bubblygrl5 Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 A good friend of mine recently lost his grandmother. He sort of withdrew from everyone after this happened, but after about 2 months, he started to return my phonecalls, and spend some time with me again. We would grab lunch, get coffee, whatever. I called him a lot mainly cause I didn't want him to be alone. We are close at heart, but usually don't get to see each other too often. Just yesterday, I find out that his mother passed away last week. I heard this from someone else, and apparently it was very unexpected. My friend was an only child, had never met his father, and has no cousins his age - so as of now, he has to deal with his mothers house, her belongings, her finances, etc. He has an apt. close to mine - I thnk he is going to leave it and move back home. I called him this morning and left a message telling him I would help him pack or to call me to talk/eat/hang out/get his mind off things, whatever. I am not sure if he will call me back, last time it took 2 months. He has a gf, but she is younger and still a student. I know she knows him well, but I've known him for 5 years. I can't make him ask me for help - but he can't possibly get through this by himself. I am feeling a little bit helpless on how to be of more help. Bubblygrl Link to post Share on other sites
moimeme Posted April 23, 2005 Share Posted April 23, 2005 If he has a gf, he's not alone. You've called and offered help. Now it's up to him to accept or not. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 24, 2005 Share Posted April 24, 2005 I dunno – if the two of you have a strong friendship, going over to see him to let him know that you're there for them is not out of the question, especially if is an only child. At this point, friends *are* his family, but he probably doesn't know how to reach out since there are no real reference points for him to go by when it comes to family relationships. from personal experience, I don't know what I'd have done if I didn't have my close circle of friends to see me through when my mom died a couple of years ago, and I come from a big family! They gave me a sense of normalcy even though I know they were also sad about my mom's death; it just makes me feell good knowing someone loved me enough to stand by me the way they had... go, see your friend and let him know that you're there for him. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubblygrl5 Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by moimeme If he has a gf, he's not alone. You've called and offered help. Now it's up to him to accept or not. MOI: I don't want to force myself on him - at the same time I know he doesn't like to ask for help. But, I guess all I can do is let him know I am there for him. And hopefully, he will trust me enough to let his guard down a bit. Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
Author bubblygrl5 Posted April 24, 2005 Author Share Posted April 24, 2005 Originally posted by quankanne I dunno – if the two of you have a strong friendship, going over to see him to let him know that you're there for them is not out of the question, especially if is an only child. At this point, friends *are* his family, but he probably doesn't know how to reach out since there are no real reference points for him to go by when it comes to family relationships. from personal experience, I don't know what I'd have done if I didn't have my close circle of friends to see me through when my mom died a couple of years ago, and I come from a big family! They gave me a sense of normalcy even though I know they were also sad about my mom's death; it just makes me feell good knowing someone loved me enough to stand by me the way they had... go, see your friend and let him know that you're there for him. Thanks QUANKANNE. I don't want to be intrusive though, in case he copes with this by really being alone. Do you think he would be bothered by my stopping by? I was thinking about leaving a card or some flowers outside his door. It's just odd though...because it was just 6 or 8 weeks ago that I was doing that because of his grandmother. It's sort of unreal. He's only 25...I'm very very sad for all he is going through. You also hit another point - I'm not sure if he knows HOW to ask for help. I am wondering if maybe I went to him instead, he would have an easier time than having to come to me. Once again, I don't want to bother him though. To me it's logical to need people after such a loss, but perhaps other people deal differently. Bubbly Link to post Share on other sites
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