turnera Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm just not sure why Zinger is going through the motions of a polygraph considering he is set on divorce and polygraphs are far from accurate.Because IT ISN'T YOUR LIFE and it is what HE WANTS. Leave him alone. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Other then the polygraph, what can a BS do to find the truth? Or at least enough to know PA or not when the evidence it was is so strong but she won't Come clean? Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Zinger, regarding the polygraph, I think you should read this specific post by VeryBrokenMan, whose wife had an affair. His entire thread is about the process of discovering the affair and their reconciliation, but his specific testing of the polygraph on himself is somewhat telling. Many years back our law firm tested 6 polygraph operations in different cities across the country and our results were almost identical to VBM's if not worse. As BH pointed out, the best he can hope for is a parking lot confession. The test results themselves aren't worth anything. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Other then the polygraph, what can a BS do to find the truth? Or at least enough to know PA or not when the evidence it was is so strong but she won't Come clean? The problem is that the poly is likely not giving you the truth either. What can a BS do to know the truth? Not much besides find evidence or get a confession. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I think people can doubt them all they want. It really just comes down to what Zinger wants to do and what he thinks is necessary for him to move forward. I would hate to be in his position right now. What ever he needs her to do right now to help him move forward she should do it. If not then that in itself is a answer. I can't even imagine having to go through that pain again. Clay 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Realist3 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I think people can doubt them all they want. It really just comes down to what Zinger wants to do and what he thinks is necessary for him to move forward. I would hate to be in his position right now. What ever he needs her to do right now to help him move forward she should do it. If not then that in itself is a answer. I can't even imagine having to go through that pain again. Clay I'm not telling him not to do the test. I'm telling him not to put any weight behind the results, whether they be positive or negative. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Clay Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I'm not telling him not to do the test. I'm telling him not to put any weight behind the results, whether they be positive or negative. I do agree with that. I think to some degree you are right. I am on the fence about them myself. I just think what ever he needs to move forward then that is what he needs to do. I wished I would have knew about this web site or others when I went through my mess. Clay Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Well, he can always get some counter espionage group to kidnap her, and grill her for many days under the influence of sodium pentothal (truth serum) to find out what really happened. That seems to me to be a bit over the top, however. I'd just go ahead with the polygraph and then proceed from there. He has nothing to loose. If she backs out last minute without a parking lot confession, or based on the results of the test, I would just go ahead and assume the worst, and divorce her. Only thing, I wouldn't be trying to woo her back after the D. Time for a clean slate and to give another woman the chance to prove to me that she can remain loyal... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sidney2718 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Many years back our law firm tested 6 polygraph operations in different cities across the country and our results were almost identical to VBM's if not worse. As BH pointed out, the best he can hope for is a parking lot confession. The test results themselves aren't worth anything. This is so well-known that the courts will not allow polygraph tests into evidence. That said, on another forum a guy was warned about polygraphing his supposedly cheating wife. He had some evidence that she was cheating, but nothing definitive. She passed the polygraph test with flying colors. The guy was unhappy with that and unwilling to accept the result. Anyone thinking of trying a polygraph test on a spouse needs to think very carefully. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 I think 90% of the poly Is to signal your absolute no BS no trust mode and to try to illicit a parking lot confession Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 It seems we are all in agreement that the poly might scare a confession out of her. Maybe we can just all accept this as understood. Ok, after everything I've studied over the past couple weeks I have a plan for how I would conduct my hunt for the truth. I'd do the poly but use it and the whole process as a tool. I would meet with the examiner and let him know that, more than anything, I want to find general areas and scenario's that she is more "deceptive" about than others. There is not too many researcher's who disagree with using it for this purpose. Not truth or lie - uneasy & afraid versus relaxed and "who cares". I would also make a video recording of the entire session as there is a whole arm of truth detection research on body language and voice inflections. When the poly identified a particular scenario - say sneaking out of work for sex is a hot spot - I would have her write out her explanation for a time she left work early. Statement analysis is a powerful tool for law enforcement. I would discuss all of this with her and tell her that by using these 3 separate methods I'm going to get the truth. I am convinced this would find the truth TO MY SATISFACTION. Disagree or criticize but don't tell me I'm wrong. So, is all this worth it? For me with everything I know and have learned about sexual infidelity it would be imperative that I got the answer to this vital question. I wouldn't consider R unless it was EA only. And then - maybe. If it was sexual - over and done. Divorce and NC for life. So, yeah, this would all be worth it. I would have never busted her at that lunch. Patience would have saved 50 pages on LS. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Folks he is doing the polygraph . You've had your say and respect the mans decision . To those of you who continue to beat on it , what is the alternative . Take her word ????? And of course, if she passes, it is probably because the polygraph was unreliable. I've seen this show before. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Who cares? He's divorcing her anyway! He just wants this as a final step in his forward path. Let him have it. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 27, 2015 Share Posted June 27, 2015 Who cares? He's divorcing her anyway! He just wants this as a final step in his forward path. Let him have it. I wasn't aware I was prohibiting it. Calm down Link to post Share on other sites
