I feel so destroyed, ruined, broken... dead. Lies, deceit, confusion.

[littlemonsters]

Please please take the time to read. I need you.

 

First off, I am a woman. I have only ever loved twice in my life. My first lied and cheated on me.. My first relationship lasted for a little over 2 years and 7 months, and it was very painful, but this second time around is the worse pain i've ever experienced in my life.

 

I come from a somewhat broken and once abusive family. It's been really hard for me to trust people, so my first heartbreak scarred me. I had the hardest time accepting it and moving forward, but I met an incredible friend(long-distance) who stuck by my side and helped me get through it. My friend, T., who helped me get through it all became my crying shoulder. She told me how she can't believe that after everything i've been through in my life, my ex was able to do what she did to me. We connected on many levels, and eventually, we fell for each other. Around the end of January, we planned a trip to Singapore together, where we met for the first time in person. I never intended to get into another long-distance relationship, but it just happened. The trip only lasted for 5 days, but it was the best time of our lives. She was amazing, and she took care of me like no one ever has in my life. She was very caring, loving, sweet, and everything I ever dreamed of in a woman. She told me that she will never break my heart and that she will do her best to make sure that I will never cry again.

We did a lot of "firsts" together in Singapore.. and she told me how I was the only person in her life who has been able to convince her to do things like ride rollercoasters, walk for miles on end, explore without knowing anything at all, and more. I loved this woman with all that I was am and all that I could give. She made me feel the kind of love I had never felt in my life. She officially asked me to be her girlfriend on her birthday while we were in Singapore, and I said yes. We both were so happy and said that those times together were the happiest days of our lives. She said it was her best birthday ever.

After 5 days together in Singapore/Malaysia, we parted to our separate countries. After two weeks, my uncle passed away, and I had to travel with my family to the country where T lived. Throughout the months we had been talking, she had always been insecure about my ex, so I deleted all of my pictures on social media, removed anything ever given to me by my ex, and never contacted my ex again. When my ex found out about my uncle passing, she sent me a text message, which I didn't reply to because I was busy packing and I also didn't want to cause any fights with my girlfriend. I planned on telling her once we saw each other in person.

When my girlfriend and I eventually met again, she had asked me if my ex is still trying to contact me, I said no, completely forgetting that she had texted me saying condolence. My gf asked me again, and I said, yeah, you'll get mad, but she texted me about my uncle, but I never replied. She got very upset about this and left to go back home. She was mad at me, but she was still texting me. When we met up again, she told me that it seems like she's the only one trying in the relationship and she said she'll just wait for me to leave and for her love to fade. I cried and begged her not to leave me. She apologized and said she's sorry for overreacting and that she wasn't going to leave me. We planned on also getting married soon so we could finally be together.

Most of the days she would tell me how much she loved me and to please never leave her, that i'm her best friend. She said she won't be able to live without me. Our relationship was great. Everyone who saw us, even people who didn't know us and people who we were close with, saw how happy we were together, how different our chemistry was with each other. Being with her really was always the happiest times of my life. She introduced me to her son, her dad, and her uncle. I eventually proposed to her and her family threw me a farewell/engagement party. We went ice skating the day I was to head back home. I taught her son how to ice skate.. I saw in her eyes and felt it.. she was happy.. and that she loved me.. and so did her family.. and I loved them too.

After two weeks, I had to fly back home. For a week, things were great.. but things started to change.

In the past, there was never a second when we weren't texting or talking.. if it took me longer than 30 seconds to reply, she'd ask where I was and be sad (I know somewhat childish, but I was the same way sometimes). Our talking started to lessen, and I asked her what was going on. I assumed it was going to the be the time of the month for her, which I realized was somewhat the reasoning. I still felt that there was something though.. I had a gut feeling. We started video chatting more than chatting.. there were times when she would call, and once she saw me on the video, she would cry and tell me she loves me. She would reach her fingers on the screen as if to touch me. Some days she would sing to me. Some days i'd just watch her while she watched tv.

When we first started talking, we were communicating through an app called Whatsapp, but she eventually deleted it and we used another app to talk. I always wondered, though, why she was still in my contacts list, even though she said she deleted it... and When we were together, her uncle said "i'll send you the pic through whatsapp".. so I asked her.. "do you still have that? I thought its gone?" She replied with, "No, it's gone."

So after a week of being home and feeling a bit like things were changing, I checked my whatsapp and messaged her, which it never went through, either because she deleted it from her phone, but not the account itself, or I was blocked... I created another account using a different number, and to my surprise, it was a picture of her and her "ex boyfriend" on her profile pic.

When T and I first met, she had told me that she was going through a breakup.. it had been 6 months, but one day her ex bothered her and it kind of shook her up a bit. They were both working in a different country, but she had to come back home, so they were apart. She told me that they broke up because she admitted to him that she's gay, and he couldn't handle it, so he let her go. He came home to where she was, because that's also where he is from, and she told me that she had to meet with him because she needed her money from their joint account. She said he started bothering her and embarrassing her because she's gay. I felt deeply for her. So when I saw that profile picture of her and her ex kissing as her profile picture on whatsapp, I was shocked, hurt, angry, upset.. I didn't know what to think. The picture was a pic of them together in January, when he came home.. So I sent her messages, asking her what is going on and how she could do that to me... and everything else I was feeling. It took her a really long time to reply.. when she eventually replied, she asked if I was done.. she told me to just let it go because whatever it was, it was for us. She said I would never understand why she's doing what she is. I told her to be fair and tell me, but it was back and forth between me asking why and her saying I won't understand. We went to sleep without her explaining.. she said she didn't want to wake up because she knew she would be losing me once she wakes up. The next day, I tried to contact her, but she deleted her app that we use to communicate, so I sent her imsgs. She said she can no longer stay because she knows she hurt me and that she ruined my trust for her. I told her that this is not something I'm just going to give up on... I told her to give me a chance to understand.. she eventually told me that she had to stay with him because they have a business together, and if she leaves him, he would take her out of the business.. so I asked her if she has to pretend to love him.. she said yes. I asked her if she feels bad for him.. she said she knows he is also just using her. I know it was dumb of me, but I accepted it. I told her I will always remain on her side and I always had. I always supported her in all her plans and dreams.

We sent our visa application for us to finally be together for good. Although it was painful for me every single day to know she had to pretend, I knew that once we were together, everything will be fine. And truly, when we are together, it's really us against the world.. it's such a strong connection that is rare to find. It was truly different when we were together.

