To bust or not to bust

[drifter777]

Zinger - does she have a Facebook account? If she does I have a killer method of seeing her search pattern.

[merrmeade]

Zinger - does she have a Facebook account? If she does I have a killer method of seeing her search pattern.

It's relevant. What is it?

[zinger]

She doesn't have Facebook or Twitter (well I have to say 'as far as I know). Neither do I.

I'd like to somehow find the Facebook of this guy though.

[Morro72]

What you really want is the Ashley Madison of this guy.

[TobyBoy]

She doesn't have Facebook or Twitter (well I have to say 'as far as I know). Neither do I.

I'd like to somehow find the Facebook of this guy though.

 

If your wife has an android phone, she would have a gmail account.

With her username and password you cold see all apps that she has, all the locations she's been, and internet sites she's visited.

 

As for Facebook, create a fake(female) and start looking yourself.

 

To catch a cheater, you have to think like one!!!

[zinger]

She has an app called Kik (wasnt there before). I'm starting to find humorous aspects in this situation (not really, just sarcastic)

 

Edit: the phone is Galaxy S6

 

If your wife has an android phone, she would have a gmail account.

With her username and password you cold see all apps that she has, all the locations she's been, and internet sites she's visited.

 

As for Facebook, create a fake(female) and start looking yourself.

 

To catch a cheater, you have to think like one!!!

[Morro72]

For a good chuckle, type kik affair in the Google search box. Wow.

[TobyBoy]

She has an app called Kik (wasnt there before). I'm starting to find humorous aspects in this situation (not really, just sarcastic)

 

Edit: the phone is Galaxy S6

 

Kik is a messaging app. But I figured you know that.

Her S6 is android. She has a gmail account. Find her username and password!!!

[eric1]

Kik is used as an alternate for text for those trying to save a buck. Assuming she doesn't need to save a buck its also the top way to chat with someone without giving out your cell phone number. It is the de facto application used on sites like Ashley Madison, where is it also consistent with the type of meet and great that it sounds like it is likely she went on.

 

How it usually works is you make initial contact on the site and after a few feeling out messages on the site the discussion usually moves to Kik. You'll then have a short meet and great which typically does not include sex, but from thereon it all the formalities are out of the way and if they are compatible then it is game on.

 

Kik messages are stored on the phones locally in a database. And like texts, they are soft deleted before they are deleted (when the phone needs space). Translation: you can usually recover deleted Kik messages. Your PI will know how.

[TobyBoy]

Kik is used as an alternate for text for those trying to save a buck. Assuming she doesn't need to save a buck its also the top way to chat with someone without giving out your cell phone number. It is the de facto application used on sites like Ashley Madison, where is it also consistent with the type of meet and great that it sounds like it is likely she went on.

 

How it usually works is you make initial contact on the site and after a few feeling out messages on the site the discussion usually moves to Kik. You'll then have a short meet and great which typically does not include sex, but from thereon it all the formalities are out of the way and if they are compatible then it is game on.

 

Kik messages are stored on the phones locally in a database. And like texts, they are soft deleted before they are deleted (when the phone needs space). Translation: you can usually recover deleted Kik messages. Your PI will know how.

 

Very true!!!

 

Zinger, you need that phone before you confront!!! Make sure it's unlocked when you get it!!

[eric1]

Kik is a messaging app. But I figured you know that.

Her S6 is android. She has a gmail account. Find her username and password!!!

 

It will likely be tied to a throwaway email.

 

I would suggest getting the throwaway's address via keyloggersit Then what you do is install Bluestacks (Android emulator for PC and Mac) and create your own throwaway gmail to register on this blank Android. Then you add her address to your throwaways email account.

 

At this point you install Kik and register it to your throwaway. It will ask you if you want to search for friends. It will then find your wife and more importantly respond back with her Kik handle, which is almost always the same one used on Ashley Madison, Adult Friend Finder, etc.

 

Or you can just steal her phone when she is sleeping and recover the Kiks in like 39 minutes

[No Limit]

Kik? Well, I guess once your PI comes up with some photos all you need to do is ask if you could take a look at her phone. Then wave with divorce papers once she starts getting worked up and angry and not wanting to give it away.

[66Charger]

For all the cheaters and those on the OM/OW forum. You better hope you SO doesnt discover LS. Who needs PI. These guys here will get you. The hunt is on. Now that he knows about KIK, I give it 3 days tops. Once your betrayed is on to you, you are going to get busted. Especially if you use ANY digital communication.

[SycamoreCircle]

OP, I would caution you about Pandora's Box. It sounds like the PI is well on his way to uncovering damning evidence. These details people are encouraging you to gather---they hurt you, too. You obsess over them during the aftermath.

 

Focus on your health, your mental and emotional well-being. Let that be your priority. Once the evidence is uncovered and presented, get far far away from this. No good will come of knowing the details. No good will come from her pleas or reversals.

