am i being irrational?

[Miss Mojo]

hi guys,

 

i just thought i'd ask for your valued opinions on something that has being playing on my mind for a couple of weeks. okeedokee, here goes....

 

my friend and i went to a party about a month ago, and it was kind of funny, because out of 30 people, there were 4 guys who liked me. i was flattered, but i didn't do anything about it because i didn't want to. i'm basically not ready yet.

 

her boyfriend mentioned to me how 4 of his friends liked me, and she said, "yeah, that was strange. it's not like you were the only girl at the party". i'll be honest with you, that really hurt my feelings.

 

firstly, i'm still getting over a relationship and i'm at that stage where my confidence isn't really up to scratch.

 

secondly, i'm aware that from a guy's point of view, i must be attractive, because i get complimented by guys a lot. 9 times out of 10, i don't notice when a guy looks at me. i don't know why, i just don't, but my friends and family will usually point it out to me. i'm quite oblivious to that kind of thing, and i don't lap up attention from guys because it's just not me. even my male friends have told me that i'm "a good catch", which i think is really sweet of them that they can see me as the person i am and not just something to look at (i'm sorry if that sounds conceited, i don't mean for it to sound that way). yet sha can laugh at the fact that in the last couple of weeks i have attracted a sugar daddy and two 13 year old boys (which i find amusing myself).

 

do you think i'm being a tad immature about her comment? i just didn't feel it was the kind of thing you would say to a friend, especially considering i'm trying to get back on my feet. personally, if it were one of my friends that 4 guys were attracted to, i would be flattered for her.

 

all honest responses are more than welcome!!

 

thanks guys,

 

miss mojo.

[Tony T]

It seems like a pretty harmless statement to me. It could have been made out of jealousy or, if it was a really good friend, it could have just been a playful remark.

 

Regardless of how it was meant, it certainly wasn't an insult...it was quite a compliment...a GREAT compliment. Your friend noted that even though you weren't the ONLY girl at the party, YOU got a lot of attention. The remark pointed out that you got A LOT OF ATTENTION depite the fact that there were many other girls. You got a disproportionate amount of attention. WHAT A COMPLIMENT!!!

 

Even if she was being nasty, it was the GREATEST way anybody could be nasty to you. You should have given her a big hug. More than likely she was jealous and a bit upset with her boyfriend for making note of the fact. GREAT!!! You ought to know women, or certain of them, a lot better than I do. Let her be jealous. That is such a tribute to you.

 

That sounds pretty great to me. I don't understand why you would be hurt by that. Stop chosing to upset yourself!!! Now if you want to be hurt, that's your choice but chosing to feel bad is really VERY irrational.

 

Now, I am not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Maybe I've missed something here. Let me know if I have. Tell just what about that remark could have possibly hurt you. It sounds awfully good to me.

[Miss Mojo]

hi tony,

 

the reason it hurt my feelings was the way she said it to me. it was almost spiteful, with undertones, of "i just don't understand it. you??????". i promise i'm not reading into what she said. i was really taken aback by the way she said it, and even my sister noticed the tone in her remark and thought it was a bit rude. she also added, "there were other pretty girls there, i don't know why they paid attention to you. maybe it's because they've never met you before and they went to school with the other girls". i just thought, "why are you trying to justify it, who cares? it's not like i get off on it". if she had of said it playfully, i wouldn't have got upset at all. she's also been a very close friend of mine for many years.

 

but thank you for your perspective tony. you're right - i really should take it as a compliment, even if it wasn't said in the nicest of ways. next time i go to a party, i'm going to try and increase my pulling power to 8! hehe. just kidding

 

thanks again!!

[Tony T]

More than likely she kicked her boyfriend's butt when she got home.

 

I think a lot of it was immaturity. As people mature, the jealousy thing is usually not as pronounced. But from a rational standpoint, it will always be in your best interests to ignore the insane remarks of normal people and all the remarks of insane people.

 

Why should you pay the price of being upset because you guy friend has a girlfriend who is without very much class or possibly insane???

[Miss Mojo]

i just remembered that when they started dating each other, she asked me if i thought he had a crush on me. ummmm, noooo, hardly!!!

 

you've made me realise, tony, that i think she's taking her insecurities out on me here. god knows why, i'm hardly a threat to anyone's relationship!

 

yes, you're right. i shouldn't take things like that personally. i usually brush aside remarks like that, but with her i didn't because i didn't expect her to make a remark the way she did when she's known me for over 10 years. but perhaps i should accept that she does seem to make some strange comments about people at times. always has an opinion on people's relationships, which is quite annoying. if she directs a comment like that again at me, with the same kind of tone, i'll just pretend i didn't hear it and go my merry way.

 

thanks again tony for your words of wisdom.