Almost 3 weeks later, which was just this past week, she went on vacation to see her family that is rarely ever complete. She didn't always call or text, and though I had a lot of thoughts, sadness, I let her be. Last week tuesday, a random person, J, sent me a msg on my youtube(no facebook because I deactivated it in fear of seeing things I didn't want to see on my gf's facebook). He told me everything. My youtube has videos of me singing and playing the guitar and also a video I made for T for our 2 months, which had our full names and tags on them.

J told me that my girlfriend has had a boyfriend for 2 years and that they never broke up. At the same time, the boyfriend didn't know we had a real relationship going on, he thought I was a college friend that was helping her come to America and that they were going to get married soon. He also said he is sure that she is not gay. On the other hand, she had planned on marrying me. I felt this was real, because she values marriage so much and she would tell me that she is making a lifetime commitment with me and we made so many plans together, and her son knew that I was going to be his other mom.

J told me that her family knew she had a boyfriend, but the boyfriend said the family doesn't know about me. I am very very sure that her family knows about me, but they also knew about him?

I confronted T about it and she immediately got mad saying that I was the one doing all of this. She said she's glad everything is finally out. She said she loves me and she said bye and take care and to stay away from her. The next day, she said she wasn't able to fully concentrate because she was at a family gathering, but everything became clear.. She said it was me pretending to be J and that she got my ip address and knows that it's me. Why would I cause my own heartache? Why would I hide behind someone else when I could do it myself? She got really really mad and said she won't let this pass, that I will pay for this, and to stay out of her life. I told her I would respect her wishes because I love her. Everything just happened so fast. Then she blocked me.

 

I was so broken and crushed. The one person who I depended on and trusted, the one person who I loved and believed in so much, the one person I felt the kind of happiness that I never thought I'd find, deceived me. I sent her a message the next day, saying I know she wont receive it because she blocked me, but that I love her and miss her. The message went through, so she must have unblocked me. I told her how much pain i'm in and she told me to stop suffering and that I don't deserve it. She asked me to cancel our visa application because she said she tried, but I have to be the one to do it. I never replied and I never cancelled it- I had no energy to do anything. The next day, I had so many questions. I asked her if every dream, every plan, all the happiness we had, all the love, was it all just me dreaming and loving alone? She never replied, but after hours she sent a text asking me if I can visit her dad, because he is in another state for work and he is wondering if I can visit him. I said it depends when. I got on Whatsapp, where she had blocked me and she had been communicating with her boyfriend all this time, and I sent her a message, which I had been doing to get things off of my chest.. the message went through. I apologized to her because it went through, which I didn't intend for her to see. Then she said she's still following that status of our application. I asked what for, and she said it's nothing. She asked if I cancelled it. I said no, it will go away on it's own if we don't respond to it. I asked if she wanted the second notification so she could cancel it herself, and she said no. She sent me clips of her singing and told me that she is so tired(seemed emotionally, in context). I told her to rest. We ended at that. The next day, I texted her and told her to please talk to me. She said sorry and that she was drunk the day before... and to just let go and move on because she just wants to fix things and that she's sorry for the pain. She begged me to stop crying.. she said she's on vacation also and rarely sees her family and she doesn't want anything negative going on. She said she moved on and is at peace now. I asked her how she could be so at peace while i'm suffering and nearly good as dead. I asked her to just tell me if she truly loved me or if I was the one she was pretending to love all along. She said everything that happened is so clear and what else is there left to say. She said nothing she will say will matter anymore. I told her it will matter to me because I need answers. She said we already said our goodbyes and to move forward. I told her I can't move forward when my life revolved around her, around us. The past few months I had been working on our visa application, finding an apartment for when she got here.. EVERYTHING. Then one day she just tells me to let go? I know nothing! And she can't even answer if she loved me or not. I asked if we could talk, but she said there's nothing left to talk about. She said she's just waiting for one more sign.

I told her I can't just let go because I love her no matter what had happened and it's so hard for me to just let go of something I strongly believed in and something I was looking forward to. My life had depended on it.. my feelings... everything I had. She said it can't be fixed. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back or fix things, I just need to know. I begged and begged her.. I just need to know if any of it was real. I told her that everytime I think back to us together, I can't imagine that everything was all a lie, that the happiness people saw in us was all fake, that words and actions were all lies, I told her I couldn't come to terms with it and believe that none of it was real. She told me that I answered my own questions and felt it all. I told her I need to hear it from her.. Then she said when she gets back home, we should talk because there are a lot of things we need to talk about.

 

I don't understand anything. I know the answers are probably all in my face, but i'm so blinded right now. Please, someone, put some sense into me. I am so broken... this whole situation has hurt me so deep, I feel as if I can no longer recover. I had never in my life trusted and believed in someone as much as her... my life has always been broken.. I put all my hope in her because I thought she was so real... and i'm left feeling so dead right now.. I feel like life is so worthless..

 

I wrote this 4 months ago .."I've never seen her, met her, or touched her, but I could feel her from a thousand miles away. Her kindness, her big heart, and her love radiates beauty beyond her appearance. The simplicity of her words and her thoughts bring more than any truth i've ever felt. She, is the one that can hold my heart, care for it, and treat it so delicately as it is."

 

That's how much I believed. Right now, I feel as if I've been dropped even below hell. Today is the first day I've been able to actually sit up and breathe a little.. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, move.. I feel almost dead. Please someone help me.

[Satu]

No proper paragraphs; won't read.

[littlemonsters]

Is this better for you??

 

Please please take the time to read. I need you.

 

First off, I am a woman. I have only ever loved twice in my life. My first lied and cheated on me.. My first relationship lasted for a little over 2 years and 7 months, and it was very painful, but this second time around is the worse pain i've ever experienced in my life.

 

I come from a somewhat broken and once abusive family. It's been really hard for me to trust people, so my first heartbreak scarred me. I had the hardest time accepting it and moving forward, but I met an incredible friend(long-distance) who stuck by my side and helped me get through it. My friend, T., who helped me get through it all became my crying shoulder. She told me how she can't believe that after everything i've been through in my life, my ex was able to do what she did to me. We connected on many levels, and eventually, we fell for each other. Around the end of January, we planned a trip to Singapore together, where we met for the first time in person. I never intended to get into another long-distance relationship, but it just happened. The trip only lasted for 5 days, but it was the best time of our lives. She was amazing, and she took care of me like no one ever has in my life. She was very caring, loving, sweet, and everything I ever dreamed of in a woman. She told me that she will never break my heart and that she will do her best to make sure that I will never cry again.

