Am I suffering from lingering depression?

[lostsoul6486]

Hello, all. I don't ask this question lightly as I know that depression is a major issue that many people suffer from. I could say I've been lucky so far in life. I've had a great upbringing and haven't had any major catastrophes so far. Really, the most depressed I've been was my break up. It shook me to my core and really had me reeling for a long time.

 

As I've posted before, I'm doing a lot better. I still have my bad moments, but that's to be expected. The problem is, I now have a constant sadness about me that I never had before. I feel like I always need to keep myself busy to not feel down on myself which is a problem because I am a very introverted person. I like having alone time and I used to love laying in bed and just relaxing for maybe an hour before falling asleep every night. When I do that now, I just start feeling down so I turn on the TV or surf the web to keep my mind busy until I get so sleepy that I knock out. I'm starting to worry because it is really having a negative impact on me and I'm no longer sure if it even has to do with my ex. I'm posting this in the "Coping" forum because she does come to my mind and make me sad, but I feel like there may be more to it?

 

Whenever she pops up, I'm able to stop myself from relishing in the memories which I used to do a lot, but it doesn't make the sadness go away. Every morning, getting out of bed is a chore. On the bad days, I'm barely able to get myself out of bed and to the office for work. I feel unmotivated and completely down. My ex is definitely in my thoughts at these times, but even when I'm able to overcome that, I feel a deep sadness.

 

Whenever I try to rationalize why I feel the way I feel, I come up empty. I have racked my brain trying to figure out why I feel like a dark cloud is following me everywhere I go. I know I don't want her back. I know I don't want to be friends with her. I know I really want nothing to do with her. I know all of these things, so I feel like there is no reason for me to feel this way. At first I thought that I might just want a relationship, but I've had three chances since my ex and I've let them all fall by the wayside when they started getting serious. As soon as I started to feel a little tied down, I broke it off in favor of the freedom of the single life.

 

Honestly, I don't even know if I'm using the right words to describe how I feel. I just hang on to every moment, good or bad, and it's exhausting. I guess the best example I could use is this past weekend. I just got back from a vacation with some friends and I had a great time. It's normal to not want vacation to end because you're having a good time and you have to get back to work, but I wasn't sad because the vacation was ending. I was sad because I knew I would be coming back to feeling how I am feeling right now. I wanted to hang on to that feeling of elation for as long as possible because I knew I'd end up here again. Does any of this make any sense to any of you? Can anyone relate? Anyway, thanks for reading.

[Satu]

Don't try to resist or repress the thoughts and feelings that come up.

 

Just let them come and go like any other thought or feeling.

 

If you do try to resist or repress them, it can cause terrific tension and conflict in your psyche.

 

What you resist, persists.

 

Eventually the thoughts and feelings run down and lose their energy, and come up much less often.

 

If you suspect you may be clinically depressed, ask your doctor for a Psychiatric Assesment.

 

Even if you are, the advice above still applies.

 

Take care.

Edited May 19, 2015 by Satu

[Zetec]

I don't have the answer to this, but I can tell you that I am suffering from this exactly the way you described it. No matter what I'm doing, I feel like I am carrying around this sadness with me. I can't even describe it as a true feeling, I just feel lathargic and empty inside. I too hang onto any time away from home or with friends. I have to keep doing things to keep my mind occupied - i will even drive to a family member who lives an hour away, just for the sake of it. This eases the 'sadness' for a while but it is still lingering, and comes back again soon afterwards.

 

And yeah, my ex is on my mind all the time. Thinking about her makes me sad.

 

I hope it helps a little bit knowing that you are not the only one suffering from this - I hope you can get help/find a solution. I am on antidepressants and whilst they help to keep me on the right tracks it doesnt ease this constant feeling of sadness.

[Shetland]

Same here. I have no answers for you, but I understand how you feel. I get extremely anxious at home, yet I have no concrete plans for what to do when I leave the house. It's a terrible feeling and I try to stay busy.

 

 

I'm the type of guy that used to love doing nothing and just chill and watch TV. However, since the breakup, I have this extreme urge to do something active for self-improvement. I feel like I have no time to relax or be comfortable in my own skin.

