I found a condom wrapper in his room?

[elaine567]

See, that would make sense..EXCEPT WE'VE NEVER HAD HAD SEX.

 

 

 

Oh, right... awkward!

[Gary S]

Sounds to me like a player/cheater got caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

[fitnessfan365]

If the condom wrapper was from the past and you've been in his room tons of times, you would have seen it before now. Plus, what are the odds of him holding onto a condom wrapper? But....

 

1) You two haven't had sex

 

2) You didn't mention anything about you two being exclusive. This is a guy you're casually seeing and getting to know better right?

 

So you can't say he believes in "multiple partners" or that he cheated on you. He's probably having casual sex on the side while you two figure out what you're doing. If and when you two have sex and start being exclusive, then he could be faithful to you. Until then though, he has a right to have sex with other women in the meantime. If you don't want him sleeping with other women, start having sex with the guy.

Edited May 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[JaneyJ1991]

If the condom wrapper was from the past and you've been in his room tons of times, you would have seen it before now. Plus, what are the odds of him holding onto a condom wrapper? But....

 

1) You two haven't had sex

 

2) You two ARE NOT EXCLUSIVE

 

So you can't say he believes in "multiple partners" or that he cheated on you. He's probably having casual sex on the side while you two figure out what you're doing. If and when you two have sex and start being exclusive, then he could be faithful to you. Until then though, he has a right to have sex with other women in the meantime. If you don't want him sleeping with other women, start having sex with the guy.

 

 

I repeat--STD testing. If he's sleeping with other women concurrently and lying to me, it would defeat the whole point. I'd think I'd have seen the condom wrapper, but it wasn't like RIGHT THERE, it was under the bed a ways. I've never attempted to look under his bed before. So that's why I'm so torn on if it had been there. His comment "You couldn't tell it was old?"

 

 

He knows I'm okay with him seeing other women still, so if it was new..Why lie to me?

[Gaeta]

Gaeta, do you really believe that condom wrapper had been lying around since March? Without her boyfriend or her ever noticing it before?

 

Would not a used wrapper that old smell?

 

It was a fresh condom, she found it, she confronted him (joking or not)...and he was scrambling for a way out and came up with that ludicrous excuse that he used it once with another chick two months ago (or six weeks or whatever)..before they became exclusive.

 

That sounds so crazy to me....I wouldn't be buying that BS for two seconds...

 

She found a <wrapper> why would it smell? she didn't find a condom.

[katiegrl]

She found a <wrapper> why would it smell? she didn't find a condom.

 

Good point....but still does not change my opinion...

[deadelvis]

he probably cheated

[Gaeta]

it was under the bed a ways.

 

 

There you have it guys, the wrapper was way under the bed. How many men on here go on their hands and knees to vacuum under their bed faithfully each week? Yes it's possible it's been there a coupe of months.

[katiegrl]

There you have it guys, the wrapper was way under the bed. How many men on here go on their hands and knees to vacuum under their bed faithfully each week?

 

***Yes it's possible it's been there a coupe of months***.

 

Possible, yes. Likely, no.

[Redhead14]

I repeat--STD testing. If he's sleeping with other women concurrently and lying to me, it would defeat the whole point. I'd think I'd have seen the condom wrapper, but it wasn't like RIGHT THERE, it was under the bed a ways. I've never attempted to look under his bed before. So that's why I'm so torn on if it had been there. His comment "You couldn't tell it was old?"

 

 

He knows I'm okay with him seeing other women still, so if it was new..Why lie to me?

 

If you really like this guy, don't focus on this. You asked him to get tested before you slept with him and he complied. He told you he needed more testing and he's done that. He's respected your wishes and was willing to wait to sleep with you. He's been doing everything else right according to you.

 

What you should be focusing on is whether or not the results of the STD test are positive and what you will do in that case.

[fitnessfan365]

I repeat--STD testing. If he's sleeping with other women concurrently and lying to me, it would defeat the whole point. I'd think I'd have seen the condom wrapper, but it wasn't like RIGHT THERE, it was under the bed a ways. I've never attempted to look under his bed before. So that's why I'm so torn on if it had been there. His comment "You couldn't tell it was old?"

 

 

He knows I'm okay with him seeing other women still, so if it was new..Why lie to me?

 

If it was under the bed, that's a different story. It could have been a used wrapper and fallen under there without him knowing it. Originally you made it seem like the wrapper was sitting out in plain sight.