 

We did a lot of "firsts" together in Singapore.. and she told me how I was the only person in her life who has been able to convince her to do things like ride rollercoasters, walk for miles on end, explore without knowing anything at all, and more. I loved this woman with all that I was am and all that I could give. She made me feel the kind of love I had never felt in my life. She officially asked me to be her girlfriend on her birthday while we were in Singapore, and I said yes. We both were so happy and said that those times together were the happiest days of our lives. She said it was her best birthday ever.

 

After 5 days together in Singapore/Malaysia, we parted to our separate countries. After two weeks, my uncle passed away, and I had to travel with my family to the country where T lived. Throughout the months we had been talking, she had always been insecure about my ex, so I deleted all of my pictures on social media, removed anything ever given to me by my ex, and never contacted my ex again. When my ex found out about my uncle passing, she sent me a text message, which I didn't reply to because I was busy packing and I also didn't want to cause any fights with my girlfriend. I planned on telling her once we saw each other in person.

 

When my girlfriend and I eventually met again, she had asked me if my ex is still trying to contact me, I said no, completely forgetting that she had texted me saying condolence. My gf asked me again, and I said, yeah, you'll get mad, but she texted me about my uncle, but I never replied. She got very upset about this and left to go back home. She was mad at me, but she was still texting me. When we met up again, she told me that it seems like she's the only one trying in the relationship and she said she'll just wait for me to leave and for her love to fade. I cried and begged her not to leave me. She apologized and said she's sorry for overreacting and that she wasn't going to leave me. We planned on also getting married soon so we could finally be together.

 

Most of the days she would tell me how much she loved me and to please never leave her, that i'm her best friend. She said she won't be able to live without me. Our relationship was great. Everyone who saw us, even people who didn't know us and people who we were close with, saw how happy we were together, how different our chemistry was with each other. Being with her really was always the happiest times of my life. She introduced me to her son, her dad, and her uncle. I eventually proposed to her and her family threw me a farewell/engagement party. We went ice skating the day I was to head back home. I taught her son how to ice skate.. I saw in her eyes and felt it.. she was happy.. and that she loved me.. and so did her family.. and I loved them too.

 

After two weeks, I had to fly back home. For a week, things were great.. but things started to change.

In the past, there was never a second when we weren't texting or talking.. if it took me longer than 30 seconds to reply, she'd ask where I was and be sad (I know somewhat childish, but I was the same way sometimes). Our talking started to lessen, and I asked her what was going on. I assumed it was going to the be the time of the month for her, which I realized was somewhat the reasoning. I still felt that there was something though.. I had a gut feeling. We started video chatting more than chatting.. there were times when she would call, and once she saw me on the video, she would cry and tell me she loves me. She would reach her fingers on the screen as if to touch me. Some days she would sing to me. Some days i'd just watch her while she watched tv.

 

When we first started talking, we were communicating through an app called Whatsapp, but she eventually deleted it and we used another app to talk. I always wondered, though, why she was still in my contacts list, even though she said she deleted it... and When we were together, her uncle said "i'll send you the pic through whatsapp".. so I asked her.. "do you still have that? I thought its gone?" She replied with, "No, it's gone."

 

So after a week of being home and feeling a bit like things were changing, I checked my whatsapp and messaged her, which it never went through, either because she deleted it from her phone, but not the account itself, or I was blocked... I created another account using a different number, and to my surprise, it was a picture of her and her "ex boyfriend" on her profile pic.

 

When T and I first met, she had told me that she was going through a breakup.. it had been 6 months, but one day her ex bothered her and it kind of shook her up a bit. They were both working in a different country, but she had to come back home, so they were apart. She told me that they broke up because she admitted to him that she's gay, and he couldn't handle it, so he let her go. He came home to where she was, because that's also where he is from, and she told me that she had to meet with him because she needed her money from their joint account. She said he started bothering her and embarrassing her because she's gay. I felt deeply for her. So when I saw that profile picture of her and her ex kissing as her profile picture on whatsapp, I was shocked, hurt, angry, upset.. I didn't know what to think. The picture was a pic of them together in January, when he came home.. So I sent her messages, asking her what is going on and how she could do that to me... and everything else I was feeling. It took her a really long time to reply.. when she eventually replied, she asked if I was done.. she told me to just let it go because whatever it was, it was for us. She said I would never understand why she's doing what she is. I told her to be fair and tell me, but it was back and forth between me asking why and her saying I won't understand. We went to sleep without her explaining.. she said she didn't want to wake up because she knew she would be losing me once she wakes up. The next day, I tried to contact her, but she deleted her app that we use to communicate, so I sent her imsgs. She said she can no longer stay because she knows she hurt me and that she ruined my trust for her. I told her that this is not something I'm just going to give up on... I told her to give me a chance to understand.. she eventually told me that she had to stay with him because they have a business together, and if she leaves him, he would take her out of the business.. so I asked her if she has to pretend to love him.. she said yes. I asked her if she feels bad for him.. she said she knows he is also just using her. I know it was dumb of me, but I accepted it. I told her I will always remain on her side and I always had. I always supported her in all her plans and dreams.

 

We sent our visa application for us to finally be together for good. Although it was painful for me every single day to know she had to pretend, I knew that once we were together, everything will be fine. And truly, when we are together, it's really us against the world.. it's such a strong connection that is rare to find. It was truly different when we were together.

 

Almost 3 weeks later, which was just this past week, she went on vacation to see her family that is rarely ever complete. She didn't always call or text, and though I had a lot of thoughts, sadness, I let her be. Last week tuesday, a random person, J, sent me a msg on my youtube(no facebook because I deactivated it in fear of seeing things I didn't want to see on my gf's facebook). He told me everything. My youtube has videos of me singing and playing the guitar and also a video I made for T for our 2 months, which had our full names and tags on them.

 

J told me that my girlfriend has had a boyfriend for 2 years and that they never broke up. At the same time, the boyfriend didn't know we had a real relationship going on, he thought I was a college friend that was helping her come to America and that they were going to get married soon. He also said he is sure that she is not gay. On the other hand, she had planned on marrying me. I felt this was real, because she values marriage so much and she would tell me that she is making a lifetime commitment with me and we made so many plans together, and her son knew that I was going to be his other mom.

J told me that her family knew she had a boyfriend, but the boyfriend said the family doesn't know about me. I am very very sure that her family knows about me, but they also knew about him?