turnera Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Happy to. As soon as you stop posting to convince him of the perils of the tests. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 28, 2015 Share Posted June 28, 2015 Happy to. As soon as you stop posting to convince him of the perils of the tests. I actually made 1 post. You might want to read the usernames more closely I think, actually, there is value in asking for a poly. Link to post Share on other sites
VeryBrokenMan Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 I would urge you to take a poly yourself before having her take one. I was in the firm pro-polygraph camp before I took one. The results were very poor and it did not detect I was lying when I was and thought I was lying when I was not. There is a good reason they are not admissible in court and that is because they are worthless. There is no way I could base any decisions about our marriage on a polygraph at this point. Good luck buddy, hope you recover quickly regardless of the path you choose and don't let her choices damage the rest of your life. Link to post Share on other sites
aliveagain Posted June 29, 2015 Share Posted June 29, 2015 Let's find another horse we can beat to death, ask her to take the polygraph. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
81West Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Except maybe to the horse, there's not much difference between beating it on the nose or beating it on the ass. Just sayin', pro-polygraphers. Link to post Share on other sites
drifter777 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Seems OP has left - hope he comes back with an update. If not, vaya con dios zinger. Link to post Share on other sites
Author zinger Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 Seems OP has left - hope he comes back with an update. If not, vaya con dios zinger. Still here. Just didn't feel qualified enough to participate in that highly intellectual discussion on polygraph. Urban dictionary: Spanish meaning "go with god", typiclly used before ending a helpless victims life with a 9 mm round inside his forehead!". Thanks a lot drifter, that is what I need now A lot of small updates, mostly negative - or, should I say, not very positive. The only 2 that make me feel better are: 1) OM's apartment has "to rent" sign, so I can feel at least he's probably not laughing 2) That job in the States I've turned down before is reopening and they are still interested, so I'm looking forward to the corporate world again (fingers crossed) 2 Link to post Share on other sites
eric1 Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Yeah i think that people like you and your 'story' so are prolonging the thread by (unconsciously) inventing controversy. The honest answer is that you seem to be doing great. It must completely such but you're handling ng it about as well as one can expect at this point. So in deference to conversation - how is your wife handling this now? Has she been to Counselling? You mentioned it's been quiet, is this just because at this point everything has been accepted and you're both waiting out the procedural outcome? Have you considered moving out (legal aside)? Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Zinger, ot sure why you give a damm about OM apartment being for rent. If your wife is still in contact with him she will know how to find him and vice versa. Where are you on your plan?????? We know where she is, doing nothing to tell you the truth and hoping for the best. You are correct. The discussion on the polygraph is a ridiculous exercise. You either do it or you wonder and move on. No one out here is going to change their opinion either way Link to post Share on other sites
Author zinger Posted June 30, 2015 Author Share Posted June 30, 2015 (edited) I don't mind the discussion, it's just I have nothing to contribute. I posted clearly why and in start context it came up and Eric's summary was very accurate. I'll try to answer these questions in post and to list updates in a logical order so they make sense (hopefully, it took me a while to arrange them in my head myself). 1) We had a couple of good discussions, exchanging our states of mind etc. She finally said a lot of "right" things in terms of remorse, offering me a lot of things, etc. Her main concern ( apart of the obvious, divorce, affair, poly) concerning our relationship is that I basically stopped enjoying her being my wife and me being her husband. The "spark" is not there anymore, it this is visible at physical and behavioural levels. Mine (again on top of everything else) is that she mentioned that she is disgusted OM (knowing - not from her if I'm too believe that they are busted) didn't even attempted to contact her, effectively leaving her to face the music. It was said clearly oh the context the she curses herself to letting this piece of garbage in or life, he has no decency, etc... Yet I didn't like to hear that. All in all I have a bad feeling that it will get worst, eg I believe it was physical though despite my best efforts I have to facts suggesting this. Just gut feeling 2) I still want to meet the artist and ensure he's not having the last laugh at my expense. Looks like he's fleein, I like that and will keep chasing him. 3) poly was scheduled and she agreed to go ( wasnt ruling out last minute confession or withdrawal), but rescheduled due to the reasons in #4 (next post , I'm afraid to lose the text) Edited June 30, 2015 by zinger 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Friskyone4u Posted June 30, 2015 Share Posted June 30, 2015 Zinger I am astounded. She is actually telling you that she is disappointed that the OM has not tried to contact her and blaming you for her affair .??? Unbelievable. !!!! You can bet your ass there is a lot more . I'd bet on it Link to post Share on other sites
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