[velvette]

She has an app called Kik (wasnt there before). I'm starting to find humorous aspects in this situation (not really, just sarcastic)

 

Edit: the phone is Galaxy S6

 

 

 

I'm sorry it has come to this, but humour is actually healthy at this stage imo.

 

 

Until you get the info that YOU need which is different for everyone its best to compartmentalize as much as you can whether that is viewing it as a contest to outsmart her or find it amusing. Later you can deal with your feelings and take whatever action you feel is appropriate.

 

 

Do you have anyone you can confide in real time?

 

 

People are always here at LS, but if you don't have friends or family you feel comfortable confiding in, it might be a good idea to schedule an appointment with a therapist so you have a touchstone each week that you can rely on to help you get through this.

 

 

Take care.

[TobyBoy]

OP, I would caution you about Pandora's Box. It sounds like the PI is well on his way to uncovering damning evidence. These details people are encouraging you to gather---they hurt you, too. You obsess over them during the aftermath.

 

Focus on your health, your mental and emotional well-being. Let that be your priority. Once the evidence is uncovered and presented, get far far away from this. No good will come of knowing the details. No good will come from her pleas or reversals.

I understand what your saying..... Some don't need the details. I'm not one of those people. I'm not one to run away from the truth ....the whole truth!!! I'd be dam if I'm gonna spend the rest of life.....wondering!!!!

[zinger]

Thanks for that,

 

Of course I have family and friends. The issue is I cannot imagine I call any of them and telling the story as it stands. I may look ok on a forum like this (an I correct when assuming that most of you who kindly responded here have had some exposure to infidelity ?) but not something I feel I can share with a friend.

 

My family... Old school, very patronising and pillars of society. I've cut all ties with them when I was young and rebellious but she managed to reconnect us. They adore her, if I tell them the facts they'll run amok no matter what.

 

In terms of what info I need - its incredibly simple.

- what is the nature of their relationship?

- what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewher?

- why is she hiding this from me instead of letting me know and have a honest discussion about our future?

 

Isn't a rocket science is it?

 

 

I'm sorry it has come to this, but humour is actually healthy at this stage imo.

 

 

Until you get the info that YOU need which is different for everyone its best to compartmentalize as much as you can whether that is viewing it as a contest to outsmart her or find it amusing. Later you can deal with your feelings and take whatever action you feel is appropriate.

 

 

Do you have anyone you can confide in real time?

 

 

People are always here at LS, but if you don't have friends or family you feel comfortable confiding in, it might be a good idea to schedule an appointment with a therapist so you have a touchstone each week that you can rely on to help you get through this.

 

 

Take care.

[merrmeade]

I understand what your saying..... Some don't need the details. I'm not one of those people. I'm not one to run away from the truth ....the whole truth!!! I'd be dam if I'm gonna spend the rest of life.....wondering!!!!

yes, I think zinger knows he needs to know and a PI in this day and age couldn't work without tech skills and resources, so I'd assume all this has been thought of and done.

 

However — even though you're getting the results you need — it's no victory and no one is celebrating. It's not a success when you get a lead and turn up something concrete. There's no victory in proving your suspicions were well founded. I'm sorry you're getting your money's worth. I'm sorry the digging continues to produce more evidence. I'm sorry your wife has disrespected and betrayed you so callously. No one should be excited.

[Binster]

Sorry mate but like the others say I'd go for the phone and get the details.

 

Ask your P.I guy if your unsure how.

[TobyBoy]

yes, I think zinger knows he needs to know and a PI in this day and age couldn't work without tech skills and resources, so I'd assume all this has been thought of and done.

 

However — even though you're getting the results you need — it's no victory and no one is celebrating. It's not a success when you get a lead and turn up something concrete. There's no victory in proving your suspicions were well founded. I'm sorry you're getting your money's worth. I'm sorry the digging continues to produce more evidence. I'm sorry your wife has disrespected and betrayed you so callously. No one should be excited.

 

I agree. Nobody wins when infidelity is involved. In Zingers case, that's yet to be determined. There is no concrete evidence......yet.

[merrmeade]

In terms of what info I need - its incredibly simple.

- what is the nature of their relationship?

- what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewhere?

- why is she hiding this from me instead of letting me know and have a honest discussion about our future?

Does this mean you have evidence and these are the only questions left? Or are you saying that ultimately these are the only ones that matter. It's not clear.

 

If this is all you have left, then you are ready to confront. Sadly, these are the questions that take the rest of your life to answer. Of course, you want these answers more than any other, but ironically you will not get them from her; she will barely know herself. Even #1, or maybe especially, she may not be able to answer fully now.

[aliveagain]

Thanks for that,

 

Of course I have family and friends. The issue is I cannot imagine I call any of them and telling the story as it stands. I may look ok on a forum like this (an I correct when assuming that most of you who kindly responded here have had some exposure to infidelity ?) but not something I feel I can share with a friend.