 

I confronted T about it and she immediately got mad saying that I was the one doing all of this. She said she's glad everything is finally out. She said she loves me and she said bye and take care and to stay away from her. The next day, she said she wasn't able to fully concentrate because she was at a family gathering, but everything became clear.. She said it was me pretending to be J and that she got my ip address and knows that it's me. Why would I cause my own heartache? Why would I hide behind someone else when I could do it myself? She got really really mad and said she won't let this pass, that I will pay for this, and to stay out of her life. I told her I would respect her wishes because I love her. Everything just happened so fast. Then she blocked me.

 

I was so broken and crushed. The one person who I depended on and trusted, the one person who I loved and believed in so much, the one person I felt the kind of happiness that I never thought I'd find, deceived me. I sent her a message the next day, saying I know she wont receive it because she blocked me, but that I love her and miss her. The message went through, so she must have unblocked me. I told her how much pain i'm in and she told me to stop suffering and that I don't deserve it. She asked me to cancel our visa application because she said she tried, but I have to be the one to do it. I never replied and I never cancelled it- I had no energy to do anything.

 

The next day, I had so many questions. I asked her if every dream, every plan, all the happiness we had, all the love, was it all just me dreaming and loving alone? She never replied, but after hours she sent a text asking me if I can visit her dad, because he is in another state for work and he is wondering if I can visit him. I said it depends when. I got on Whatsapp, where she had blocked me and she had been communicating with her boyfriend all this time, and I sent her a message, which I had been doing to get things off of my chest.. the message went through. I apologized to her because it went through, which I didn't intend for her to see. Then she said she's still following that status of our application. I asked what for, and she said it's nothing. She asked if I cancelled it. I said no, it will go away on it's own if we don't respond to it. I asked if she wanted the second notification so she could cancel it herself, and she said no. She sent me clips of her singing and told me that she is so tired(seemed emotionally, in context). I told her to rest. We ended at that. The next day, I texted her and told her to please talk to me. She said sorry and that she was drunk the day before... and to just let go and move on because she just wants to fix things and that she's sorry for the pain. She begged me to stop crying.. she said she's on vacation also and rarely sees her family and she doesn't want anything negative going on. She said she moved on and is at peace now. I asked her how she could be so at peace while i'm suffering and nearly good as dead. I asked her to just tell me if she truly loved me or if I was the one she was pretending to love all along. She said everything that happened is so clear and what else is there left to say. She said nothing she will say will matter anymore. I told her it will matter to me because I need answers. She said we already said our goodbyes and to move forward. I told her I can't move forward when my life revolved around her, around us. The past few months I had been working on our visa application, finding an apartment for when she got here.. EVERYTHING. Then one day she just tells me to let go? I know nothing! And she can't even answer if she loved me or not. I asked if we could talk, but she said there's nothing left to talk about. She said she's just waiting for one more sign.

 

I told her I can't just let go because I love her no matter what had happened and it's so hard for me to just let go of something I strongly believed in and something I was looking forward to. My life had depended on it.. my feelings... everything I had. She said it can't be fixed. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back or fix things, I just need to know. I begged and begged her.. I just need to know if any of it was real. I told her that everytime I think back to us together, I can't imagine that everything was all a lie, that the happiness people saw in us was all fake, that words and actions were all lies, I told her I couldn't come to terms with it and believe that none of it was real. She told me that I answered my own questions and felt it all. I told her I need to hear it from her.. Then she said when she gets back home, we should talk because there are a lot of things we need to talk about.

 

I don't understand anything. I know the answers are probably all in my face, but i'm so blinded right now. Please, someone, put some sense into me. I am so broken... this whole situation has hurt me so deep, I feel as if I can no longer recover. I had never in my life trusted and believed in someone as much as her... my life has always been broken.. I put all my hope in her because I thought she was so real... and i'm left feeling so dead right now.. I feel like life is so worthless..

 

I wrote this 4 months ago .."I've never seen her, met her, or touched her, but I could feel her from a thousand miles away. Her kindness, her big heart, and her love radiates beauty beyond her appearance. The simplicity of her words and her thoughts bring more than any truth i've ever felt. She, is the one that can hold my heart, care for it, and treat it so delicately as it is."

 

That's how much I believed. Right now, I feel as if I've been dropped even below hell. Today is the first day I've been able to actually sit up and breathe a little.. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, move.. I feel almost dead. Please someone help me.

[justwhoiam]

Hi littlemonsters,

 

Welcome to the LS LDR forum.

 

Your post is very, overly repetitive.

 

I need answers too:

 

- What do you do for a living?

- How old are you both?

- When you met her for 5 days, did everything remain platonic?

- Why did you both apply for a USA visa? Was it to get married there? Can you get married in your respective countries?

- Could it be that your friend T used you to get a fast track to the American visa?

 

Also, you don't have any certainty about J's identity.

 

And to top it all: you met her family and they threw a party for you two, for your engagement. Right?

 

I have a hard time believing that she's remaining with this guy solely not to lose her business. Is he her child's father?

 

This woman seems to be rather off. She asked you to be her girlfriend, she made it official in front of her family and her own child, all that while having a boyfriend, and you didn't know about it. And it seems very akward that all her family knew about the boyfriend. At the very least, all of her family must know she's gay, or bisexual.

 

You though knew that she had an ex and that this ex was male. So you should have had doubts.

 

Contact the boyfriend and tell him all about it. How she met you in Singapore and all that you did together, and her double personality. Who paid for the trip? Did you split all the expenses? Did you share a room?

 

I guess this was anything but love. So, based on that, you need to move on, even if it's painful. Even if it looks almost impossible for you.

[ExpatInItaly]

OP, I mean this in the most sincere way and kindest way possible - I think you should seek out a counselor. Your quick and strong attachment to this woman and the language you use to describe your loss is alarming. Instead of wasting more emotional energy asking yourself how she could do this, you would be better to invest that in yourself: ask yourself why you allowed yourself so become emotionally dependent, and why you placed all your hopes in such a toxic relationship. I call it toxic because it's clear there were problems with jealousy, control and co-dependency (Getting upset if someone doesn't reply with in a minute is not normal or healthy)

 

You also need to ask yourself what this break-up symbolizes to you. Do you take this as meaning you somehow aren't good enough? Do you feel not worthy of her attention? What is it exactly that is devastating you? I guarantee it's not only her company. This would be an opportunity to dig deeper and find out why you allowed yourself to fall so deeply for someone you apparently haven;t spent much time with offline.