 

But your last comment kind of proves my point. I mean you've been seeing the guy for six weeks and spent tons of time in his place. Yet you're not having sex with him and telling him you're fine with him seeing other women. With that said, I wouldn't take your interest seriously either. A woman that's into a guy will not only have sex with him, but she'll also start to at least hint that she wants the guy to herself. I know some women like to think that they're the ones with options and guys just sit around waiting. But men always have plenty of options as well and if you beat around the bush, a guy will find someone else. So if you like this guy, you need to show it and don't withhold sex/encourage him to see other women.

Edited May 20, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[losangelena]

OP, I think for the sake of your sanity you should just move on from this guy. Not only are you going to worry about the herpes thing if you stay with him, but you're always going to be second-guessing what he tells you, too. He clearly doesn't have to same cautious attitude towards sex that you do, and if I were you, I'd concentrate on finding someone who is more similarly-minded.

 

Also, you say he had a one-night stand in March in your first post, but now you're saying it's a three- or four-night stand? Please, there's quite a difference between those two things (ONS typically implies that you never see the person again; continual ONS with the same person is a NSA arrangement). Point being, even though you may do well to reset your expectations (e.g., he's still on Tinder), who even knows how honest he's being about his sexual history. I would say, who cares how "great" he is. If you feel like you can't trust him, move on. Don't try and build a relationship on such a shaky foundation.

[Redhead14]

it would defeat the whole point -- it doesn't defeat the whole point -- he's been using condoms. If you two stay together, you may have to do that too.

[katiegrl]

>>He knows I am okay with him seeing other women<<<

 

How are you *okay* with this? Are you into the guy, or not?

 

I don't know of any woman who is into a guy who would be okay with that....

 

This does not make any sense to me....can you clarify?

[JaneyJ1991]

I mean you've been seeing the guy for six weeks and spent tons of time in his place. Yet you're not having sex with him and telling him you're fine with him seeing other women. With that said, I wouldn't take your interest seriously either. A woman that's into a guy will not only have sex with him, but she'll also start to at least hint that she wants the guy to herself.

 

 

Fitness, I'm just gonna clarify this--I've had sex with ONE man in my life, years ago. And I've had many opportunities since. But I move slowly, cautiously, and I check the math. Sleeping with someone before knowing their STD status--or really KNOWING the person-- is asking for DISASTER. So pardon me if I don't hop into bed with a guy right off the bat if I'm into him.

[fitnessfan365]

OP, I think for the sake of your sanity you should just move on from this guy. Not only are you going to worry about the herpes thing if you stay with him, but you're always going to be second-guessing what he tells you, too. He clearly doesn't have to same cautious attitude towards sex that you do, and if I were you, I'd concentrate on finding someone who is more similarly-minded.

 

Also, you say he had a one-night stand in March in your first post, but now you're saying it's a three- or four-night stand? Please, there's quite a difference between those two things (ONS typically implies that you never see the person again; continual ONS with the same person is a NSA arrangement). Point being, even though you may do well to reset your expectations (e.g., he's still on Tinder), who even knows how honest he's being about his sexual history. I would say, who cares how "great" he is. If you feel like you can't trust him, move on. Don't try and build a relationship on such a shaky foundation.

 

That's the thing though. There is no relationship. She's actually telling the guy she's fine with him seeing other women and she's withholding sex.

 

So why should he sit around in a holding pattern for some woman that's only acting partially invested? If she likes the guy she should be saying "Now that we're planning on having sex, I want to be the only woman that you're seeing." Not "I don't care if you see other women, just tell me the truth about who else you're sleeping with".

[losangelena]

That's the thing though. There is no relationship. She's actually telling the guy she's fine with him seeing other women and she's withholding sex.

 

So why should he sit around in a holding pattern for some woman that's only acting partially invested? If she likes the guy she should be saying "Now that we're planning on having sex, I want to be the only woman that you're seeing." Not "I don't care if you see other women, just tell me the truth about who else you're sleeping with".

 

I never said he should wait around. And apparently OP doesn't think so, either.

 

I'm saying that for HER SAKE, she should move on from him. They're not in a relationship yet and she's already started two lengthy threads about him. That's a lot of anxiety over someone who isn't beholden to her. If she focuses on trying to find someone a bit more compatible in the sex department, I think she'd have an easier time.

[Redhead14]

I'm kinda thinking that she is already "spooked" by the chance that he may have herpes and is now "stockpiling" other things to use to make a case for moving on from him. She hasn't answered or said what she will do if he does have herpes.

 

My point is, is she going to dump him because he does have herpes (if he does) or is she going to dump him over a "white, deer in the headlights" lie?

[katiegrl]

I never said he should wait around. And apparently OP doesn't think so, either.