 

 

And yes, sadness, regret, and shame follows me throughout the day

[Lizrd3000]

Same here. I have no answers for you, but I understand how you feel. I get extremely anxious at home, yet I have no concrete plans for what to do when I leave the house. It's a terrible feeling and I try to stay busy.

 

 

I'm the type of guy that used to love doing nothing and just chill and watch TV. However, since the breakup, I have this extreme urge to do something active for self-improvement. I feel like I have no time to relax or be comfortable in my own skin.

 

 

And yes, sadness, regret, and shame follows me throughout the day

 

 

 

The text in bold is exactly what I'm going through.

 

 

I HAVE to workout, or else I won't be a better person.

I HAVE to be social, or else I won't ever make progress in my social life. IT's really exhausting... Anyone has advice on this? Or some logical explanation?

[DJOkawari]

Here's something that worked for me:

 

I had/have this feeling right now and my solution has been in line for with what Satu has said. I began to embrace the sadness and the negativity but I needed to add one further step in my mind, I promised myself that for 1 month I would not judge myself or agonize over the past, future, or present. I would stop being so hard on myself. Maybe this is what you guys are feeling too? I hated myself each day, every day and I wanted nothing but to "improve" and no longer hate myself. My current state is so peaceful. The arbitrary time is really what sealed it for me because in my previous mental state the guilt/negativity of not doing all of those things I HAVE to do could only be postponed temporarily.

 

After doing it for a week, I realized this is how I should probably live my life. The activities that you do take care of, you take care of because you want to. I've begun going to the gym and eating clean because I enjoy it. Those were both things that I fought myself quite hard to do in the past, now they come naturally.

 

I still have relapses. I haven't been social at all since I started this month (I'm only about a week in) of no judgement and I've had quite a few negative thoughts about that. But overall I'm doing much better. I wouldn't say I'm happy yet but I'm mostly kind of indifferent with life and that's a huge step. I think I will progress from here. I just keep thinking: this is just a phase, this does not define you.

 

Just to make it clear it isn't "giving up" it's more like filling my life with things I want to live And not feeling guilty about the rest. I only have about 5 things I like to do at the moment but I believe that list will grow. Eventually I hope I will love myself and my life.

 

Sorry if this is not at all what you guys meant but it seemed like it to me.

Edited May 20, 2015 by DJOkawari

[Lizrd3000]

Here's something that worked for me:

 

I had/have this feeling right now and my solution has been in line for with what Satu has said. I began to embrace the sadness and the negativity but I needed to add one further step in my mind, I promised myself that for 1 month I would not judge myself or agonize over the past, future, or present. I would stop being so hard on myself. Maybe this is what you guys are feeling too? I hated myself each day, every day and I wanted nothing but to "improve" and no longer hate myself. My current state is so peaceful. The arbitrary time is really what sealed it for me because in my previous mental state the guilt/negativity of not doing all of those things I HAVE to do could only be postponed temporarily.

 

After doing it for a week, I realized this is how I should probably live my life. The activities that you do take care of, you take care of because you want to. I've begun going to the gym and eating clean because I enjoy it. Those were both things that I fought myself quite hard to do in the past, now they come naturally.

 

I still have relapses. I haven't been social at all since I started this month (I'm only about a week in) of no judgement and I've had quite a few negative thoughts about that. But overall I'm doing much better. I wouldn't say I'm happy yet but I'm mostly kind of indifferent with life and that's a huge step. I think I will progress from here. I just keep thinking: this is just a phase, this does not define you.

 

Just to make it clear it isn't "giving up" it's more like filling my life with things I want to live And not feeling guilty about the rest. I only have about 5 things I like to do at the moment but I believe that list will grow. Eventually I hope I will love myself and my life.

 

Sorry if this is not at all what you guys meant but it seemed like it to me.

So this has to do with not feeling good enough and trying to change for the better because of low self-esteem? Atleast, that's what I got from reading your message, and I think you're right. The desire to change yourself because you feel like you're not good enough *YET*, so you try to change yourself to feel better about yourself. Is this a good or bad thing?