 

As for her, you need to delete her from every aspect of your life. She misled you. Before even reading all of your post, I guessed that she'd never broken up with her boyfriend at all and that you in fact were the (unknowing) third party here. Someone who loves you doesn't behave this way. I hope you can see that. She manipulated you and lied, and tried to turn it on you when you called her out. She is not a good person.

[emi]

Just calm down!

At first i didnt really want to read your post since its too long but the words you used in beginning seem too desperatingly alarming.

I think you know by yourself what you should do. You just need a little time to accept the big deception you discovered. You are under going through a state of shock.

I suggest you read the NO CONTACT guide in breaks and breaking up forum to know that what you feeling right now is just temporary. You will be ok again, even it sounds cliche and useless. But its the truth.

I have a crappy childhood as well so i understand how nice is it to get someone who care and loves you. But this girl isnt the one to do so.

The above posters also adviced you to move on. Thats what i want to say in general.

Get some food, rest, keep posting, and take care of yourself. Dont do something or make any rash decision in these time. Just try to pull it through

* hugs*

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Please please take the time to read. I need you.

 

First off, I am a woman. I have only ever loved twice in my life. My first lied and cheated on me.. My first relationship lasted for a little over 2 years and 7 months, and it was very painful, but this second time around is the worse pain i've ever experienced in my life.

 

I come from a somewhat broken and once abusive family. It's been really hard for me to trust people, so my first heartbreak scarred me. I had the hardest time accepting it and moving forward, but I met an incredible friend(long-distance) who stuck by my side and helped me get through it. My friend, T., who helped me get through it all became my crying shoulder. She told me how she can't believe that after everything i've been through in my life, my ex was able to do what she did to me. We connected on many levels, and eventually, we fell for each other. Around the end of January, we planned a trip to Singapore together, where we met for the first time in person. I never intended to get into another long-distance relationship, but it just happened. The trip only lasted for 5 days, but it was the best time of our lives. She was amazing, and she took care of me like no one ever has in my life. She was very caring, loving, sweet, and everything I ever dreamed of in a woman. She told me that she will never break my heart and that she will do her best to make sure that I will never cry again.

We did a lot of "firsts" together in Singapore.. and she told me how I was the only person in her life who has been able to convince her to do things like ride rollercoasters, walk for miles on end, explore without knowing anything at all, and more. I loved this woman with all that I was am and all that I could give. She made me feel the kind of love I had never felt in my life. She officially asked me to be her girlfriend on her birthday while we were in Singapore, and I said yes. We both were so happy and said that those times together were the happiest days of our lives. She said it was her best birthday ever.

After 5 days together in Singapore/Malaysia, we parted to our separate countries. After two weeks, my uncle passed away, and I had to travel with my family to the country where T lived. Throughout the months we had been talking, she had always been insecure about my ex, so I deleted all of my pictures on social media, removed anything ever given to me by my ex, and never contacted my ex again. When my ex found out about my uncle passing, she sent me a text message, which I didn't reply to because I was busy packing and I also didn't want to cause any fights with my girlfriend. I planned on telling her once we saw each other in person.

When my girlfriend and I eventually met again, she had asked me if my ex is still trying to contact me, I said no, completely forgetting that she had texted me saying condolence. My gf asked me again, and I said, yeah, you'll get mad, but she texted me about my uncle, but I never replied. She got very upset about this and left to go back home. She was mad at me, but she was still texting me. When we met up again, she told me that it seems like she's the only one trying in the relationship and she said she'll just wait for me to leave and for her love to fade. I cried and begged her not to leave me. She apologized and said she's sorry for overreacting and that she wasn't going to leave me. We planned on also getting married soon so we could finally be together.

Most of the days she would tell me how much she loved me and to please never leave her, that i'm her best friend. She said she won't be able to live without me. Our relationship was great. Everyone who saw us, even people who didn't know us and people who we were close with, saw how happy we were together, how different our chemistry was with each other. Being with her really was always the happiest times of my life. She introduced me to her son, her dad, and her uncle. I eventually proposed to her and her family threw me a farewell/engagement party. We went ice skating the day I was to head back home. I taught her son how to ice skate.. I saw in her eyes and felt it.. she was happy.. and that she loved me.. and so did her family.. and I loved them too.

After two weeks, I had to fly back home. For a week, things were great.. but things started to change.

In the past, there was never a second when we weren't texting or talking.. if it took me longer than 30 seconds to reply, she'd ask where I was and be sad (I know somewhat childish, but I was the same way sometimes). Our talking started to lessen, and I asked her what was going on. I assumed it was going to the be the time of the month for her, which I realized was somewhat the reasoning. I still felt that there was something though.. I had a gut feeling. We started video chatting more than chatting.. there were times when she would call, and once she saw me on the video, she would cry and tell me she loves me. She would reach her fingers on the screen as if to touch me. Some days she would sing to me. Some days i'd just watch her while she watched tv.

When we first started talking, we were communicating through an app called Whatsapp, but she eventually deleted it and we used another app to talk. I always wondered, though, why she was still in my contacts list, even though she said she deleted it... and When we were together, her uncle said "i'll send you the pic through whatsapp".. so I asked her.. "do you still have that? I thought its gone?" She replied with, "No, it's gone."

So after a week of being home and feeling a bit like things were changing, I checked my whatsapp and messaged her, which it never went through, either because she deleted it from her phone, but not the account itself, or I was blocked... I created another account using a different number, and to my surprise, it was a picture of her and her "ex boyfriend" on her profile pic.

When T and I first met, she had told me that she was going through a breakup.. it had been 6 months, but one day her ex bothered her and it kind of shook her up a bit. They were both working in a different country, but she had to come back home, so they were apart. She told me that they broke up because she admitted to him that she's gay, and he couldn't handle it, so he let her go. He came home to where she was, because that's also where he is from, and she told me that she had to meet with him because she needed her money from their joint account. She said he started bothering her and embarrassing her because she's gay. I felt deeply for her. So when I saw that profile picture of her and her ex kissing as her profile picture on whatsapp, I was shocked, hurt, angry, upset.. I didn't know what to think. The picture was a pic of them together in January, when he came home.. So I sent her messages, asking her what is going on and how she could do that to me... and everything else I was feeling. It took her a really long time to reply.. when she eventually replied, she asked if I was done.. she told me to just let it go because whatever it was, it was for us. She said I would never understand why she's doing what she is. I told her to be fair and tell me, but it was back and forth between me asking why and her saying I won't understand. We went to sleep without her explaining.. she said she didn't want to wake up because she knew she would be losing me once she wakes up. The next day, I tried to contact her, but she deleted her app that we use to communicate, so I sent her imsgs. She said she can no longer stay because she knows she hurt me and that she ruined my trust for her. I told her that this is not something I'm just going to give up on... I told her to give me a chance to understand.. she eventually told me that she had to stay with him because they have a business together, and if she leaves him, he would take her out of the business.. so I asked her if she has to pretend to love him.. she said yes. I asked her if she feels bad for him.. she said she knows he is also just using her. I know it was dumb of me, but I accepted it. I told her I will always remain on her side and I always had. I always supported her in all her plans and dreams.