 

I'm saying that for HER SAKE, she should move on from him. They're not in a relationship yet and she's already started two lengthy threads about him. That's a lot of anxiety over someone who isn't beholden to her. If she focuses on trying to find someone a bit more compatible in the sex department, I think she'd have an easier time.

 

Completely agree LA...

[El Pallasso]

You sort of had it coming. Most of the time, nothing good comes out of asking someone about their sexual past.

[fitnessfan365]

I never said he should wait around. And apparently OP doesn't think so, either.

 

I'm saying that for HER SAKE, she should move on from him. They're not in a relationship yet and she's already started two lengthy threads about him. That's a lot of anxiety over someone who isn't beholden to her. If she focuses on trying to find someone a bit more compatible in the sex department, I think she'd have an easier time.

 

Well now that she's explained her sexual history, I understand the hesitancy. But even so, she could still make her intentions clearer and show that she wants to build towards something. I mean she says she's fine with him seeing other women and then acts all hot and bothered over a condom wrapper. Kind of sends mixed signals.

[SmartDude]

Sleeping with someone before knowing their STD status--or really KNOWING the person-- is asking for DISASTER. So pardon me if I don't hop into bed with a guy right off the bat if I'm into him.

 

Its not a disaster, not in reality. There is a chance for bad things to happen yes.

 

Just think about this: People drive on roads without center dividers whizzing past each other all the time. All it takes is a miscalculation or bumping the steering wheel and you will have a head-on collision. Most of the time people don't crash into each other, even though the risk is relativley high. Yet everyone thinks that driving within feet or inches of another car while going 40+ miles an hour is totally fine.

 

STD's are not everywere. If most people had STD's that would be a different story.

 

BTW, because of this thread, I actually checked under my own bed for old condom wrappers that I may have forgoten about. I actually found 2! Thanks.

[JaneyJ1991]

 

BTW, because of this thread, I actually checked under my own bed for old condom wrappers that I may have forgoten about. I actually found 2! Thanks.

 

I about died laughing when I read this. Makes me feel a little better.

 

He talked me into going to get coffee with him this morning. In the absence of any concrete proof that condom wrapper is newly deposited there, I don't really have a case. I'm giving him the benefit of the doubt, partially because of what you guys said about mixed signals, and partially because I CAN'T live my entire life being overly suspicious because of the past.

Unless he found out about the potential test results last weekend and went on some sex rampage to prove to himself he's okay? But that doesn't make sense?

 

*Looks at tinder* It says he was active 11 minutes ago. Clearly the potential of losing me was really troublesome to him:rolleyes: Well, ladies and gents, I think I have some guys I should reply to and dates I should arrange myself;) After all, like smartdude said--this is a two way street, after all.

Edited May 21, 2015 by JaneyJ1991

[fitnessfan365]

*Looks at tinder* It says he was active 11 minutes ago. Clearly the potential of losing me was really troublesome to him:rolleyes: Well, ladies and gents, I think I have some guys I should reply to and dates I should arrange myself;) After all, like smartdude said--this is a two way street, after all.

 

Yeah it's a two way street and you're not doing YOUR share. I mean let's be honest. If you liked the guy and wanted more, you wouldn't be telling him you're fine with him seeing other women. If you liked the guy and wanted more, you wouldn't be able to let go so easily with an "Oh well now I'll plan other dates" mentality. In all honesty, you sound somewhat relieved.

 

I know that some women think that all men think with their d**ks. But believe it or not, we actually have intuition and can sense when a woman isn't fully invested. My guess is that he picked up on your luke warm attitude and that's why he's on Tinder. I mean why should he focus on you, when you're not willing to fight for him?

[katiegrl]

Yeah it's a two way street and you're not doing YOUR share. I mean let's be honest. If you liked the guy and wanted more, you wouldn't be telling him you're fine with him seeing other women. If you liked the guy and wanted more, you wouldn't be able to let go so easily with an "Oh well now I'll plan other dates" mentality. In all honesty, you sound somewhat relieved.

 

I know that some women think that all men think with their d**ks. But believe it or not, we actually have intuition and can sense when a woman isn't fully invested. My guess is that he picked up on your luke warm attitude and that's why he's on Tinder. I mean why should he focus on you, when you're not willing to fight for him?

 

I agree...except the part where you said she's not willing to fight for him. No woman should woman should have to "fight" to gain a man's interest.... and if she does, something ain't right on HIS end.

 

 

Maybe that was just the wrong choice of words though? Did you maybe mean she's not willing to open up and be honest about her feelings -- ie. that she really likes him and would like to be exclusive?

 

 

Of course that would mean making herself vulnerable...and many women are uncomfortable with that.