 

 

I think the intention is good, but the thoughts that result in these actions are bad.

 

 

I do want to change, and if I, like you, only do the things I *WANT* to do, there'd be nothing I could do. So doing the things that I think will make me a better person for myself, and towards others, is better than doing nothing.

[DJOkawari]

I see what you're saying. Definitely low self-esteem, not that I realized it before you said it. Mine stems from my (not so recent at this point) break up and comparing myself unreasonably to other people and just generally being hard on myself.

 

The deal with 1 month was so I wouldn't hate myself for taking it easy because 1 month seemed like a small price to pay for some peace. Naturally, I started taking it easy. My initial goal was just to recharge and get back into my usual rhythm ASAP. Turns out, when you aren't doing anything and you aren't procrastinating things and you aren't feeling bad about your life...well for me I was bored. So organically, I thought, it'd be fun to do X activity. Then I went and did it and it was fulfilling. It was fulfilling in a way I had no felt in a long time. It sounds really stupid but it's the first time I've wanted something for no reason beyond just wanting it that I can remember really. This is something I've struggled with for a long time.

 

I'm no where near recovered but I'm already happier like this. I guess, the biggest difference is that I'm enjoying walking the path now, rather than hating myself for not being at the goal yet. I think it will make achieving the goals much easier too.

[Lizrd3000]

I see what you're saying. Definitely low self-esteem, not that I realized it before you said it. Mine stems from my (not so recent at this point) break up and comparing myself unreasonably to other people and just generally being hard on myself.

 

The deal with 1 month was so I wouldn't hate myself for taking it easy because 1 month seemed like a small price to pay for some peace. Naturally, I started taking it easy. My initial goal was just to recharge and get back into my usual rhythm ASAP. Turns out, when you aren't doing anything and you aren't procrastinating things and you aren't feeling bad about your life...well for me I was bored. So organically, I thought, it'd be fun to do X activity. Then I went and did it and it was fulfilling. It was fulfilling in a way I had no felt in a long time. It sounds really stupid but it's the first time I've wanted something for no reason beyond just wanting it that I can remember really. This is something I've struggled with for a long time.

 

I'm no where near recovered but I'm already happier like this. I guess, the biggest difference is that I'm enjoying walking the path now, rather than hating myself for not being at the goal yet. I think it will make achieving the goals much easier too.

I guess that makes sense. your post made me want to go and do something, but it's 3:11AM and I should go to bed, LOL!

 

 

The things you enjoyed doing, were they things you did alone, or were they socially involved activities? Or maybe going out clubbing and socialize?

 

 

I find myself wanting to do things by myself, so whenever I get out of this personal crisis of mine, people I know will see a better and more fun person.

 

 

I have vacation of school right now, and I'm planning to start next school year with more muscle and generally healthier, by eating the right food and excersise, which in turn will make me more social because of the self-esteem boost. And ultimately making a bunch of new friends, and HOPEFULLY find a girl I'm attracted to and be able to chase after.

That's my goal for next school year, and I'm planning to succeed. In my head it's the *ONLY* way to succeed and be happier with life. Hope it works out.

 

 

What are your goals, and why do you do them? Do you have these goals to reach another *ultimate* goal like me? (as in my case it's getting healthier, and ultimatly being more fun to be around with, more attractive, make new friends etc)

 

 

Im curious!

 

 

EDIT: Errm, I'm sorry. I think I've gone a little off-topic and kind of hi-jacked this thread by accident, but I'm not sure... If I did, I'll stop right..now!

Edited May 21, 2015 by Lizrd3000

[DJOkawari]

I'll just PM you

[lostsoul6486]

I guess that makes sense. your post made me want to go and do something, but it's 3:11AM and I should go to bed, LOL!

 

 

The things you enjoyed doing, were they things you did alone, or were they socially involved activities? Or maybe going out clubbing and socialize?

 

 

I find myself wanting to do things by myself, so whenever I get out of this personal crisis of mine, people I know will see a better and more fun person.