We sent our visa application for us to finally be together for good. Although it was painful for me every single day to know she had to pretend, I knew that once we were together, everything will be fine. And truly, when we are together, it's really us against the world.. it's such a strong connection that is rare to find. It was truly different when we were together.

Almost 3 weeks later, which was just this past week, she went on vacation to see her family that is rarely ever complete. She didn't always call or text, and though I had a lot of thoughts, sadness, I let her be. Last week tuesday, a random person, J, sent me a msg on my youtube(no facebook because I deactivated it in fear of seeing things I didn't want to see on my gf's facebook). He told me everything. My youtube has videos of me singing and playing the guitar and also a video I made for T for our 2 months, which had our full names and tags on them.

J told me that my girlfriend has had a boyfriend for 2 years and that they never broke up. At the same time, the boyfriend didn't know we had a real relationship going on, he thought I was a college friend that was helping her come to America and that they were going to get married soon. He also said he is sure that she is not gay. On the other hand, she had planned on marrying me. I felt this was real, because she values marriage so much and she would tell me that she is making a lifetime commitment with me and we made so many plans together, and her son knew that I was going to be his other mom.

J told me that her family knew she had a boyfriend, but the boyfriend said the family doesn't know about me. I am very very sure that her family knows about me, but they also knew about him?

I confronted T about it and she immediately got mad saying that I was the one doing all of this. She said she's glad everything is finally out. She said she loves me and she said bye and take care and to stay away from her. The next day, she said she wasn't able to fully concentrate because she was at a family gathering, but everything became clear.. She said it was me pretending to be J and that she got my ip address and knows that it's me. Why would I cause my own heartache? Why would I hide behind someone else when I could do it myself? She got really really mad and said she won't let this pass, that I will pay for this, and to stay out of her life. I told her I would respect her wishes because I love her. Everything just happened so fast. Then she blocked me.

 

I was so broken and crushed. The one person who I depended on and trusted, the one person who I loved and believed in so much, the one person I felt the kind of happiness that I never thought I'd find, deceived me. I sent her a message the next day, saying I know she wont receive it because she blocked me, but that I love her and miss her. The message went through, so she must have unblocked me. I told her how much pain i'm in and she told me to stop suffering and that I don't deserve it. She asked me to cancel our visa application because she said she tried, but I have to be the one to do it. I never replied and I never cancelled it- I had no energy to do anything. The next day, I had so many questions. I asked her if every dream, every plan, all the happiness we had, all the love, was it all just me dreaming and loving alone? She never replied, but after hours she sent a text asking me if I can visit her dad, because he is in another state for work and he is wondering if I can visit him. I said it depends when. I got on Whatsapp, where she had blocked me and she had been communicating with her boyfriend all this time, and I sent her a message, which I had been doing to get things off of my chest.. the message went through. I apologized to her because it went through, which I didn't intend for her to see. Then she said she's still following that status of our application. I asked what for, and she said it's nothing. She asked if I cancelled it. I said no, it will go away on it's own if we don't respond to it. I asked if she wanted the second notification so she could cancel it herself, and she said no. She sent me clips of her singing and told me that she is so tired(seemed emotionally, in context). I told her to rest. We ended at that. The next day, I texted her and told her to please talk to me. She said sorry and that she was drunk the day before... and to just let go and move on because she just wants to fix things and that she's sorry for the pain. She begged me to stop crying.. she said she's on vacation also and rarely sees her family and she doesn't want anything negative going on. She said she moved on and is at peace now. I asked her how she could be so at peace while i'm suffering and nearly good as dead. I asked her to just tell me if she truly loved me or if I was the one she was pretending to love all along. She said everything that happened is so clear and what else is there left to say. She said nothing she will say will matter anymore. I told her it will matter to me because I need answers. She said we already said our goodbyes and to move forward. I told her I can't move forward when my life revolved around her, around us. The past few months I had been working on our visa application, finding an apartment for when she got here.. EVERYTHING. Then one day she just tells me to let go? I know nothing! And she can't even answer if she loved me or not. I asked if we could talk, but she said there's nothing left to talk about. She said she's just waiting for one more sign.

I told her I can't just let go because I love her no matter what had happened and it's so hard for me to just let go of something I strongly believed in and something I was looking forward to. My life had depended on it.. my feelings... everything I had. She said it can't be fixed. I told her I wasn't trying to get her back or fix things, I just need to know. I begged and begged her.. I just need to know if any of it was real. I told her that everytime I think back to us together, I can't imagine that everything was all a lie, that the happiness people saw in us was all fake, that words and actions were all lies, I told her I couldn't come to terms with it and believe that none of it was real. She told me that I answered my own questions and felt it all. I told her I need to hear it from her.. Then she said when she gets back home, we should talk because there are a lot of things we need to talk about.

 

I don't understand anything. I know the answers are probably all in my face, but i'm so blinded right now. Please, someone, put some sense into me. I am so broken... this whole situation has hurt me so deep, I feel as if I can no longer recover. I had never in my life trusted and believed in someone as much as her... my life has always been broken.. I put all my hope in her because I thought she was so real... and i'm left feeling so dead right now.. I feel like life is so worthless..

 

I wrote this 4 months ago .."I've never seen her, met her, or touched her, but I could feel her from a thousand miles away. Her kindness, her big heart, and her love radiates beauty beyond her appearance. The simplicity of her words and her thoughts bring more than any truth i've ever felt. She, is the one that can hold my heart, care for it, and treat it so delicately as it is."

 

That's how much I believed. Right now, I feel as if I've been dropped even below hell. Today is the first day I've been able to actually sit up and breathe a little.. I haven't been able to sleep, eat, move.. I feel almost dead. Please someone help me.

[littlemonsters]

Hi littlemonsters,

 

Welcome to the LS LDR forum.

 

Your post is very, overly repetitive.

 

I need answers too:

 

- What do you do for a living?

- How old are you both?

- When you met her for 5 days, did everything remain platonic?

