsesses with it. He isn't athletic, he is extremely intelligent, gets good grades...but does so many little quirky things. His social skills are horrible, actually they suck. One would think he is just down right rude, but there is more to it. He has just now started looking me in the eye when I speak to him. He is so rude, on so many levels, takes everything so literally...will spill the beans almost all of the time....doesn't think before he speaks. BF has full custody of him, and he is doing his very best, and I know that it is hard for parents to sometimes see certain behavour's within our own children. He started a new school in September, and although he gets awesome grades, he HATES it...

 

The school called boyfriend to let him know that his son refused to participate in the class room activity, so (according to boyrfried) the teacher sent him to the guidance counselor. I highly doubt that the teacher sent him to the guidance counselor for lack of participation....I honestly think the teacher is on to something, and boyfriend, and Ex wife are in denial. How do you think I should approach my theory of having Asperger's syndrome? Or do you think I should just let it go, and let someone else do the diagnosing? Here are some of the behaviors that he is showing:

-no filter

-abruptly rude

-very moody

-becomes agitated very easily

-only eats certain foods

-takes everything so literally

-doesn't seem to fit in with any group of kids

-obsesses with technology and music

-very worrisome especially with what type of food he will be eating

-needs to know when, where, time, place...

-( I know this seems very weird and nit picky on my end) but will eat a medium sized ice cream cone in 5 seconds. He just licks, and licks until it's completely gone...no break at all

-Will eat chicken fingers hot as can be (hot enough to burn the inside of his mouth, won't chew, but will swallow whole piece)

-constantly rocks back and forth on his feet

-very lazy

-when he loves he loves 200 percent

-when he is angry, he is 250 percent angry

-takes on others (mostly famous people's persona)

 

I care deeply about his son, but I just see so many different things within him, and I honestly think he needs some sort of diagnosis, and some therapy/counseling, but I am so afraid to address this with boyfriend. I try very hard not to compare the two boys b/c I know that every child is different...but for me certain things are very evident. And since the teacher now seems to be picking up on certain things, I am wondering if I should speak up...thoughts????

 

 

update: BF and his Ex were going to meet tonight with son to discuss what's going on, and b/c he had a great day yesterday they decided not to. SMH, this seems to be the pattern...I so desperately wish they would just follow through with this. There is something going on with their son. Why am I the only one that sees it, and worries about it? They both think he needs to build up his confidence, so they are going to talk about putting him in karate....Although, this may be a good thing, there is still so much more.