 

 

I have vacation of school right now, and I'm planning to start next school year with more muscle and generally healthier, by eating the right food and excersise, which in turn will make me more social because of the self-esteem boost. And ultimately making a bunch of new friends, and HOPEFULLY find a girl I'm attracted to and be able to chase after.

That's my goal for next school year, and I'm planning to succeed. In my head it's the *ONLY* way to succeed and be happier with life. Hope it works out.

 

 

What are your goals, and why do you do them? Do you have these goals to reach another *ultimate* goal like me? (as in my case it's getting healthier, and ultimatly being more fun to be around with, more attractive, make new friends etc)

 

 

Im curious!

 

 

EDIT: Errm, I'm sorry. I think I've gone a little off-topic and kind of hi-jacked this thread by accident, but I'm not sure... If I did, I'll stop right..now!

 

It's ok. I'm curious too. I'm having one of those sleepless nights right now. I feel that sadness I was talking about in my original post and I will admit it ultimately traces back to my ex. I just don't understand what the sadness is all about. I don't want anything to do with her. Maybe it's just the fact that I feel like she meant so much more to me than I meant to her. I know that it may sound stupid but it's the best explanation I could come up with at the moment.

[LastBluejay]

Lostsoul - just to go back to your original question of whether you're suffering from depression - would you mind giving an idea of the time frame (i.e., when was the break-up or other major events)? I skimmed the thread and didn't pick up anything but if you mentioned already I apologize.

 

Depending on the time frame, it could just be that you're still grieving and/or adjusting to things. Have you noticed any changes in your sleep, eating, motivation for things, irritability?

 

I personally think a lot of what you are feeling and going through is perfectly normal, but people can also have concomitant clinical depression hence why I ask the following. Also - it doesn't seem you are feeling this way, but in case you ever feel suicidal or remotely close to that, please don't hesitate to ask for help for it.

[lostsoul6486]

Lostsoul - just to go back to your original question of whether you're suffering from depression - would you mind giving an idea of the time frame (i.e., when was the break-up or other major events)? I skimmed the thread and didn't pick up anything but if you mentioned already I apologize.

 

Depending on the time frame, it could just be that you're still grieving and/or adjusting to things. Have you noticed any changes in your sleep, eating, motivation for things, irritability?

 

I personally think a lot of what you are feeling and going through is perfectly normal, but people can also have concomitant clinical depression hence why I ask the following. Also - it doesn't seem you are feeling this way, but in case you ever feel suicidal or remotely close to that, please don't hesitate to ask for help for it.

 

I do not feel suicidal, but I definitely feel unmotivated. Sometimes I use the break up as fuel to better myself and show that I am worth more than she gave me credit for, but that's rare. Usually I'm completely unmotivated. Also, whenever I have a good time, I have a huge crash afterwards. I know she has moved on and I used to think that would make it better because it would force me to do the same but I guess it hasn't.

 

It has been a year and a half.

[LastBluejay]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through lostsoul. Have you been to see a therapist and/or psychiatrist (or at least your primary care doctor)? I would recommend seeing both if you're able. When you first described what you were feeling, it sounded like it *could* be dysthymia/persistent depressive disorder - depending on the time frame. Having extended to 1.5 years, that time frame is a bit longer (given the intensity of symptoms you describe) than what you would expect for grief/bereavement or adjustment disorder. I say that last part carefully - it's not that a loss takes a set amount of time to get over, but in terms of the intensity and impact of symptoms from that loss, it's usually on the order of months to 1 year.

 

Dysthymia is essentially a chronic mild depression, lasting at least 2 years. It sounds like that might be something you're experiencing and you're certainly getting close to 2 years. I'm not trying to diagnose you with anything but from what I do know - I would recommend getting a bit more help by seeing either your primary doctor (who can help evaluate you or refer you to a psychiatrist) and also a therapist who can hopefully help you as well.

 

I myself have always been someone who considered myself really independent and able to handle things on my own but I've come to learn the tremendous benefit (and necessity really) of seeking help during my recent break-up. Not sure if you're the same way, but if you are - definitely understand that there's nothing wrong with getting more help and that many times it's necessary. I hope some of this helps and you can start to feel better.