 

My family... Old school, very patronising and pillars of society. I've cut all ties with them when I was young and rebellious but she managed to reconnect us. They adore her, if I tell them the facts they'll run amok no matter what.

 

In terms of what info I need - its incredibly simple.

- what is the nature of their relationship?

- what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewher?

 

"Zinger, this is not about your marriage or what is wrong with it, this is about her and her selfish needs and has very little to do with you. She is learning to compartmentalize, You and your marriage are one life, her and her other men are in her other life. Everything to do with infidelity includes fantasy. My ex intentionally had O/M's baby and led me to believe it was mine, she wanted to have something of him forever but didn't want to give up the lifestyle she had with me. Still makes me sick to write that."

 

 

- why is she hiding this from me instead of letting me know and have a honest discussion about our future?

 

"Because she feels she's entitled."

 

Isn't a rocket science is it?

 

When it comes down to the bare truth, they do it because they want to and they think they can get away with it. Prepare yourself for the worst, hope for the best. We have all been where you are now, we understand that empty feeling in your stomach. Still hope we are wrong but if you read the other posts you'll realize by the time you get gut feelings it's usually too late. Nothing you did pusher her into the arms of another man, she made a conscious decision to do so.

[velvette]

Thanks for that,

 

Of course I have family and friends. The issue is I cannot imagine I call any of them and telling the story as it stands. I may look ok on a forum like this (an I correct when assuming that most of you who kindly responded here have had some exposure to infidelity ?) but not something I feel I can share with a friend.

 

My family... Old school, very patronising and pillars of society. I've cut all ties with them when I was young and rebellious but she managed to reconnect us. They adore her, if I tell them the facts they'll run amok no matter what.

 

In terms of what info I need - its incredibly simple.

- what is the nature of their relationship?

- what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewher?

- why is she hiding this from me instead of letting me know and have a honest discussion about our future?

 

Isn't a rocket science is it?

 

 

I understand, you know your family better than us. Although sometimes even family can surprise you. Just it helps to have someone in real time who can ground you, so if you feel you cant call family or friends consider a therapist.

 

 

Yes we have all been where you are. Its a bad place to be. All I can tell you is you will survive. Sadly, the nature of infidelity is that it is unlikely you will get the answers you need from your wife at least in the immediate future. Most cheaters don't have a clue why they are doing what they are doing.

 

 

As to what was you did in your marriage probably nothing. Most likely your wife is unhappy within herself, unreasonably expects you to make her happy or validate her somehoe and when you don't accomplish that unreasonable feat she went looking elsewhere. Don't expect her to understand that and be able to explain that.

 

 

Expect instead that she will likely blame you in ways you have never heard from her to justify what she is doing. Don't fall for it as cheaters typically rewrite and exaggerate marital history to jusify to themselves what they are doing.

 

 

She may tell you she loves you but no longer feels "in love" with you. That's one of their favorites.

 

 

In short, prepare yourself for bull crap when you confront her not truth.

 

 

The excitement of cheating whether or not she has actually physically cheated yet is similar to drug addiction. Her brain is flooded with chemicals like a drug high. She wont make sense so don't take seriously the stuff that comes out of her mouth when you confront her. It will likely be nonsense.

 

 

When you are ready decide if you want to stay in the marriage or not and if you want to stay lay down your conditions to her for staying in the marriage. That really is imo the bottom line for you. She will meet them or not.

[drifter777]

Zinger: you ask the rhetorical question "what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewhere?" - and it makes me sad. Why must we find a way to blame ourselves? The real truth is that NO marriage is perfect and either spouse can grab on to some issue as an excuse to cheat. And the betrayed will try to believe it because the alternative is too disgusting - they did it because it was exciting, fun, and it felt good. It really is this simple, although many will try to complicate it.

 

If you find out that she is sleeping with him and/or other guys, see it for what it is: a selfish, cowardly, hurtful act that only served her ego.

[fellini]

 

In terms of what info I need - its incredibly simple.

- what is the nature of their relationship?

- what was wrong in our marriage that forced her to look elsewher?

- why is she hiding this from me instead of letting me know and have a honest discussion about our future?

 

Isn't a rocket science is it?

 

If you google TED talk Esther Perel rethinking infidelity you may very well get those answers and I suspect, even more.

 

As drifter says. This is not about you. It is about her. When you have your actual showdown, then it will become about you. And she will have to chose to either blame you for her decisions, or recognise it was always about her and fight for what is left of her marriage.

 

Sitting her down with you to listen to that talk may be a good start.

 

I honestly don't see at this point why you need to wait. As I have said before, now is the time to save the marriage if that is what you want. Wait for pictures if you simply want to walk and have something in your hands to show family.

Edited May 27, 2015 by fellini