- Why did you both apply for a USA visa? Was it to get married there? Can you get married in your respective countries?

- Could it be that your friend T used you to get a fast track to the American visa?

 

Also, you don't have any certainty about J's identity.

 

And to top it all: you met her family and they threw a party for you two, for your engagement. Right?

 

I have a hard time believing that she's remaining with this guy solely not to lose her business. Is he her child's father?

 

This woman seems to be rather off. She asked you to be her girlfriend, she made it official in front of her family and her own child, all that while having a boyfriend, and you didn't know about it. And it seems very akward that all her family knew about the boyfriend. At the very least, all of her family must know she's gay, or bisexual.

 

You though knew that she had an ex and that this ex was male. So you should have had doubts.

 

Contact the boyfriend and tell him all about it. How she met you in Singapore and all that you did together, and her double personality. Who paid for the trip? Did you split all the expenses? Did you share a room?

 

I guess this was anything but love. So, based on that, you need to move on, even if it's painful. Even if it looks almost impossible for you.

 

I have a little more clarity today..

 

Thank you for your reply, Justwhoiam. Sorry if I was so repetitive, but there's just so much going on in my head.

-First of all, i'm 27, and she is also 27.

-Right now, i'm working for an education corporation, but am also studying to take my nursing board exam. She has a small business at home, but was working abroad until late last year(where her boyfriend is also working).

-When we met for 5 days, it was not platonic. We were intimate, slept in the same room, same bed, showered together, etc. She couldn't keep her hands off of me. She also introduced me to her childhood friend who was living there, who knew that we were more than friends.

-Only I applied for the visa, but she is part of it, so she had paperwork to complete as well, which she sent to me and I mailed the whole packet. Same-sex marriage isn't legal in her country, but had we had more time when I came for my uncle's funeral, she wanted to get married at a church in her country that did same-sex marriages, even if it wasn't legally acknowledged.

-As of now, I can't come to think that she could have just used me- I know i'm probably still blinded.

 

That's why i'm having such a hard time making sense of it all.. because when we first met, I asked her if she's sure she's gay. She said yes. I asked her about her previous relationships with men and she said she has suppressed her feelings for women for years. When we were talking, she told me that after our trip to Singapore, she will come out to her family.. but we were talking one day and she said she couldn't keep it in anymore and she told her dad that she's gay.. and her dad accepted it. Her father is very very protective, caring, and supportive of her. I saw this myself.

 

When we got back from our Singapore trip, she posted all of our pictures on facebook and instagram.. and she told me that her extended family members started asking about us because we were very sweet and open on facebook. She admitted to them that she's gay and that i'm her girlfriend.

 

The guy that she is with is not her child's father. Her son is 10 years old.. she's been with this guy for almost 2 years.

[littlemonsters]

OP, I mean this in the most sincere way and kindest way possible - I think you should seek out a counselor. Your quick and strong attachment to this woman and the language you use to describe your loss is alarming. Instead of wasting more emotional energy asking yourself how she could do this, you would be better to invest that in yourself: ask yourself why you allowed yourself so become emotionally dependent, and why you placed all your hopes in such a toxic relationship. I call it toxic because it's clear there were problems with jealousy, control and co-dependency (Getting upset if someone doesn't reply with in a minute is not normal or healthy)

 

You also need to ask yourself what this break-up symbolizes to you. Do you take this as meaning you somehow aren't good enough? Do you feel not worthy of her attention? What is it exactly that is devastating you? I guarantee it's not only her company. This would be an opportunity to dig deeper and find out why you allowed yourself to fall so deeply for someone you apparently haven;t spent much time with offline.

 

As for her, you need to delete her from every aspect of your life. She misled you. Before even reading all of your post, I guessed that she'd never broken up with her boyfriend at all and that you in fact were the (unknowing) third party here. Someone who loves you doesn't behave this way. I hope you can see that. She manipulated you and lied, and tried to turn it on you when you called her out. She is not a good person.

 

ExpatInItaly, thank you for replying. I know I let myself become so emotionally dependent on her.. but trust me, she's very good at it however she did it. Most of my life, i've been independent.. I lack the proper guidance and love from my parents.. I built walls, but she put them all down. She got to the core of my being and dissected it and understood it and made me feel that everything will be okay, that I can depend on her and lean on her. Times when I felt so broken, she reassured me that she was always by my side.. that her son and her dad and uncle(who I met and stayed with and spent time with), would be there for me.. Please understand also that my family is not very accepting or supportive of me, so I fell for her family.. and I have a great big heart for children, so I loved her son dearly.. and I spent a lot of time with him and absolutely loved me.

 

It's so hard for me to accept that someone who I thought was so honest, kind, with a big heart, someone who was so good... could be this bad? To lead me on and marry me and then just leave me? I guess I can't come to accept it because I can't even imagine anyone in my life being that cold hearted!!

 

If she truly loved her boyfriend, she wouldn't have done all this to him either, right? I mean, she had a girlfriend before me while away from her boyfriend... and it's not possible that she was just after a visa because that girl is from the same country as her.

 

I am so devastated because she made me feel that she accepted all my flaws.. Every part of me that I was afraid to show anyone or that I didn't love, she loved. She made me feel that all the little things I did were appreciated. As a human being, I felt validated.. and I know I don't need anyone to make me feel that, but that's my life and I can't help but feel these things. We set a future together.. and I'm so broken because I've never set so much trust in someone this much.. being guarded most of my life.. then she just destroyed me.. all I did was love her and care for her with a pure heart.

[littlemonsters]

Just calm down!

At first i didnt really want to read your post since its too long but the words you used in beginning seem too desperatingly alarming.

I think you know by yourself what you should do. You just need a little time to accept the big deception you discovered. You are under going through a state of shock.

I suggest you read the NO CONTACT guide in breaks and breaking up forum to know that what you feeling right now is just temporary. You will be ok again, even it sounds cliche and useless. But its the truth.

I have a crappy childhood as well so i understand how nice is it to get someone who care and loves you. But this girl isnt the one to do so.

The above posters also adviced you to move on. Thats what i want to say in general.

Get some food, rest, keep posting, and take care of yourself. Dont do something or make any rash decision in these time. Just try to pull it through

* hugs*

 

Thank you for taking the time to read, Emi. I have just never met anyone in my life to make me feel this kind of love, fake or not.. I've been a good person all my life despite all the pain i've been through in life.. I always give and give.. and for once, I wanted something for me.. and I was let down.. it hurts so much..

It's hard to move on without knowing the real answers.. all I want to know is what truly happened.. if she had planned on using me all along.. was the happiness we felt together.. was it real? Was that part of my life when I was actually the happiest I have ever been.. was any of it real.

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you for taking the time to read, Emi. I have just never met anyone in my life to make me feel this kind of love, fake or not.. I've been a good person all my life despite all the pain i've been through in life.. I always give and give.. and for once, I wanted something for me.. and I was let down.. it hurts so much..

It's hard to move on without knowing the real answers.. all I want to know is what truly happened.. if she had planned on using me all along.. was the happiness we felt together.. was it real? Was that part of my life when I was actually the happiest I have ever been.. was any of it real.

 

You might never get those answers, OP. The most important thing is healing you, and removing her from your life. I think you need to ask yourself what was it about her that caused you to attach so quickly. My current boyfriend also comes from broken, abusive home. Like you, I can see him withdrawing at times and putting his guard up. But the right partner will allow you to slowly come forward without pressuring you or making grand promises. They will offer stability, not a fantasy.

 

In total, how much time had you spent together offline?

[littlemonsters]

You might never get those answers, OP. The most important thing is healing you, and removing her from your life. I think you need to ask yourself what was it about her that caused you to attach so quickly. My current boyfriend also comes from broken, abusive home. Like you, I can see him withdrawing at times and putting his guard up. But the right partner will allow you to slowly come forward without pressuring you or making grand promises. They will offer stability, not a fantasy.

 

In total, how much time had you spent together offline?

 

Hi ExpatInItaly, I responded to your earlier post above regarding why I became so attached to her.

 

I just have such a big heart in believing in all the good in people, even though i'm so guarded.. I just can't accept that she turned out to be that way.. to know how broken and weak I was.. then to plan to rip me apart.

 

We've spent 3 weeks together offline.. I know it's not a lot.. but being in a long distance relationship, we communicated more often than I think most people would in person.

[Satu]

Don't bother asking *why.* You'll never know why.

 

Instead, ask *what*

 

*What* can I learn from this?

 

*What* does this experience tell me about myself?

 

And then the big question, *what* do I want now.

 

Take care.

[justwhoiam]

Thanks for your answers. You completely skipped the part of who paid what. Can you go back to my post and answer those questions?

 

Something's still not clear. What members of her family did you meet in person?

 

Now leave out whatever she *told you*. What do you know by yourself, that is not reported by other people?

 

For instance, you wrote: "I eventually proposed to her and her family threw me a farewell/engagement party."

1) Did you get a real party? Was all of her family there? Is it possible that they meant it as a farewell party and not as an engagement party? Did you kiss on the mouth in front of everybody at the party? With all her family there and her son too?

 

Because what was obvious to you could be the least possible thing for anybody else.

[ExpatInItaly]

Hi ExpatInItaly, I responded to your earlier post above regarding why I became so attached to her.

 

I just have such a big heart in believing in all the good in people, even though i'm so guarded.. I just can't accept that she turned out to be that way.. to know how broken and weak I was.. then to plan to rip me apart.

 

We've spent 3 weeks together offline.. I know it's not a lot.. but being in a long distance relationship, we communicated more often than I think most people would in person.

 

No, it's a very short time indeed. Too short to get to really know someone. As you see now, communicating online isn't enough. You need to spend a sustained amount of time around someone to really get to know them. It sounds like you both threw yourselves into this with little real-life knowledge of each other. This is very risky.

 

Do you have someone offline you can speak to about this? A counsellor? I think this would be a great opportunity to conduct an intensive self-inventory so you're able to pay closer attention to the red flags next time. You will then have the tools to filter out the leeches and find a healthier partner. Also, you will be able to slow way down and slowly build a relationship instead of diving nearly blindly into murky water.

[littlemonsters]

Thanks for your answers. You completely skipped the part of who paid what. Can you go back to my post and answer those questions?

 

Something's still not clear. What members of her family did you meet in person?

 

Now leave out whatever she *told you*. What do you know by yourself, that is not reported by other people?

 

For instance, you wrote: "I eventually proposed to her and her family threw me a farewell/engagement party."

1) Did you get a real party? Was all of her family there? Is it possible that they meant it as a farewell party and not as an engagement party? Did you kiss on the mouth in front of everybody at the party? With all her family there and her son too?

 

Because what was obvious to you could be the least possible thing for anybody else.

 

Sorry for missing that part.. I paid for my ticket and majority of the expenses, but she paid for her ticket and some minor trips.. we did share a room.

 

She lives with her dad, her son, and her uncle.. I met all three of them.. and I have exchanged a few messages with her dad... i've expressed to him how much I love his daughter and I apologized to him before when T and I had a misunderstanding and she became very very upset. He told me how it's okay and there are misunderstandings in all relationships and that his daughter is really happy with me..(I suppose approaching him is also a cultural thing.) I also slept at her house, where her and I stayed in the same room and slept on the same bed. Her dad, son, and uncle told me how much they love me before I left.. They even took me out then took me to the airport.

 

We kissed in front of her family.. held hands, held each other, fed each other.. Her son even told me how much he loved me.. and I talked to him about how much I love his mom and he told me he knew.. and how he didn't want me to leave.. When I'd be talking to T on the phone, her dad and uncle and son would always scream out how they missed me and her son always made fun of how she called me baby girl. I know I didn't imagine this.. her family knew..

She took a trip to visit her mother's side of the family.. and she was about to introduce me to them via video call.. but all this happened-me finding out about the other guy.

[justwhoiam]

Ok. How's it going?

 

If you're in touch with T's dad, does he know she broke up with you? What did he say?

[HeavenOrHell]

3 weeks is nothing, really, you couldn't base a future on such little time together, took me months to get to know my partner properly after many visits together.

People can be wonderful and loving and enthusiastic in the beginning, and turn out not to be so wonderful, people show their best side at first normally and then the real them creeps in.

 

Never good to let someone be the centre of your world or be dependent on them, people change, feelings change, people we loved can become strangers, it's life, it's what happens sadly.

 

I would go and see a counsellor and sort through your feelings.

 

 

Hi ExpatInItaly, I responded to your earlier post above regarding why I became so attached to her.

 

I just have such a big heart in believing in all the good in people, even though i'm so guarded.. I just can't accept that she turned out to be that way.. to know how broken and weak I was.. then to plan to rip me apart.

 

We've spent 3 weeks together offline.. I know it's not a lot.. but being in a long distance relationship, we communicated more often than I think most people would in person.